me and my bf broke up but still looks like its not the end

[elne]

our relationship came to a problematic times we took 2 breaks 1 was for a month second one was for a week and then he broke up w me , thing is he reached out after a couple of weeks starting the message with "you dont have to reply but I hope youre well and being careful" i replied after 2 days with a dry message . im sure the relationship is going to come back to its track . thing is our mutual friend called to ask whats up and i got carried away and said things about how my life is good after the breakup and that i have a lot of things to do and that im optimistic .im suspicious that my ex heard the whole convo and now thinks to himself oh shes good so shes better off without me . on the other hand i know thats a great thing because he needs to feel that hes losing me to actually feel the loss but im an overthinker and now i regret everything i said .and cant stop thinking about it but im trying to get in my head and tell myself that this is a good thing he knows im moving forward and not stuck . i just didnt want him to hear too many details and i didnt think it through ; also part of our breakup was that i clearly told him that i see a future with him and hes not ready . and i told our mutual friend that my best friends bf called me to help him arrange a proposal and i told him that im so happy for her and that i cried. mayb its irelevant idk im just overthinking everything HELP

[Batya33]

I think focus on -if two people want to be together badly enough there is no need to read signs.  It will be obvious.  I married my ex fiancee.  After meeting up with him 3 times after over 7 years apart he made it plain as day he wanted to be with me.  I made it plain as day I wanted to be with him.  

Stop talking about him to anyone who can repeat what you said unless it's plain vanilla.  Someone asked me the other day about my long ago ex boyfriend and my answer was bland ("no I didn't know his son accomplished that -how wonderful for the family!") - my answer could have been repeated to him or his wife or posted all over social media and it would be nothing. Self control.

If you think things have changed such that the issues you two had would be extremely unlikely to happen again and you can actually point to what changed then sure call him and tell him you want to meet up in person to see if you two should reconcile. No game playing.  

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, elne said:

 ; also part of our breakup was that i clearly told him that i see a future with him and hes not ready . 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? What are the arguments and breakups about?  How old is he? 

It seems like you're incompatible as far as goals. You seem eager for  a future and a proposal, but mentioned he's not ready..

Please don't try to get cryptic messages to him through mutual friends to try to get him back or try to get him to propose. 

 

[elne]

no no not trying to send him any messages it was a rlly bad panic attack im chill now thank u

[MissCanuck]

If your relationship is so rocky that you'd already taken 2 breaks and now have broken up, you need to understand that the dysfunction is going to end somewhere. 

The chances of this working out well are just about zilch. It's better that you stay broken up so you can heal, and eventually find a healthy and stable relationship. This one is not it. 

[SooSad33]

17 hours ago, elne said:

im suspicious that my ex heard the whole convo and now thinks to himself oh shes good so shes better off without me . on the other hand i know thats a great thing because he needs to feel that hes losing me to actually feel the loss but im an overthinker and now i regret everything i said .and cant stop thinking about it but im trying to get in my head and tell myself that this is a good thing he knows im moving forward and not stuck . i just didnt want him to hear too many details and i didnt think it through ; also part of our breakup was that i clearly told him that i see a future with him and hes not ready

Right, I agree with the above - fact that you've taken 2 breaks already.  This is not healthy, as it causes more of an uproar between you's with one maybe becoming more resentful and trust be affected as well, etc.

And as I underlined, him admitting he isn't ready.  Then why bother wasting anymore time?  I do understand if you are emotionally invested.. BUT, we can't make someone love us 😕 .

Not sure how long you've been involved with this guy, but in time ( no contact, to heal & move on), you will realize why it wasn't going to work out and maybe YOU had more for this relationship than he did!  Never works when it's all one sided.

So, just be done.  Work through your pains and look to move on.  I believe you WILL one day come to find one who is truly as into you as you are in them 🙂 .

 

[catfeeder]

You're focused on the framework rather than telling us what causes the problems. That's up to you, but it ties our hands in terms of helping you address what causes the problems.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, elne said:

no no not trying to send him any messages it was a rlly bad panic attack im chill now thank u

Please confide in your own friends and family instead of mutual friends. Unfortunately you seem to want marriage and a fancy proposal and he already mentioned he doesn't. If he's just coasting along, set yourself free to find someone who wants what you want..

[smackie9]

You are too tied to "I saw a future with him" But he's not the right one...even tho it's hard to let go....best to block/delete, put your SM on private. Make sure he has no access to contacting you...maybe change your cel number.