What would you all do???

[littleone22]

You guys have all given me some great advice.

 

I had just posted in relationships under, "Update, Not Good."

Basically, my verbally abusive boyfriend has now cheated on me. I found a condom wrapper by his bed, then a receipt for drinks that I obviously didn't accompany him to.

 

He denied knowing where the condom came from. He swore to me that he hasn't used one in a long time, since he has been with me. He said, "look around, do you see ANY signs another girl has been here." I didn't, but there was still a condom wrapper I hadn't seen before.

 

He told me the drink receipt finally was when he took his ex out on a Sunday night, after I LEFT HIS HOUSE, but that it was very innocent. They are just "buddies", she is seeing someone else. How convenient, a bar right by his house at 11:30 pm. He is either sleeping with someone else, and taking his ex out too, or, still occasionally sleeping, and taking his ex out to dinner.

 

Knowing this, is it worth even talking to him again??

 

We haven't talked since Sund, but I am so angry.

 

What would you all do?? I have never been cheated on before, and we have been together 2 years.

 

Should I ignore him and move on??

[Ontario]

Question for you. If he's abusive in any way--verbally or otherwise--why are you with him? Obviously, he doesn't respect you if he abuses you, and you really don't have to put up with it if you don't want to.

[BellaDonna]

Should I ignore him and move on??

 

YES!

 

I thought you were ready to leave him after he was verbally abusive the last time and yelled and swore at you. Now if you had ANY DOUBT, this last incident should give you the answer.

 

Run, and and don't look back.

 

This guy is a jerk in so many ways. He has no respect for you at all. First the abuse, now the cheating.

 

Kick him to the curb! 2 years is too long- don't waste any more time on him. You deserve so much more.

 

 

BellaDonna

[shes2smart]

When I found out my ex was cheating on me, I was out the door so fast it was like watching the Road Runner on one of those old cartoons.

 

If someone will lie about something as big as having sex with someone else behind your back, they'll lie about anything. You cannot trust someone who lies on that scale.

 

No trust, no relationship.

[littleone22]

I guess I know what I should do.

I wasn't going to talk to him for a while anyways, but I was wondering if cheating is forgiveable.

I guess I shall run like a roadrunner. =)

 

Thanks so much!

 

I need my butt kicked I guess.

[DN]

He's a cheater and a liar and abusive.

 

Not only that, he must think your driveway doesn't go all the way to the street if he believes you will fall for his lies - so he's also insulting your intelligence.

 

Tell him to find someone who will put up with him - because you won't.

[lunatic]

If I were you I would let this fool go. You deserve to be treated better and he does not deserve you. Move on.

[littleone22]

You are all such a great help.

 

He is making it so easy, because like a typical abuser, he makes it out like I am the one that should chill out, and he needs time from me.

 

He texts me last night at 12:30 am asking how I was. Didn't answer, and don't plan too.

 

I have to be strong and not let this creep get to me anymore. Its not even worth the sadness or grief. Im just angry.

[saltwatergirl]

You are doing great, kick him to the curb and please dont look back. As a matter of fact kick him accross the street, around the corner, and down to the other curb. You REALLY don't believe the condom story, or the receipt story. they are both LIES and you KNOW THAT. Do not try to even attempt to believe a word he says from here on out. He is a liar, he is a cheater, and he's abusive. Consider this a blessing, he has done you a favor because you no longer have to waste another minute of your precious time on this loser.

 

Remember, he is only lying to himself, not you. He is hurting himself, not you. YOU are worth so much more, he is the idiot, not you.

 

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE, BELIEVE THEM. DONT QUESTION THEM, DON'T DOUBT THEM. He has shown you who he is. He is a baldface LIAR and he CHEATED on you. Accept what he is and move on. FAST.

 

Good Riddance. Dont pick up the phone, dont respond to a text. No more wasted energy on this jerk. A new life awaits you, embrace it, and forget the past. Start living again, and in a very short time you will have no anger cause you flat won't care, you will wonder why you ever even stayed with this person. Especially when you meet someone who is soooo much better for you. As a matter of fact I believe that one day you will actually think of his antics and LAUGH at the idiocy that is this person

 

Salt

[Maverick32x]

Should I ignore him and move on??

 

YES!

 

[littleone22]

You guys are great. Thanks Salt for the encouragement. It made me smile, as this morning I woke up and he didn't call or text or anything.

 

Who cares! He is not worth it, and I have to tell myself that over and over.

 

He cheated, he lied, he verbally abused me, so what is the attraction factor?

 

I know that soon the anger and hurt will be gone if and only if I don't contact him, or if he calls, not answer.

 

Thanks again to everyone for helping me along

[saltwatergirl]

One day without a call from him is one day further into your new life and away from his lies.

 

Today was a Good Day. Hope for the same tomorrow.

 

Salt

[littleone22]

One last question for everyone:

 

We got in another fight last night after I made a stupid mistake and sent an email. It was an email basically saying I don't want to talk about the infidelity/lying issue, and there are other things more positive to focus on.

 

I was trying to avoid drama, but once again, as he always does, he wrote me back some nasty reply asking me if I know how to do anything else.

 

He doesn't realize that his lies, infidelity, and anger are what causes me to act insecure. Who wouldn't.

 

After last night I don't want him in my life at all....

 

we didn't really settle on anything, nor did he say to stay away. I didn't tell him it was over either, but is that really needed?

 

From here on out is it best to just stop caring what he might think and just avoid any and all future contact with him?? I don't think a guy like this deserves a formal good bye.

[shes2smart]

One of my exes was a raging alcoholic. I went back and forth with him for the better part of 5 years. (FIVE YEARS....yeesh.) Looking back, part of the reason for the back-n-forth was my desire to have a reasonable, decent ending.

 

I was living in Fantasyland.

 

Some people are not capable of saying a good "goodbye." Don't do what I did and get so fixated on wanting a decent ending that you wind up wasting years trying to get it.

 

In the end what finally smacked me upside the head with the alcoholic was this simple fact I wrote in my journal....I figured I had spent 2/3 of the time I knew him trying to remove him from my life...I didn't want another year to go by and be realizing I had spent 3/4 of the time I knew him trying to get him outta my life.

 

Like I told you before, breaking up is not a clear-cut linear process. You'll take a few steps forward then fall back a few steps and that's normal. Just make sure you're moving forward more than you're backsliding and eventually the backsliding will stop on its own.

 

You're doing fine. You know what is the smart & healthy thing to do. You just need more practice doing it.

[littleone22]

Thanks. I will keep trying not to backslide.

He has proved over and over that it will only get worse if I stay.

Instead of acting sorry, he yells at me like I am the one who lied and cheated.

Not a fun life.

Its so hard, but it gets easier everday I know.