How should I tell my friend that I love him?

[boltnrun]

47 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Yeah, loving him without really knowing him.

 

That makes no sense to me.

She said in her OP she's known him since high school. Unless high school graduation was like last spring I would guess she does "really know him".

On 9/18/2023 at 8:39 AM, Silly Metal Latina said:

We have become concert buddies, we hang out at least every other weekend.

Doesn't seem like she doesn't "really know him". 

[Silly Metal Latina]

46 minutes ago, shouldhavelearned said:

Yeah, loving him without really knowing him.

 

That makes no sense to me.

Did you actually read my post? I’ve known him since high school and we’ve gotten particularly close over the last year and a half.

[Silly Metal Latina]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

She said in her OP she's known him since high school. Unless high school graduation was like last spring I would guess she does "really know him".

Doesn't seem like she doesn't "really know him". 

I mean, yes, we met in high school but we weren’t really close. I am best friends with his sister. However over the last like year and a half we have gotten very close as friends. I don’t understand how this person thinks I don’t know him! I know all his hopes and all his favorite things, I know his likes and dislikes, I know pretty much everything about him!

[catfeeder]

32 minutes ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

I don’t understand how this person thinks I don’t know him! I know all his hopes and all his favorite things, I know his likes and dislikes, I know pretty much everything about him!

Best not to spin out over a misunderstanding from a perfect stranger on a message board.

None of us have a crystal ball that can predict your future. I think you're doing great!

[shouldhavelearned]

Just my opinion

Doesn't mean anything in the scope of things

I wish you the best

 

[Silly Metal Latina]

Well no matter what I won’t be bring this up to him any time soon. He’s got a lot going on in his life right now and it’s pretty stressful for him. His mom is in really poor health right now. He’s got that to deal with and it’s hard on him. I’m going to be there to support him through it all and let him know through actions how I feel about him. When the time is right I’ll have a conversation with I’m and ask him if he’d like to have a date sometime.

 

[lostandhurt]

Put yourself in his shoes.  You are his sisters good friend and now his friend.  He is in a more awkward situation than you are at the moment if he has feelings for you. 

 I am guy so I will tell you this coming from a mans point of view.  Jerks will hit on you at a funeral but good guys get stuck in their own good guyness. I am a good guy and have lost out more times than I can count because I simply did not want to do the wrong thing even if it was just perceived as wrong. 

 You need to help him a long, make it easy on him any way you can and pay attention.

Does he comment on how pretty you are?  Does he compliment you frequently? Has he ever touched your hair?  Do you ever catch him staring at you? When you walk together does he ever guide you with his hand on your upper back or lower?  If you walk on the sidewalk does he take the street side?

What I am saying is there any signs he likes likes you?

Watch and see what you see. Then you will know if you should even consider giving this a shot.  You could go high school on this and ask his sister if she thinks he likes likes you.  That would break the ice with her as well.

In the end you will need to be the brave one and do the asking.  Like I said I am a man so trust me when I say this: If a guy is into you it will not matter how you ask him.  You could be wearing a clown suit and a red nose and he will say yes.

Let us know how it goes, I have a good feeling about this.

 Lost

[Silly Metal Latina]

21 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Put yourself in his shoes.  You are his sisters good friend and now his friend.  He is in a more awkward situation than you are at the moment if he has feelings for you. 

 I am guy so I will tell you this coming from a mans point of view.  Jerks will hit on you at a funeral but good guys get stuck in their own good guyness. I am a good guy and have lost out more times than I can count because I simply did not want to do the wrong thing even if it was just perceived as wrong. 

 You need to help him a long, make it easy on him any way you can and pay attention.

Does he comment on how pretty you are?  Does he compliment you frequently? Has he ever touched your hair?  Do you ever catch him staring at you? When you walk together does he ever guide you with his hand on your upper back or lower?  If you walk on the sidewalk does he take the street side?

What I am saying is there any signs he likes likes you?

Watch and see what you see. Then you will know if you should even consider giving this a shot.  You could go high school on this and ask his sister if she thinks he likes likes you.  That would break the ice with her as well.

In the end you will need to be the brave one and do the asking.  Like I said I am a man so trust me when I say this: If a guy is into you it will not matter how you ask him.  You could be wearing a clown suit and a red nose and he will say yes.

Let us know how it goes, I have a good feeling about this.

 Lost

Hi, yes I can see your point that this might be awkward for him if he’s having feelings for me as well. I can say that he has always been really a gentleman when we’re together. He has complimented my looks more than once, especially if I let my hair go in its naturally curly state. He did say he likes the way it looks. Occasionally he’ll hold my hand if we’re in a crowd at a concert or something.

I have talked to his sister about our situation but I definitely didn’t ask her to find out for me. I don’t think he’d tell his sister even if he did have feelings because he’s pretty much a private person and she’s said he’s never really confided in her much when it comes to his love life. But she does think we’re good together and said he’d be a fool if he didn’t want to be with me. So at least I know my friend would feel weird about her brother dating her friend. That’s a good thing I guess?

[lostandhurt]

Very good to hear indeed!

This is going to come down to you being brave and asking.  Since you know each other pretty well and talk frequently just asking him out on a date seems off to me.  I am thinking you ask a different question like "Have you ever thought about us being more than friends?"  This would start the conversation that really needs to be had between you two.

 I would bet good money his answer will be "Yes I have" 

I know the preference these days is to hide behind text messages but you know this needs to be done in person face to face.

 You can totally do this and need to do this so figuring out when is the next step right?

  Lost

[Wiseman2]

23 hours ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

 When the time is right I’ll have a conversation with I’m and ask him if he’d like to have a date sometime.

That's a great idea. When the dust settles ask him if he would like to go on a date. Be yourself, don't come on too strong and good luck!

[Silly Metal Latina]

40 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Very good to hear indeed!

This is going to come down to you being brave and asking.  Since you know each other pretty well and talk frequently just asking him out on a date seems off to me.  I am thinking you ask a different question like "Have you ever thought about us being more than friends?"  This would start the conversation that really needs to be had between you two.

 I would bet good money his answer will be "Yes I have" 

I know the preference these days is to hide behind text messages but you know this needs to be done in person face to face.

 You can totally do this and need to do this so figuring out when is the next step right?

  Lost

Oh I know, everything happens over texts but this is a discussion that needs to be in person. Right now I know he’s working a lot and he’s helping out with his mom. She had a motorcycle accident early in the summer and suffered a brain injury so his family is going through a lot. And to top it all off he’s rehabbing the house he bought last year. So he’s always busy it seems and I’m not going to put more on his agenda right now. I just want to let him know I’m here for him. Maybe a few nice gestures to let him know that and when I feel the time is right I’ll say something to him. 

[SooSad33]

On 9/18/2023 at 6:51 PM, Silly Metal Latina said:

I feel I need to figure out a good time to talk to him but I think I’m going to start by making him some dinner this Friday for when he comes home from work.

Does he live with you?

Easy does it.. maybe ASK him first, if he's available for that, first.  Or you will be deeply upset w/ your efforts.

[Andrina]

It might help you to know that this friendship you have with him now will not remain "as is" if this does not transform into romance. It's common to have this sort of closeness with someone of the opposite sex when both are single, but when one or both get into a serious relationship with someone else, the friendship could lessen or even end. There are exceptions, but some people aren't comfortable with their mate having a bestie of the opposite sex so that ask is honored, or a person no longer has time for that sort of close friendship when busy with a spouse, job, and possibly when children are born into the family.

So I say go for it when you feel the time is right. Just don't go too long without finding out if he's interested in more or not, because you don't want to pour so much time and emotional energy into him that you're letting dating opportunities with other guys pass you by.

[Silly Metal Latina]

Hi all, quick update. We spoke on the phone Saturday evening. We were supposed to hang out but he had gotten stuck at work really late and then went to see his mom after. She is in a home right now in a memory unit. He was pretty depressed when I spoke to him.

So I reminded him that he’s a really great guy for how much he’s doing for both of his parents at the same time as he’s working so much. I just told him I think he’s a really great guy and how glad I am that he a part of my life. I didn’t say anything about my feelings but I made it clear to him that I think he’s great.

So he asked me if I’d like to go for a walk in the park this evening after he gets done doing some work at his house. So, yeah we’re going to go for a walk. We haven’t hung out for a few weeks so it will be nice to see him.

[Tiddytok5]

Do you have a backup plan, in case you are "friendzoned"? 

It isn't a wise idea to remain "connected" if your feelings aren't reciprocated. 

 

What's the backup plan if claims to like you but it doesn't go anywhere, or you date and it doesn't work out??

 

You stated that you two bonded over when his sister moved far away and how the two of you miss her. 

Honestly, it may be that he's using you as a "substitute"  sister and support. 

 

 

 

[boltnrun]

How did the walk go? Did you suggest going out on a date?

[Silly Metal Latina]

12 hours ago, boltnrun said:

How did the walk go? Did you suggest going out on a date?

Oh wow. I’m sorry I haven’t posted an update but it’s been a really busy week for me. So on our walk Sunday we were talking about our jobs and families and just catching up since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. And I said something to him about how much I admire how he handles everything he’s got on his plate right now. Then I said I think he’s a really incredible guy in general. I thought that was a good way to let him know that I do have feelings without being too pushy about it.

So he smiled and actually took my hand. Now that’s not something he’s ever really done except once when we were leaving a football game last year and he was sort of guiding me through the crowd. So yeah that was nice.

And he told me that he feels like he’s really lucky to have a friend like me and that he’s still surprised every day that we’ve gotten so close. At first I was thinking to myself that he meant literally that he only looks at me as a friend.

So I just kind of said it out loud even though I was really nervous. I asked him if he’d ever thought about us being more than just friends. And I was talking so fast I’m not really sure what I said. But I asked him if he wanted me to stop talking and he said no because we probably should have had this talk a while ago.

I’m sorry about lack of details because it’s all a blur to me. But the conversation was basically that we both said that we definitely both have feelings. I didn’t say the words “I love you” exactly but I think I made my point. He did say that he missed me a lot the last few weeks and had thought of me the whole time.

That made me feel really good. So I asked him if he’d like to go out on an actual date with me. And he laughed and said he feels like a lot of our hanging out has been like dates but we were both too afraid to admit it. So yes, Saturday evening we’re going to go out and this time call it a date.

One more thing, he did give me a kiss when he dropped me off and that definitely had never happened before.

 

 

[lostandhurt]

42 minutes ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

One more thing, he did give me a kiss when he dropped me off and that definitely had never happened before.

I knew it!!!!   Awesome news.

  Good on you for stepping up and being brave.  I am so happy for you and fingers crossed it all goes wonderfully.

 Check back in and let us know how the date was.

Lost

[Batya33]

Love this update -so sweet! Very glad you told him how you feel and have fun! One date at a time...

[Andrina]

Very exciting! Enjoy!

[Silly Metal Latina]

Hi to anyone Whit was interested in my situation. I will post an update later this evening after work as I am really busy today. I will just say for now that we had a really nice date!

[Silly Metal Latina]

So here’s my update! We went out to dinner together and after some back and forth discussion we decided to go to a Puerto Rican restaurant that we both like.

I have to say it was a little awkward at first because I’m not sure either of us knew how to proceed but at one point we kind of locked eyes and both burst out laughing at the same time.

After that I know I relaxed a bit and we ended up having a nice dinner and talked a lot about how we’ve both been Hank g the same thoughts and feelings for a while now but we’re both hesitant to bring it up to each other.

After dinner he took me for ice cream and we made plans to have another date this Sunday. We both are willing to take our time and see what develops between us but I must say I think his sister is more excited about this whole thing than we are. She told me on the phone that she’s always thought we’d make a nice couple.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, Silly Metal Latina said:

We both are willing to take our time and see what develops between us

Perfect!  You aren't going anywhere and neither is he so take your time and let him catch up to the love you feel for him.  I have a feeling a damn of sorts will break soon enough and you both will be in deep.  No matter how or when it happens enjoy the moments, enjoy and appreciate each other and hope your face doesn't hurt to much from that big smile you are walking around with now.

 

 Best wishes and know we are all rooting for you

Lost