Struggling

[Chloe2218]

I'm struggling really hard right now.... I'm about three weeks not talking to my ex, my choice because I know he'd pick up if I texted or called. He broke up with me today is a month. And he moved out December 18. Those of you that don't know I posted a few times in the last few weeks. Those posts have a lot more information right now I'm just looking for some encouraging words because I'm like really hurting big time. my heart is like physically and it's heavy and I'm just sad! I'm just so sad that it's over. And I still can't believe that it's over, I think I might be accepting that it's over which is scary  because I think it's getting me even more scared. I don't know I just need some virtual hugs. 

[Batya33]

Hugs! So what if he'd speak to you - that doesn't mean he wants to be with you - and the contact would confirm that for you and set you back IMO.  I'm sorry you feel scared.  And it's not linear -you may move on and then a memory will have you "moving back" - 

My son will be 15 soon.  He wouldn't exist if I hadn't finally ended a wrong relationship 7 months before I got back together with my ex fiancee.  I am sure if I'd still been with him either I'd have said no to meeting my ex fiancee for a catch up dinner or if I'd gone I'd have kept it much shorter and not seen him again even if I felt sparks because I'd have remained loyal to my then boyfriend.  I cannot imagine what life would be like without my husband and son.  My last chance really to have a baby -my only time in my life I was pregnant and I was running out of time. 

I had to become the right person to find the right person.  I'd have been the wrong person if I hadn't ended things with my ex, felt the fear of being unattached at age 38, of being "still single" and my clock ticking loudly and let things gel in my heart and head so that months after that final break up I finally had an a ha moment as to really why it never worked out.  And as luck would have it about a month later my ex fiancee called to ask if I'd meet up for a friendly dinner. We'd seen each other once in over 7 years. 

Life really does work that way - you close that door that wasn't working and it does help other doors to open even if it's partly luck/timing.  It's scary for sure and heavy hearts right now but totally a good decision.

[catfeeder]

Big (((HUG)) Chloe. It's perfectly natural to feel how you feel, especially during milestones you'll need to learn how to reclaim as your own. I say this because grief can make us each feel like a freak, despite the fact that this pain is universal among everyone who has loved enough to grieve.

Hang in there, and write more if it helps.

[reinventmyself]

I learned in these situations to view this time as a detox.  It can't be that much different than obtaining from alcohol or drugs.  It tends to get worse before it gets better. 

What kept me on track was knowing that if I had a weak moment and reached out to him, I'd have to start the process all over again.  No thank you.  Once it more than enough!

Rest assured you are on course, even if it's difficult.  One foot in front of the other and you've got this!

[ShySoul]

Hang in there Chloe. Heartaches are rough. It's a day to day rollercoaster. Some days you feel fine, others you feel as if your life is over. But you eventually get through to the other side and end up better as a result. I watched my brother cry for days after being cheated on. When my heart was crushed I felt like I'd never be happy again. But my brother met someone better and has been with her for twenty years. I was able to pick myself up and see someone who had been right in front of me all along. You'll make it through and one day you'll find yourself happier then you thought you would ever be.

Accepting it's over can be even worse then the breakup. At first you can hang onto the hope that you will get back together. Or you can hold onto anger at the other person. But when you accept things, it leaves an unknown future. That can be scary. But it can also be an opportunity. You have freedom now, nothing to tie you down. Pursue something that makes you happy, takes your mind off of everything that happened. Take it one day at a time and eventually it will hit you that it's not hurting anymore. 

Best of luck in everything you do.