drunken kiss what to do?

[bulls03]

I have been dating my gf for nearly 7 months. We met at college and I have had an exceptionally honest, healthy and wonderful relationship with her. 3 Months ago when i came home for college I became incredibly drunk at a party and ended up kissing another girl from my hs. I managed to stop the kissing and ended up passing out at my buddies place. I decided not to tell her because I felt I would learn from this and realize that binge drinking can cause me to do things I would not do sober. Since then I have limited myself to 5 or fewer drinks when partying and have not been tempted to do anything of that sort again. The guilt will not go away though and I do not know what to do. My gf trusts me and I trust her I feel we are truly falling in love and by telling her my menial mistake im afraid she wil see me as a different person all together and it will ruin what we have built. There is no chance of her finding out since both my gf and this girl live miles away from one another one in Florida the other in NH during college. But this does not ease the guilt. I can confidently say I will never put myself in that position again but i just would like to be reassured I've done that right thing here.

[Blackmsmithdave]

if you want my advice i would tell her what happened. if she does trust you she will understand that you do really love her, and that it was just a once of. the guilt is because you know what you did was wrong and also you feel guilty for keeping it from her when she trusts you. You feel guilty for betraying that trust.

 

Speak to her, afterall it was only a kiss, or kisses. not like you did anything else.

[jna35]

That's a hard one. Some say what you don't know won't hurt you, but I'm not sure I agree with that. If you guys truly love each other then you can get through anything, even your minor indescretion. I would urge you to be honest with her and accept responsibility for what happened. In the end, if she really loves you, she will be able to forgive you and move on, if not, it's better to know now rather than later. A relationship based on dishonesty doesn't stand a chance. Good luck.

[elveden]

Think of this as a test for your relationship..

 

As dave says, if she really trusts you then she'll understand that when people are drunk, they do things that aren't exactly normal.

 

Tell her. I don't think the guilt will go away, and if you aren't careful, it'll turn around and get you later on down the line.

[bulls03]

The reason I am hesitant to tell her is because her father cheated on her mother. She has told me that she would have a terribly hard time trusting me or anyone who broke her trust even if it were a minor kiss. I'm afraid the pain I would cause by telling her would be too much for her to handle in our relationship.

[lifeiscash]

Well I could reason and see why you SHOULD tell her. But I am going to disagree and tell you why you SHOULDN'T tell her.

 

First off, I want to say if you feel that your guilt is uncontrollable or that there is any way of her finding out, then definatley talk with her and let her know what you have done.

 

See what people don't know, wont hurt them. Yea you can tell her and yea she can get over it BUT why put her through the pain of letting her know that you kissed another girl. Also she might even view you and the relationship slightly different. And to make matters worse, She might always be a little skeptical of you when you are at parties without her, hurting the trust. But like I said, if you feel too guilty, then go ahead and let her know.

[Tigris]

STOP

 

DON'T TELL HER!

 

Take a 42 year old woman's advice.

 

1 You sound like a genuine person. You're riddled with guilt that's punishment enough.

 

2 You really care about her!

 

3 Some girls think that kissing someone else is cheating!

 

4 You've already solved the problem so it won't happen again!

 

Put it down to experience and lock it away in the back of your memory!

 

You've let yourself down, don't let her down as well!

 

Take care

[ehm doubleyou]

I know you know you made a huge mistake and you have taken steps to assure this will never happen again, but I kind of feel you telling your g/f this will end up being emotionally bad for the both of you. If my g/f told me that she cheated on my by kissing a guy while she was drunk I would have no choice but to break ties with her. Its a trust thing I would constantly have doubts there after thinking when ever she would go out whether or not she will be cheating on me. I say dont tell her...you have only been dating 7 months....thats nothing...if it were 7 years then yes I would tell her. Ignorance is bliss....sad but true.

 

mw

[annie24]

I remember a story similar to this one back in January. A girl went to a New Year's party, wound up getting really hammered, and had a kiss with another guy (her bf wasn't at the party). She was racked beyond guilt.

 

I told her not to tell, because she felt really bad, he wouldn't find out, and it would never happen again. Other posters said that she should tell and be honest. I said it wasn't being dishonest, just not telling him something that would really hurt him.

 

Anyways, after several days and 40 replies to her thread, she finally decided to tell her bf, and you know what? Everything was ok! He just laughed, said, that's fine, you were drunk. He was really happy about how open and honest she was with him.

 

I don't know if they are still together, but at the time, it seemed like he forgave her.

 

I dunno - I still say, don't tell, because telling could hurt her a lot more than not telling. You were drunk, you now know not to drink that much anymore. But, you may be surprised, she could be more forgiving than you think. Or she may not be.

 

Either way, good luck!

[DN]

It was a drunken kiss, not rampant sex. And you won't do it again - will you?

 

Don't tell - it will relieve your conscience and probably hurt him to no purpose.

[ttseng01]

I've kinda been through the same situation...

 

...but if my bf kissed a girl at a party while drunk....

 

 

... i think i would defniitely want to know. I will be mad and be very upset.. (because he waits 3 mths later to tell me)... but because it was a kiss, I would give him another chance, since it was just some random girl that he has no feelings for, and he's positive he wont leti t happen again

[bulls03]

ttseng01,

what did you do in your own situation?

[ttseng01]

He told me a bit later also, but what was worst was that i had to find out da other half of the story.. I was pretty upset, crying that I was getting hurt again (from past relationships) It took 4 days for us to get back to da way we use to be again.. I got him to admit what had happened, and he also decided to tell me how he use to be a wanna-be pimp.. and that hes changed cause i make him happy. He poured his heart out to me n cried to me; promising me that it would never happen again and that he will be more open w/ everything even if it makes me mad. ... Also, I knew deep down that this wasnt a situation where i have to let go of a relationship.. I knew that this girl was nothing to him and that the kiss just happened cause he was drunk.. (but if it was more than a kiss, then thats another story!)...

[xmrth]

This thread really scares me; I certainly hope my own boyfriend would never drink so much. Did you really have no control when you were drunk?

I think you should tell her... I would definitely want to know. But it's already been so long that it might seem fishy, like there's more to it. I think that at this point you should just let it go and leave it for a time where it's appropriate to tell her. I don't know what that time could be, or how you'll figure out when, but you'll know.

[Paranoid]

My boyfriend kissed/made out with another girl while drunk at a party I wasn't at. He didn't even know the girl's name, it was kind of she kissed him and he didn't do anything to stop it. He says it was only 10 seconds, tops. We were "open" with our relationship this summer, meaning if things happen then let them happen. He waited a month to tell me and told me when we were drunk. I got upset, not so much because he kissed another girl more so because he waited a month to tell me and we were drunk. And it's hard to trust him again now. I hate when he doesn't tell me where he's going because I don't know what's going to happen now.

 

If it's been 3 months, don't tell her. If it happens again, tell her right away, don't wait.

[Boricua7]

Coming from a girl: DO NOT TELL HER IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER! One mistake is not ok but if you've learned from it and know you would never do it again and feel guilty, telling her will only cause problems. She will lose her trust in you. She won't be able to be with you because the thought of you being with another girl will hang over her head. This is something that any strong woman could not forgive. If she loves you and knows you love her then MAYBE she will stay with you but she won't forgive you immediately and she definetly won't forget. You've gotta know if you tell her and she stays with you, you can't expect things to be the same and for her to act like nothing happened. Then again, if she hears from someone else that you cheated and you haven't told her yet YOU ARE SCREWED because then not only did you cheat on her, you lied to her (not really lied but not telling her the truth is just as bad). It's up to you to do what you think is right. Just know that you have put yourself in a lose-lose situation so don't expect things to be fine and dandy for awhile. You're going to have to accept the consquences of your actions like an adult. I just honestly think it's said and done, no harm was done, you've moved on and haven't done it again so there is no reason to tell her. Trust me, she wouldn't want to hear it. To hear something like that would be like you telling her the past 4 months have been a lie and they haven't because you love her so don't tell her! For her sake!

 

You've let yourself down, don't let her down as well!

 

Don't be the one to ruin what has taken so long to build. It's not worth it because it's in the past. Yes, it's been 3 months and she may be more likely to accept it because you've changed but she may doubt you've changed. She may wonder about how many other girls you may have been with. Even though the first girl was your only mistake (I hope). Just let the past lie deep down in the dirt and keep on loving her. That's all that really matters.

[sasha505]

Don't tell her, it's all by gones now.

 

Plus if you do tell her, you're going to be riddled with the guilt of seeing her hurting over it.

Just be proud of yourself in that you learnt from you mistake and showed yourself just how special your girlfriend is to you.[/b]