Don't want to hurt him but feeling to pressured.

[CrystalDawn]

My bf and I have been together for well over a year it'll be two feb 14th anyway we're in a Long distance/Cyber relationship and we sometimes have phone sex, he often wants me to masturbate or listen to him over the phone which I'm not very confortable with. I've done it a few times however. When I refuse he gets upset and hangs up. I enjoy talking to him on the phone and on line. I even cyber with him and everything. Phone sex just isn't my thing and I don't want to hurt him but I'm feel as though he's consentaly pressureing me into it. It's not a good feeling. I just don't know what to do about it. I've come to love him and don't want to hurt him at all.

[girl_83]

My bf does the same thing..when the subject of sex comes up and i just dont want to talk about it or when i reject him he just hangs up on my face I sometimes get confused..he knows that im waiting until i get married, so i dont know why he brings up the subject. I understand where your coming from, you dont want to hurt him..but it hurts you at the same time when you have to do or say something that your not comfortable with. Only thing that worries me is..i dont know if my bf brings up the subject out of disrespect..he knows i dont like it. Maybe im over-reacting it. i dont know Anyways honey..only thing i can say is that you shouldn't do anything that your not comfortable with just to make the other person happy, if your not happy or ready to do anything then he should have the decency to wait and respect you while hes waiting.

[dpressedone89]

if he tries bringing up the subject tell him someone else is with you so you cant.

[Kurodashi]

I have found that this is the same as with a RL relationship offline. If a guy pressures you into doing ANYTHING sexual... regard it as such. Wether it be on the phone, chat - anything.

My ex was a little like this. He'd try it on in person, online and on the telephone. So if he's desperate to get his kicks on the phone, treat it as though he trying to lure you into bed in person. Because trust me, if he places these sexual kicks so highly, then he wont be any different in the flesh.

 

If it were me (and its not), I'd tell him when I didnt feel comfortable with it. If he chucks a tantrum or hangs up with you - dont put up with it! You really dont have to.

Its emotional black mail. It's saying - "If you dont satasfy me in this way sexually, then I wont talk to you at ALL". Thats unfair, and for reaons like that - if he keeps up that behaivour you should REALLY reconsider wether its worth it for you not JUST him!

[CrystalDawn]

Yeah now he's mad at me and won't talk to me.

[Aueft]

Not cool for him to do that.

[batgirl1113]

Whoa, whoa, whoa -- wait a minute here.

 

You said the key words -- "you're not comfortable with it."

 

Do not EVER do anything you're not comfortable with. Do not EVER let anyone take your self esteem and toy with it like that. You deserve better and even though you have deep feelings for this person, if he truly, truly cared about you and respected you, he wouldn't pressure you.

 

Stick to your guns. Say no -- if he won't talk to you at all -- it's HIS loss. At least you don't have to deal with the pressure of the phone sex.

 

There are a zillion guys in the world and I promise you that you'll find one who won't ask you to do things you're not comfortable with.

 

I know this is easier said than done, but girl, at the end of the day, it's your self confidence and conscience you have as you're going to sleep -- not his. Take care of yourself - it's the only one you've got and saying no is one of the ways to make yourself stronger.

 

Good for you for seeking advice.

[gypsy65]

You said it yourself, you don't feel comfortable with it. You say no and he hangs up on you?!!! This guy is showing you that he has no respect for your comfort level, for your feelings or wants or dislikes!! Hanging up on someone is inmature at best and in this case it also abusive and manipulative. It says a lot about him that he handles his frustration this way. Remember, anyone can be nice when they are getting what they want, but it is when they aren't getting what they want that we have an opportunity to learn a lot about them. You sound like a great gal, respect yourself, regardless of what any man may say to manipulate you and get you to do something you aren't comfortable with. If you can, talk to him about it and tell him your feelings, and if he isn't open to hearing you out, you may be wise to find someone more mature and respectful.

 

Best of luck to you.

[jevonj77]

There are a couple of things that I have to say.

 

One is that have you told him, like when this is not in the open, how uncomfortable you are with it and why...He may be taking it as a direct insult to him, so for this reason it makes him angry.

 

The other thing is that you two are not with each other...I don't know if you were to be togheter, would you be holding off on sex or not, but to him, this is as close as it is going to get. Many guys just start masturbating and such to porn and such. No one wants that to happen.

 

I think that instead of just saying that you don't feel comfortable doing it, find out why and explian that to him, then, if you can, find something else, that can replace this...

 

I don't know, be creative...

[sandman47]

I've got a question for all the women on this thread. If you have a bf who does things like that why are you still with him? There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't pressure you for sex. But something tells me that those are the guys you'd easily reject, you know the wussies, the quiet guys in the corner who feel on cloud 9 if a girl even talks to them.

[registered]

I've got a question for all the women on this thread. If you have a bf who does things like that why are you still with him? There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't pressure you for sex. But something tells me that those are the guys you'd easily reject, you know the wussies, the quiet guys in the corner who feel on cloud 9 if a girl even talks to them.

 

So true, lmao.

[ShySoul]

I've got a question for all the women on this thread. If you have a bf who does things like that why are you still with him? There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't pressure you for sex. But something tells me that those are the guys you'd easily reject, you know the wussies, the quiet guys in the corner who feel on cloud 9 if a girl even talks to them.

 

When you are in a relationship with someone there is a lot of emotions and feelings involved. You don't want to believe that the guy you fell for is a jerk. You overlook his bad points to try and focus on the good. You believe that things will change and this is just a one time thing, a mistake he will not do again. You rationalize and justify. You believe you can change the person. And you don't want to give up because of how much it hurts to think of such a thing.

 

Yes, girls should leave if the guy is not treating them right. There are plenty of better guys who will treat them well. But there actions in staying are at least understandable.

[antigravity]

Eh... girls are attracted to the nasty ones. I've seen it happen again and again and again.

 

I think they like having something that they can't quite tame, or have easily.

[Bethany]

If all he wants is for you to listen to him w******, then he doesn't want a relationship with you. The End.

Don't be used by him, don't do things your uncomfortable with, you will not only end up hating yourself, but him too for making you. Dump him now before you fall even deeper.

 

I

[antigravity]

If all he wants is for you to listen to him w******, then he doesn't want a relationship with you. The End.

Don't be used by him, don't do things your uncomfortable with, you will not only end up hating yourself, but him too for making you. Dump him now before you fall even deeper.

 

I

 

Yeah I definitely agree... Sounds extremely selfish to me. What do you get out of listening to him jerk off?

 

If that's all he wants from you, and continually pushes it on you, even to the point of not wanting to speak to you because of it... definitely move on.

 

There's plenty of great guys out there that wouldn't even think of acting like that.

 

Sounds like you deserve much better.

 

Good luck

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I've got a question for all the women on this thread. If you have a bf who does things like that why are you still with him? There are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't pressure you for sex. But something tells me that those are the guys you'd easily reject, you know the wussies, the quiet guys in the corner who feel on cloud 9 if a girl even talks to them.

 

 

hmm... normally i would say your quick to generalize, however my companions rather shy and very understanding when i tell him i don't feel comfortable with a topic such as this. so who knows, maybe you have a point

[Tigris]

I had a boyfriend when I was 16 that was always trying to get me into bed. We'd been going out for 3 years! I felt that pressurised I told him I didn't want to see him again! I lost my virginity at 22!