FWB relationship ended

[RicBoy1]

5 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would do nothing. It will come across the wrong way and reflect potential ulterior motives. 

I doubt she will reach out in the future, I wont break no contact.

When she said she has no feelings for me clearly im not the guy for her future.

Any point to reach out in 2 or 3 months and try to rekindle at least fwb? or no point to get rejected again, give her a ego boost and put my face down?

[Wiseman2]

20 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

Any point to reach out in 2 or 3 months and try to rekindle at least fwb? 

She probably has someone else already. Don't do this to yourself.

She likes "casual" and you're far from the only guy lining up for that.

[Batya33]

43 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

I doubt she will reach out in the future, I wont break no contact.

When she said she has no feelings for me clearly im not the guy for her future.

Any point to reach out in 2 or 3 months and try to rekindle at least fwb? or no point to get rejected again, give her a ego boost and put my face down?

Yes if you’re not interested in a serious relationship and willing to risk STD and a pregnancy-yes even though she’s older.  And I mean generally. I’d be disinclined if I were single to date someone who’d hit someone up for sex in this situation this many times.  Yes people learn stuff like that and it’s not a good look IMO. 

[RicBoy1]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes if you’re not interested in a serious relationship and willing to risk STD and a pregnancy-yes even though she’s older.  And I mean generally. I’d be disinclined if I were single to date someone who’d hit someone up for sex in this situation this many times.  Yes people learn stuff like that and it’s not a good look IMO. 

I think I'll just do my best to move on in silence. If she reaches out great, if not so be it. I would hate to break 2 or 3 months no contact and she tells me something like tanks but no thanks and set me back to day 1

[Andrina]

55 minutes ago, RicBoy1 said:

Any point to reach out in 2 or 3 months and try to rekindle at least fwb?

This thought process is showing you as a desperate person. Desperate people are the least appealing people to anyone. Aren't you worth more than pleading for attention from someone who chose to no longer be in your life?

Get real with yourself about your dating goals, and maintain that standard. Don't settle. If it's a longterm gf you want, date only women with those same life goals. There's never any guarantees that a relationship will work out, but starting off with someone compatible in dating goals will have a higher risk of success.

And as for answering her call if she ever does, know that recent past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior. She'd likely repeat the same pattern. Work on your self-worth, and you will attract higher quality women. 

 

[RicBoy1]

7 minutes ago, Andrina said:

This thought process is showing you as a desperate person. Desperate people are the least appealing people to anyone. Aren't you worth more than pleading for attention from someone who chose to no longer be in your life?

Get real with yourself about your dating goals, and maintain that standard. Don't settle. If it's a longterm gf you want, date only women with those same life goals. There's never any guarantees that a relationship will work out, but starting off with someone compatible in dating goals will have a higher risk of success.

And as for answering her call if she ever does, know that recent past behavior is a great predictor of future behavior. She'd likely repeat the same pattern. Work on your self-worth, and you will attract higher quality women. 

 

thank you, you are right, she would know how desperate I would be if I would reach out in 2 or 3 months. Begging to get back to a situationship where we didn't even go outside together, yakkk 

[smackie9]

Arrangements like this shouldn't last anymore than 3 to 6 months anyways. They are temporary...place holders till something changes. 

[RicBoy1]

23 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Arrangements like this shouldn't last anymore than 3 to 6 months anyways. They are temporary...place holders till something changes. 

I get her point of view, she feels like im not the one for her and that she will never have feelings for me and she doesn't want to waste her time meeting me twice every week cooking food and whatnot when she could be out there trying to find someone she will have feelings.. and FWB for her is more like meeting once in a while etc not twice a week on a schedule

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

I get her point of view, she feels like im not the one for her..

@RicBoy1there IS no "right" one for her.  I mean, she's 35, never had a relationship, into only casual sex, unable to bond.

I mean look at her history?  Isn't it obvious?

I truly hope you are not taking this personally or feel rejected. It's not about you, it's about her and again her inability to form lasting relationships with a man and inability to bond. 

Please move on.  Girl's got issues that you can't solve, that were in place long before you came along. 

Take her off the pedestal, with her history she doesn't deserve to be there and there is no doubt in my mind you couid do much better.

If I have any suggestions for you, it's raise your standards.  

 

 

[lostandhurt]

5 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

Tomorrow is her birthday, I think I wont say anything. Im in no contact now for 9 days, and 2 weeks broken up. I tried to text her 1 week after she ended things, but she said she had made her decision and it wont work out slow or fast and things went too fast too serious and she dont want that. When I asked what she wants, she said nothing from you. I dont get it why this nasty response. then I asked if we could have sex casually here and there and she said no, its not gonna work out with me anymore and she said she regrets to have replied to my msgs. Probably was getting annoyed I was trying to revert her decision. We haven't spoken since

Please don't try and label her with some diagnosis or personality trait. I know you would think it will make you feel better thinking she is this or that but it doesn't matter or change anything.  Her response was said in that way to get you to stop trying and move on. 

 You could list all the things she did that was not inline with a FWB or casual take it slow situation and we all could 100% agree with you that she was not acting like that is what she wanted but once again it will not change HER mind. For what ever reason known or perhaps not known to her she ended it. 

 In my opinion she doesn't know what she wants and leaves a trail of confused and broken men in her wake.  She keeps trying to find something but has no idea what it is so she goes through men looking hoping it will magically appear.  Like the woman that goes shopping just to shop.  "Can I help you find something miss?"  "No, I really don't know what I am shopping for but I will know it when I find it"

 Having answers is nice but it still hurts and it is still over even then.

  Stay NC, get back out there a little wiser and you will meet someone that wants what you want.

 Lost

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

 she doesn't want to waste her time meeting me twice every week cooking food and whatnot when she could be out there trying to find someone she will have feelings.. 

She doesn't want to be a mom or a BNB, she likes her freedom. Try to think of it more like 2 ships passing in the night. 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

I get her point of view, she feels like im not the one for her and that she will never have feelings for me and she doesn't want to waste her time meeting me twice every week cooking food and whatnot when she could be out there trying to find someone she will have feelings.. and FWB for her is more like meeting once in a while etc not twice a week on a schedule

She may change -and meet the right person she wants forever with which is why it's a bad idea to stay in touch.  I dated a "reformed player" - his way of describing his past. He was 40 and I was 36 and we'd known each other for over a year as friends -through his younger brother.  He'd never had a serious long term relationship.  He thought he might want one with me.  But he didn't -never fell in love with me, ended things after 5 months.  I could have told myself - he doesn't want anything serious with anyone -he's a player still -etc. I did not.  I did unfortunately make out with him a few times after he ended things -he called -a few times then that was it -I told him unless he wanted to be with me seriously -please don't call me.

6 months later he met his future wife.  Now truth be told he reached out to me three times -when he was serious with her, after they got engaged and after they got married.  Bordeline inappropriate.  I didn't take the bait at all.  But from all I know they've been married over 15 years (no we didn't stay in touch -mutual friends).  So Mr. 40 year old player met his person -not me -the next gal (and yes she is more attractive than me and a bit younger so they were able to wait a bit before getting pregnant).  People do change - she's only 35.  So to protect yourself do not stay in touch with her.  

[catfeeder]

15 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

...I still feel I over pursued her with ...

I hear, but give yourself a break. Recognize that any need to use some kind of 'strategy' to find your best match makes no sense--because the RIGHT person for you is natural, not strategic.

The goal of dating is to find your best match while you reveal your actual self--feelings and all.

So it never really mattered what you did or didn't do with this woman. Even if you had pretzeled yourself perfectly, this woman never owned the capacity to view you through the right lens.

Relax into yourself. Then hold out for the one who gets you--exactly as you are.

Tap dance for NO one.

[RicBoy1]

I didn't like the way I left things with her when I texted her a week after she left me. I had sent some msgs  trying to convince her to be fwb again which she was annoyed. 

Today was her birthday. I texted her wishing her happy birthday and a good day and I apologised for those stupid msgs last week and told her this is me trying to leave things in good terms with her and that I accept the break up. she replied thanks no hard feelings.

I wanted to clean the slate a bit and not having those sex msgs begging be her last memory of me.

Im staying in no contact now indefinitely (Its been 2,5 weeks since the break up).

If she never reaches out again, then she won't hear from me anymore 

[OliviaJJJ]

On 6/28/2023 at 1:23 PM, RicBoy1 said:

Thank you for your reply. I could have done just FWB no problem but she led me on. Maybe she even thought she wanted more. She would send me selfies and say thing im your happy woman. she would say I want to take it slow and one day you can sleep over and we will hang out outside, just give me time. One time we went for dinner at her best friend house. We texted daily for 3 months, mostly initiated by me but she also did. She told me all her friends knew about me including her sisters and parents. so I started to act like her boyfriend in a way. She said we were exclusive. Then I noticed last 2 weeks, she didn't initiate any texts but we still kept meeting once or twice a week. Really weirs situation. 

She didn't lead you on. And its not a weird situation - you're just dealing with the painful aftermath. Shock, disappointment, sadness can really cloud thinking and make you imagine something that was there that really wasn't.

It's difficult but you have to move on and heal - she's not coming back. It's over. I'm sorry. The faster you accept it, the faster you will heal. You will.

 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, RicBoy1 said:

Im staying in no contact now indefinitely (Its been 2,5 weeks since the break up).

Good plan. 

You need to let go of her, let yourself heal, and get back out there when the time is right. This woman was never going to be the one for you.