More post ‘great’ first date woes

[BecxyRex]

Watch her do a complete 180 after you send that happy Birthday text… maybe it’s just the sign she needed to be able to pursue a serious relationship with you 😉 

[Jibralta]

On 8/7/2023 at 5:41 PM, Sindy_0311 said:

My take on that is that you are already calculating and weighting the pros and cons of a simple text… so you definitely aren’t in a good disposition to have a casual relationship with that girl. 

I don't have an opinion on the birthday issue either way, but I agree that MrMan has invested more than a 'casual' level mental energy on planning their next date. 'Casual' is spur of the moment, serendipitous. No intention. If you're intending to have a casual relationship, you're already kind of trying too hard.

For your own peace of mind, MrMan, I encourage you to take her at her word that she is not looking for anything serious. She's got a lot on her plate, being young and in demand. She may not yet know what she wants, and (inconvenient though it may be for men in general) she has a right to take her time to decide. And she should.

In all likelihood, the heavy male attention will continue well into her 30s. There is no rush for her, unless she has a drive to be married or have children. She may break a lot of eggs to make her omelet. Some of those eggs might be yours.

I think that if you continue to plan 'casual' dates, you will set yourself up for a situation like this:

On 8/7/2023 at 9:23 PM, Morello said:

Over a couple of months, we got closer and closer, she introduced me to friends and family, went out with friends as a "couple" including her own birthday party, which I thought was indicative of things changing a bit - perhaps she started thinking I was actually BF material and changed her mind? I was slowly getting blind to the red flags and hot-and-cold behaviour.

When things were at their highest, she just entirely changed her mind and wanted to end things straight away.

[Kwothe28]

@MrMan1983 Any more updates? How did the sleepover go?

[MrMan1983]

28 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

@MrMan1983 Any more updates? How did the sleepover go?

Had her over last Thursday night and we had a good laugh again, she stayed till late afternoon the next day. Sleepover went well including in the bedroom department - phew - just in case anyone saw the other thread I have since hidden (that kept going off track from my original topic/question). Helped that the 'subject' came up beforehand somehow - from something off topic - and she seemed under the impression nerves happen to all guys and couldn't care less, so I needn't of worried. Didn't contact her till yesterday (we don't bother texting at all anymore till organising meet ups) but meant to be seeing her tomorrow or Sunday evening, she's out tonight with her girl mates so I've said to see how the hangover is tomorrow 😆 

[MrMan1983]

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I don't have an opinion on the birthday issue either way, but I agree that MrMan has invested more than a 'casual' level mental energy on planning their next date. 'Casual' is spur of the moment, serendipitous. No intention. If you're intending to have a casual relationship, you're already kind of trying too hard.

For your own peace of mind, MrMan, I encourage you to take her at her word that she is not looking for anything serious. She's got a lot on her plate, being young and in demand. She may not yet know what she wants, and (inconvenient though it may be for men in general) she has a right to take her time to decide. And she should.

In all likelihood, the heavy male attention will continue well into her 30s. There is no rush for her, unless she has a drive to be married or have children. She may break a lot of eggs to make her omelet. Some of those eggs might be yours.

I think that if you continue to plan 'casual' dates, you will set yourself up for a situation like this:

I know that she doesn't want anything serious, I'm under no illusions. Just trying to enjoy the moment really only live once and no I don't expect it to go anywhere. We've seen each other just once every week or two and only exchange about one text to organise meeting up then that's it. When we're together things are admittedly very tactile with a lot of kissing, flirting, chatting etc which could turn into a slippery slope but I'm not attached right now.

I'm still sorting other dates in the meantime so I'm not holding out for anything, when I finally match with any I'm interested in that is.