How do leave someone you love

[jenniferlh]

After 10 years of giving and giving love to my boyfriend and 10 years of him taking it and not giving it back, I finally left. My life was him. Whatever he wanted to do I did. Whatever he wanted I gave it to him. I did everything to keep him. It was very rarely recipricated. He never wanted to get married because he didn't know what he wanted in his life. He had all these dreams of living the single life and being able to come on go as pleased; golfing and drinking with his buddies. I allowed him to live this life because since I loved him so much, I was willing to accept it. After 10 years of being together I finally left. The minute I said I was leaving he pleaded with me not to leave and give him a second chance. He realizes now that he know longer wants to live the single life, he wants to settle down and have a family too. He said he can show me the love I deserve and we can have the relationship I have always wanted. Not that it is a major issue, but I am 32 and he is 51.

 

My problem is I still love him and it would be easy for me to go back home, but after 10 years can I believe him that things will change. He may do so for a little while and then get back into the comfortableness of the relationship. I am scared that if I go back and in a year or two things will back to the way they were, I amy not be able to leave again.

 

Can people change?

[RayKay]

He realizes now that he know longer wants to live the single life, he wants to settle down and have a family too. He said he can show me the love I deserve and we can have the relationship I have always wanted.

 

I'd say then he better SHOW you first, and not just make promises or nice words.

 

Maybe this has shocked him to realize what you meant, or maybe he is just reacting to the situation.

 

You need to decide what you want though, and how you really feel? How are YOUR feelings about him now, after 10 years and of him expressing how he did not want to commit? I know after that amount of time, usually the person who wants more starts to finally turn their feelings, and by the time they breakup, their mind is pretty settled in moving on.

 

I don't know, I think you should deserve to have the relationship you wanted for the past ten years....but you should of had it for those ten years already, not now....too little too late in my eyes. But it comes down to what you want and feel.

[JynX]

No, I don't believe people are capable of changing their nature, atleast not fully. Like you said, things might be different with him for a while, but then once he knows you're back again, it'll most likely start to follow an old pattern. I saw this with my parents. They split up before the divorce, then got back together. My step-dad tried his hardest to change. It worked. For about 3 months. Then he went back to how things used to be, thus why the divorce happened.

 

I'm a little surprised to hear that he's 51 and wants to drink and fool around with his buddies still. From my understanding, that's what the 20's are for. After that people usually settle down into a family. Then again there are those who dont follow that pattern. Another example is my step-dad. He's 58 and has been married twice, both marriages ending somewhat badly, and doesn't have kids of his own.

 

Point being, I don't believe people can change and stay changed for long. But that's my view on it.

[Beaker78]

i think people are capable of change but only if they want to I KNOW.

I am currently going through a change in my life because of a break up and i aint going to go back to the person i was before i split with my ex because that is who i do not want to be anymore.....

I am 27 and i want my life to be fuller and more enjoyable.

Break ups can do alot for a person but they have to be willing to put in the effort to do it in the end......

Dont get me wrong though i agree to a certain extent that sometimes people dont change they just make the effort for a little while (i did this the second time i split with my girl) but i then evaluated my life and were it was heading and decided i did not like it that way and want my future to be a great one...........

it all depends on how you feel about the situation really i would suggest talking to him and seeing what things he will change and what kind of effort he is willing to make and always take it really slow and dont get carried away by the moment.........If you want to work it out you both need to express what you want each other to do to make things better..

[Beec]

I think he would need to prove it and prove it overtime.

 

I think this shows you what happens when you withdraw from him. Look, he gets things from you other than you mere presense, and I think you know that. You do things that make him feel good. When those things disappeared, he went looking for them. You can does this in the future if he gets off track, without you just leaving him. But, I would make him prove it.

[katie_emma]

Thats a really good question..... before I started dating my boyfriend, Brad... he lived that single life. Going to the bars all the time, going to see strippers, drinking with his buddies at his apartment, golfing, doing whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

 

And then he met me, he changed his ways completely. And that's not even a slight exaggeration. He went to the bar a couple of times, had buddies over to our apartment to drink, watch movies, whatever... and that's definitely okay... he had a crazy lifestyle before, what's going to the bar a couple times ? ... but he changed for me. He hasnt gone to the strippers since we started dating, he said he never really enjoyed it... he doesnt do any of the stuff he did before. Now hes into having a family, he got us a puppy... the whole bit.

 

I believe they can change if they're REALLY willing. But be careful... he could be saying that because he wants you to stay, because he's so used to having you there, letting him do whatever he wants, but still having you. He may not mean he actually wants to change. Let him prove it before you go back to him....

 

Good luck and keep us posted!