Im 13 yrs old should I go all the way or at least give head?

[randy]

I think you all have beaten her with the truth, and it's obvious she isn't going to listen to anyone.

 

Ya . . . that' s what I think . Her mind is made up . That' s why I say if you need to try something with this guy that strongly then give him a hj, no oral and no intercourse ! ! !

[Miss M]

ok i guess u guys r right but i still dont know part of me really just wants to make him happy like really badly and i dont know why

This point is worth giving some more consideration. You're thinking of doing something illegal that everyone is telling you is life-threatening, life-altering and harmful, yet the only reason you can give is that a part of you wants to make him happy. From here that just sounds like a really lousy reason. Doing something as major as this for some guy that you admit to not knowing that well? Please take some more time to answer this question for yourself in more depth?

 

And then you still added at the end of your comment that you don't know why. I'm taking that to mean you don't know why you feel such an urge to make him happy?

 

Before you do this, ask yourself again and again and again... "Why do I want to do this?" Keep asking yourself that, and keep tracing the answers deeper because the first ones you find probably aren't the true answers. Ask "Why do I want to do this?" Why do I want to make him happy? What am I going to get out of this?" And there really is something that you expect to get out of this. You're not strictly doing it for him. There's a payoff here for you too. Ask yourself what is that? Maybe get a journal and write. Just any old notebook. Ask yourself again and again. And please listen closely to the answers that bubble up. All of them.

[randy]

ok i guess u guys r right but i still dont know part of me really just wants to make him happy like really badly and i dont know why

 

Well that' s understandable . . . you' re attracted to him and you don' t understand why . It' s normal . Just control your feelings . Take control and don' t let your feelings make ALL your decisions . These emotions can cloud our better judgement.

[lil_mamarains13]

You got upset with one of my posts and got offended which I apologize for, but you obviously don't respect yourself just as well as he doesn't respect himself. Drugs KILL! Sex can KILL! You are not of age to make such a decision and especially be responsible for it. The trophies are condomn wrappers which is a way of bragging of how many girls he has had sex with or guys because I do believe you said he was bi in the very beginning. If I was dating a guy who did that I would laugh at him and walk away real quick. It is just another example of his immaturity as well as your for you thinking that is something special. Having oral sex can have some of the same dangers as intercourse. You need to do some research on different STD's and then make the decision on weather or not you want to take the risk of giving a guy you hardly know who has been around head. Like they are saying now they you have basically made up your mind because you are a typical teenage girl who just isn't going to listen, and then cry about it later when you find out how much you should have.

[jna35]

Regardless of what you decide, just be safe!

[Miss M]

ok i guess u guys r right but i still dont know part of me really just wants to make him happy like really badly and i dont know why

 

Well that' s understandable . . . you' re attracted to him and you don' t understand why . It' s normal . Just control your feelings . Take control and don' t let your feelings make ALL your decisions . These emotions can cloud our better judgement.

Randy, she didn't say she didn't understand why she was attracted to him. She wrote that she didn't understand why she wants to make him happy. That's a very different thing. And saying this is "normal" ... well... that seems unhelpful. She said several times that she actually doesn't know him. Do you consider it normal to want to please someone in this intimate and risky way who you really don't know... and not know why? That doesn't sound "normal" to me, and also not healthy.

[randy]

ok i guess u guys r right but i still dont know part of me really just wants to make him happy like really badly and i dont know why

 

Well that' s understandable . . . you' re attracted to him and you don' t understand why . It' s normal . Just control your feelings . Take control and don' t let your feelings make ALL your decisions . These emotions can cloud our better judgement.

Randy, she didn't say she didn't understand why she was attracted to him. She wrote that she didn't understand why she wants to make him happy. That's a very different thing. And saying this is "normal" ... well... that seems unhelpful. She said several times that she actually doesn't know him. Do you consider it normal to want to please someone in this intimate and risky way who you really don't know... and not know why? That doesn't sound "normal" to me, and also not healthy.

 

Actually . . . the " wanting to make him happy " is just another way of saying she feels attraction towards this guy and want's to make him feel special . When I say " Normal " i don' t mean wanting to please him . I' m talking about it being normal for SOME girls this age to feel attraction towards guys like this .

 

And about the being unhelpful . . . i disagree with that as well . Her sleeping with this guy and what not is not a good idea IMO and i discourge it . It' s an attempt at explaing WHY she wants " to make this guy happy " . I doubth she would want to do these things to this guy unless she felt some level of attraction right ( unless she thinks doing this will make her more popular, stop the name calling "prude" etc - which ofcourse, is a complete lie ) ?

[DN]

The main point is to try and convince her not to do anything against her best interests - let's focus on that .

[Miss M]

Actually . . . the " wanting to make him happy " is just another way of saying she feels attraction towards this guy and want's to make him feel special . When I say " Normal " i don' t mean wanting to please him . I' m talking about it being normal for SOME girls this age to feel attraction towards guys like this .

Maybe she will clarify what she meant, changing it to be something different from what she originally posted. If so, I'll accept that. But until then, maybe you shouldn't twist her words into having a different meaning? I'll take her words to mean what she wrote until she says otherwise.

 

And your re-interpretaion of what she wrote?... that's also not helpful.

[darkblue]

Correct DN. I, with many other posters, DO NOT think it's in the best interest to add to this already vulnerable situation by having sex with this boy.

 

Virginity is something to be charished and kept intact until the most suitable and fitting partner comes along to share the special feelings with.

 

A partner that cares about you.

 

If you are indeed doing this to gain respect of peers, then it's just not worth it.

 

They aren't real friends if they are forcing you to do something so immature AND irreversable.

[cichlid]

OMG! Don't have sex with him, do not give him head...do not give him a handjob even. I mean seriously, look at your situation. You barely know him but you say he is a nice guy. Nice being a druggie who hangs used condom wrappers on his wall. You do realize this is just about teh worst idea ever! Have some respect! You might get an STD (even from oral). You might get pregnant if you have sex with him. You are underage as well! You have so much to lose. Don't mess up your life because of peer pressure. If he truelly liked you he wouldn't be pushing you to do this.

 

Also don't you think people that are older than you know more about the world? Don't you think we have been there and done all this and seen the consequences? People here just don't want to see you get hurt. Listen to them! But it's obvious you are stubborn and not going to listen to us. Oh, well, I will pray that you make the right choice. [-o

[blondjeanyis2009]

You are only 13 if you ask me its stupid to even think about such things!!

[xmrth]

I was just curious-- is this something that is definitely going to happen? In your post it sounds like you only think it might...

 

I can understand that you think this guy is really sweet or nice and all of that, and maybe you think you have evidence that nothing bad will happen... but all these people here are advising you to NOT have any sexual contact with this person, and along with that: their reasoning from either what they know from (most importantly) what should be considered common sense to you, from their own personal experiences, and from experiencing how this negatively affects a person's life that they once knew.

 

Why don't you at least read over what everyone has said... and at least, for yourself, if anything even almost happens, at least stop it and see where it takes you (because I can guarantee, it will only be positive for yourself if you don't let anything happen). I can tell you right now that you will probably be in the situation again where a guy will want to take advantage of you like this-- don't think that this is only going to happen once and you have to "experience" it and that is why you have to do it. And the next time hopefully you'll understand a bit more why it is so wrong. You're just so young, and the guy is involved in things that just isn't good at all...

 

Do you know what the other word is for "friends with benefits"? Would you like it if people started trying to hurt you for this, and being known for it? RUINING your NAME. This is very important... if he's flaunting condom wrappers on his wall (what do his parents think of that, anyway?) he is definitely going to talk about it. And I think you said he's going to be going to your school in a few years? Well, what if he goes around telling people how he had his way with you, and insulting you, as so many other people WILL join in because that's what kids do to others in school.

[Reilly2856]

Morethanyouthink says: thanx guys i liked hearing ur opinions but when i go to see him if he asks me for head or a handie ill prolly say yes thats my current decision if you have sumthing to say about that go ahead but i like him hes cute hes nice hes funny and even if it does turn out that hes a creep it was only a bj or a hj so ya

 

Well, looks like none of our suggestions went through to her. A typical outcome with a teenager...they never get it.

[heartbroken23]

I believe this post sets a record for amount of replies in a given time....Don't have sex with him, you're too young and you'll regret it later on!

[CamaroGuy]

I'm a senior in high school and I don't even consider having sex with my girlfriend.

 

Hell, when I was 13 I think I still had the whole "girls = yuck" mindset.

 

Haha, I can imagine being a walgreens clerk, middle schooler comes up to the counter, buys jelly beans, a My Little Pony action figure, and birth control pills....

[wastedtime]

DON”T DO IT!!!!! Wait a few years more.

[naughtycowgirl]

yeah hun it isnt the best idea i haveheard. but i would wait. Wait for the right guy. not some drug head that could get your preganant and you end up with abortion or a mentally retarded kid. so consider maybe a make out session or something

 

put that in ur pipe and smoke it..

 

boy-horsecrazy

[cichlid]

Haha, I can imagine being a walgreens clerk, middle schooler comes up to the counter, buys jelly beans, a My Little Pony action figure, and birth control pills....

Very funny...

[Protex]

I could seriously not believe my eyes when I was reading through this post.

 

It seems to me like you see sex (whatever type) as just something to do. You do not really see the impending consequences, if you do, I do not think you've grasped how important they are.

 

Just because he is a 'nice guy' and you 'like him', you have to give him a hand/blow job? I can guarantee that you will meet many 'nice' people in your life time, and if this is the way you treat 'nice' guys that you think are cute than you will run into many MANY problems.

 

The general consensus of this topic so far is that you should NOT do anything sexual at your age, let alone with someone who does drugs and puts symbols of his sexual past on his wall.

 

Sadly, it does seem like you have made up your mind.

 

Does anyone else on this board have a problem trying to understand some teen logic? For the love of all that is good, I'm a teen and I don't get us sometimes.

[Shadows Light]

 

 

I have not gone through all the responses you've gotten on this. But to date I can see there is 96. And I'll bet my last nickel that most of them will be the same as mine.

 

DON'T.... Don't don't don't don't. You are not ready for sex at 13.

 

And thats not coming from an old lady who doesn't remember. I remember VERY VERY VERY well my experiences at your age.

 

Lots of things are happening to your body right now. You've changed and "JUST" became a young lady. Those puberty HORMONES.... gotta love em. All of a sudden BOY's look HOT. And you want something but you don't know what it is... ohhh you have a pretty good idea. But TRUST me... it isn't all that and a bag of chips. And not at your age. Not yet.

 

This boy he's what 15??? cute eh... yeah. I remember the type. Seems so suave and sophisticated. Knows all sorts of cool stuff. All the cool music. All the cool people. All the cool moves. aahhh and he's into shrooms. Probably smokes a little weed... and hmmm yep...knows a thing or two about sex. Hence the condom packages on his wall.

 

Wheeeewwww.... taking a deep breath. LOL.

 

Well let me tell you.... he's not worthy of you. He's not worthy of your virginity... ORAL or otherwise.

 

You're just gonna have to trust me on this one. Right now... is NOT the time.

 

Sex.... making love... is a sacred thing. You only have ONE first time. ONE. And that one first time will be with you for the rest of your life.

 

My babies are too little for me to have this conversation with. But if you were my daughter... This is what I would want for you.

 

For your first time. I wouldn't want you in someone's back-seat.... or in someone's basement or house. For your first time, I'd say...make sure that its somewhere special. Very very special. And for your first time... make sure that its with someone you love. LOVE madly. Passionately. Can't live without. LOL. No.... you don't have to wait till you are married....or marry that man. But make sure its someone YOU LOVE. And that LOVES you in return.

 

Why.... well, because since it is the first time and you will carry that memory with you for the rest of your life.... At least you will be able to carry THAT with you... and smile... you'll be able to think back to young Bobby and how much you loved each other... and sssshhheeeshhh it wasn't all that...

 

I'm sure you've gone down these forums and done some reading. Good... educate yourself. The first time for a girl can be quite uncomfortable. And.... if you wait till you find that LOVE of LIGHT... maybe that will make it that much more bearable. And just maybe... maybe if you wait until you are a little older...and in love... maybe you will find a MAN who will bring you into womanhood with a little bit of FINESSE...lots of caring...and make it a GREAT experience for you.

 

A 15 year old boy...and I stress BOY can not do that. He will not have had the life experiences to know how. And at 15.... he's still very much all about HIM. And all about how HE feels... to care, how its gonna feel for you. SIMPLE AS THAT.

 

Now.... toss in the fact that he's had multiple partners already. And is into drugs. Did you mention he was BI. Sweet-heart...there's a word for boys like him.... MULITOV COCTAIL.... bad bad JU-JU. He is a great great risk to you. Now why would you want to throw your precious gift away on a boy like him?????????????

 

You want to be able to look back with a grin and a smile and dream sweet dreams... not with regret, despair and a nightmare.

 

RESPECT.... learn that word. And remember that. You need to find your SELF-RESPECT...and you need to keep it sacred and near to your heart. Don't give yourself away on a whim and a smile. Its something you have that you don't know you have until its lost.... or until someone has stomped all over. YOU... need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of the choices you make in your life. And believe me... if you mess around with this CAT... you'll have a hard time winning your self-respect back...and a hard time looking in the mirror. Doesn't matter what your mom see's... what will you see when you look into your own eyes.

 

Your mom... loves you like no one will ever love you in your life. You can only HOPE...that someday you find that LOVE from a MAN. And I stress MAN... because in the end... its only a MAN, whose grown up and into his own skin that will have had the life experience to know the difference between LUST and LOVE. Between SELFISH EGO and LOVE. Sooo pay attention to what your MOM has to say... talk to her if you can. Your mom... also remembers her teen years... lol..and I'm sure she shudders when she thinks of the mistakes she made or almost made.

 

All of us moms do. Its like walking through a MINE field. And we've made it to the other side...and now we need to bring our kids through it.... and there's no WAY we can WALK IT with them... we have to stand on one side of the MINE field and try to direct you. LEFT... go a little this way... ohhh a little right... STOP.. don't go there... OMG.. stop...

 

And we stand on this side full of anxiety and worry and PRAY to god you make it to the otherside whole...and not hurt. We cry...and we worry...and we are sooooo HAPPY when you've crossed over a little more and with everystep... not hurt, safe, and happy. When you make it through the obsticles... we cheer...and our hearts burst.

 

Sooo your mom is not your enemy. And your mom knows and very well remembers what it was like WHEN.....

 

I don't suggest you talk to her in the terms you've outlined in your post... but be a little more respectful. I'd have a difficult time hearing it from my daughter saying..."giving a guy head...or BJ'... I don't think I'd be able to listen past those words. But you might want to talk to her about... feelings you are having. You might want to talk her about.... other kids who are having sex. Or things you've seen on TV and break the ice with that.

 

Let me help you out. My conversation with my mother started after we both watched a talk show that had pregnant teens on it. I turned to my mother and told her how WRONG I thought those girls were. And why.

By opening up the discussion with her... my mother saw that I understood. And Trust was built between us. She could see she could TRUST me to make the right choices for myself. thereforeeee... I got a little more lee-way and was able to have a little more freedom and room to grow.

 

So please don't take the plunge into woman hood just yet. Make it special. Wait. Giving "HEAD"... is in the same realm. Its the most intimiate of "kisses" you can give to a man. And Disease can spread this way too. This BOY wouldn't appreciate it either. Ohhh he'd TAKE... don't get me wrong.. but he wouldn't know how to appreciate your love.

 

Sex... is and can be a magical wonderful experience. But it doesn't become that until you are much older. Until your mind, body and Soul are ready to experience it. ALL 3 have to be ready. Right now... your body is only JUST making the transition into being a WOMAN. You're not done yet. Your mind... Your mind is still growing...its got way's to go. And your Soul... your soul is still INNOCENT...and definitely not ready for this.

 

WAIT... and hold out. And by all means.... educate yourself. Read as much as you can so at least you know. And protect yourself. Above all... if you won't follow my advice... or the advice of all 96 posters here... PROTECT yourself.

 

Many Blessings to you young lady. May you grow to be stronger, wiser and all woman. Allow yourself the chance to grow up into the WOMAN that you were meant to be.

[Protex]

Wow. Intense appreciation to the above for such a long and informative post.

 

Let's just hope that it's not in one ear and swiftly flying out the other.

[jna35]

I couldn't agree more Shadows!!!!!! Well said, now hopefully she will listen!!

[Shadows Light]

Again... I haven't made it through all 96 posts... I don't think I have the heart too...

 

LOOK... I only touched on it in my LONG LONG email... you said it yourself... you kissed a boy and you were confused. You didn't know if you liked him at all...but when you kissed... all of a sudden it felt good.

 

Its your body responding to a GOOD feeling. But it doesn't mean its a GOOD thing RIGHT now.

 

Don't let these BOYS or GIRLS tell you that you are a PRUDE. or TRICK you into walking that road. ITS A HARD ROAD.

 

Treat yourself with RESPECT... you know... as long as you keep your VIRGINITY..and your GIFT. ITs a TREASURE... its all your own. AND ... you walk down the halls of that school.. with your head held HIGH..and you let them call you a PRUDE..because you know what... YOU CAN SMILE and you can be confident that you still have that TREASURE. The longer you hold on to it... the GREATER the VALUE.

 

You say you don't like yourself. Well..thats pretty much the NORM for a girl your age... NONE of us liked ourselves. We needed to grow into our own skins a bit to do that.

 

You say your are doing drugs. OK... I'll give... I did too. I smoked pot at ... age 12 (shudder). I know.. I've been where you are. I was the PRUDE. I was called many things...and OHH YES.. I wanted to be the POPULAR girl. The one the girls envied and the boys thought HOT. But I didnt' take that road. I was scared. That scared feeling you get... LISTEN to it. Stay SCARED. Its your guardian ANGEL telling you .. something isn't right. Your mom is 33... I'm 38... comparatively.. your mom is quite a bit younger... When I was a senior in HS she was.... your age???? LOL.

 

YOUR MOM... knows. She's been there. There's a GOOD reason she FLIPS out..and yessssssss.......she understands. She just doesn't know how to communicate with you because you are her daughter. SHE wants the very very very BEST for you. And the Very best.. is not SEX at age 13.

 

Another poster here said.. if you can't talk to your mom. Find another adult female to talk to. GOOD idea. I was also lucky to have found a good friend. I was 15 and my best friend 35...and she filled in the blanks where my mother couldn't.

 

I know.. you are scared. And I know that you are LONELY. And I know that you sooo want to be loved. But this isn't it. HOOKIN up...is not all that.... you are not ready. Not now. And there is NO WAY for any of us ladies out here to explain it to you in terms you will understand.

 

But understand this... WE WALKED in your shoes. WE WALKED on that path. WE KNOW. Step back....and let it sink in... that little scared feeling you were getting... its telling you... you are not ready for this. And its not the right time.

[misery12]

All I can say is.. there's been 100 posts..

and if you can't realize how wrong this is yet.. then you have more serious issues than the one you're posting about.

Seriously, i'm almost 17, and haven't had sex yet.. and there's NO RUSH.Like she said, it only happens ONCE, why throw that away in the first century of your life?