Affair partner gone away with family abroad

[lost39-]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

so what is the age difference with you two? are you much younger? 

I'm 48 she's 44

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, lost39- said:

No its not like that at all for me, I can assure you - wasn't looking for an unavailable woman . We've known each other 15 yrs, friendship grew 

But there was a point where you could have stopped because it's wrong. But you chose instead to live a life of lies.

11 minutes ago, lost39- said:

They don't know about it,

How come your family and friends don't know about this? Is it because you know it's wrong and are ashamed?

You say you two want to be together. So why aren't you? If she loves you the way you claim shouldn't she want the world to know?

Take this time apart to really think about the kind of person you want to be. You can continue to be a liar who conceals things from his family and friends or you can end this and be a moral, upstanding person. 

[smackie9]

I don't have much more time...PM if you like. 

[lost39-]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ever been married? Kids? How did you meet?

I was in a 21 Yr relationship, I have 2 children 20 and 24 whom live on there own now

[boltnrun]

Just now, lost39- said:

I was in a 21 Yr relationship, I have 2 children 20 and 24 whom live on there own now

Have they met this woman? Have you proudly introduced her as the woman you're in love with?

[lost39-]

5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ever been married? Kids? How did you meet?

We met at the gym initially then became good friends

[NighttimeNightmare]

16 minutes ago, lost39- said:

Pls dont judge as this can happen to anyone - I know its wrong

It absolutely is worth judging and it happens to people who choose it. You know it’s wrong, yet you still choose to carry on.  Affairs don’t magically just appear in your lap, I’ve never done something like this

 

it needs to be judged and shunned because your actions and behaviors are going to cause life long trauma to innocent by standards 

[lost39-]

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But there was a point where you could have stopped because it's wrong. But you chose instead to live a life of lies.

How come your family and friends don't know about this? Is it because you know it's wrong and are ashamed?

You say you two want to be together. So why aren't you? If she loves you the way you claim shouldn't she want the world to know?

Take this time apart to really think about the kind of person you want to be. You can continue to be a liar who conceals things from his family and friends or you can end this and be a moral, upstanding person. 

Yes I've not told them because I am ashamed but we are genuinely in love 

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, lost39- said:

Yes I've not told them because I am ashamed but we are genuinely in love 

So why are you two not together? Why hasn't she left her partner and declared to the world that she is in love with you?

When did you meet her parents, siblings and friends (her kids should be off the table until you two are in a public, committed relationship)?

[lost39-]

3 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

It absolutely is worth judging and it happens to people who choose it. You know it’s wrong, yet you still choose to carry on.  Affairs don’t magically just appear in your lap, I’ve never done something like this

 

it needs to be judged and shunned because your actions and behaviors are going to cause life long trauma to innocent by standards 

So she should stay with someone she doesn't love for the kids? Surely there better off with 2 happy parents apart than 2 at each others throats 

[boltnrun]

Just now, lost39- said:

So she should stay with someone she doesn't love for the kids? Surely there better off with 2 happy parents apart than 2 at each others throats 

Ask her that.

[Seraphim]

My dad had affairs with hundreds of women, including one of my mom’s sister-in-laws. It destroyed their lives , took my cousins away from me and me from them and almost destroyed my mom and her brother whose wife it was . It broke up my mom and one of her best friends. This happened in 1991. My dad is dead now and so is my “ aunt” . Inside my mom is still hurt and guess what ? I still don’t have a relationship with my cousins more than 30 years later because they are too embarrassed of their mother. They won’t face me. So yeah , cheaters they shouldn’t be judged. 🙄

[NighttimeNightmare]

3 minutes ago, lost39- said:

So she should stay with someone she doesn't love for the kids? Surely there better off with 2 happy parents apart than 2 at each others throats 

Oh ffs. If this is true then she needs to sit down and cut it off with him and take care of any responsibilities the two of them have together. 

She doesn’t get a free pass to f*ck around behind multiple peoples back, nor do you  

 

whats wrong with you? Jesus. 

[lost39-]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My dad had affairs with hundreds of women, including one of my mom’s sister-in-laws. It destroyed their lives , took my cousins away from me and me from them and almost destroyed my mom and her brother whose wife it was . It broke up my mom and one of her best friends. This happened in 1991. My dad is dead now and so is my “ aunt” . Inside my mom is still hurt and guess what ? I still don’t have a relationship with my cousins more than 30 years later because they are too embarrassed of their mother. They won’t face me. So yeah , cheaters they shouldn’t be judged. 

I feel for you and sorry re your dad and aunts passing .

I get this has turned your whole life upside down and i am sorry for that. 

No situations are the same and I'm not proud

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So why are you two not together? Why hasn't she left her partner and declared to the world that she is in love with you?

When did you meet her parents, siblings and friends (her kids should be off the table until you two are in a public, committed relationship)?

 

[lost39-]

6 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Oh ffs. If this is true then she needs to sit down and cut it off with him and take care of any responsibilities the two of them have together. 

She doesn’t get a free pass to f*ck around behind multiple peoples back, nor do you  

 

whats wrong with you? Jesus. 

Nightmare by name, have you no compassion my friend 

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, lost39- said:

I feel for you and sorry re your dad and aunts passing .

I get this has turned your whole life upside down and i am sorry for that. 

No situations are the same and I'm not proud

I might be more sensitive because it is getting close to the anniversary of my dad’s passing . I don’t agree with anything he ever did in his life , but I did love him . 

 

Just make an honest person of yourself . Don’t be a person that brings unhappiness to the world.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, lost39- said:

My problem is today she went away with her partner and children- 

Sorry this is happening, but you may need to prepare for the affair to end..

[lost39-]

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I might be more sensitive because it is getting close to the anniversary of my dad’s passing . I don’t agree with anything he ever did in his life , but I did love him . 

 

Just make an honest person of yourself . Don’t be a person that brings unhappiness to the world.

Yes possibly and I totally understand that. Keep positive, yes he made mistakes but I'm sure he loved you unconditionally 

[lost39-]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening, but you may need to prepare for the affair to end..

What makes you think this 

[boltnrun]

26 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So why are you two not together? Why hasn't she left her partner and declared to the world that she is in love with you?

When did you meet her parents, siblings and friends (her kids should be off the table until you two are in a public, committed relationship)?

Can you please answer this?

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, lost39- said:

Yes possibly and I totally understand that. Keep positive, yes he made mistakes but I'm sure he loved you unconditionally 

No, no he didn’t. He severely abused me and my mom and my sibling. He taunted us with food when he didn’t give us any . He tried to run over my mother with a car I was a passenger in when I was 5 years old. I was screaming for him to stop and he just told me “ shut the eff up idiot”. So no, he didn’t . My mom tries to tell us that he loved us as much as he could he just didn’t know how because he was so messed up . He didn’t know what love was . 
 

We should all try to bring happiness to the world . 

[boltnrun]

People who engage in affairs are only thinking about themselves and what they want. They don't give a fig about how their actions affect anyone else. It's an inherently selfish act.

But...you have the opportunity to do the right thing. End this selfish illicit affair. Even if it's "not easy". Be the person who doesn't have to hide something from his children, family and friends. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, lost39- said:

What makes you think this 

They are going away as a family, will have sex and bond and renew things. Unfortunately you are disposable compared to her partner and children.  You can hope it continues but affairs end sooner or later. But usually not with the lovers leaving everything behind and riding off in the sunset together. 

[lost39-]

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Can you please answer this?

I've not met the kids, or family (obviously) 

She says she doesn't know how to do it