My Heart Has Been Destroyed

[streetraycerboy]

Hey all. I'm back with a new problem. It has been a year for me and my gf going out. I have an extremely bad situation right now and i really need all of your help on this. Well Recently i found my g/f myspace which she told me she didnt have and never would because "they are stupid". I have a myspace account and just out of curiosity clicked find aol members. So i click it and all my buddys come up. Boom there she is. Now im thinking why'd she lie. I took one look and was discusted. There she was on a bed under the pic "come lie in bed with me" and then in the pictures dressing up better than when she visits me. And in the pictures they were a bit sexual just with the poses. This disturbed me and i tried to get over it. However on a hunch since im a semi expert computer hacker i hacked into her email, finally the truth. While i was away for a month during summer working she met a guy named been and the emails were awful. he requested she wear a skirt and they met up at the movies unknown to me. She commented in the email she wanted to give him lots of hugs. The guy liked her too. So now add insult to injury lying and cheating. Taking another guy out while being taken, not only that but she poses as if she is single online. The emails exchanged the words of your hot to each other. Now furious i try to contain myself and call her on the phone. firstly i asked again do you have a myspace. She replied no. And i said really can i lie in bed with you, and she got all worried. (that phrase was the heading). First i asked her why she lied and she didn't know. then i confronted her about the other guy. and shes like we never saw each other but than admited it. Only hugs but still she took him out on a date. Lastly, the posing as a single person thing. she had no real explanation and started crying saying that she loved me and to give her another chance. as of now we are neutral. I love her very much but im not sure i can go on with this lingering inside of me. at the same time how can i watch another guy take her. Now the real question here is what are my supposed to do. the guy called her a week ago and she rejected him cause he liked her friend and there wasnt much for them to talk about. The whole thing as to my knowledge which is narrow due to limited info is they had a one night thing going on. Please help me im feeling awful. she is crying all the time now. What am i supposed to do with her. Leave her, and feel awful or keep her and set boundaries.????

 

So far ive taken controll and ordered her to delete the myspace which is now gone. Im scared of what the future holds please help.

[pizzachick13]

I don't think she deserves you. I guess if you truly love her then you should give her another chance but it is truly up to you. If it was my partner I'd be devastated and I wouldn't give another thought to leaving. But you should think about how much she loves you and how much she's willing to make it up to you.

 

All in all, it's your choice.

 

Good luck

 

Sappho...

[xmrth]

I think that having a break would be a good idea-- but don't call it that. Just don't barely ever call her, don't show affection, don't see her as much. Do it for maybe a couple of weeks, and make sure she knows your behavior is because of the whole incident. This way, you're both still dating and you wont have to worry about her going off with other guys to "feel better."

See how she acts; it may turn her around, or it may reveal that this is the type of girl she is and leave her if you have to.

[venus777]

how did you hack into her email?

[djedix]

It's very easy if you know personal information about someone. You don't even need to know the password on some of the sites... I'm not going to explain it..

[misery12]

Secret Question basically.

[Spectre22]

Why? Why do you wanna continue with this girl? dump her, you CAN find better

 

 

I dont see why some people try to stay with someone just because they love them, yeah its love, but this girl does NOT love you, she isnt crying cuz she loves you, shes crying cuz she got caught, and when you asked her why she said "I dont know" really, tell this girl to go see a doctor or something cuz her body seemingly does stuff her mind cant comprehend

 

Dump her man, theres no reason to stay with her, she lied to you..went on DATES with other guys, come on, dates! there is not one single excuse for that, if she did just "hug" this guy, next time you wont be so lucky, break it off but do it RESPECTFULLY, and im not saying this cuz I give a crap about her feelings, Im saying she cheated on you (yes a date is cheating) so for you to say goodbye in a nice calm way will bug her that much more, and its nothing less than she deserves

[Day_Walker]

I think you have to make a decision about what you want to do. You are the one that has to deal with the situation.

[SexiChic]

I'm kind of in the same situation. My boyfriend gets these comments from other girlds aout how last nite was fun etc. And then he tries to delete them before I see them but I have seen a few, just makes me wonder how many more there are. How do you hack into the myspace email? He's out to sea and wont be able to check his mail for a couple days and I'd like to see who's been emailing him. Can anyone help??

[streetraycerboy]

I think most of you are right about leaving her. It is awful looking behind me knowing this is an event that stands out large and tall. I'm not sure what to think. Meanwhile she has not done anything to hurt me since this. However I'm not sure i can go on with this. The other thing that bothers me is thinking about her with another guy in the future if im not her bf. I do like dejedix's comment about her crying. But is she really crying because of that? I don't know. The next day i spent time with her and i just got very emotional and she comforted me and cryed with me. Now she's telling me we can make it through this. now like 3 days later she acts like it never happened although it is apparent she was upset as she threw up anything she drank or ate and got sick due to this event. NOT BY NATURAL ILLNESS. I'm still hurt tho that movie theatre she took him to was the same very one that i met her at and i can't even go there im just to hurt. I couldn't even drive by it on I-95. She's back to herself and i love her, is it just better for me to walk now while i still have a chance to go, or learn to forgive. I want the best for us but i don't wanna play as an FBI agent who has to watch her secretly all my life. The way i learned is once a girl cheats it is the beggining of the end in any situation. I'm thinking about giving up my summer camp counseling position that i love doing this year so i can stay around her and keep my eyes on her.

[stressed1]

Hi street,

 

Well here are my views...and i have a long sad history of affairs, their impact and what might be going on. Some of this u might not like, but they are just my views!

 

Firstly, I agree with other poster, a date is cheating and she knew what she was doing.....she may be too young to know the consequences but that is no excuse. there is never an excuse. so she knew what she was doing and only then she cried because she was caught. simple as that. the only way out of an affair is to willingly tell ur partner, explain, seek help if needed and ask for forgiveness. to get caught, make excuses, is all deceit of highest kind.

 

 

secondly, you love her. i can understand this and understand you have mixed feelings of love and anger and will prob alternate between the 2. either way u will always have some sort of emotion twds her.

 

 

thye advert with hr on the bed i find truly disgusting and cannot find an expalnation for it. an explanation save her morals i mean. just no excuse. she has gone to a lot of effort to do that, and followed through. so she needs to explain to you big time what she was doing, why she did it. that is not enough though.....she needs to change her behaviour or something that u2 have or it will re-occur. events like this cannot be treated in isolation. cannot go uncorrected and unexplained.

 

 

i can understand your love but she has to make the changes, not you. she has to voluntarily come fwd and make the change, see if she is willing or not. if not, well then she has the power and will still treat u like a doormat.

 

 

some relationships can get stronger through this but both must be willing. however once someone has cheated very hard to forgive and u will never forget. the cloth is blackened, just depends if ur willing to live with a second best relationship, because that is what it is now.

 

 

up to u but u deserve far far better.

 

best of luck

[streetraycerboy]

Thank you for the advice, a very big help indeed. well thought and worded couldnt agree more. I'm not understanding what to do as i don't know if i can ever replace her and her ways of loving me. How do i get her to xplain why she did what she did she tells me she doesn't know.