when to return my Ex's stuff?

[angelheart]

Hi im back, My boyfriend and I had just broke up. No third party involve. We realized we both have some culture differences that we cannot work it out. My friends asked him if we broke up, he did not say a thing. It's been 4 days that we didn't talk or email and Its really a bitter breakup but thou I'm going to see him in school next week. I want to know should I return all his stuff (video cam, digital cam, laptop) or should he get it from me and when or where? I'm thinkin' he is not asking for his stuff anyway and I dont want to break the NC but i want to get rid all of his stuff. Also my friends printed a special photo of us and they still didn't know that we already broke up. I don't have the guts also to tell them. Should i still gave the photo to him? I hate to trash it and hate to keep it. Thanks a lot!

[darkblue]

1. You must try and get rid of his stuff as soon as possible in order to let yourself heal. Why don't you give his stuff to a mutual friend to give to him?

 

2. You don't want to break NC and do this yourself as it would give yous a chance to talk and may lead to this happening all over again.

 

3. This one's difficult. If it was me, I'd destroy the picture. If you are to keep it, it will bring back memories that you may not be happy with. If you give it to him, the same thing may happen to him and make him want to contact you.

 

Good luck and keep talking to us Angelheart

This bit's the worst, it'll get better. Keep your head up.

[annie24]

Hey - I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. I think you should put all his stuff in a box and send him an e-mail that says, 'I'm going to come over briefly and drop your things off. Which of the following times would be best: Monday 8 PM, Tuesday 7 PM, or Sunday 5 PM?" Or, like Darkblue said, you can give it to a mutual friend.

 

As for the photo, I wouldn't take it. I'd tell my friend that we broke up, and that the mutual friend should keep the photo.

 

good luck!

[angelheart]

Thanks darkblue, but our mutual friend is on vacation right now he will be back next 2 weeks from now. Iam struggling right now and trying to be strong, i even done so many nasty things on him and i feel so guilty that I have done it. I hide his car keys and stole his diskette he used for the assignments in school, broke his oakley, bleached his favorite expensive blue shirt (that he used in parties all the time) and the worst, i used his toothbrush to clean his toilet (oh my god!). I know he knew about the shirt but still he did say anything bad at me. Its a very long story why I did this. I was pissed off thats why...

[darkblue]

*trying hard not to laugh*

 

You used his toothbrush to clean your toilet?! *sniggers*

 

I've had my fair share of nasty break ups but WoW!

 

You have to realize that the only revenge or payback that you have to seek is getting your life in order. That's where it'll hurt him most. You moving on.

 

You need to sort your own life out and that's why you must get rid of his stuff.

[angelheart]

Hi annie, I only knew one friend of him, and met only once. She is the girlfriend of our mutual friend who is on vacation right now. And he is watching this girl for him, hanging out together with the rest of his friends. If i will initiate to return all his stuff back, don't you think that my Ex will think that iam chasing him?

[annie24]

Not if you just drop off the stuff and leave. No conversation, just, "Here's your stuff. bye." And you walk away.

 

I think holding onto it looks more like you are keeping it to keep him in your life, so you have a reason to contact him later on.

 

Or, you can drop his stuff off at his work.

[arwen]

I agree with annie on how you can return his stuff. I am sorry you are facing such a nasty situation. I think an important part of the healing process, is to tell your (closest) friends about the break up. It can be sort of denial to yourself if you don't tell others. It's just a suggestion,

 

Start out by someone that is close to you, but not to him, maybe.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[chai714]

Angelheart,

Return all of his stuff ASAP (which means today or tomorrow). I have seen others drag things like this out, and it turns into an unnecessary mess. Simply box his things up, call him and give him 2 options:

 

a) you'll drop his stuff off to him

 

b) he can come pick them up Today or Tomorrow.

 

You will save yourself lots of stress if you get rid of these things early. Like I said, I have seen others drag this out and it turned into drama. You can prevent this by returning his belongings to him ASAP (which means today or tomorrow).

[angelheart]

Thanks for all the advice, I just called him awhile ago and I told him that i want to return all his stuff but he is busy and he cannot make it to pick it up, so i suggested to drop it off at his room tomorrow. One that i fear most is that whenever I set a meeting with him, he will not show up, he did this so many times and I don't want to feel like chasing him. I want to move on. I can feel that we are both cold to each other. Is this right to do to give back his stuff or should i just let him pick it up? Our mutual friend is not here neither he has no roommates. I don't want to call him back to assure if he will be in his room tomorrow...help.

[arwen]

If you are going to his place, and he is NOT there, leave it outside. He is already making you coming over with the stuff. Is there any of your stuff at his place? If so, send him a casual email about you wanting your stuff back.

 

It's his responsibility to be at home. Don't call him if you have a clear appointment. Just leave the stuff on the porch, if he's not there, it's his own fault if the stuff isn't there anymore when he gets home.

 

I am so sorry for you. It seems like quite a messy break up...

 

Ilse.

[chai714]

You can ship it via USPS with signature confirmation. FedEx and UPS also offer signature confirmation services too. Another option would be to literally drop it off at his front door. Bottom line: you have options, so use one of them and get this over with. Do not let this become some kind of a burden.