Is this woman interested?

[speca25]

There is a girl at my office who I have a crush on, and i feel like she knows it because she asked me thrice why i get nervous. I never told her why. The most recent time this happened she asked me again why i get nervous, i said “im not sure”. She then asked me if i feel nervous around girls and if i never talked to them. Then she asked me if i have a gf. I said no

A few weeks later our company went to a club and a bit later she told me to come outside with her. Me, her, and another coworker (F) were standing together. The girl I like grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her and then we were really close to each other. She then put her hand on my tummy while she was quiet. I got really nervous and leaned away. She noticed that and put her hand again on my tummy. I was really nervous and was looking down on the floor while she was looking at my eyes, none of us were talking. The other coworker noticed that but pretended to not have seen it by turning away from us.

After a week or so after that stuff she started to eat lunch with me. Everyone else goes outside to eat lunch but i sit in the office’s kitchen. She says hi and asks me how i am, asks me my hobbies, graduation, future, small talk basically. Yesterday she asked me again why i get nervous and i didn't know what to say so i just kept quiet. She has also asked me if i have a crush on someone, and i didn't tell her. 

Why is she doing that? And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous and havent talked to girls (no experience)? It baffles me how easily she read my mind.

[Kwothe28]

11 minutes ago, speca25 said:

Why is she doing that? And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous and havent talked to girls (no experience)? It baffles me how easily she read my mind.

Because you are so oblivious about the signs that she likes you that you didnt even do anything about it and exhibit very nervous behavior around her. 

Its messy to date coworkers. Depending on company it can get you in troubles and if it doesnt end well you would have to look at her every day after. But, she definitely likes you. Asking if you have a girlfriend or crush, getting physical with you etc. All good signs that she does like you.

[Sindy_0311]

10 minutes ago, speca25 said:

 

Why is she doing that? And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous and havent talked to girls (no experience)? It baffles me how easily she read my mind.

Hi, how old are you? And how long have you been working together? 
She may try to make you confess your crush. It’s very easy for a woman to sense nervousness from a man. Don’t assume she is reading your mind just because of that… 

The reason why she is asking all these questions can be either for a genuine purpose, because she also likes you, but also can be because she likes the seduction game or feeling men attracted to her… (not especially you) 

 

19 minutes ago, speca25 said:

And how can she tell so easily that I get nervous and havent talked to girls

Her talking about your lack of experience with women is somehow intrusive and not something I would point out from a man I’m genuinely interested in.

I suggest you don’t confess your crush, be cautious. Wait a bit more and see how she behaves in the coming days… if she is so confident, she might give you more signs of interest… 

[Batya33]

She’s attracted to you and is acting aggressively since this is a workplace. If you two don’t work closely together and if you two don’t supervise each other - either way -then ask her out on a date you plan in advance 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, speca25 said:

There is a girl at my office who I have a crush on, and i feel like she knows it.

Do you want her to have a crush on you?  She can't "read your mind" but she can observe how awkward you seem around her.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, speca25 said:

 i am attracted to her. i dont think touching is appropriate given that i barely know her.  placing your hand on someone’s tummy and also keeping it there, and then also touching again when the other person leans away, is too much right now. 

Are you implying she is sexually harassing you?  Stay away from her. You're upset she touched you, your upset she asks questions, you're upset she makes you nervous. 

Go to work to do your job and get a paycheck. Be polite and professional with all your coworkers. If this coworker upsets you this much, distance yourself.

[speca25]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Because you are so oblivious about the signs that she likes you that you didnt even do anything about it and exhibit very nervous behavior around her. 

Its messy to date coworkers. Depending on company it can get you in troubles and if it doesnt end well you would have to look at her every day after. But, she definitely likes you. Asking if you have a girlfriend or crush, getting physical with you etc. All good signs that she does like you.

I can’t really tell if she likes me or is just being friendly. That’s what confuses me.

 

3 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Hi, how old are you? And how long have you been working together? 
She may try to make you confess your crush. It’s very easy for a woman to sense nervousness from a man. Don’t assume she is reading your mind just because of that… 

The reason why she is asking all these questions can be either for a genuine purpose, because she also likes you, but also can be because she likes the seduction game or feeling men attracted to her… (not especially you) 

 

Her talking about your lack of experience with women is somehow intrusive and not something I would point out from a man I’m genuinely interested in.

I suggest you don’t confess your crush, be cautious. Wait a bit more and see how she behaves in the coming days… if she is so confident, she might give you more signs of interest… 

Im 25. I joined around 3 months ago and she joined 3 weeks before me. She is the HR (which makes it even worse i think).

 

Well, her asking about me getting nervous and if i have a gf happened a day before the touching thing happened, so maybe it was a sign. But again, the thing is that she is the HR so she is aware of all policies, that is why i dont know why she would do that.

 

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you implying she is sexually harassing you?  Stay away from her. You're upset she touched you, your upset she asks questions, you're upset she makes you nervous. 

Go to work to do your job and get a paycheck. Be polite and professional with all your coworkers. If this coworker upsets you this much, distance yourself.

im not saying she is harassing me. I’m saying that even tho i like her i dont think touching someone like that so early on is a good thing. I dont feel comfortable with that.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, speca25 said:

I can’t really tell if she likes me or is just being friendly. That’s what confuses me.

 

By the signs you mentioned, she does like you. Maybe in a little more direct manner, or even "pushy" one. Women rarely(at least in my experience) express themselves in such straigh-forward manner. But apparently she does.

2 hours ago, speca25 said:

im not saying she is harassing me. I’m saying that even tho i like her i dont think touching someone like that so early on is a good thing. I dont feel comfortable with that.

My opinion is that its mostly because of your inexperience. And that she is way too forward for your taste so it seems like a lot. Which is fine, you are allowed not to be OK with somebody making a pass on you.

But again, I would be more worried that its a work thing. And that she is no less but in "HR". It shows very big lack of boundaries from her part. Because at least she should know better given the role she works.

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, speca25 said:

im not saying she is harassing me. I’m saying that even tho i like her i dont think touching someone like that so early on is a good thing. I dont feel comfortable with that.

Regardless of whether she likes you or not, she should NOT be physically touching you in the workplace or at any company-sponsored function or get together.  There are all sorts of laws about this in the U.S. (Federal Labor Laws).  Given she works in HR, she should know this. 

The fact it makes you uncomfortable is a key factor.  Do you consider her touching sexual in nature?  Even if you don't, it's still inappropriate in the workplace. 

In any event, there are few things you can do.   You can tell her directly you are not comfortable with her touching you OR you can report it to HER supervisor in HR. 

Or as @Wiseman2said, simply distance yourself. 

Peope have gotten terminated for inappropriate touching in the workplace, lawsuits have been filed, etc.  it's very serious business. 

If me (and it's happened to me), I would distance myself.  If that's not possible, you can ask her to stop.  She may be doing it unconsciously without thinking.

I realize people meet and get involved all the time in the workplace. However, I do not advise it in this case despite the attraction or possible attraction. 

Given she's in a position of authority (HR), it has disaster written all over it. 

[smackie9]

To be desirable is to be less available. This is why she's on you...you keep pulling away, and women do like a challenge. I believe you have trouble following social cues from girls...that's why you are nervous/get conflicted.....and have no experience. As for crossing boundaries, she did it outside of work at a club and you both were off the clock so it's out of your employers hands. 

I would say she seems to like you. Why not just ask her out. That is the only way you can tell a woman's interest....when they say yes to a date. 

If you two start dating I would recommend you find another job. 

[speca25]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

By the signs you mentioned, she does like you. Maybe in a little more direct manner, or even "pushy" one. Women rarely(at least in my experience) express themselves in such straigh-forward manner. But apparently she does.

My opinion is that its mostly because of your inexperience. And that she is way too forward for your taste so it seems like a lot. Which is fine, you are allowed not to be OK with somebody making a pass on you.

But again, I would be more worried that its a work thing. And that she is no less but in "HR". It shows very big lack of boundaries from her part. Because at least she should know better given the role she works.

Yes I’m confused about what to do. Lets see.

 

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Regardless of whether she likes you or not, she should NOT be physically touching you in the workplace or at any company-sponsored function or get together.  There are all sorts of laws about this in the U.S. (Federal Labor Laws).  Given she works in HR, she should know this. 

The fact it makes you uncomfortable is a key factor.  Do you consider her touching sexual in nature?  Even if you don't, it's still inappropriate in the workplace. 

In any event, there are few things you can do.   You can tell her directly you are not comfortable with her touching you OR you can report it to HER supervisor in HR. 

Or as @Wiseman2said, simply distance yourself. 

Peope have gotten terminated for inappropriate touching in the workplace, lawsuits have been filed, etc.  it's very serious business. 

If me (and it's happened to me), I would distance myself.  If that's not possible, you can ask her to stop.  She may be doing it unconsciously without thinking.

I realize people meet and get involved all the time in the workplace. However, I do not advise it in this case despite the attraction or possible attraction. 

Given she's in a position of authority (HR), it has disaster written all over it. 

I’m  not sure if i should consider it sexual touching, but the thing is that:

1. I barely know her, we rarely talk

2. Out of all places to touch me, she puts and keeps her hand on my tummy. I could understand a hand on the arm.

3. She placed it back when i leaned away.

The vibes i got from that arent what i would call “being just friendly “. I asked my sister, she said it wasn’t done in a friendly way.

 

 

2 hours ago, smackie9 said:

To be desirable is to be less available. This is why she's on you...you keep pulling away, and women do like a challenge. I believe you have trouble following social cues from girls...that's why you are nervous/get conflicted.....and have no experience. As for crossing boundaries, she did it outside of work at a club and you both were off the clock so it's out of your employers hands. 

I would say she seems to like you. Why not just ask her out. That is the only way you can tell a woman's interest....when they say yes to a date. 

If you two start dating I would recommend you find another job. 

 Yea i kinda have trouble with social situations. Idk if its just me being clumsy or if i have something.i was told by friends that i have anxiety judging from my behavior but i always considered it just being introverted.

[rainbowsandroses]

Proceed with extreme caution is my advice.   Even if you don't consider her touching sexual in nature, it's stll inappropriate in the workplace or at company events given she's in  a position of authority and could have you terminated if SHE becomes uncomfortable for any reason.

Like for example YOU asking her out on a date when her intention was simply to be friendly (albeit inappropriate).

 

[smackie9]

25 minutes ago, speca25 said:

Yes I’m confused about what to do. Lets see.

 

I’m  not sure if i should consider it sexual touching, but the thing is that:

1. I barely know her, we rarely talk

2. Out of all places to touch me, she puts and keeps her hand on my tummy. I could understand a hand on the arm.

3. She placed it back when i leaned away.

The vibes i got from that arent what i would call “being just friendly “. I asked my sister, she said it wasn’t done in a friendly way.

 

 

 Yea i kinda have trouble with social situations. Idk if its just me being clumsy or if i have something.i was told by friends that i have anxiety judging from my behavior but i always considered it just being introverted.

 

Shyness and introversion are commonly mistaken as being the same thing. Shyness involves fear of negative evaluation (and is a milder form of social anxiety),1 whereas introversion refers to a tendency toward becoming over-stimulated and the need to be alone to gain energy.

Might be something to have diagnosed and treated by a professional. Introvert/shyness are just names for the behavior. There are social disorders that are attached to those behaviors, like SAD. 

[Batya33]

I do not think an HR person can date or should date employees. My shy husband - former coworker -said he got up courage to ask me out when apparently I touched his arm at a work event as we were chatting - brief touch lol. We didn’t work together and would never work together. We sat on different floors and we’re both single so the coworker part wasn’t a big deal.  We dated 6 months before I left the company. Nothing to do with dating him - just for a better fit for me. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, speca25 said:

, she puts and keeps her hand on my tummy. I could understand a hand on the arm.

Have you pulled back and been polite and professional since this happened?   It was a one time event? 

[speca25]

9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you pulled back and been polite and professional since this happened?   It was a one time event? 

Yes to both questions.

[ADent42]

On 6/19/2023 at 6:53 AM, speca25 said:

I can’t really tell if she likes me or is just being friendly. That’s what confuses me.

A person "just being friendly" isn't going to go out of their way to be around you.  She's eating lunch with you - she's choosing to spend time with you.  It's not a guarantee that she's got a crush on you, but she wants to be around you, that's clear.

When she asks you questions, try to relax and have a conversation.  If she comments on you seeming nervous you can just tell her you're shy - nothing wrong with that.  

Try to relax and just be yourself - or a more outgoing, personable version of yourself - as much as possible.  Just try to get to know her and don't weigh yourself down with overthinking things or placing expectations on everything that happens.  

She clearly wants to be around you, so just try to have some confidence and be yourself.  Don't put any romantic pressure on these interactions - think of her as a coworker and a friend.  Get to know her, get more comfortable around her.  Best of luck.

[Speca2]

1 hour ago, ADent42 said:

A person "just being friendly" isn't going to go out of their way to be around you.  She's eating lunch with you - she's choosing to spend time with you.  It's not a guarantee that she's got a crush on you, but she wants to be around you, that's clear.

When she asks you questions, try to relax and have a conversation.  If she comments on you seeming nervous you can just tell her you're shy - nothing wrong with that.  

Try to relax and just be yourself - or a more outgoing, personable version of yourself - as much as possible.  Just try to get to know her and don't weigh yourself down with overthinking things or placing expectations on everything that happens.  

She clearly wants to be around you, so just try to have some confidence and be yourself.  Don't put any romantic pressure on these interactions - think of her as a coworker and a friend.  Get to know her, get more comfortable around her.  Best of luck.

Thanks.

 

well i dont habe any confidence to put any romantic pressure into it and it’s a workplace, so its out of the question anyway.

[Sindy_0311]

8 minutes ago, Speca2 said:

Thanks.

 

well i dont habe any confidence to put any romantic pressure into it and it’s a workplace, so its out of the question anyway.

Do you really have a crush on her? 

On 6/19/2023 at 12:53 PM, speca25 said:

I’m saying that even tho i like her i dont think touching someone like that so early on is a good thing. I dont feel comfortable with that

Because it feels like you are very uncomfortable in this situation. Maybe not that into her after all. 

Is it possible that her interest towards you made you feel wanted, desired, and that it gave you a little ego boost that you interpreted as attraction? 

[Speca2]

8 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Do you really have a crush on her? 

Because it feels like you are very uncomfortable in this situation. Maybe not that into her after all. 

Is it possible that her interest towards you made you feel wanted, desired, and that it gave you a little ego boost that you interpreted as attraction? 

Yes i do have a crush on her, but the thing is i simply have never talked to girls that much, especially the ones i like. The last time i approached a girl i liked was back in 2020 after she kept looking at me again and again. She was positive but i was nervous and left.

 

 

and no, it wasnt an ego boost that i misinterpreted as attraction, because i found her attractive well before the touching stuff happened, like 2 months before that.