I’m not sure if my marriage is abusive or if I’m just depressed

[bmc2]

15 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

We have learned to live with this as it happened 30 years ago. But my mom still misses her best friend so much. They were friends since I was a year old. Her friend never got to be a grandmother because she died before it happened. She died at 45 years old. She was an only child. Her mother was totally grief stricken. My brother and I miss her as well. And her own children have never been the same . 

She was young; life stolen from not only her but her family and friends. 
 

I certain your mother still misses her. As my father said when my grandmother passed, you never get over it, you just get through it. 
 

I’m sorry this happened to her, your family, and hers. 
 

and you seem like a genuine soul to be on this site helping others after all you have endured. 

[Seraphim]

15 minutes ago, bmc2 said:

She was young; life stolen from not only her but her family and friends. 
 

I certain your mother still misses her. As my father said when my grandmother passed, you never get over it, you just get through it. 
 

I’m sorry this happened to her, your family, and hers. 
 

and you seem like a genuine soul to be on this site helping others after all you have endured. 

You are very sweet. Thank you. I really hope you can extricate yourself from this hell of a relationship. You really deserve to be happy and appreciated and loved . 
 

Keep posting if you need to and let us know you are ok. 

[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, bmc2 said:

See, THIS is where I feel crazy. When you say things like him killing me, and he’s never put his hands on me, it makes my head swirl. 
but yes, I did text my therapist and I told her the abuse has escalated, though not violent, and we need to talk about how terrified I’ve been and the steps I’ve been taking, as well as how to handle the upcoming weeks when I start speaking to lawyers. 

Good. I'm not trying to make you feel crazy, but I am trying to be provocative.

When a woman begins actions to extricate herself from a potentially abusive household, this can become one of the most dangerous times for her. The moves you are making in your best interests can also potentially be secretly discovered by your husband. If he reads your texts or if someone happens to mention seeing you somewhere or if he just gets a spidey sense that you are up to something, nobody can predict what he might do in reaction to that.

So the goal is to get OUT and get safe. FROM THERE the rest can be handled with help from others who are trained to keep women safe.

Do you have anywhere else that you can stay tonight?

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Good. I'm not trying to make you feel crazy, but I am trying to be provocative.

When a woman begins actions to extricate herself from a potentially abusive household, this can become one of the most dangerous times for her. The moves you are making in your best interests can also potentially be secretly discovered by your husband. If he reads your texts or if someone happens to mention seeing you somewhere or if he just gets a spidey sense that you are up to something, nobody can predict what he might do in reaction to that.

So the goal is to get OUT and get safe. FROM THERE the rest can be handled with help from others who are trained to keep women safe.

Do you have anywhere else that you can stay tonight?

Correct ; my mother’s friend made it out and had left but her husband drew her back saying she had left something sentimental for her children behind. Her children were adults at the time . And against her better judgment, she went to get it. He shot her in the door way. She turned and ran and collapsed and he finished her off in the driveway. Then he killed  himself . The only way we knew what happened was my step dad’s nephew was the investigating police officer for her murder. My mom found out on the night time news her best friend had been killed .