Mick

Alright...met a woman who was recently widowed last December..we met in March...she said she didn't want to go any deeper and I completely understood..we lived a few hours away from each other...we kept in touch and things started to go too fast.....she loved me...I knew she still had some issues after her husband of 30 years passed away. She felt guilt, cried a lot..finally she said she didn't have any time for anyone or a relationship in her life..this was recently..I told her that she needed time...and If later it was meant to be then we'll see...she wanted me to move closer and I said this will take some time...our conversations were up and down all the time.....I figured she was lonely and was just looking for a band aid at the moment..it was no use for me to move down when things were all screwed up for her..then..........................we talked just a week ago...she said she told me a lot..a lot of things she wouldn't discuss with anyone..I was flattered......then she said she wanted and needed a relationship and started dating another guy?????? DUH? It seems like she is totally not ready as I was told and yet this....hmmmmm...Now I'm confused.....unless this was set up and she already had him in mind.....we know so much about each other and maybe could continue this some other time...in the future. For now I must move on and let her live her life...after all the things we talked about..dreams...what should I do and is she really through the loss? Or..after all these years, does she just want to test the waters? Let me know your thoughts...How long does it take to get over the loss of a spouse? Thanks..I'm just trying to put all this into perspective..............

I fell in love with a beautiful lady (widowed) and we talked for a while about that subject. She didn't want a committment and that was ok..just told her when she needed to talk, just call me. That's how it started. We visited each other and discovered we were in love. She felt guilty and I accepted that fact..it takes time...she wanted me closer and we discussed it and agreed it would take time for me to move and take a job by her to share our dreams and our lives when the time came. We both knew a lot about each other. "On the same page" all the time. Then..it took a turn...she felt loads of guilt and felt bad about herself..she sought out help froma councelor and decided it would take time..she was cool with being alone and sorting things out..besides, her job didn't give her that much time to persue a relationship..alright I said..I'm here for you to talk to..I didn't want to be a voice..I will move when the time is right..if it's meant to be thing....She did question about me moving down..I told her I would check on work and when appropriate I'd be there...after all..this wouod take some time and patience on both of our parts. It hurt not to be with her, but I did the best I could do. Then when we would talk, she never acknowledged the fact I missed her..always answering a question with a question...I said I'd do whatever it takes to find a way to be closer....after all the restless nights and conversations and the different moods she was in, I realized she was lonely, had avery low self esteem, and had major guilt issues of being a widow and the loss of someone she stayed with for years and a terrible sickness. Totally understandable. The other day I received an email informing me she was dating someone because she wanted a relationship, missed being in one, didn't want to be alone, and wanted someone to be there during the good and bad times.. WOW!!! Guess what I did just didn't carry any clout at all..even letting her know I would do anything...maybe this was a smoke screen to break up? It seemed that after a while she just seemed when we talked was going through the motions. Guess that's it.................any thoughts?