Well, thats it

[Demond34]

She still chooses her friends over family, in a situation like this? She definitely needs her space. I wouldn't even give her the option to talk now. SHe blew it off, now she has to live with it. Say nothing about the relationship when she comes back, book your tickets, take your son and let her think about whats more important to her.

 

You're not a yo-yo. She rather go out and be a 3rd wheel with her friend and boyfriend then have the dignity to sit down for an hour or so to discuss important family matters. DOn't let her do this and then you not leave with your son either. Respect yourself, because its obvious she doesnt respect you at the moment. Don't let her confusion, confuse you!

[confusedashell]

Yup, its almost unbelievable. I didnt quiz her at all today. I todl her we have to talk about this ASAP. I want to get this sorted so that theres nothing left unsure or unsaid before my sona nd I leave for the UK. She said she doesnt know anythjing now, her head is a mess (she says) and that she needs piece and quite and to take her mind of all this for a night before she can sit down and get into this. Does this sound like rational thinking? She was having peace and quite for 6 days, then at her fathers for two days...how much quite time do you need???

 

I dont care how she acts now. I just know that in 10 years time when my son asks me what happened with his parents I can look him in the eye and say: I tired everything to fix this, I tired to get your mother to sit and talk, I tired to get it sorted about you, but she wasnt interested. She had other priorities. I'm happy that I've been acting the way I have. I'm happy that I was the one trying to fix things and find solutions. I'm happy that I was the one wanting to go through the details. Because in the end of the day, sometime in the future she will reflect on how she acted. She even told me today that she has changed..and for the worst. That she has so many things wrong in her head that she cant think straight. At least she's right about one thing.

 

About her going out. Yes it shows no respect to either me, our problems or even herself. She doesnt seem to realise the seriousness of all this. She doesnt seem to understand the mess she's made. She doesnt want to deal with the aftermath of whats happening. Just keeps walking away from it.

[TiredMan]

Hey confusedashell, check out my reply to you on the last page.

 

I hope if you guys really do love each other that you will sit down and discuss this. Moving and all that may lead to severe regrets which could be worse. I think you still do love her if you want to work it out. Maybe the deadlines are pressuring her? Who knows.

[confusedashell]

Tiredman, I really think your gf will come around. She maybe just feels like its overwhelming now, but I have the feeling she'll be back. At least it looks like that. Have ye gotten together for a talk somewhere? like maybe at a bar or coffee house? somewhere you can both feel relaxed and talk calmly? I think it oculd be very worth while. Maybe call her quickly and say can we meet up someday next week for a coffee. Dont let the call go on too long though, otherwise theres no point to meet

 

Yes I still love my wife. Will always love her. But its not about what I want right now, its about what she wants. And right now she wants to be alone. She doesnt want a divorce because she obviously is thinking that sooner or later we'll be back together. Well, I cant sit here waiting for her to come back to me or until she finds someone else and then wants a divorce.

 

I'm at the point now where if I love her - I let her go. If its meant to be, then it will be. We're not going to be disappearing from eachothers lives until one of us is dead. But the last four years of this marriage have all been about her. Her future, Her studies. Mine has been on hold so to speak. Theres not many people who gave up as much as I did for their family and for their wife and even though I feel a little burned now, I still feel proud of it. My son will be proud of me someday. And right now there is just two people in this world I want to focus on: Me and my son.

 

Of course not being with my wife is going to be tough. I've lived everyday of my life with her for a long time. We've shared a lot. I'll miss not having her around all the time. I'll miss seeing her everyday and not sharing in eachothers lives as much as we did until now. Most of all I'll miss our little family. I'll miss that so much. us being there for eachother. mother/wife, father/husband and child. I'll miss planning together and doing things together. But right now, there is nothing in the world I can do to make her think differently and anything I say or do will just make her want this alone time even more. She'll interpet everything as me trying to control her, pressure her, dictate to her what she can and cant do. And thats the reason (no matter how paranoid they are) she wants to live alone. So I am walking away. She knows I love her and she knows I want to be with her. But I'm not going to convince her or bully her into it.

[Demond34]

Tiredman, i think your girl will come around too.

 

I thought my girl was coming around, we've been spending time together, things have been going good. Until I just called her and asked her if she wanted to go to an NFL game with me. The old her would of been excited and yes, without hesitation. Instead she asks, how much were the tickets, when is it, blah blah blah. I was like, why you dont think you'll be around? She said she doesn't know, b/c if she has to move away if she gets a job.

 

This just absolutely crushed me again. Why do I do this to myself? She obviously can't be in love with me, if she'll just move away for any old job. Thats the only thing about not talking about US. You don't know whats going on. Meanwhile, shes been back around my family, holding hands with me, kissing me. She was talking to her newborn nephews while I was on the phone with her, saying its your Uncle. Why is she doing these things, if she knows shes just gonna get up and leave me?

[TiredMan]

I'm just afraid that she won't come around. Of course I am hoping it. She knows this. But I know her and she is a scared person and that causes her to do things. Her friends have always treated her badly where she always wonders "is it her" or do people choose her b/c they think can get away with it? And then I think how I hurt her (not intentionally) and I want to just die.

 

I completely understand her feelings. I just always felt she would support no matter what happened. We have always told each other that. She told me the other day that a relationship shouldn't be THIS hard. And how she was so unhappy (because of the leaving and fighting) and that when we were not talking, she felt a relief. That hurt so much because it goes against every word she has repeatedly drained into my head from day one to right before this.

 

I have brought up meeting up 2 times in the past 2 weeks to which she said she doesn't want to see me. She has told me she is afraid of me. I have never hit her but when I lose it, it's scary. I admit that. But I fear that the longer she goes without seeing me, the easier it gets to disassociate. I know that is how it is with me and she thinks similarly. I had a best friend that I knew since I was 3, who I have not spoken to for 4 years or so. His mom died and I haven't even called because he was just not a good person and I cut him off like it was nothing. I think the difference between him and me is that I'm not a bad person but just have emotional problems that I am working on.

[confusedashell]

I dont even think that she is avoiding the situation anymore. well maybe thats part of it, but its me she is avoiding. she doesnt want to have to listen to me asking her questions. Probably makes her feel bad. still, if i was her i'd rather get this over with as fast as possible.

[TiredMan]

As I said in the other thread, I don't know her. Only you truly know how she acts in situations. Also didn't know how you guys communicated your feelings in the relationship either.