The Swinging Lifestyle

[openmindedgirl]

Hello, this will be my first post, so hopefully I do not offend anyone. However, I am seeking some opinions. Please do not leave nasty comments, as I am only expressing an idea that piques my curiosity.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together a long time...we are both in our thirties. The one aspect of our relationship that we've always really appreciated is the fact that we can both be so open and honest with one another.

 

This open-mindedness has allowed us to be experimental physically, which I think has made for greater sex. We have an amazing connection and plan to get married in the future. We have a ton in common-share a lot of the same beliefs and attitudes as far as religion, money, having children are concerned. Sometimes I feel like we share a brain...it's comforting to be able to express whatever's on my mind and know he won't laugh. He likes me exactly how I am.

 

As I said earlier, the sexual side of our relationship is passionate and wonderful. Because of our openness, we often talk about many different things...and have even discussed the possibility of inviting others to join in.

 

My question is...if both of us are willing to try it out and we feel strong enough to go through with it, then why is experimenting (aside from one's religious beliefs) with other people good/bad?

 

I'm obviously on here for reason...we both love each other dearly and want to make the other happy. We want to spend the rest of our lives together...is it bad that we both enjoy the thought of having sex with others?

 

Has anyone tried swinging?

If so, was it worth it or not?

I'm just wondering how many have tried it and what their feelings are...

Did your relationship worsen? get stronger?

 

Thanks.

[Cynder]

Well, I have an interesting story...

 

I have two really good friends (a couple), who I used to live with. They had an open relationship (on and off) for 11 years. She worked a lot and never had time to give him sex like he wanted. He became attracted to me, and (without my knowledge) told her how he felt. She basically gave her blessings to him, and then came to me. She told me that at night when him and I were alone while she was at work, if the urge struck us, that we had her permission to sleep together. She told me "I'd rather it be you then someone off the street who could have a disease or go psycho on him."

 

I thought this was strange. I was very surprised, and flattered by the whole thing. I didn't really have any plans to go through with it though. A few weeks went by though, and him and I began our sexual relationship.

 

At the time it was a great arrangement. She and I were like sisters (nothing sexual ever happened between me and her, if you're wondering). And witrh him I had a friend, and a lover, but none of the arguing, jealousy, etc that comes with an actual relationship.

 

Our friendship suffered no long term affects. I am still friends with the two of them, even though I am married now. They live out of state, but we still talk online and on the phone all the time.

 

Strangly though, I look back on this expirience, and feel (for lack of a beetter word) icky about it. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like something wasn't right. She did confess to me (long after it was over) that she was jealous. Maybe I feel bad about it for that reason...

 

I have friends who are in an open marriage, and love it. I also have friends who relationships ended over one 3some. This is an iffy situation. You never really know what you are comfortable with until you've done it. If the two of you are that confident then I'd say try it. Just remember, you can't go back.

[Day_Walker]

It would seem that you have the proper prerequisites for a swinging lifestyle. As long as you feel and continue to feel that both of you are enjoying and can handle inviting in other people into your sexual activities then it could be something that you can explore.

[openmindedgirl]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I realize that there's no way of knowing what the consequences are, regardless of how strong your relationship is. I know that's the reason I asked in the first place...because I really DO love and want to spend my life with him, as does he. If there is a slight chance that it could destroy us, then I don't want to take that risk. THEN AGAIN, everything we encounter offers a risk. It's all how we handle what rolls into our path.

 

It's obviously a dilemma...on one hand, I trust him enough to share this experience with him, as I feel we will both be incredibly turned on by the experience. I think it would be a lot of fun. At the same time, is it worth the chance that we look back and wonder what we were thinking?

 

To those of you who did respond, thanks for not passing judgement. The truth is, before I met this man, I never thought I'd be thinking a lot of the things I've thought. He has opened my mind in so many ways, and it's refreshing.

 

If anyone else has a story or advice to share, I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks.

[thegirl_00]

I see nothing wrong with this, you guys have a great relationship. I think it would be awesome to be able to explore like that. You guys can takl about anything so if this starts to bother oen of you, clearly you will put it to an end.

[openmindedgirl]

That's what we have both agreed...if we do decide to go through with something like this, and either one of us becomes uncomfortable, then we will end it right there. It's about US, not his needs or my needs. We want it to be something that we both want and enjoy.

 

I am curious about others' experiences...

[elveden]

Like you say, if you're both confident with each other, and both feel strong enough to share sexual experiences with other people, then there should really be absolutely no reason not to try new things like this.

 

Enjoy life