Help me see clearer about the last one...

[Sindy_0311]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If you're comfortable enough to be dating and having sex with him  I think it's fine to send that text.

What do you mean? 

[Sindy_0311]

I don’t want to date him only for sex, I’m developing feelings for him. 

[Sindy_0311]

He told me once about his last relationship three years ago, a girl he was really into, she dumped him after three month pretexting he was too affectionate… he told me today he doesn’t want to meet my soon if I come to realize in a few weeks I don’t want to see his face again ( his words)  

[Kwothe28]

12 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Ohhh, do you think I pressured him? 🙈

I think after some time and where you already have sleepovers its a good time to introspect whether somebody is ready for more. Your guy clearly isnt. Nore is it clear when he will. Which tells some stuff about him and what he thinks of your relationship.

I wouldnt introduce him to your kid. Not until you are more serious. If he ever thinks of you of more then just a sex partner.

[Batya33]

17 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I don’t want to date him only for sex, I’m developing feelings for him. 

I don’t think you do. I haven’t thought so since you decided to see him again after the festival date and I didn’t think so then. 

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

What do you mean? 

I mean this whole is this too much to send a thoughtful text is odd since you’re dating him and having sex and say you are having some more serious feelings. What in the world would e an issue with such a text ?

[Batya33]

8 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He told me once about his last relationship three years ago, a girl he was really into, she dumped him after three month pretexting he was too affectionate… he told me today he doesn’t want to meet my soon if I come to realize in a few weeks I don’t want to see his face again ( his words)  

I don’t blame him in general. Prior to three to six months it’s early days. I wouldn’t officially introduce until it’s very serious. 

[Sindy_0311]

10 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I think after some time and where you already have sleepovers its a good time to introspect whether somebody is ready for more. Your guy clearly isnt. Nore is it clear when he will. Which tells some stuff about him and what he thinks of your relationship.

I wouldnt introduce him to your kid. Not until you are more serious. If he ever thinks of you of more then just a sex partner.

So you think I better do what? I’m not comfortable in early stages… should I just fade away ? 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Sindy_0311 said:

So you think I better do what? I’m not comfortable in early stages… should I just fade away ? 

If you’re not comfortable casually dating him and he doesn’t want to be exclusive with you yet then yes you move on for sure. I did so in my past short term dating situations.  Or planned to if we weren’t exclusive by a certain time. 

[boltnrun]

I disagree with having him meet your son.  I mean, what would be the point? To try to get him more attached to you?

He already knows you're a "package deal".  He doesn't need to see your son in person to know that.

What I'm wondering is, why are you behaving in such a fearful manner?  You act extremely afraid.

[Kwothe28]

3 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

So you think I better do what? I’m not comfortable in early stages… should I just fade out? 

If you think that he doesnt want exclusivity, and you want one, then yes. There is no point in keeping this if you want more then casual and he doesnt.

[Sindy_0311]

19 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

37 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 

I don’t think you do.

I do. He is just so interesting, and cute and affectionate and we have so much interesting things to share, we just cannot stop talking, even while watching a movie, it’s just like commenting on anything and developing and go into deep discussions forgetting about the movie. We are both highly interested about architecture and arts and we share so much and it’s just so good to exchange about that… he is also very protective with me, and always asked how I feel and stares at me like no one would…. So yeah, I’m developing feelings… believe it or not… 

[Sindy_0311]

11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

What I'm wondering is, why are you behaving in such a fearful manner?  You act extremely afraid.

I know I act afraid. Because i really like him a lot… I have been married for 10 years, had one serious relationship since then but the rest was only casual and I don’t know how to handle this… 🙈

[Sindy_0311]

13 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

If you think that he doesnt want exclusivity, and you want one, then yes. There is no point in keeping this if you want more then casual and he doesnt.

Let me just mention that he never had long term relationship, the longest he had was three years ago during three month… that’s also what makes it difficult for me to navigate… 

[Sindy_0311]

5 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I do. He is just so interesting, and cute and affectionate and we have so much interesting things to share, we just cannot stop talking, even while watching a movie, it’s just like commenting on anything and developing and go into deep discussions forgetting about the movie. We are both highly interested about architecture and arts and we share so much and it’s just so good to exchange about that… he is also very protective with me, and always asked how I feel and stares at me like no one would…. So yeah, I’m developing feelings… believe it or not… 

Forget about that post… got some time to reflect about it… didn’t like his response when I mentioned the meeting with my son. 
Neither liked the fact that his friends really weren’t curious about me. See, I’m sociable, I engaged with them, commenting, asking questions, and showing some interest in them, even throwing some jokes. Now that I think about it, they didn’t asked me anything, weren’t curious about me at all… this is not my culture… they are  old/best friends of him and didn’t show any interest towards me. Man, if I introduce a man to my friends, they question him, they try to make him feel comfortable and welcome. Clearly there was nothing… so maybe not a good match. I didn’t text him back. I guess I will let it fade… I do like him a lot but at this point I expect more… he didn’t get the hint or isn’t willing to give more = > next 

[Batya33]

It sounds like you have the sense he’s not on the same wavelength about you -yet- so you’d prefer to find reasons to end it rather than wait a bit longer to see if he catches up to you. Either alternative is fine and I defer to you but no need to overthink it and find excuses. You’ve been dating a very short time so obviously if you don’t want to invest more time you do you. 

[Sindy_0311]

16 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 

It sounds like you have the sense he’s not on the same wavelength about you -yet- so you’d prefer to find reasons to end it rather than wait a bit longer to see if he catches up to you

 

He is just not into me enough… this is how I view it. So yes better cut it now before it gets painful… 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

 He is just so interesting, and cute and affectionate and we have so much interesting things to share, we just cannot stop talking, even while watching a movie, 

He does seem into you however suggesting meeting your child seems a bit premature. No reason to panic about that. 

[Sindy_0311]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He does seem into you however suggesting meeting your child seems a bit premature. No reason to panic about that. 

I do panic 😂. Ok I will just try to relax, give him some space as I know that he is going to change job next week and is highly stressed by that. Do you suggest I go on other dates meanwhile?

[Batya33]

20 minutes ago, Sindy_0311 said:

I do panic 😂. Ok I will just try to relax, give him some space as I know that he is going to change job next week and is highly stressed by that. Do you suggest I go on other dates meanwhile?

I would decide whether you're willing to give him more time to catch up to your level of seriousness.

[boltnrun]

If you're upset solely because he didn't react the way you'd hoped to your suggestion he meet your child I would say that's a bit unfair. It's far too soon IMO to try to integrate him into your child's life or to try to get him more attached to you by involving your child. 

But if you truly don't feel he's the right one for you then there's no reason not to date others. 

[Jaunty]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

He is just not into me enough… this is how I view it. So yes better cut it now before it gets painful… 

I don't think you're right.   You are behaving in that "anxiety spiral" pattern like another poster recently.  When things are not going in a comfortable way for you, you are tending to shut it all down to save yourself from sad feelings.   

Can't you trust a little bit?  Not that this is all necessarily going to work out beautifully, but that it might well be worth hanging in there and learning more about him and how you are together?

I'm a little worried that he might be similar to you in this respect.  If you both are going to react like you touched a red hot iron every time you get a less than 100% affirming message from the other, it would be pretty hard to fine a path to walk together.  But you could try to stop being quite so reactive for a while ...

[Sindy_0311]

You are all right. I think I will forget about his answer and leave the subject of my son away until he asks to see him. It was to soon to bring it up. I won’t see him this week as I am staying with my son, and he will also be busy. I’m going to concentrate on myself and my son and keep conversations light and fun. 

the thing is I do see things progressing with him each time we meet. We spend more time together and I think we are getting both comfortable with each other… so I guess there’s no reason to panic at this point. We will see how it develops… but I’m still going to try to meet new guys, as it helps me feel more relaxed about the outcome. I clearly don’t want to enter this anxiety spiral again… 

[Sindy_0311]

Now my last question is: should I tell him something about this conversation? Something like : I saw you interacting with your friends kids and the idea crossed my mind, but I realized then it was to soon to bring it up. I enjoy your company and the way we are learning about each other giving us time… 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Sindy_0311 said:

Now my last question is: should I tell him something about this conversation? Something like : I saw you interacting with your friends kids and the idea crossed my mind, but I realized then it was to soon to bring it up. I enjoy your company and the way we are learning about each other giving us time… 

No I'd leave it be.  Also I think it might come across condescending and short sighted as far as interacting with other kids.  I sometimes interact with dogs I find approachable - but I am not a dog lover.  I very often choose not to interact at all with certain children because we don't click or have any rapport - or I find them annoying - so what?

I love being a parent, always wanted to be one love my son to the moon and back and have connected with hundreds of young children and  even teenagers LOL over the last 36 years since I've been an adult.  So he might find it odd you were observing that and find your assumptions odd. I kind of do. 

Also meeting your son has layers that meeting his friend's kids (again) do not. I don't think his rapport with his friends' kids says much at all about how he would interact with your son -it's so individual.  Certainly if you wanted to see someone's skills in parenting like changing a diaper or cutting a sandwich precisely in quarters no crusts or carrying really heavy bags that are appropriately stocked with wipes and bandaids and cheerios and a couple old pokemon cards/hot wheels cars and the right size water bottle then -sure - but kids are people and people are individuals IMHO>

And I don't think it has to be either or -either I focus on him or focus on myself.  Why can't you focus on whatever's going on in your life whether that means focusing on not much at all, living your life, focusing on a friend, work, people  watching whatever.  I agree with Jaunty too to avoid going to extremes.