urbangentleman Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Hi to all....Well if you've read my other posts its been a long 6 weeks, with NC. This sunday will be my birthday, and i would love to call her and invite her for a catch up. I still miss hr but i would really like to see her.She hasnt contacted me at all, although she was the one to tell me to give her a call in a month or two.Should i invite her out, or will she just feel pressured by this, or should i just leave it be.I'm not 100% clear of what my intensions are here. Your advice really helps me at the moment.Thank you all. Link to comment
Mun Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 If she broke up with you I don't think you should call her yet. No matter what she said about catching up in a month. She knows when your birthday is right? Let's see if she calls you first. Link to comment
smorgie Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 I agree. If she is truly interested in talking again, you should see if she calls you on your birthday, expecially if you don't know what your intentions are. Link to comment
evy38 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 I think forcing yourself to start this process, after you've come so far, all over again is a really crappy birthday present to give yourself. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 Don't call, stay in No Contact, and work on finding someone else. It's a dead issue. All this time worrying about what your next step should be with her, you could be out there looking for a different girl (and they're not all that different from each other). She won't fill that hole in your heart anymore, someone else can though. Go find her! Link to comment
brando Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 I agree. ask yourself this, when you think of her you feel emotional right, if you talk to her and hear what your not expecting, how will that make you feel. If their is anger or resentment or hurt still lingering in you just by the sheer thought of her, then i would not contact her at all. Link to comment
urbangentleman Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Thank u all for the replies.Some days i'm good, somedays i'm not. Today, so far so good.And i've thought about what you have said.I will make contact in the future, but i relize i'm not ready yet.I wonder if she is confused right now, as every other guy she has been with has chased and stalked etc to the point of breaking in her house, cutting up her clothes, completely smashing up her car etc etc.I've done nothing, except walked away.Would this make you wonder what i was doing at somepoint???? I just wanted to show her what a real man with dignity and integrity, was capable of no matter how much he is hurting, wanting etc.I do miss her, but she has to feel me gone too i think.It's so hard because we live 10mins from each other.I'm going to enjoy my b'day this w/e with or without her.I not sure she even knows or remembers it is my b'day so i'm not going to be upset if i dont hear from her. Do you ever think too much time can pass? Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Urb, I'm going to step in here and offer you some advice... It's YOUR birthday my man. You should NOT call her to ask her to do something with you on YOUR special day. It's been 6 weeks of NC and I applaud you on the great work you have done so far. I know it isn't easy my friend... What I suggest will ultimatly depend on what you want to do and more so what you are READY to do at this point. I think I know what you want, but the question isn't really whether or not she wants the same thing at this stage. It should be more directed towards what your expectations are of her and the situation, if you do choose to contact her... I will warn you that if you pick up the phone and call her, it should not be done on your birthday, or even a week after. Let some time pass. She may be expecting you to call her at this time and that is why you shouldn't, BUT, if (and I think you will) and when you do call her, I want you to think about this: It will be a SLOW process. Nothing MAY come from it, but if these last 6 weeks have been spent on bettering your life, for yourself and you are no longer emotional and will not be reactive to her moods, or tone, than I see no harm in calling her. Expect nothing from her and ask NOTHING of her. Call to say hi and whatever you do, do NOT ask her out on the fist call, or the second, or third...Take things slow and still continue to live your life in the meantime and even date other girls also. I don't believe that anything is impossible and I surely don't agree with something someone on here said, in reference to how all girls are pretty much the same. She is obviously special to you, but you have to think of yourself first and realize that you are more special than her in your life and act according to that.... Good Luck, Danimal Link to comment
urbangentleman Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Thank yo for your advice,I just keep thinkinh that as time passes the dumper forgets you...is that true do you think? Or does curiosity eventually get the better of them? what's yours and others experience? Link to comment
brando Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Urb, the best thing to do is not to think about it. Ive been wher eyou are and the more time spent on these thoughts the harder it is for you to heal. I wish i had answers for you, i dont think their are any. I known couples who divorced and remaried some five plus years later, and one of em had a real nasty divorce. Ive lost touch with these people so i cant say how they are now... you just need to believe that eveything is going to be alright. Because it will be. Everything always works out for the best.. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 Urb, it's really hard to say if the dumper forgets you over time, but it is almost irrelavant if they do or don't, because you can always remind them of your presense at a later time, if you so choose to. When the dumper does the "dumping", their intent is to move on and ultimately do that without you in their life and so yes, I would have to say that they do try and forget you and in many, if not most cases, they succeed, BUT again, that is not an issue, if you are there to remind them that you are still alive and well... As I briefly mentioned, my ex has reconnected with her first ever boyfriend. Did she ever forget him? No...Will she ever forget me? No...What gets better with time, is that the bad memories tend to dissipate and are replaced with more pleasant ones. That is the power of time and it's healing effects on us humans.... Anyways, hope this answers your question, but again, don't worry about things that will divert you away from yourself.... Danimal Link to comment
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