Very Hurt, Very Confused and this is very long

[Demond34]

This is going to be lengthy and I still won't have said it all.

 

Me and my girlfriend of almost 5 years are breaking up, not what I want but its what she wants. We started dating when we were 19, right before our soph. years of college. She was very persistent on us being together and in the initial stages I told her i didn't want to get into a relationship b/c I was just getting out of relationship where i got my heart broke. I just wanted to be free and do my own thing at college. We went to high school together but we weren't really close. Anyway she was persistent and she was a pretty girl, I respected her, so I gave it a shot. We went out separate ways for the first semester but kept in contact the whole time, she even visited me a few times. Early on in the relationship she confessed she had a crush on me all thru school, pre-school thru high school, which i never knew. SHe also freaked me out a lil by saying she knew i was the one, she wanted to have kids with me, the whole 9 yrds. I wanted this relationship to be right so I waited to be intimate with her. After 11 months we couldn't of been more ready.

 

Before I go any farther, towards the end of the 1st semester of my soph year. I got into serious trouble, I went to the aid of (who i thought was a friend) and i got into a fight. I got kicked out of school and faced serious charges. It didnt deter her from not wanting to be with me. For the next 2 years our love grew stronger than I ever imagined. She had other serious b/f's but said she never knew what true love was until she was with me. She said i made her so happy and she was truly lucky. I was too. She did everything, was so caring, so lovable. But we had our ups and downs but were able to get thru them. I was facing jail time and my trial was coming up, even though she was sticking by me, i was distancing myself b/c i knew i could be leaving her. this caused alot of problems

 

I ended up being incarcerated and was sentenced for 2-5 yrs. It was unbelievable and i was crushed, as so was she. SHe was devasted and i broke her heart cuz i wasn't there even tho it was out of my control. I was shipped accross the state but we still kept in contact thru phone twice a week and mail that she constantly sent(almost everyday). I isolated myself and masked my pain by being cold to her (not all the time) but sometimes. I acted jealous and like i didnt care at the same time. I went thru depression in there (not b/c of the phyiscal stress, but b/c of not being able to see her or my family). SHe would come see me like once a month(4 hour drive), she'd get a hotel and see me the next day.

 

But it was extremely hard on her, I missed alot of events in her life, her graduation that she was extremely hurt by and just the tough times she was going thru. She didnt know she was so dependent on me until i was gone. After 20 months of hell, I was released and greeted by my g/f and mom to take me home ( well to a halfway house). My girl was beside me the whole time. Any free time I could spend with her during the next 6 months we did. It was hard for me to adjust back into our old ways, it just felt different between me and her. She still loved me, decorated my room for when i got home, had signs and baloons, had cards that she would love me forever and that we got thru this, that our relationship is special. She always said she would never leave me and sometimes i think i took that for granted and just got comfortable in our realtionship and not taking the time to make her feel special like i used to.

 

I've been free for 6 months now and during those 6 months she has expressed that she hates her job and her living situation (still living with her parents). I said let me get back onto my feet and we can get a place, its just gonna take sum time. SHe said she'll never be financially stable,. She has done alot for her family and everyone she loves, shes in debt cuz of it. SHes said shes just tired of doing so much for everyone and not feeling appreciated. SHe just wants to get away. I take blame in alot of her feeling this way b/c of my actions and words that i would use. When she would say are we gonna be together forever? I would say i cant predict the future with a smile. But i knew i wasn't going anywhere, I just wasnt that good with expressing my emotions. Things were getting rocky, she went on vacation with her friends over my birthday. I couldnt get mad cuz i wasnt there for her birthdays. She was stressing about her life and she wanted to do sumthing with it. I told her when i was in, to just go but she stuck by me. NOw after all that she has just snapped and said she wants time to be herself, find herself, get a good job and do whatever she wants and not have to worry about if someone loves her or not. she always questioned my love for her even when i told her not to worry and that i loved her.

 

2 months ago I was coming back to my oldself and took her out for her birthday, dinner, bar and surprised her with a room key to a hotel room. When we got to the hotel room i had a pair of new running shoes on the bed with cute socks to match. She cried and was said the whole nite was the best birthday ever, She'll never forget it. Well a month later she went down to N.C. to visit her friend for a week. While she was there, I was missing her so much and I wanted to ask her to marry me. Well stupid me, went with my buddy and 2 other girls to the movies. I told her about it, while she was down there. I didnt think it was a big deal but she blew up and had enough. She called the next day to her parents crying and said that it was the last straw. It was time for her to focus on herself. That next week I got her to talk to me and hang out again. But she had her walls up. SHe said i was perfect the way I used to be, but it was hard for her to believe its gonna stay that way. She couldnt stand to get her heart broken again. I finally said i'll let you be because thats what you want. She said what do you have a girlfriend? I said no, the one I want to be with doesnt want me. A week went by without talking and i called her to see what was up. She told me she was goin back down to N.C. for a week to look for a place to stay and a job. This crushed me...She always said I'd never shed a tear over her, well for the first time I did, I just couldnt help it. I broke down and let my guard down on the phone. She said she has to do something with herself and her life and just get away. This is uncharacteristic of her, since she is a family girl, and her sister is having twins in a week. I told her not to go just because of me, go cuz you really want too. I dont want her to regret missing her nephews lives cuz of me.

 

I've talked to her a week later ( a few days ago) and was putting on a front that i was cheerful and just asked if we could get together one nite before she goes to exchange some things. She has my house key since she basically lived at my house. Everytime I talk to her she sounds mean like she doesnt want to talk to me or that she just thinks of the bad things to help her move on. She still says she loves me. But i feel its not the love she once had. I told her I care about her and I love her and that I just want her to be happy and that she should do this. Even though I want to be with her. Its so hard to let go of her, shes more than I could of ever asked for. Can anybody help me out or give me advice on anything? I dont want to stop her from going and I'm not but how can I let her know that I love her and care for her and that she meant everything to me without coming accross as needy. My fear is that if I just let her go and dont contact her, she'll just forget about us and what we had and never want to get it back b/c I didnt make an effort for us.

 

Can feelings change that quickly. Can she just go from loving me forever, to just get up and leaving? Is there someone else? She has always been honest and open to me. I would think she would let me know, but right now she doesnt want me to know anything. When she said about what shes doing, I told her that i was going to look in to going to miami, to finish schooling. She said again "what to find another girlfriend". I was like why would you say that. SHe said us moving together to another state was never an option (b/c i wasnt ready and b/c of my situation) before but she said she woulda moved anywhere with me.... I know shes tired and worn out for giving so much. But is there any hope for us getting back together down the road or is it a lost cause? She said its going to be hard for her to let anybody close to her again, she doesnt care if shes single for the rest of her life, which is ludacris. Shes not that type of person. Shes acting like i cheated on her, which i cant get thru her head that i was faithful and loyal. I have no idea what to do and I just can;t let go of her, but know i have to.

 

I'm drained, so unmotivated right now, so confused. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm so sorry that this was so long, if anyone that reads it, thank you for your time. I'll appreciate any responses. thank you

[HajiMaji]

Its not easy. I read your post and i feel for you in your situation. Im going to tell her how i saw her actions. I dont really know whats going on too well though.

 

So, it seems like shes going out of her way and putting herself out there. This makes her very vulnerable. When she heard you went to the movies with another woman it was like she couldnt take it. Even though you werent cheating, it felt like she lost you at that point. You had her love and commitment, but she must have been so thin at that point it was easy for her to break. And she did.

 

Seriously, this is an amazing girl. She put out so much effort and care into you, and thats a beautiful thing. Its scarey give that much of yourself to another person, so she obviously was a little insecure when it came to how much you appretiated her. She was giving her entire soul! Im not say you werent, but when you give that much it makes you so scared that someone wont appretiate that gift.

 

She was insecure that you didnt love her much AND you went to the movies with another woman.

 

Everyone should be able to go wherever they want with the opposite sex, but in this case i think its understandable why she got so bent outta shape with it.

 

I dunno what to tell ya. You seem like a good guy and id love it if the two of you could get back together. Maybe its possible. Things are hard though and youd have to constantly show her how much you appretate her. Eventually shell just know it, but things have been shakey for a while.

 

If i were in your situation i would probably try to get back with her, but maybe thats not the best. Shes scared right now and is ready to try to spend some time on herself. It may be impossible for you to do anything. Play it slow and easy.

[Wimpy]

I don't feel qualified to tell you what to do but I did read your story and what struck me most was how she stuck by you for 20 months whilst you were inside. I wonder how many people would do that??

 

I think the issue of you going off to the movies with another woman hurt her but you won't know unless you talk to her.

 

Why don't you show her what you wrote here - if you don't want to lose her you're going to have to get her to listen to how you feel and show her how much you care - by actions as well as deeds.

 

I think it would be strange if she stuck by you all that time and then when you got out she decided it was over. But then nearly 2 years inside is bound to have had an effect on you and changed you in some ways so I guess only talking to each other will show you if you have something worth salvaging.

 

Sorry to not be able to give anything wiser - maybe others will contribute more but I just wanted to let you know I'd read what you wrote and you seem like a decent guy.

 

I hope it all works out for you.

[Demond34]

Thanks for your responses....I would want to show her what i wrote but at this point she seems to want nothing to do with me. I don't know what to do. If I try and show her this, I dont want her to feel guilty and do something she really doesn't want to do and thats stay with me, shes a very strong girl with a good head on her shoulders, a very pretty head. Shes a dream for anyone...We were both in a rut and just going thru the motions of life, not a good way to live these past few months and I was slowly coming to myself. She put her heart out there for me. SHe was stressed out about alot of things in life like i said, not only me, with her job and living situation. I was stressed out about what my plans were for my future, being on parole, will I be able to get back into school and get a job so I could support us. Between the both of us our problems caused alot of problems. SHe told me she was getting back to depending on me again and said she didnt want that. She wants to be independent. I wish it were all a bad nightmare and that I'd wake up and she'd be standing there willing to accept my love....and love me back the way she once did!

 

For now, I'm waiting for her to call me back so I can meet with her one last time to give her some stuff back and for her to give me my key back. I'm going to try and be strong and wish her the very best in her life, I really care about her feelings and if she finds herself and his happy with her new life, then I'll take pride in that I made her happy by letting go. It stings alot, I never saw myself loving sumone else or doing the things we did, nor do I want to. But its becoming more a reality each and every passing day...

[HajiMaji]

It will take time man. Good luck man.

[Demond34]

Just and update

SHe called me last nite about 1 a.m. coming from her friends house. If i was sleeping I never would of answered it because I'm a deep sleeper. But i was up thinking about her, my mind was doing circles. The convo didn't start out nice,she still has alot of resentment towards me, but after talking, i asked if she could stop by quick so I could give her some stuff back and she could drop my key off.

 

When i got dressed and grabbed her stuff and on my way downstairs, she was already coming up the stairs. This was a hard for me, cuz all i could think of, that its the last time.

 

Anyway, I went back to my room and the first thing she did was come in and give me a big hug, this caught me by surprise but i did embrace it. We then laid on my bed and she laid on top of me and talked for over an hour. I was strong in the beginning, we small talked for a little bit but it ended up getting deeper. SHes excited to move but shes very scared. I asked her what her biggest worry was and she finally told me that shes scared that shes making the wrong decision by leaving and hurting the ones she loves behind. This really makes her emotional.

 

I told her, that its time shes makes herself happy and that the people who love her, support her and her decision. Me being one of them. I support her decision and I deeply love her. I told her shes stronger than she realizes and that she will be great and everything will work out for her.

 

I love her so much and I want to her to be happy. Why can't I just let her go? By no means did I try and put a guilt trip on her. I told her she has to try it. She asked what if its the wrong decision and she doesn't like it. I said you'll like it but if you don't, then you come back home, your family and everyone that loves you will accept you and then you come up with a new plan and go from there. I told her i was scared about Life's Uncertainty and that shes not alone. Just take baby steps and see what comes about. I wish i could follow my own advice, i just feel so lost.

 

When she did leave, i walked her out to her car and we stood there and hugged and she even kissed me. she said she loved me and i said I loved her. I also said she meant the world to me and i wished her good luck.

 

SHe drove off and thats where it is now. I felt good last nite, because i felt like i got some closure. But now I don't feel so good. I never had a breakup like that, where both people said I love you and were emotional. SO i have no idea what to expect. I guess I try and move on even though i don't want to believe its really over...I wont try and contact her, I'll leave it up to her. SHe leaves tom. to go looking for a job and a place in N.C. for a week..I'm taking a trip to Miami next weeek...

[Demond34]

Well, don't know whats going on yet, I will not contact her and right now I don't know if i'd want her to contact me yet. I'm slipping from depressed and heart broken to angry and resentful. I don't know why that is but if she calls, I don't want to come accross as angry and say anything that might be offensive....

 

My family has been great and supportive. I got good friends. I'm gearing up for a trip to miami this week, so things are getting better...slowly.. Just taking everything one step at a time letting everything play out its course. I know one day, I'll get up and be myself again. But Today is not that day.

[Demond34]

Well, heres the latest. Anybody's words of wisdom would be very much appreciated.

 

Well as you know, my ex came over 2 days before she was to leave for her trip and that was the last time i talked to her, it was emotional (2 weeks on this past wed.) After 2 weeks of NC, i got a call from her on wed. and she was asking how my trip was ( she thought i was home), but i was still there( i went to miami).

 

I said i was still there and that it was fine and i asked her about her trip and if she had any luck finding a place and a job. We small talked for a little, Then i asked, What do you want from me?...She was silent, then said she just wanted to know how my trip was and so forth. I was like, "No", i mean what do you want from me as, do you just want me to be your friend or what. SHe didnt say anything. So i was like, well if you want me to be your friend, i can't be that right now. I said if i'm going to get over you, you can't contact me. I wasn't mean but i was serious and i said, i don't want you to call me, email me, IM me, write a letter, nothing. I said when my B-Day comes up in a month, don't send a card or nothing. Then we got off the phone with her saying I'll talk to u later and i just said yup.

 

Later that nite (still in Miami), she called my phone, but didnt leave a message. SO when i saw that she called the next morning, i returned her call the next morning ( i know, just went against my word). I left a message, that i was just returning her call. She called me back on my way to the airport and she offered to pick me up.... i was like why is she doing this ( to myself of course). But i accepted the offer....

 

As i was walking to the baggage claim, there she was waiting..she came up to me, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and it seemed she was so happy to see me. I wanted to scream WTF, but i gave her an unsure, protective embrace.... Then i asked her, why are you doing this, she said just stop...

 

We went out to eat, She paid , but i broke down and gave her a huge hug with feeling and she was like "finally" and she was genuinely happy. We kissed, she sat with me on the same side of the booth, shared a dish, it was good.

 

On the way home is where i brought up the friendship/ relationship crap. I said if we're going to be friends we can't talk or see each other until we can truly be friends and that we can be ok with seeing one of us with someone else and not be jealous or angered by it. I said theres no time table on that, and that it could take years. Shes like how about never, (meaning she'll never be able to be ok with seeing me with sumone else).

 

Women- confuse the living S*@t out of me. She said she would love to see us work out, but she also wants to be indepent, blah, blah, blah. I told her to just go and do her thing, i dont want to hold her back and all that other stuff. Now she doesnt know if she wants to go...

 

Anyway we got back to my house, i asked her to come in, she said no at first, (she was scared b/c she feels she let my mom down and wonders what she thinks of her). i assured her my mom loves her no matter what. But she came in, i joked around with her most of the nite, teasing her and one thing led to another and she ended up spending the nite. It was really a great nite, just like the beginning of our relationship. I did little things to her, with her, and for her that i haven't done since back in the day and she even mentioned that.

 

 

But i'll tell you this, When she came over before she went on her trip and told me her plans...Thats when instead of asking for her back or giving me another chance, I told her that i supported her decision and i really hope she does well...She told me last nite that she felt i was pushing her to go and that i didn't want to be with her. Reverse psycology?... It wasn't meant to be, i was truly genuine about it. I told her last nite that i was just doing what i was supposed to do and that is, if you love something let it go and if it comes back then it was meant to be.

 

All in all, i'm still protective, b/c i'm not going thru the heartache again. I can see she truly cares about me, loves me, but did i do the right thing? Was it too soon? I don't think i'm gonna call her, i'll let her do the contacting. I still want to give her, her space and at the same time really think about it is that I want. I love her to death and i really want this to work, but i think it should be a gradual increase. Should i let her chase for a little, to see if this is really what she wants, she still may be confused.

 

Sorry this is so long, but it feels good to vent, even if i don't get a response. Maybe someone viewing it, can take something from it, and help their situation.. A month ago i was a wreck, felt hopeless, so unmotivated, an absolute mess. On my trip, i had alot of time to reflect, and i know now, you just have to know who you are, be comfortable in your own skin, know what you like and want, and just be able to be happy by yourself, you will enjoy life so much more.

[Demond34]

I'm ready to throw in the towel and pick whats left of my heart up and move on...For those who have read and followed my story, me and my ex have been talking and hanging out.

 

It just seems I'm putting in all the effort to make this work and meanwhile i just feel like im getting walked all over. Yeah shes calls me most of the time even took me out to dinner. We small talk and we talk about us. We have even went running the last 2 nites, something shes been wanting to do for awhile with me.

 

She tells me she loves me, shes happy when shes around me, has since told me she would like me to move with her, but knows she wants to move soon. I'm in a predictament where its hard for me just to pick up and move, or i would have already.

 

But something tells me (her body language, little comments, and my gut) that shes not head over heels in love with me. We were intimate the first nite we met back up, but since then, its like friends but with a lil more flirting and kissing.

 

I'm just waiting to hear from her that "I love you so much and i want this to work, lets do this" but i dont get that. I feel like she'll just bail again, whenever she doesnt get her way. Sort of feel like walking on egg shells around her. She wants to do what she wants and me be cool with it, but if i do what i want, i'll feel she'll get pissed and be like i'm not dealing with this.

 

She also called me this morning (shes been calling everyday), and we got into a little argument and she made the comment about, she cant see me and do everything with me all the time, she feels overwhelmed, and that if it was the way it was back then, then yeah she would want that.

 

So what do i do?, I love her b/c she is really a good girl, we've been thru so much together, but she has changed, maybe she'll snap back, maybe she wont. But i feel like i'm getting used for now, b/c shes not reciprocating the love, the way she once did. I can just tell by her tone of voice and her actions. I feel uncomfortable around her, just because i dont know if i should say i love you or touch her like a boyfriend and girlfriend would.

 

I'm ready to do the NC again, even though i dont want too.

So confused!

[RayKay]

I don't blame you for being confused, I would be too (in fact I am! ). I think she is confused too.

 

Iit sounds like there were some issues that have pushed her away in the relationship...but sometimes too much negativity lies in the past that needs to be worked on before you can have a healthy relationship again. She is fearful, and you are confused by her behaviours which is getting neither of you anywhere.

 

Have you ever brought up relationship counselling with her?

[Demond34]

No i haven't, i thought about going to some sort of therapy for myself, just to get my head on straight and move forward with my life with some motivation.

 

Thanks for your response, RayKay, i think she is confused also and still has that fear of letting me back into her heart.

 

I think I should just back off the situation, because she is so hot and cold anymore. One day its great, the next shes distant.

 

I'm willing to put it all on the line again, but very hesitant now. She says things that are very contradicting, which shows me is confused. I thought love was supposed to conquer all.

[RayKay]

 

I'm willing to put it all on the line again, but very hesitant now. She says things that are very contradicting, which shows me is confused. I thought love was supposed to conquer all.

 

Only in the movies.

 

In real life love is an essential component...but it takes more than that. Sometimes love is not always as strong, and in those times it takes faith and commitment to one another and the relationship to find it again.

 

Good luck, I think therapy would be a great idea, even if it is just for yourself.

[Demond34]

For real, what the hell is going on?

 

So she calls me on friday at work and tells me shes coming down, to buy a shirt for her friend. SO she comes down to my store, we pick out a shirt for her friend and she gets one for herself.

 

Then we order some food and eat it at my store, we also download songs for her, so i can make her a cd, as she is sitting on my lap. After we get the songs downloaded for her, i told her i'll make the cd for her while she goes to get her nails done in the mall.

 

As my shift is over, i walk down to where she is, i sit and wait for her to get done, just chit chatting with her. Now i could of left but she said she would like me to wait, so i did.

 

After she was done, we went looking at shoes then she asks me if she wants to look at engagement rings. So we did, we looked at them for an HOUR! We were sitting down and two people were helping us as she was trying them on. We finally did narrow it down to one. But the funny thing is when we were there, I introduced us as i was her brother. When the guy asked so are you guys together, i looked at her and said i dunno are we? She slightly nodded her head and told the guy he always plays around that i'm his sister. After the guy took my credit report and asked if i wanted to do this, i said not right now. We walked out and i asked were u excited, and she showed me how sweaty her hands were.

 

We were holding hands and kissing as we left, thought things were good.

 

I asked what she was up to for the nite and she said she was waiting for her friend to call her and they were gonna go out. So when she does call me later that nite, she tells me her plans fell through and that she was going up to see her other friend at the race track and prolly gonna stay up there. This is a friend who she has yet to introduce me too. I tried to keep the convo light and i said what am i not good enough, just joking around. Then she just got pissed and started just saying random things. I was like whoa, relax. I said if i knew you wanted to be with me for sure i wouldnt have a problem with half the stuff you do, i just want clarity. Her only response was do you think i would of wasted my time with you today if I didnt want to be with you. Why couldn't she just come out and say it

 

She has 3 days off fri, sat and sun. Now I would of thought, that maybe we would spend one of those days, nights together. But NO, shes hanging with her friend at the races, her friend is dating a driver. Granted, i brought her to her first nascar race and went to many others with her as my dad is in the vendor business. Now this track is in our back yard and its the 2nd race here and both times she chose her over me. It makes me think that she has a better time with her then she did ever me, just because shes in the pits. This makes me upset, b/c now shes all about Nascar and when we were together she was so so. Now i did not raise my voice at all or not trying to fight, my friend was my witness. And all she kept saying is i'm not dealing with this s@$% and yelling and saying i pissed her off and that she just wanted to go. I was like i just dont understand, b/c this is the same stuff that pissed you off, if I didnt hang out with her when she was off. Shes choosing her friends over me and always faught with me b/c she thought i used to do that. She is just being a total hypocryte.

 

Then she said words the pierced me, first she said she didnt want to rush into things (it was her idea about the engagement rings) and then she said she liked how the last month was, that she could come and go as she pleases and not have to worry about anything. I responded by saying then you really dont love me and that you are not ready for a relationship and i told her not to call me until she knows what she wants. I doubt i'll hear from her again.

 

How can she say she loves me and act like this. I feel she doesn't respect me or appreciate me. What should i do? She wants her cake and eat it too.

[Demond34]

I contacted her last nite, b/c i heard she was thinking of going back down to N.C. this weekend. I called her b/c I asked her how she could go from walking back into my life and taking me to look at engagement rings to, going to N.C. without telling me. I told her to stop playing me like a yo-yo.

 

I asked her if her heart was still with me, which she replied yes. Then i said well if its still with me, then let me back in and lets make this work. She says it but doesn't open up. But if its not, then just let me know and I will let you go, I will walk out of your life forever... She always wants to get off the phone and not deal with any of this. She also mentioned that she just wants to get out of here so she doesnt have to see anyone and deal with anything. Won't this catch up with her and eat at her?

 

But i also said, that its not in my character to turn my back on the person I care for most and that i Love. I said if theres anything i can do for you to just let me know, if you just wanna talk, or go for a run, or go get a coffee, that i'll be there for her. I was raised to forgive and turn the other cheek.

 

She gets pissed off from the littlest things and it over rides all the good days we had the past two weeks. She always used to tell me to make the effort and show her love. Well i left the convo like that, telling her that i'm standing here making the effort and showing you how much i love you and that i'm not gonna give up on us. If you want me in your life, and wanted to be with me, you'll let me know and then i said good bye.

 

Will this ever end, will she come back to her old self? I told her i can't change how she feels, i can only show her how i feel.

 

I feel better knowing i did all i could.

 

Now the question is: If she leaves and we dont talk, will it be out of sight, out of mind?

 

Or with distance the heart grows fonder?

[confusedashell]

women confuse you? man, tell me about it. I know what you're going through in some sense. The worst part if the dangeling in the wind thing. Im at that stage with my wife now. I dont know where I am. She tells me she doesnt love me anymore in one breath and in the next that I'm the love of her life. She wants to live alone and when she wants to get together witrh someone again that someone is me. ends a phone call with "i love you" says good night with "i love you". and on and on..million more examples. In the end mate, as hard as this is to swallow, i think you gotta leave it. If she wants to be together with you, she'll come. if not..well then she wasnt the one for you. I have a feeling though she will want to be with you. from what you wrote thats the way it seems. that she just needs the space to think things through. maybe the best is to just walk away...dont even bring the subject up but dont ever treat her like "just a friend".

 

Hope it works out man! Good luck!

[Demond34]

Update

 

After tuesday nite when we got off the phone, I figured I wouldn't hear from her again, cuz she didnt want to hear what i had to say and i knew i wasn't gonna call her. But she still took me call.

 

But maybe she took some of things i said to heart. She always said she wanted me to make the effort to show her i loved her. Everyother time we would fight, I would be the one walking away and acted like i didnt care. And she'd always say, You're just gonna give up. Well for once i said i wasn't gonna give up on us and that i was standing here willing to make it work.

 

So anyway, Wed comes around, I go out with my friends to eat then to a buddy's house. On my way home, the ex calls not once, but twice. I didnt answer either time, cuz i didnt hear it. Had my music up and the windows down, its a very soothing remedy at nite. As i get home, i didnt call her back, but it didnt matter cuz she called again. We chit chatted, I didnt say anything about us and just left it at that.

 

Thurs. morning comes around and she calls me an hour before I wake up. tells me to rise and shine, i wasnt too happy. But then she asks me if i want to come with her to the hospital with her to see her twin nephews. I said sure as long as you want me to be there, She had to work all day, so she'd have to wait to see them til after 9. She called me from work a few times during the day, one to tell me when they were born and that they were healthy, two to thank me for her card and food that i brought her ( i brought her a cheeseteak and onion rings, something shes been telling me shes been craving, and i brought her a congrats card on becoming an aunt) All i did was bring it in to her work, said congrats on becoming an aunt then left. Then she called before my softball game to wish me luck.

 

She also called when i was on my way back down to her work after my softball game to see where i was. SO after she got out of work we drove to the hospital together. When we got there the babies were so freakin cute and precious, its such an amazing thing. Her sister asked if i wanted to hold one, i was like um no thanks, i just feel uncomfortable holding a newborn. But then the ex was like youre not leaving until you hold one.

 

So i ended up holding one for a while, theyre so adorable. The ex wanted a picture of that and then she wanted a picture of us both holding them together.

 

When we left, Even though it was like we were together, i never said anything about the relationship, i didnt hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, nothing. I just joked with her and just chatted. She put her arm around me when were leaving, but i didnt really acknowledge it.

 

So she dropped me off at my car, she thanked me for everything, then we went home. Only she called me on the way home to see if i wanted to go see my bro's fiance at a bar. In which i said no thanks, i just wanna go home. Then she calls me about 30 mins later just to tell me good nite.

 

Am I getting played with again? I'm tired of getting my hopes up and then the littlest things set her off, even if it has nothing to do with me, and things get put back to square one. I'm not gonna let her dictate my life, like she has been the last 2 months.

 

I know she hasnt been herself as of late, she has even told me. I asked her a week ago if this was the real you and she said no and i hate myself for being like this. She knows shes a complete B#$%H sometimes.

 

Sorry if this is so long, but you know what, every situation is unique and the more info thats out there, someone can give better information that fits the situation. Plus its better for me to just get it out there

[Demond34]

Oh yeah, our 5yr mark of being together is coming up next week. SHould i do anything?

[Fivek]

Maybe she needs to see what life is like without you to get her priorities straight.