Girlfriend wants to experiment but won’t have sex with me.. and few more details

[guyguy420]

If my post history doesn’t detail it enough, I have been having some issues with my girlfriend for some time now and it has effected our intimacy greatly.

We have had sex two times in the past 4-5 months. Once was on our anniversary, but felt weird because she came on to me late into the night only after she had drank and once she just randomly woke me up in the middle of the night. Besides this, we have been pretty sexless and both of those times for one reason or more were not the same/as good as when we were not having issues and having sex regularly. She teases me frequently, and not just a little bit, even though I told her I am not comfortable with it and that I prefer nothing happen if nothings going to happen. Most recently, she will go through many stages of foreplay and either stop me right as I start to escalate or as soon as she gets near oral- sometimes snickering and/or having me feel that she is wet before saying “no sex” or “no ***.” These times are growing in amount and noticeably different than when one of us simply isn’t in the mood. 
 

This week she approached me, asking if I would ever be open to or interested in having a threesome with her and another woman and that it was something she had fantasized about for some time. This proposal deeply bothered me, as I have not only told her I want nothing more than a strong, monogamous relationship and we had both before condemned or *** on people for doing that. After going around in the conversation, I had affirmed her that I was not open to the idea and if she even wanted to have that conversation, we had a lot of issues to go over, that I didn’t appreciate her making such a proposal with our issues present, and that at the very least we would have to start having sex again before the insane prospect of inviting someone else into our bedroom. 
 

A few days later, today, I asked her again if she was serious about that, and reiterated that it made me feel weird she was fantasizing about something while pretending to hate it front of me and that either way, the idea she wanted another person in the bedroom made me feel like I wasn’t enough. We had a slightly more productive conversation, which ended and bled into regular conversation, and into a talk between the two of us regarding our general sexual interests which felt nice even though she would go on to use “being gay” as something against me. 

It’s embarrassing to say, but my girlfriend months ago found out I occasionally watch gay porn- I have struggled with my sexuality in the past and when she found out, I forced myself to have that conversation with her and explain that process and where I stood. In that conversation, she confided in me that she had in the past watched beastiality videos as part of a strange obsession that built up as a child with unrestricted internet access. I have tried my hardest to understand where she was coming from, and she had told me she never gotten off to the videos and more so just watched them. A few months ago, she told me she had sort of relapsed, watching videos again.

Today, during our conversation, she kinda let it slip that she had climaxed to one of these videos. And that shattered me. If you haven’t read my previous posts, my girlfriend lies to me, is extremely controlling, is VERY mean to only me, talks to other guys behind my back, etc, etc , etc whatever, and now on top of all of it, she refuses to have sex with me and sometimes seems very grossed out by the prospect, but has no issue with having another woman in the room and got off to a dog, but not me. 
 

i have never understood why some people can’t take it anymore more than now

[guyguy420]

Edit:

part where I said “even though she would go on to use “being gay” against me” was meant to me after the part where I said “i forced myself to have that conversation with her..” in the next paragraph.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, guyguy420 said:

she confided in me that she had in the past watched beastiality videos

1 hour ago, guyguy420 said:

got off to a dog

Whoa, whoa, whoa. 

I am someone who is quite sexually open-minded, but this right here would be a dealbreaker for it. It is animal abuse, full-stop. The fact that she is an active consumer would have me running and never looking back. 

She is deranged. You need to get out of this relationship before the sun goes down today. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, guyguy420 said:

 our bedroom. 

Do you live together? Are you both trying to lead a healthier lifestyle away from drugs and drinking?

[shouldhavelearned]

Get some professional help and leave her.

Most likely won't end good.

[Kwothe28]

One of the risks of using porn is that it "hooks you up" on it and that your sexual desires become increasingly impossible to satisfy. Hence why probably both of you go way beyond "normal porn". And maybe why she doesnt exactly wants "normal sex". As Randy Marsh says: "Once you masturbate to Japanese girls puking in each other mouths, you cant exactly go back to Playboy". 

Anyway, aside of questionable use of porn, she heavily mistreats you. She deliberately teases you, calls you "gay" as an insult and abuses you, cheats on you, regularly breaks your privacy. Even one of those would be enough reason to just break up. Multiples are just way overboard. But we established that you are soft toward her and that you wont leave no matter what happens. So where is the line in the sand? After she starts actually bringing people she has sex with in your home instead of going to them?

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, guyguy420 said:

 she came on to me late into the night only after she had drank., my girlfriend lies to me, is extremely controlling, is VERY mean to only me, talks to other guys behind my back, etc, etc , etc 

Unfortunately you continue to be caught up in this. It seems like she's making up crazy stories either because she's drunk, on drugs or just trying to get a reaction. 

Clean up your act. Stop all the drugs and drinking. It's affecting the quality of your life. Focus on your work and schooling and stable housing. 

[guyguy420]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

. Even one of those would be enough reason to just break up. Multiples are just way overboard. But we established that you are soft toward her and that you wont leave no matter what happens. So where is the line in the sand? After she starts actually bringing people she has sex with in your home instead of going to them?

This is probably the largest issue I still face with her. 
 

I am not sure where the line in the sand is, and because I am soft towards her, I feel as though any line I have drawn is trampled. I know this can be considered and issue with me, and that I certainly need to stand up straight and stand up for myself, but I don’t know how to. 

Whenever I try to ask people how to approach moving on, attempting to leave her, or how to not be so soft there is just an overwhelming attitude of vitriol and anger. I do not carry anger towards her and even though some of these problems can be quite upsetting, I find it hard to have any kind of care-free or “whatever” kind of attitude towards our relationship and much less one of hatred. 
 

and up until this last week, I have never had a convinced feeling she has cheated on me, although I still haven’t seen any hard evidence of it.

[guyguy420]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you continue to be caught up in this. It seems like she's making up crazy stories either because she's drunk, on drugs or just trying to get a reaction. 

Clean up your act. Stop all the drugs and drinking. It's affecting the quality of your life. Focus on your work and schooling and stable housing. 

Not sure where this comes from, but I appreciate the message. 
 

I smoke weed admittedly, but currently live with my family and work a blue collar job. I only smoke on my days off, do not drink, and do not do any other kind of drug (though I may have experimented in the first half of high school.)

We do not live together. Before I moved into my Dads house, she did live part-time (most of the time) at my mothers house and have been just saving money, taking apprenticeships, and getting back into school. She does have a very odd and stubborn desire to experiment with other things though, and I have repeatedly asked her to not.

[MissCanuck]

I would implore you to get some therapy. 

This relationship is horribly toxic. Your previous threads paint a very sad picture of a highly dysfunctional relationship with an abusive woman. 

7 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

Whenever I try to ask people how to approach moving on, attempting to leave her, or how to not be so soft there is just an overwhelming attitude of vitriol and anger.

Yes, and do wonder why? She treats you like garbage. 

8 minutes ago, guyguy420 said:

any line I have drawn is trampled.

The only line that will remedy this is breaking up and sticking to it. This relationship is not going to last, and sooner or later, she will leave. It is going to be better if you beat her to it and get out of it immediately. 

[catfeeder]

Quote

Girlfriend wants to experiment but won’t have sex with me.. 

This says all you need to say. This is a GF, not a wife. You don't need lawyers and funds to get out of this.

If someone wouldn't have sex with me, I'd thank them for our experiences together, and I'd move forward while we both still think highly of one another.

The rest is messy kid stuff.