Am I not good enough?

[elmer]

I have been dating someone for almost five months now. I have known him through work for a year and a half though. When we first got together he said that he has liked me for a while now. Now that we started seeing eachother he has told me that he doesn't want to jump into a relationship with me when he just got out of a two year relationship. But he has also told me that he doesn't want me to see anyone else and he isn't going to see anyone else, he even went as far as to say he wouldn't cheat on me. He left for a tournament this morning and will be gone (out of state) for five days. I have been crying since he left. I don't really know what I am so sad about but I can't stop crying. I hate knowing that he is going to be going to the bars and out with a friend of his. I don't have any reason to not trust him, he has never done anything to me, but in the back of my mind I am scared to death that he is going to find someone else, someone better. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through the next week without him? Maybe just something that will make me stop cyring!

[Msnak]

Hmm, for five days...rediscover who you are.

 

What hobbies/interests have you abandoned or not had time for? Can you express yourself creatively, say, through music, writing, even cooking or dance?

 

Don't sit home, go do stuff. I often jump out of my pajamas at 9 or 10, even 11 at night and go (safe) places.

 

If you have feelings to pour out, use this forum and/or go exercise, scream along to a rock song in your car or write him letters that you don't intend to share.

 

Hope this helps!

[funnyCAgirl]

i know what it feels like because I have been through the same thing. The only thing I can say is keep busy, call old friends and do things that will make the time go by faster. And maybe these things will help to build up some good feelings too.

[Boricua7]

I've been through this before and the best thing is to give yourself a lot to do. This will take your mind off of him. Keep as busy as you possibly can! Surround yourself with friends and family because the second you're alone you're going to think about him and make yourself cry again. Also, don't call him while he's gone. Make him miss you as much as you're missing him. Maybe then when he starts to miss you he'll realize that he wants a relationship with you and will pursue one when he comes backk. Wishful thinking, but who knows? I hope this helps!

[Penny1041]

Hi there, I feel like I gotta add my two cents for what its worth. The other responses are great, and you should listen to them as well. I just got my heart crushed by my now ex. I was with him for four years. The lesson I am learning is that, I was down right codependent!! I cried when he was far away and I lived for him. I engulfed my life with his. So when he dumped me, I had no friends, no hobbies, NOTHIN..

I dont think this is going to happe to you. I just want to tell you my mistake so you wont make it. If you have friends, then, CALL THEM!! There is nothing wrong with loving someone so intensely, just dont loose yourself. If your cryin because hes gone for less then a week, then you need to reaquaint yourself with your life. No offense, but just think about what I am sayin.

 

Penny

[SimoneTiger]

...for five days. I have been crying since he left. I don't really know what I am so sad about but I can't stop crying. I hate knowing that he is going to be going to the bars and out with a friend of his.

 

I am sorry to have to tell you this, but your feelings are in no way normal, and you shouldn't have to be going through this. I am in no way competent to diagnose you, but you do exhibit signs of codependent disorder--you desperately desire to control your boyfriends actions, and you have a morbid fear of being abandoned by him...

 

Do yourself a favor and seek help from a professional who will be able to refer you to therapy and support groups. Does your boyfriend know you feel this way, did you tell him what you wrote here? Because I'm willing to bet that as soon as he finds out, he will be looking for someone better--I am not saying this to make you feel worse or offend you, but you do need to realize that the way you feel is an indication of problems that you need to resolve before you can ever be in a successful, satisfying relationship and enjoy the good life that comes with it.

[whatfor]

other responces are great... i want to add when i read the title of your post i thought there would be something way more serious than your current problem.

Im sorry you are feeling so down... it happens sometimes... just overemotional.. it happens to me too.....

just think straight - you are going to see him in 5 days!

use the time to improve yourself... exercise and stuff..

but also.. come on girl, 5 days? i havent seen my bf for 7 months and he is coming here in 10-11 days, and i also cant wait.. but i just keep myself busy, cause i know its the only thing that makes the time go faster.

good luck

[EarthGirl2010]

I don't think this abnormal at all. Maybe I am disfunctional too. LOL.

 

Don't get me wrong; you shouldn't be thinking the worst. Just because he is away from you doesn't mean he is going to be looking for someone else. That being said, in this day and age, most tv shows and movies have an instance of cheating in them. When we see this all the time and hear about our friends going through this it makes us vulnerable to feeling insecure. That IS normal. We are a product of our environment. It probably isn't especially healthy for our minds though. We have to evaluate ourselves in these moments and ground ourselves.

 

Ask yourself why exactly you have these feelings. You are obviously not secure with yourself and/or your relationship with him. If you intend on getting serious with him, you need to express these feelings. I extend everything I feel to my fiance. He reassures me and I feel better and can move on. You should only do this if you are in or want a serious relationship. If you are not at that point, then you should just figure it out yourself and live and let live.

 

Just remember that you are not alone in feeling this way. I think most of us feel a little insecure when our loved one is away. Just a fact of life.

 

Good luck.