Help!! I'm close to breaking NC? DO I or DONT I?

[urbangentleman]

Well it's been 6 weeks NC today, and i'm thinking about calling my ex.The reason is i have healed somewhat and want her in my life, i mean we are not enemies and no bad words, fights, etc have ever taken place.She left me for lots of reasons, mainly i've come to understand because of issues in herself and not necessarily because of me or the relationship.

 

I just wany her in my life, i mean yes i do want her back, but i'm not into all the games, and she knows i'm a genuine person.I miss her companionship, and we used to have a hell of alot of fun.

 

I miss that and cant help nut think she must somewhere as well.

 

So I think i'm ready to call her and can control my emotions, i'm just not sure the right way to go about it, or what to say.

 

Please give me some logical advice.

 

regards

 

Urban

[rilo82]

hi, you want her in your life but does she? i know you miss her that much as i have experienced that before as well. you could try calling her but if she does not respond the way you intended, i think you shld keep to NC. and tiz time NC for a long long time.

[urbangentleman]

Well she was the one to say give me a call in a month or too, and that she doesnt want to cut me out of her life all together, and she still wanted to be friends,Her exams finish tomorrow and she will have no pressure for 5 weeks because of holidays.I thought that this might be a good time to get in contact, as she will be more relaxed i think.

 

What do i say?

[socalguy123]

I'd say--let her call you.

 

she broke up with you, she left you, she supposedly has her own issues/reasons--but hey she could have stood by you.

 

 

I think You really want to put yourself in a good place, where she wants to be with you, rather than throw all that hard work + difficult NC. If she wants to be with you, she'll contact you. And even if she contacts you, there will STILL be a lot of steps in between her wanting to be with you and you guys hooking back up together.

 

I wouldn't call her. Call your friends, call your parents, talk to a shrink, talk to your dog. Do some pushups. Anything, but spare yourself the confusion.

 

Just my take on it.

[JohnnyTable]

I agree with what people are saying here. Really, 6 weeks of NC is not all that much. Depending on how long you were together, I would say give it 6-12 months and then see how you feel.

[urbangentleman]

Thanks for the replies all. We were together for 3-4 months.I have thought about if i contact and dont get a positive response will i be ok.Ofcourse i probably will be a little upset, but i think i am strong enough now that it wont set me back to square one.

 

I have the feeling that if i leave it much longer, it may be too late to have each other back in our respective lives.I would rather have her friendship than nothing at all, because i respect her as a person and for who she is.

 

Penny for more of your thoughts!?

 

regards

 

Urban

[The_Doc]

Urb

 

Well u know what I think already.

 

The whole NC thing is about healing and some people hold strong opinions on this forum that NC should be NC until they contact you and if they dont then good ridance.

 

Lot of people reckon that it takes about half the time you were with someone to get over them, although I think this varies enormously from person to person and depending on the circumstances of the break-up. In your case if you were together 4 months then you have practically reached that half way point.

 

If you feel emotionally strong enough and it won't set you back to square one I don't see this as a problem especially if as you say you are willing to accept that all you may get from this is friendship...

 

Remember if u do, expect nothing, keep talk as small talk and keep it brief...

 

Good luck

 

PM me if you want to continue this....

[PlayBrat]

Urban.. if your mind is made up about contacting her...I would advise the most non intrusive way of contacting her...so she has the choice to reply or not. I would send her a brief email...not a long winded one about what you have been doing. She needs a reason to call you back, and have things to discuss. A text would also suffice. If you happen to call and she's busy and can't talk or something, it might discourage you or deflate you...so send her an email or text then just go about your day, and get busy. If you obsess about it or check your phone and email constantly, you will go insane...

Hope that helps some.

[Royltnxile]

Don't call her. Let some more time pass. Let her wonder what YOU are up to and let her wonder if maybe YOU have forgotten about HER, rather than callling her as soon as you know her exams are over. Believe me, she is thinking about you and hasn't forgotten you inside of 6 weeks. You have taken it this far, so let it continue. You can only talk to her when you reach the point where you don't really care either way.

 

Friendship? Why? Don't delude yourself into thinking that you could handle a friendship with her because it's obvious how much you want to be with her. Trying to hang onto any crumbs of attention she may give y ou under the guise of friendship is selling yourself short.

 

If you mean something to her in the long run, she will get ahold of you when she is ready. Don't jeopradize that possibility by being over eager to reconnect with her. Let her come to you. She knows how you feel so leave it at that...for now.

[urbangentleman]

Roxy and pallybrat, thank you both.

 

Wow!....very different opinions here , as everyone is truly entitled to.

 

I see both positives and negatives in each response.

 

Roxy.....I wonder how you can be so confident that she has not forgotten about me as yet?

 

 

Anyway...thanks again guys, more for me to ponder.

 

Regards

 

Urb.

[Royltnxile]

Women don't just forget about guys in 6 weeks time?

And if she has, do you want her anyway?

 

It's tempting to think that all she needs is a reminder from you, but it doesnt work that way.

 

You haven't forgotten about her right? Why would she forget about you?

 

She asked for space and doesnt want to be with you right now. She will let you know when she does. If you start contacting her you might scare her away.

 

I agree with above poster about if you really must contact her, drop her an email or a card in the mail...nothing that pressures her to respond, or that she can respond in her own time. I would suggest a card in the mail, something light and fun maybe. Dont' talk about the relationship and don't get all heavy on her.

[heloladies21]

6 weeks of No Contact is a long time. Nobody needs that long to decide if they want to get back with somebody. She's moved on so it's time for you to do the same.

 

It doesn't sound like you're ready to have a friendship with her. And being her friend will not bring her back to you romantically. I've never seen it work.

 

Come on buddy, you were together for 3 months. Don't be one of these guys who's still hanging on months after the break up while their ex is out ^%$#'in some other dude

[Royltnxile]

Heloladies,

 

I'm one of those guys who is still hung up on my ex after only being with her for 4 months. I have dated others, and I've slept with others since her. Other's who were better in bed than she was in fact. So I've been out having my fun when possible.

 

But that still doesnt make my feelings for her go away. Not in the least bit. Some days I'm generally okay with things, other days I'm all upset about it. A few days I'm angered by it.

 

She called over Memorial Day weekend twice in one day on both my phones and didnt leave me message. She's not with anyone, or she wouldnt have called me at all. I didnt call her back, not until she leaves a message.

 

I dont think there's anything wrong with being "hung up" on someone, unless it is totally preventing you from functioning with other people. Who knows? Things might work out for Urban, and for me as well.