Smile and the world will smile back

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys,

 

I listed my post under grief and loss, which was probably wrong but it seemed most suited.

I'm having a down day today. We found out a few months back now that my daddy has terminal cancer. Although this is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to face, my family are very close and have been talking about it really openly. My dads health is very good considering and although he and my mum have given up work ( she's now his full time carer) they are carrying on as normal as possible pottering around the garden and so on. My Daddy is not afraid of death, We are a christian family and although we don't attend church regulally individual prayer and worship has always been part of our lives. My Daddy has chosen where he wants his ashes put and an Eagle momunment ( he has had an eagle tattooed on his arm since he was 16)

here's my problem, My mum dad and younger sister (19) just seem to be coping too well....i know that sounds really selfish, but i just want to scream and shout and break things. I hurt so much inside, i'm not suggesting i hurt more than they do tho.... i spend most nights thinking about how my daddy must feel knowing he's going to die and leave us and its killing me inside, i can't do anything, everytime i try to go out with my friends or do something fun i just feel so incredibly gulity. My Daddy has been my best friend since i was a little girl, and although i've grown up and moved out i don't understand how my life can go on without him....reading this back i can hear how selfish i must sound to you. I just don't know what to do. I tried to talk to my sister about it but we're not that close and although she was very kind to me she didn't seem to understand. I am really scared of talking to my daddy now as well which i hate so much, i just feel like nothing i have to say would be important now.

 

I'm sorry, just need a friend and a hug.

 

Suggs

xxxxx

[Angelus]

You came to the right place (shame on those of you who just looked and past by). The best thing for you to do is to talk about it because it helps to ease the pain. If you keep things bottled up inside, you'll only dwell on them and make your situation worse. First off I'm really sorry to hear about that but keep your faith hopefully your dad pulls through but he if he doesn't just know that he'll be in a better place and he won't be gone bc the one's we love never truly leaves us. He'll always be there inside you.

 

Last year I lost my grandmother and I was shattered, I didn't know what to do, what to think, who to talk to. But eventually I talked about it and now I'm able to cope with the fact that thigns will never be the same in my life again. Two weeks ago, my aunt's husband died and another friend died in an horrific traffic accident. So if there's anyone who understands ur grief it is I, bc I still grieve those two losses but my also gain comfort in knowing that they will never have to suffer again; they went home where they belong. You said you need a friend to hug, well here's shoulder you can cry and lean on me.

[RayKay]

First of all, HUGE HUGS!

 

I know this is a tough time, I too have lost people very close to me, and it is terrible to watch them go through an illness, knowing that day is coming.

 

I will say this though, everyone deals with grief differently - from my own experience, someone can seem very strong and fine on the outside, but like you, on the inside are falling apart. Your mom might seem okay, but my guess is she is holding up for you and your dad & sister, to be the strong one right now - to be the mother of the family. Inside she is probably scared, distraught, heartbroken that her life-partner is going to be gone.

 

Your dad too is scared I am sure, not about the death itself maybe, but about how that death will affect you and your family. I think you should talk to him about how you feel, if you are so close to him.

 

It is not selfish to feel the way you do...honestly, there is no wrong way to grieve. We all do it in different ways, and it is perfectly normal to be grieving, upset, and feel as you do.

 

Life will go on when he is gone, because even when people die, they live with us forever in our hearts and memories. You will feel him with you, some days stronger than others, I promise. And he will want you to live a happy, full life.

 

And please, do go out with your friends, they will be a great support for you at times, but if for some reason you don't feel like going out and having a night on the town, maybe call a close friend and ask her to just hang out with you at home for a movie night, sometimes those are needed just as much as a night out Or even better, have a movie night with your dad sometimes

 

 

I think you should also look into counselling/therapy to help you right now through this process - when I lost someone close to me, the hospital provided me with a grief counsellor to talk over all these issues I felt. It did help a lot.

[Sugar-Rush]

Thank you, both of you so much, just to know that you've taken time out of your day makes me feel better! I know you're both right in the things you've said. I know my mum and sister aren't being as strong as they look i just wish they could share there true feelings with me.

Thanks you

Sugar xxx

[Angelus]

Sugar as you can see you are not alone in this, if you need to talk outside of the forum portrals, then you can pm me.

[RayKay]

Thank you, both of you so much, just to know that you've taken time out of your day makes me feel better! I know you're both right in the things you've said. I know my mum and sister aren't being as strong as they look i just wish they could share there true feelings with me.

Thanks you

Sugar xxx

 

As I mentioned, people just deal with grief differently...and for some that means it being VERY hard to share their feelings, though I know that for you it would probably help, and why I also advised counselling, as it may help you just to share your feelings with someone who can openly listen.

 

Sometimes everybody is just so busy trying to stay strong, that they don't have the time to cry and grieve yet, as silly as it sounds, sometimes you feel that you MUST stay strong and NOT grieve, in order to prevent yourself from falling completely apart.

[Angelus]

True strength comes in finding comfort that you have the support of those around you and you are able to express how you feel. There is nothing wrong with greif but then again too much of anything is bad enough. You'll get though it just hang in there.