Oral

[Shy1-01]

I have been with my partner for 4 years. He never gives oral. I always do to him and I think in the 4 years together he has done it 5 times but never does it long enough for me to orgasm. I couldn’t even tell you the last time he even went down there, let’s just say it hasn’t been at all this year. 
He will say comments like I want you, it’s been ages since I been down there. The other night he said it again, and said  shall I do it tonight? I replied ooh yeah!
Surprise surprise, he never did.
 

We have a great sex life, but honestly this is making me think do I really wanna marry this man that can’t even do that. A woman has needs and that is one of them. Can you Imagine the man going without head for nearly a year or even longer!?

I have always been with men who love to do it, and when we first got together he told me he had only done it twice and he doesn’t like it or hate it, but  he will do  it to make the woman feel good.

Has anyone else been in this situation? 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Shy1-01 said:

 I always do to him. we first got together he told me he had only done it twice and he doesn’t like it or hate it, but  he will do  it to make the woman feel good.

Unfortunately if he's not into it there's not much you can do, especially since the situation existed before you two got together. All you can do is level the playing field and stop doing it for him. If he notices, explain that you prefer things to be more balanced. 

[Sally .C.]

Well, he was honest about his lukewarm feelings about going down on women from the beginning. Unfortunately his interest in doing it hasn't changed.

I agree that if he wants head, then it's only fair to return the favour once in a while. It doesn't have to be a 50/50 exchange of course...but you're not being unfair in wanting him to reciprocate!

Have you tried making it fun somehow? Try a sex board game or something? What about it doesn't he like? Can that be helped/alleviated?

 

[Andrina]

1 hour ago, Shy1-01 said:

he other night he said it again, and said  shall I do it tonight? I replied ooh yeah!

That sounds like passive aggressiveness to me, like he enjoys dangling a treat in front of you and then whipping it away.

That happened to me with regularity with a guy I dated for a year, but instead it was for more leisure time together, since he was a workaholic. In hindsight, after we were broken up, I realized what a jerk he was, given the time and distance away from him.

Oral becomes even more important as a woman ages and hormones change. It's far easier to achieve orgasm orally versus by penetration. If it were me, I'd buy some flavored lube and see if he'll agree when that's used. If that doesn't work, IMO, you should move on because he is selfish and you shouldn't have to have a frustrating sexual life with your one go around on this planet.

It's not like I'm thrilled to give oral because my jaw becomes sore very quickly, but I do it because my husband's pleasure is important. Good luck.

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, Shy1-01 said:

I have been with my partner for 4 years. He never gives oral. I always do to him and I think in the 4 years together he has done it 5 times but never does it long enough for me to orgasm. I couldn’t even tell you the last time he even went down there, let’s just say it hasn’t been at all this year. 
He will say comments like I want you, it’s been ages since I been down there. The other night he said it again, and said  shall I do it tonight? I replied ooh yeah!
Surprise surprise, he never did.
 

We have a great sex life, but honestly this is making me think do I really wanna marry this man that can’t even do that. A woman has needs and that is one of them. Can you Imagine the man going without head for nearly a year or even longer!?

I have always been with men who love to do it, and when we first got together he told me he had only done it twice and he doesn’t like it or hate it, but  he will do  it to make the woman feel good.

Has anyone else been in this situation? 

Be direct.

Tell him exactly what you want and how often.

If he doesn't improve, then you should reconsider marrying someone who isn't making you happy or fulfilled because it will only get worse.

Also, why are you still giving this man oral if he's not reciprocating?

Stop giving until he starts being fair.

 

[SherrySher]

30 minutes ago, Sally .C. said:

It doesn't have to be a 50/50 exchange of course

What?! Why the heck not??

Men's needs are not more important than women's!

50/50....or nothing.

[Sally .C.]

16 hours ago, SherrySher said:

What?! Why the heck not??

Men's needs are not more important than women's!

50/50....or nothing.

I just meant that they don't need to keep score.

[Coily]

19 hours ago, Shy1-01 said:

 Can you Imagine the man going without head for nearly a year or even longer!?

I live this life, going on 3 years....

 

On to the real question you have, as a guy I'm not fond of going down either. Bad experiences. I also don't expect/demand oral.

I think it would be wise to have a calm conversation with him about it, not from you want X or Y; but to understand why he doesn't enjoy it. Find out if there's anything the two of you can do to make him more open. Like maybe after a frisky shower so you are both fresh.

 

[Wonderstruck]

21 hours ago, SherrySher said:

What?! Why the heck not??

Men's needs are not more important than women's!

50/50....or nothing.

EXACTLY.

All that needs to be said.

 

5 hours ago, Sally .C. said:

I just meant that they don't need to keep score.

Please don't start with this.

50/50 is BASIC EQUALITY. It is NOT "keeping score" to expect things to be 50/50.

It is the BARE MINIMUM of what a woman should expect in a relationship.

@Shy1-01, I'm sorry that you're in a relationship with a hypocrite who believes in double standards.

You don't need to settle for someone like that.

There are PLENTY of men who enjoy going down on women, or, at the very least, understand that things need to be 50/50 RECIPROCAL.