LDR : My boyfriend is losing feelings

[Eoigab7810]

My bf (20m) and I (23f) are on a temporary LDR as I am studying in another country for 5 months, with a time difference of 7 hrs. It's been only one month but he's already saying he is losing feelings for me. He feels really guilty about it, and I must say that in general he is often brooding, moody, is very sensitive and a big overthinker. When I left we were together for 10 months, we were very much in love even if we were getting comfortable, maybe the "honeymoon" phase was over.

Now I can tell smtg has changed : he is not as caring as before, as interested in the conversation, and he is not sending love notes anymore. Yesterday night I couldn't help going back to the topic, we cried a lot and he was feeling very guilty for hurting me, saying he only wanted my happiness, but this time I managed to reassure him, tell him it was okay, that I wasn't going to kill myself if he broke up and that I would heal, and if it wasn't meant to be then que sera sera. I told him I would stop reproaching him he wasn't invested enough in our texts, that he was always waking up at noon, that I would stop asking about his feelings, that we could send less texts and see how he feels. But it's hard to act normally now for me because I am afraid and a distance has been created btwn us. Even if we had issues in the past, I don't want to lose him. What can I do ? Do you think it's leading to a breakup ?

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, Eoigab7810 said:

 I managed to reassure him, tell him it was okay, that I wasn't going to kill myself if he broke up and that I would heal, and if it wasn't meant to be then que sera sera. I told him I would stop reproaching him he wasn't invested enough in our texts, 

Sorry this is happening. LDRs are very lonely frustrating and difficult. It does seem like you've grown apart a lot and the honeymoon phase is over because of this fork in the road.

It's good he's being honest and not leading you on. Please reconsider hanging on. Perhaps you would enjoy your local life more if you set each other free. 

[Eoigab7810]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. LDRs are very lonely frustrating and difficult. It does seem like you've grown apart a lot and the honeymoon phase is over because of this fork in the road.

It's good he's being honest and not leading you on. Please reconsider hanging on. Perhaps you would enjoy your local life more if you set each other free. 

Thank you for your answer 🥺 It's difficult because we talked about our future together a lot but now he says that he can't project himself anymore, that maybe he is too immature for me etc. I am slowly adaptating here even if the 4 girls from my uni who came here made it clear they don't really want to spend time with me. But that's okay I am making acquaintances and I am getting used to loneliness.

[Andrina]

29 minutes ago, Eoigab7810 said:

he's already saying he is losing feelings for me.

As for me, there is zero chance I'd stay a second longer after a guy told me this. Yes, it's tough to be apart, but that amount of time is a brief flash in the span of time. If one is truly in love, and is serious about making things work, then they make things work. 

He is indeed too immature for what you're seeking/expecting. Military members experience being apart all the time. I know, because I used to be a military wife, and dealt with being alone for many months at a time, including four month stints, both when we didn't have children yet, plus when we did. Yes, emotions are rough to deal with in long distance situations, but there should never be a lessening of love.

Surely you're worthy of someone who handles the rough times with you--not just the rosy times. Why be afraid of losing someone who's only a fair-weather bf? It was lucky you were in this situation to find that out.

[MissCanuck]

If he's already losing feelings after just one month, then yes, I would say a break-up is inevitable. 

I am sorry. It hurts but it's going to hurt a lot more to stay with a guy who doesn't really want to be there anymore. 

[Batya33]

I'd move on too.  It's not because he is  "losing feelings" -he made a choice not to maintain the connection from a distance - he should be honest about that -LD is not for everyone (my husband and I made it work and I always had the desire to connect with him by phone, to make plans to see each other etc and when I committed to him I knew we'd be long distance for awhile and on and off and when I committed I committed to maintaining and growing our connection and relationship. 

If I realized it wasn't for me I'd have ended it.  No one can control how they feel but they can control the reactions - find someone who is fine with how feelings change, ebb, flow and up for maintaining and growing their connection to you even when it's in an ebb stage because you and the relationship and the future are more than worth it. I'm sorry you're disappointed and please don't try to convince him to stay or chalk it off to "overthinking".

[TeeDee]

I'm sorry the other girls on your trip are not embracing you.  Good for you for making other friends & acquaintances. 

Sometimes distance can kill fledgling relationships.  I think your STBxBF is correct:  he's too immature for you.  Let him go so then you can have some hot whirlwind fling while studying abroad.  

[smackie9]

It doesn't sound like the right decision but end it anyways. When you come back you can try to rekindle the relationship. You are going to really enjoy yourself meeting new people, going to parties, etc. Worrying and fretting over a Bf's feelings is a waste of your youth. Seriously, embrace this time for yourself to experience new things. 

[Eoigab7810]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

No one can control how they feel but they can control the reactions - find someone who is fine with how feelings change, ebb, flow and up for maintaining and growing their connection to you even when it's in an ebb stage because you and the relationship and the future are more than worth it.

You are so right about that. This isn't the first time he had doubts about his feelings but at that time I had managed to give him reassurance (?sorry english is not my native language) but it is really exhausting. I really love him but still I think I need someone who is sure about his feelings and who I can rely on. This relationship is too much of a rollercoaster.

[Eoigab7810]

11 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Worrying and fretting over a Bf's feelings is a waste of your youth. Seriously, embrace this time for yourself to experience new things. 

Thank you for your answer. Yes I think you're right it's the right decision to make. I will try to have another in depth conversation with him before deciding to do. And thank you! Japan is beautiful and I have so much to discover

[smackie9]

2 minutes ago, Eoigab7810 said:

Thank you for your answer. Yes I think you're right it's the right decision to make. I will try to have another in depth conversation with him before deciding to do. And thank you! Japan is beautiful and I have so much to discover

Wow Japan....my hairdresser told me about her stay there and it sounds so amazing! I hope to go someday. 

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, Eoigab7810 said:

 I think I need someone who is sure about his feelings and who I can rely on. This relationship is too much of a rollercoaster.

It's understandable that it hurts, but trust your instincts, you don't need a rollercoaster or someone who's checking out of the relationship.

Part of it may be being homesick and that's understandable too. Please try to reconnect with friends and family back home a bit more. Stay up on social media and post pics and comments about your life abroad so people can relate and reply. It's also good you're making friends and acquaintances locally.

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Eoigab7810 said:

This isn't the first time he had doubts about his feelings but at that time I had managed to give him reassurance

This is how you know he isn't the right guy for you. 

You shouldn't need to to reassure a partner of their own feelings towards you. You two have tried but it's not working.

Give yourself the gift of freedom from this, and girl, go enjoy the best Japan has to offer!

[catfeeder]

9 hours ago, Eoigab7810 said:

This isn't the first time he had doubts about his feelings but at that time I had managed to give him reassurance

It's never a good idea to try to keep someone in a relationship who is raising doubts. They're raising them because they want you to do the dirty work of respecting yourself enough to walk away. 

Head high.