My world revolves around my gf and im content with that.

[bronx_brawla]

Greetings to everyone that dont know me and to those that have given me advice before. I wanna thank you, but im still at a loss with the one person that i dont think i can find.

 

To start let me tell you about myself and what i expect in a relationship. And then mayby you guys can tell me if what i am looking for is realsistic or im just wasting my time.

 

I started dating when i was 16 years old. And went through alot of new things that i've never experianced before like everybody else. I was with her 2 1/2 years. The last half was on and off. Of course it was her choice to breakup with me when it ended. So that was that. I was devastated.

 

A couple of years later a good friend of mine introduced me to one of his exs. At first i said i didnt wanna date her cuz he did. But i figured, what the hell it was a long time ago...and things are different. So i started talking to her for a while and we started to really like eachother. We were together for almost 10 months. Until she decided to leave me and go to college. So now this the second time i was f'd over and heart broken.

 

Couple of years later this other girl finds me on this site. Never thought that it ended up the way it did beacause this the only girl i actually loved. We where together for almost 2 years. And guess what?...You guessed it...heartbrake number 3. This was my last relationship witch ended 4 months ago...officialy..when she changed into this other person and decided to move to college. And i have to say that it was the most stressful yet meaningful relationship i ever had. I loved her. But we were at different levels in life and of what we wanted.

 

I'm gonna cut to the chase. All i'v ever wanted was a longterm relationship that would be so loving and genuine that it would lead into marriage one day. Ever sinsce i started dating (16 yrsold) i wanted a long term realtionship. Being with someone you love and that loves you the same way has always been my dedication. I guess you can say that i'v always wanted to settle down. I'v done my share of "seeing" people...but i really dont like it that much beacuse in the end it really duzzent mean anything. So i'v always wanted more. Not just sex. To me...sex is meanigless if you dont love someone. And when your seeing them...you really dont love them.

But i'm only 21. And the girls today, my age, dont want to settle down. All they seem to wanna do between the ages of 16 and 25, is go to clubs...bars..lounges..with there friends...flirt with guys...dress too revealing and trashy...and just be single and think that life is one big party. And i had a big conversation with my friend today and i asked him if i'll find what i'm looking for one day. Obviously i want the opposite of what i'v listed previosly. And he said that mayby when you want to get married you will...but not now. Now...i've done my share of clubbing and goin out and having fun. I'm over it. Yeah i'm only 21,,,but i dont think like im 21. My emotions and my needs reflect what i want in my life. And im really afraid that i'm not gonna find what im looking for. Are my demands too high?...My intentions are good...so why have i always been hurt and betrayed and mislead??...Is there any hope for me any time soon? I just want a girl that wants to settle down (im not talking about marriage..just a girl that is done with all this partying bs that is my age).

Keep in mind that that is all i've seen and keep in mind that i am pickyy and i know what i like and what i need. ANd i dont wanna settle for less in anything. not just looks.

 

IMPORTANT Q??**Are there gilrs out there that are content with their world revolving around their bf?...like i am to my gf?

 

So am i looking for something that i cant get or find?

 

**im sorry i typed so much and i appreciate you taking your time out to read everything**

 

thank you all

---bx

[D-love]

Well it seems as though you've had more than your share of heartbreaks, but you're still very young and have a lot of time to truly find that one girl you absolutely love and who loves you as well. Through it all you probably know more of what it is you want in a girl, and that is an advantage.

 

I think it is very possible that you can find a respectable, beautiful girl that shares your values. It seems as though you are looking for a mature long term relationship, and finding the right place to look might be a good start. I haven't been to clubs much but from what I've seen I wouldn't want to go there to look for my future wife. That might be a generalization for the most part but it seems rather logical. Keep looking in places you haven't considered before and you may find that you share interests and values with these new people.

 

Also, it is great that your world revolves around your girlfriend and you truly want to make her happy. That is exactly how I am, and it feels great. But the thing that goes right along with this seemingly perfect trait is the fact that people in a relationship often times have their own interests that may not be completely shared. Becoming dependent on a person can make life hard when they don't want to spend every single second with you, even though you do. Keep doing the things you like and on top of that, add yourself a wonderful girl. You both will truly be content.

 

Good luck finding that girl, from the looks of it she will be lucky.

[Hello90]

Hey,

 

I know how it is to feel liek you'll never find what you want. I was just like that for almost 6 years of my life.

 

I think you're looking in all of the wrong places. Bars, clubs, etc are not good places to look for someone who is dedicated and mature enough for what you want.

 

If you are telling a girl from the start that you want to totally depend on her and vice versa, that could scare her off, but you sound smarter than that. If you do tell girls this up-front, maybe try to get the information more inadvertently.

 

Your expectations aren't too high in general, but are maybe be too high for the population of women you seem to be exposed to. You should branch out a little and definitely don't go for anything less than what you want. it will only lead to further heartbreak.

[passions1]

It's good to hear that there are some guys like you who know what they want already, but I do believe that you might be more compatible with a lady who requires more personal attention since you're willing to give that attention. I have a female friend who enjoys being smothered by her bf.

 

My bf & I are both pretty independent individuals, so we do not talk or see eachother 24/7. But we do have the common understanding that we like to have our own spaces & still spend time with one another consistently.

 

Sounds like you're ready for a serious relationship & deserve someone mature. I think if you have more fun meeting new people & don't get too caught up in "searching" for someone that it will be flow more easily. She is out there, but you just have to be patient as well.

[bronx_brawla]

wow...i didnt expect these insightful replys. Thank you so much everybody.

 

I realized a long time ago that ill never find what im looking for in these types of places. Thats why im pretty much over that whole scene. But on the other hand...what other places are there to find women that would wanna settle?..yanno? My last relationship really tore me apart. And still is. The thing that kills me more and more everyday is the fact that my ex turned into this club going...flirting..party girl, that is always with her girls and around guys. This is the same girl that told me in the beginning that she didnt like these type of things. And shes not that type of girl. She is not the same wholesome loving and thoughtful girl that i fell in love with. I would'nt even talk to the type of girl that she is now. Ounce she got a taste of the single life after me...she went and is still going crazy. She gets a few compliments from guys...and all of a sudden her head is blown up and she thinks she looks like a model. In her mind..she feels life is too short. So shes so invloved in herself and having fun doing what ever she wants. And i'm the one here hurting and still crying. But then again...shes hurt me and left me. So im sure getting over me has been 100 times easier for her. And these are the kind of girls that make up a large population. Thats why i think my my chances of finding a girl like me is slim to none. I mean how many girls like to be smothered my their boyfriend? I would love for my gf to be all about me and nothing but me. But too many girls wanna have there own lives sometime. Which i can understand...but not when your with someone that you love and wanna be with for many years to come. Hopefully.

 

I'll never understand why some people change for the worse. I guess she felt like she was missing out on something. I even recall her saying to me one time in the midst of an argument, that she wasnt ready to settle. God i wish she told me that in the beginning. I would'nt have wasted almost 2 years of my feelings and my trust for nothing...and i wouldnt have got hurt. But you know what they say....

 

"That was then...and this is now"

 

thanx again everybody. If anybody else has something to say. Please dont hesitate to post ur thoughts. I'd like to hear more.

 

---bx

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Glad to hear that there is still guys like you that want long term relationship.

 

I thought they have extinct!

 

I hope you would find the girl you want and be happy with her.

 

Try some affirmation like "I am a care and loving person, I attract care and loving person."

[bronx_brawla]

Hi

 

Glad to hear that there is still guys like you that want long term relationship.

 

I thought they have extinct!

 

I hope you would find the girl you want and be happy with her.

 

Try some affirmation like "I am a care and loving person, I attract care and loving person."

 

thank you.

 

But trust me...theres too many girls that still don't want a guy like me.

 

Thats why my chances are slim to none.

--bx

[skyjuice]

Hi BX,

 

Have some faith in yourself.

 

By saying that, "

But trust me...theres too many girls that still don't want a guy like me. Thats why my chances are slim to none.

 

You are selling yourself too short!

 

Ask yourself why they "do not want a guy like me"? Is this a presumption or a fact? What is the explaination behind this statement?

 

Find out what is your strength and market your strength. Enhance your weakness. This would increase your chances.

 

Feel me to PM me.

[Dre_7]

I want the same things you want, and it is hard because the majority of girls don't want that. But the good thing is that when you find that special person, you can feel even better because you know she's a keeper.

 

And I also wanted to say, don't let anyone make you believe that you're too young to settle down. Anyone who believes that hasn't met the right person yet. Too often people think that us young people, should be gaining experience, which is really just another way of saying we should be accumulating baggage to burden our future significant others with.

 

Like you, I get discouraged, but for every guy out there who wants a meaningful relationship, there's a girl out there looking for the same thing. It's just finding the person, and usually, in our case the only effort required is the waiting. After that things just fall into place natrually, or so I've seen lol.

[bronx_brawla]

Too often people think that us young people, should be gaining experience, which is really just another way of saying we should be accumulating baggage to burden our future significant others with.quote]

 

awesome point!

 

I'm very mature for my age...and i can't stand when people say..."Don't worry, your still young." And im like, "OK great..so why can't i have a serious long term relationship?" It really aggravates me.

 

--bx

[Dre_7]

Too often people think that us young people, should be gaining experience, which is really just another way of saying we should be accumulating baggage to burden our future significant others with.quote]

 

awesome point!

 

I'm very mature for my age...and i can't stand when people say..."Don't worry, your still young." And im like, "OK great..so why can't i have a serious long term relationship?" It really aggravates me.

 

--bx

 

It aggravates me too, but don't let it get to you otherwise you'll get depressed and look for the easy way out. Let those people be, the majority of them have no real backbone. It's not easy to openly go against the majority and to want something different and most likely more fulfilling. However, I think that that is true liberation. That's why many people decide to just fit in, doing otherwise takes work.

[RayKay]

I really think it would depend exactly what you mean by "revolve".

 

There are many young women whom would be committed to a long term relationship - at 18 I got involved in a 5 year relationship which ended only when he passed away. I have always preferred long term to short term anyday. I am now involved with the man I plan on being with the rest of my life. I know plenty of women who became involved in long term relationships at a young age, some married.

 

Honestly, if the person is right, then most will be willing to get involved, if the person is NOT right for you, then you are more likely to not stay - and that IS the idea of dating. Not everyone you date will end up being the person you can be with forever - and while breakups are really sucky to go through, you can't force something that is not there.

 

Now, despite my commitment to long term relationships, I also do not REVOLVE my life around someone. They are incredibly important, and part of my everyday life and decisions, my partner is ALWAYS considered in my short term and long term plans, however it also remains we both have our own interests - some of these interests are shared, some of them are not, but we both respect one anothers individuality, goals, needs and support one anothers growth - mentally, spiritually, educationally, career wise, and so forth. We spend a lot of quality time together and respect, love and care for one another very deeply - but part of being complete in a relationship is being complete as people.

 

You may indeed find someone whom wants you to revolve your life around her, and you around her, but just be careful. Because when you have the expectation of spending every minute together, you may find that you no longer foster your own growth, and bring your own self and own contrinutions to each other anymore. And often, one person will eventually realize that being smothered is not enough for them anymore, and when they have to worry about sacrificing their own individuality or needs to be with you, it often leads to resentment.

 

The risk of getting involved with someone young is not that they may not WANT a long term relationship, it may be that they may not be done growing into themselves yet to know whether or not YOU are the right one for them yet. If you are too get involved with someone whom is young, I think part of it means accepting they are still growing, learning, finding themselves, defining themselves - it does not mean they cannot be committed, it just means that they need to be given room to grow too.

[bronx_brawla]

The risk of getting involved with someone young is not that they may not WANT a long term relationship, it may be that they may not be done growing into themselves yet to know whether or not YOU are the right one for them yet. If you are too get involved with someone whom is young, I think part of it means accepting they are still growing, learning, finding themselves, defining themselves - it does not mean they cannot be committed, it just means that they need to be given room to grow too.

 

From my experience this seems to be more present in girls. Reason being that their moods change every second. I happen to be a person that knows what i want...and i know myself and my limits and desires.

I haven't met a girl thats my age that wants a long term relationship...or that thinks like me. And by long term i mean that it will be so strong that it will lead into marriage one day. Thats what i want. And most girls around me...and many other places aren't looking for that. I live in New York. And i dont know if you know...but New York is one of the major "party" citys. I dont know if you know how hard it is to find a committed girl.

I guess i just havta wait like every other good guy that just wants something meaningful. I had something real with my ex. But she couldnt accept who i was...and at the end...she changed into this other person. Thats why i understand what you saying. She's been doing things a 17 year old would do. And shes 22. And this is what hurts me the most.

I'm so tired of looking...finding...and losing. Whats the point of looking if most girls arent serious and like you said..."havent finished growing" I believe girls take longer to find themselves than guys do. My problem is...that im too ahead of everybody my age. All my friends do all these things that i'm over. And it makes me sick to my stomach to know that i have to wait just to be happy one day. If that day even comes.

I dont know what else to say.

 

thank you for taking time out to reply.

--bx

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

It depends on one person life experiences, and world view that cause one to mature, it is not based on gender. The more things you experience the more mature you are. When a child is always protect by its parents, it would not learn much.

 

Go to places where you want your future girl to be in. For example, you are very sporting and want sporty girl friend then go to gym to meet new friends. You are a party boy want a party girl, go to a lot of party to meet new friends. It would increase your chance, but this is not gurantee.

[RayKay]

Well, thats your experience (it being women) because that is whom you deal with or are attracted to, right?

 

I can guarantee there are MANY women (me included) whom have experienced the boyfriend who decides one day he needs to be single and "free" and is not ready for a serious relationship. It is not exclusive to any sex. It has more to do with the individual themselves, their experiences, values, upbringing, goals that affect when they are ready for more.

 

Some people are there when they are 20, others are there at 35, others NEVER get there...and that happens for both sexes.

[NR498E]

dont ever let your life revolve around a girl you will always get dumped.girls need a challenge they need to feel theyve got a catch.If your needy and clingy forget about it women dont respect that i highly recomend buying a book or two on the subject.If i knew what i know now i wulda saved myself alot of heartache.

[beanpaper]

You can meet women when you get involved in the world around you. Take classes in things you are interested in. I've always wondered why more men don't take ballroom dancing or salsa lessons, for instance. Women trip over themselves for a partner. Cooking classes, aikido, yoga, dog obedience, church, etc etc. Don't hang out in places that cater to "young party people" but go to places that cater to people who are more settled and adult.

 

Doing things like this also makes you a more interesting and well-rounded person. Your life should revolve around living and once you start living the life you want, you'll attract the kind of partner you want.

[ShySoul]

A partner is the missing element, not the whole element of life. But I don't think that is what bronx_brawla meant to say.

 

For everyone out there, please do not let a bad experience make you jaded and/or bitter. To not assume that its all your fault, that you will never find anyone, or that it was a waste. Everyone will find someone in time, its a matter of letting it come to you. Some of us know what we want early, sadly there isn't more of us out there. But there are those people and we will find them. In the meantime, enjoy the rest of life. There is so much in this world besides relationships, experience it. Too many think that they need a relationship to have meaning in life, or that it will answer all there problems. While having true love is undoubtedly the greatest feeling of all, its not something that should be rushed, focused on, or made to consume your thoughts. Don't think of love and it will come to you.

 

And don't be a challenge to someone. Just be yourself. Things can be hard enough as it is, why create other problems to deal with?