Blew My Mind

[Mick]

I fell in love with a beautiful lady (widowed) and we talked for a while about that subject. She didn't want a committment and that was ok..just told her when she needed to talk, just call me. That's how it started. We visited each other and discovered we were in love. She felt guilty and I accepted that fact..it takes time...she wanted me closer and we discussed it and agreed it would take time for me to move and take a job by her to share our dreams and our lives when the time came. We both knew a lot about each other. "On the same page" all the time. Then..it took a turn...she felt loads of guilt and felt bad about herself..she sought out help froma councelor and decided it would take time..she was cool with being alone and sorting things out..besides, her job didn't give her that much time to persue a relationship..alright I said..I'm here for you to talk to..I didn't want to be a voice..I will move when the time is right..if it's meant to be thing....She did question about me moving down..I told her I would check on work and when appropriate I'd be there...after all..this wouod take some time and patience on both of our parts. It hurt not to be with her, but I did the best I could do. Then when we would talk, she never acknowledged the fact I missed her..always answering a question with a question...I said I'd do whatever it takes to find a way to be closer....after all the restless nights and conversations and the different moods she was in, I realized she was lonely, had avery low self esteem, and had major guilt issues of being a widow and the loss of someone she stayed with for years and a terrible sickness. Totally understandable. The other day I received an email informing me she was dating someone because she wanted a relationship, missed being in one, didn't want to be alone, and wanted someone to be there during the good and bad times.. WOW!!! Guess what I did just didn't carry any clout at all..even letting her know I would do anything...maybe this was a smoke screen to break up? It seemed that after a while she just seemed when we talked was going through the motions. Guess that's it.................any thoughts?

[smallworld]

Mick, I can't say whether it was smoke screen or not, but regardless of what she says or does, this woman doesn't sound ready for a relationship. When someone dies, we still feel all the love and mixed emotions we felt for the person when they were alive, but we're left to deal with them alone. Death is the ultimate loss. After going through the pain of watching her spouse die, it's understandable that she couldn't be open to returning your feelings.

 

If you really care about her, you have to respect her wishes and let her heal in her own way, in her own time. I will say this though, if she really is dating someone else as she says, this isn't any indication that she didn't care deeply for you and the love you showed her. It may very well be that she sensed what you had to offer her was more than she handle in her current state and pushed you away because it it hurt too much to pursue a relationship that too closely resembled what she had just lost.

[DN]

Was this an on-line relationship?

 

It sounds as if you were there for her to talk to but she was not really interested in a relationship. It would be understandable if you felt used, but I suppose she needed someone to sympathise and support and you were available.

 

Best to forget her and move on to some one who can properly return your interest and doesn't have so much baggage.