The Sex Imperative

[Shinobie]

Ya dude ill see if i can go by your advice because its great advice but doing that i would be too shy and way too nervous and i would prolly screw everything up iono ill see if i can try.

[ShySoul]

Don't think that you'll be nervous and shy. That's what messes you up. Keep saying to yourself that its going to happen, that you can do it. Keep thinking positive and things will hopefully go better.

[Blackmsmithdave]

yer go for it, im kinda allmost in the same place as Shy soul and like you i was very shy and not very confident, but it really doesnt take alot to turn you into a confident smoth fella, but a nice guy at the same time. you will be fine.

[asdf]

Some people just never get it. It's not that much about looks! #-o

 

Hmm, well depends how you see things. See, your attractiveness to a person depends on your image to that person, and by image, I mean how they see you in their mind. This would be affected by physical looks, personality and social status. It's this image that determines how a person "looks" to another person.

[Caldus]

Some people just never get it. It's not that much about looks! #-o

 

Hmm, well depends how you see things. See, your attractiveness to a person depends on your image to that person, and by image, I mean how they see you in their mind. This would be affected by physical looks, personality and social status. It's this image that determines how a person "looks" to another person.

 

Good point but I think Shinobie was just referring to looks alone but I dunno.

[asdf]

Some people just never get it. It's not that much about looks! #-o

 

Hmm, well depends how you see things. See, your attractiveness to a person depends on your image to that person, and by image, I mean how they see you in their mind. This would be affected by physical looks, personality and social status. It's this image that determines how a person "looks" to another person.

 

Good point but I think Shinobie was just referring to looks alone but I dunno.

 

Right, but "these" looks. They're pretty much most of what matters.

 

I find it pointless to debate physical looks will get you far, because to be honest, appearances are all subjective. True, some people are seen as more physically attractive than another person by the vast majority of people, but when getting to know people, the experience you have with them is what rings out in their mind more than your physical appearance.

[corvidae]

In a perfect world everyone would reserve judgement until all the facts were known, but in the real world this doesn't happen. This is for two main reasons: firstly it would take too long to get to know everyone to a sufficient level that you could make a fair assessment of them. Instead people tend to select people on the qualities they can see straight away eg. physical attractiveness, then they try to get to know that person they have selected. It's not shallow; it is important to be attracted physically to your partner, it's only shallow if you're ONLY after the physical side. Secondly, as humans we DO judge by appearance. I don't just mean when looking for a partner, but even when we go shopping. Did you know that the colour of a drink affects your perception of what flavour it is more than the actual flavour they use? Not only that, but the physical appearance of a human tells the partner about certain genetic traits, so we have evolved to select partners based on certain physical aspects to help ensure the fitness of our children.

[Mun]

"Men judge more by their eyes than by their hands, because everyone can see but few can feel. Everyone can see how you appear, few can feel what you are..." Niccolo Machiavelli-The Prince.

 

Appearance is important, but attraction is subjective. Just look your best.

[ShySoul]

Instead people tend to select people on the qualities they can see straight away eg. physical attractiveness, then they try to get to know that person they have selected. It's not shallow; it is important to be attracted physically to your partner, it's only shallow if you're ONLY after the physical side.

 

I'm just backwards. Appearance means nothing to me, substance is everything.

 

Secondly, as humans we DO judge by appearance. I don't just mean when looking for a partner, but even when we go shopping

 

When I'm shopping price tends to be a bigger factor. That and necessity. Looks don't matter, as long as it gets the job done.

[corvidae]

Firstly, Muneca, I agree with you entirely. Athough it's worth pointing out that Mr Machievelli wasn't making a comment on 'men' but on people, it's just the term 'men' was/is used to refer to the general human being. I don't want anyone getting confused by that. But I agree with the sentiment. It's like that old poem "Errors like straws on the surface flow, he who seeks truth must dive below."

 

Mr Shysoul, I'm reasonably sure if you were out shopping and you wanted to buy some strawberry jam (or jelly as I think it's called in the US) you'd much rather buy one that was red or strawberry coloured, than one that was a pale yellow, even though pale yellow is the natural colour after processing and they add the artificial red afterwards. Most of the decisions we make are subconscious.

 

I think it is important to be physically attracted to someone, but that it is only one aspect of what you should look for. If you personally choose not to worry about physical appearance at all, then that's up to you, but it doens't make you a better or worse person, just a person who does things differently to most others.

[wlfpack81]

I think it is important to be physically attracted to someone, but that it is only one aspect of what you should look for. If you personally choose not to worry about physical appearance at all, then that's up to you, but it doens't make you a better or worse person, just a person who does things differently to most others.

 

Nice quote!!! I think they are those who look down on others who want to be to be attracted to their partner. I wish others would stop being so high and mighty and just admit that looks do matter when selecting a partner. They are not the only thing but it does hold some weight.

[Mun]

I didn't even realize it said men...

[corvidae]

You didn't. Machievelli did; in your quote. I wasn't accusing you of anything, I was just worried some people might interpret it as a gender-based statement. I very much agree with your sentiment Muneca.

[asdf]

Judging by physical appearances isn't really shallow. People view aspects of how a person looks to see if they indicate appropriateness. You realise what makes a woman physically look good are signs that she is fertile and capable of taking care of offspring. Shiny hair indicates fertility. Right amounts of fat levels indicate sufficient nutrients to carry a child. Breasts mean milk.

 

With men, size can mean a lot in terms because a man can protect her. Capabilities, social status, dominance, etc indicate that he can protect his partner. Good looks indicate that their offspring will be good looking and can be more appealing to mate with. And there's health in general. If I'm going to have kids with somebody, I damn sure want them to be healthy.

 

And with other non biological or evolutionary aspects, how a people dresses, displays their hair, etc, reflects on their personality. Conservative, yuppie, hippie, punk, etc.

 

Granted, looks won't tell you anything, but it's the most effective filter in determining whether or not somebody is potential mate. You can't tell how extremely well a person is fit for you until spending a lot of time with that person, especially since most people do tend to only show the best sides of themselves in at least the first few months they date. You can't spend that much time on everyone. Judging by looks is just an efficient way to do things.

[Shidoshi]

It's funny, while looks ARE important, you have to make the best of what you've got and ignore your percieved flaws so it doesn't affect your self confidence. At the same time, if you're honest with yourself, you know that you WILL judge others on their appearance. It seems that a lot of people are frustrated not because they can't find anyone, but they feel they can't get what they "want."

[Caldus]

In the initial attraction process, sure.

 

After that they can still just as easily be weeded out as someone else who is not physically attractive enough. Or it could take longer to figure it out sometimes.

 

But yes, in the end, there has to be some physical attraction. They have to be physically attractive enough to the person. I suppose there are a few special cases to this as with anything though.

[melrich]

No question physical attraction is very important.

 

Look at an even closer bond...mother and baby. Nature does not just hope they are going to bond, babies have evolved a whole bunch of physical traits that make them attractive to their parents (actually to adults).

 

I think asdf has said it very well.

[Shinobie]

If physical attraction is actually that important then ugly people like me have no sense of meaning or hope in our lives to love,to be married,or someday have kids.If it was like that i would feel worthless, like i have no meaning too live for anything.That would make no sense and i would hate it to death.If it was like that i would commit suicide.But i do believe there is a girl out there that will look past looks and look at me for my inner qualites.

[asdf]

^ Like I said before, for men, it's more about if a woman can feel safe and protected by him, and if he's dominant. Looks aren't as important for men as they are for women in terms of attracting the opposite sex.

[Shinobie]

Ya so basically what ur trying to say im doomed...So if this is correct i guess im gonna be one ugly lonely loser my whole life...

[Caldus]

Ya so basically what ur trying to say im doomed...So if this is correct i guess im gonna be one ugly lonely loser my whole life...

 

With the attitude you have right now, yes.

[Shinobie]

Im trying not to have that attitude ive had a lil bit better of an attitude lately.Its just with things like this he says it breaks it down more but im trying not to believe what hes saying.

[Caldus]

Im trying not to have that attitude ive had a lil bit better of an attitude lately.Its just with things like this he says it breaks it down more but im trying not to believe what hes saying.

 

Shinobie he really is honest when he said earlier that it isn't as important for a guy to look good in order to attract women. If you hate your appearance that much (and I remember your pic from a long time ago and you look fine man) then start working out or whatever you want to do to improve it.

[corvidae]

I saw a very interesting programme on TV the other day where they carried out a semi scientific study into what attracts men and women to each other. The conducters of the tests were scientists (zoologists, psychologists etc...)

 

There were numerous tests, but I'd like to discuss the ones I thought were most interesting.

 

 

Firstly, on the subject of whether looks matter, the researchers found that a great indicator of female attractiveness was the hips to waist ratio. Men preferred women with an 'hour glass' figure. This is because this is the best visual trait that indicates good fertility. When men were allowed to design their perfect women using a computer programme, they all had almost the same hip to waist ratio, though breast size (and shape) varied a great deal. The women's ideal man was well-muscled.

 

With the women, it appears that perceived financial success is also very important. A man was presented to women to rate from 1 to 10 and at first he scored 0, and even -1. But they put him in a nice suit and he started scoring 4, 5 and even 6. The women's perception of his success in life and their willingness to date him increased substantially when he wore the expensive suit.

 

Another part of the investigation involved a speed dating scenario. At first the men and women would sit opposite each other but were not allowed to speak, and they would then rate each other from 0-100, 0 being horrible and 100 being very attractive. Ratings were done confidentially. Then they were allowed to talk for 3 minutes and they could then give a second rating, also confidentially. They could then write down the names of the people they wanted to date and if the other person wrote them down too, then they would have a date.

It was found that the initial rating, ie the rating given before speaking, was the key indicator of who would date who for BOTH men and women. Ratings DID change after talking, but was not such a good indicator. In other words, people decided who they would date before a word was spoken. Out of all the people, men over 5'11'' were the most successful in getting dates, while the most successful women had 'hour glass' figures.

 

The important points to me were that perceptions based on appearances were very important for both men and women, the difference lies only in what traits they looked for.

 

Please bear in mind that these were all random strangers, so prior knowledge didn't play a role which it might in real life. One woman initially rated a man very poorly and went on about how much she didn't like him, but on speaking to him in the bar afterwards changed her mind and even went on a date with him, and completely went back on what she had said. So this was very much a test of initial attraction NOT of deeper personality traits.

[Mun]

Good information Corvidae.

 

I guess this means guys should start investing in Armani suits