Ex called me aagain today.......

[Trev38]

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We agreed we could not talk or be friends over a month ago. As hard as it was to do, I did not contact her. She called me last week when I was driving home from Colorado. We talked for an hour or so, more or less catching up. Then, the next day she stopped by my house on her way to the gym(which is right down the street from my house)and we talked for about thirty minutes. I started to think she might want to get back with me, and so did everyone else I talked to. I was still not going to contact her, I was going to let her initiate the contact. That way I would know she wanted to talk or see me. Well, I hadn't heard from her since Tuesday(when she stopped by), until today(one week later). She called me, but I didn't answer. Well, she left me a text message when I didn't answer saying something like, I was just calling to tell you I saw so and so at work today. I don't know what the deal is. All my friends thought she was wanting to get back, making excuses to see me, or call me. What does everyone on here think about the situation?

[archaicsmurf]

You cant make any assumptions. She might just regret the ending of the relationship with realizing that she doesnt want to lose your friendship..

 

Play it by ear 0X

[Iceman26]

Well, what do you want from her? A relationship, friendship, or nothing at all?

[Trev38]

I would very much like to get back together with her. I'm trying to play everything as cool as possible. I love this girl alot. I already accepted the fact that we were through. I was very surprised that she contacted me.

[Iceman26]

Well then my suggestion is to be upfront with her. Ask her why she has contacted you again, that you still love her and think about her, but if she doesnt want to get back together, then it isnt very conducive to your healing process to be in contact with her. Be gentle yet firm, and have conviction in your words.

[RandomAdvisor]

Why did she break up with you in the first place? If you want to get back together with her, I think you should just be honest and upfront about it. The next time she calls you, remind her that you both agreed not to contact each other and not be friends, and ask her if she wants to get back together or not.

 

If you don't want to get back with her, then just ignore her phone calls.

[DN]

I think you should just continue for a little while as you are - don't answer all the time but just occasionally.

[Trev38]

That is what I am planning on doing. I will let this go for a very short amount of time, talking, catching up whatever. Then let her know that I can't go on just being her buddy, not being mean, just telling her the truth, and if she says she wants to try again, I will take it slow. It is so weird because over a month ago she said we could not be friends for obvious reasons(I agreed), she said she was happy and content, and she told me to move on with my life. Well, when someone tells you that, you have to move on. Well, when she contacted me last week I was thinking that there is no way she would call me unless she had some thoughts of getting back together, due to the fact that she know's I can't move on while still talking to her. It seems now that she is almost making excuses to call me. See text message she sent today.

[Trev38]

some-guy282, she broke up with me because her nursing school was highly stressful, which led to arguments, we couldn't see each other very much.....it just put a huge strain on the relationship. Everything was fine until school got so tough on her.

[heloladies21]

You're playin it right, keep doing what you're doing.

[The_Doc]

She broke up with you so she should be the one who takes the step of seeking reconciliation.

 

You are doing fine.

 

Answer her calls but don't initiate them for now

 

Keep the talk small talk and happy talk

 

Let her think you are happy with the status quo and getting on with your life

 

don't bring up the relationship let her do that

 

You don't need to tell her you love her and miss her, she knows that or at least let her wonder if you do.

 

She has to tell you that she still loves you not the other way round.

 

Let her weakness be your strength don't make her think you are needy and have been sitting at home waiting for her... this only makes you desperate.

 

Let her see in you the guy she fell in love with originally.

 

Keep your chats short and always be the one to end the call 8find an excuse). Leave her wanting more you should not be providing emotional support for her she didn't for you.

 

I know this sounds a perverse upside down logic but remember who ended the relationship.

 

Let her keep reaching for now..

 

keep us all posted

 

good luck and concentrate on loving yourself!

[alphonsefa]

Trev,

 

Nursing school was an excuse, a lame on at that. Just as my ex girl's depression was an excuse for her. If you have something that is precious to you, you don't cast it aside for anything in this world, it's against human nature. She took your love for granted, you made things too easy for her because you loved her. You like I did nothing wrong, you were just being real and showing your feelings. Don't play her games Trev, don't be her friend, make her live with her decision. Don't be afraid to lose her by ignoring her, afterall she's the one that ended the relationship. If she really wants you back, there's nothing, come hell or high water, that will stop her from contacting you and telling you how she truly feels. If she can't even bring herself to do that minimum of a thing, ask yourself, is that really a woman you want to spend your life with? I've been through this type of drama more that you can imagine. I have an ex that keeps casting me off, telling to find some else, and then calling up months later "just to see how I'm doing". Yeah right! Didn't care how I was doing when she broke my hear the three times she has turned her back on me previously, now she is worried about how I am doing? Doesn't really make a lot of sense logically does it? I'm done with the games, as should you be. This chick is playing you, jeeping you on a short leash in case she should happen to change her mind or feel a little lonely, un wanted, and un loved. Don't give her that satisfaction of control. Cut her off now, go NC!

[Trev38]

Well, she called me last night after work. She asked me how baseball was coming, then she said "I'm not trying to lead you on." I talked to her for a minute then I told her we can't talk anymore. I honestly thought she was wanting to reconcile. I hadn't called her, she was calling me. We got off the phone, then I started thinking, getting very angry, and decided to call her back and get a few things off my chest. I asked her why the hell she called me last week when we agreed we COULD NOT TALK OR BE FRIENDS. I held up my end of the bargain by not calling her, why didn't she. Well, she said she was worried about me because she heard I had taken the breakup kind of hard. That's part of getting your heart broken. People tend to take these situations hard. I was no different, but I was doing it right, leaving her be, working on myself. So basically she heard I was taking it hard, which she said made her feel terrible, so she had to call me to ease her mind. Pretty damn selfish if you ask me. I asked her why she stopped by my house on her way to the gym last week. She could have just honked and waved. Well, she said that would be rude. Why is that rude? We agreed not to be friends, why would it be rude not to stop. I am very angry now. Angry I let my hopes get up. I told her to never call me again and she said she wouldn't. I think I hate her now. This one really hurt. It hurts me to know she didn't have enough respect for me to leave me be.

[heloladies21]

You should be mad. I'd be mad. Everything you said about her is right. She's selfish. At least you got to tell her off!

[Trev38]

Very selfish. The only reason she called me was to make herself feel better, which in turn made me feel worse. This whole thing is such crap. She broke up with me two months ago and it seems like I have had the worst day of my life for two months straight. She heard a couple weeks ago that I was taking this hard(no s--t), so the poor baby felt bad. Instead of just feeling a little bad she had to make herself feel better by talking to me. I was moving on two. I went to Colorado, started playing baseball again, started going to church, quit drinking(even though I didn't drink much), and started branching out and hanging out with different people. I had made up my mind I was not going to call her, and the extreme anxiety and loss of appetite had finally subsided about a month ago. I was sleeping better and waking up wasn't so bad anymore. Now it's all back. I put myself out there again, took a chance, and got burned. I WILL NOT LET THIS RUIN ME. I am still going to make some good out of this.

[heloladies21]

Of course this won't ruin you. All the progress you made, you can make again, except it'll happen faster this time cause you're upset at her. You will find someone better than her, it has to happen. There's no way around it, and she'll never find anyone who comes even close to you.

[kazman32]

Keep it up! I am in a simialr situation I have used the time apart to improve myself 100%!My ex can't believe the changes in me,but I still think she thinks I will "always" be there,I got tired of being strung along and made to be #2,don't let the anger ruin you,use it as fuel to improve yourself,You will be so much a better person when someone new comes along or if the ex comes back, but to me every day that goes by and she dosn't contact me..well I get stronger and the more the feelings of love pass and the resenment kicks in at this point if she came back I don't know if I would want to get back with her.Keep getting stronger!

[Trev38]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. My ex couldn't believe the changes I have been making either. She was surprised. Hell, I surprised myself. I want to keep improving. I don't want to hate her, as easy as that would be for me to do I think it would just be the easier way out. I am willing to start seeing other girls. I hope I can find a girl that makes me feel the way she did. Live and learn.