New relationship

[Emmy12]

I have been dating this guy for 3 months now thing have been going very well. We have been on dates and i have met most of his friends as he has mine. The problem is he still lives with his ex wife. He was honest with me from the 1st date. His reason for still living there are finances and his two young children. He has told me that hes scared to leave as he wont be there to take then to school or put them to bed each night. Apparently the split was amicable and they both live separate lives. They have been separated 9 months. He said he knows that he needs to move out  and he will. I guess I'm looking for someone who has been in this situation. Or your thoughts really am i completely mad to keep seeing him? 

[lostandhurt]

I wouldn't say mad but you are being naive.  Divorce is not easy but living with your ex and children AND actively dating tells me he isn't a solid guy.  Dating 3 months and he has been separated 9 months so that means he was separated only 6 months before meeting you.  Way to soon to heal, figure himself out, figure out how to be a single dad and start rebuilding his life.  From what you wrote he has done none of that and is making excuses.  Tucking the kids in at night?  Seriously?  What did he think would happen when he broke off the marriage?  They would both live in the same house with their new partners and still be mommy and daddy?  

I noticed you said separated not divorced.  Have they even started the divorce paperwork?

 You should tell him you cannot be in a relationship with a man that hasn't even started closure on his old relationship.  Let him know he has a long way to go to build a life for himself and his children before he is ready to share it with anyone else.

 He is to weak to leave but wants you around to play relationship with.  You are almost a side chick...

Lost 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Emmy12 said:

 he still lives with his ex wife.  They have been separated 9 months. He said he knows that he needs to move out  and he will.

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately he's still married and living as a married man and family.

There's no room in his life for you except as a distraction. He is far from being able to date, no less be in a relationship. Does he hang out at your place a lot?

Please reconsider the relationship. Living with an "ex" is a huge red flag. At the very best, you would be a rebound and parking place if he ever does leave.

 

[Andrina]

If the only way you'll be happy is when a person or his situation changes in a major way, then you're in the wrong relationship. 

It's naive to count on what you want to happen, to happen very soon or even ever. No guarantees. Therefore, you don't want to keep investing in an unknown.

IMO, you should've never begun dating a man who lives with his estranged wife. In your shoes now, I'd tell him: When you've been divorced a year and live in your own residence, reach out to me and if I'm single, we can talk about dating again.

Besides mourning and healing from a divorce, even if the divorce was his idea, solo time is important for a while after being married. He also needs that time to get his children used to a new family dynamic. It's not healthy at all for him to be dating right now. Children pick up on everything, and it's not healthy for them to see dad dating when he's still living with mom--a very confusing time for them. I'd remove myself from that poor decision making on both of your parts.

[SooSad33]

45 minutes ago, Andrina said:

IMO, you should've never begun dating a man who lives with his estranged wife. In your shoes now, I'd tell him: When you've been divorced a year and live in your own residence, reach out to me and if I'm single, we can talk about dating again.

Exactly!  That's a no go 😕 .

Get involved with someone who has their act together and stable.  Not this, I still live my ex thingy.  Nope.

 

[LootieTootie]

Are the divorced or separated?

I also think it's naive to date someone when they're living with an ex because for all you know, he's just telling you whatever to make you stay but behind closed doors, could be something different. Like unresolved problems, nostalgic longing expressions when things are good, or still doing 'couple' things.

 

[smackie9]

Oh no no no no. Don't get involved with this guy, or at least put things on hold. He's a grown a$$ man, what the hell. He needs to get his crap together. His excuses about his situation is very telling...man o man that's just lazy. If it were me there would be no damn way I would ever date someone like that.