What’s happening here

[Guest]

Ok so I’m 16 and a guy and I like a guy also 16. Id known him for a while but it was only in October last year where I really started liking him. At the time, I didn’t know if he was gay and when I revealed I wasn’t straight he didn’t actually say his sexuality. So in November we were walking home one day and I gave him a note which said I like you. I left before he actually read it so didn’t get his reaction. The next day nothing really happened but it was certainly awkward for a while. I was upset about it but continued liking him after that anyway despite assuming he wasn’t interested or gay. Life continued and we were still really good friends. About a month or two ago we were walking home and he indirectly but firmly revealed he was Gay (he has confirmed this since then). And since then I feel like he has shown more interest towards me. The cliches like looking at me when a joke is told and eye contact and some jokey touching etc.

But it’s not as simple. It feels like it’s still a little awkward when there aren’t other people around. For instance, we were out the other day and my other mate was there (were all in the same friend circle and really good friends) and we were all joking and laughing etc. but then my friend left and for about 5 minutes the one I like was texting him and calling him to come back. And after that it felt like he went quiet again and didn’t talk as much. I continued conversating though and eventually it returned to the stage it was at when my friend was there. But every once in a while he would comment on how he couldn’t believe the other friend went home. And today, we were walking and about to go somewhere when the same friend had to go home and then the one I like kind of lost interest and said he was going to head home. 

I’m just quite confused as there is often a lot of signs he likes me and even when other friends are there he often sticks with me, moves to stand by me and walks with me. It’s always me he’s looking at and clearly looking at my reaction when he or someone else tells a joke. He is always the one to wait if I slow down or stop to tie my laces or something. He always tries to sit by me and there is lots of eye contact and all the things I said earlier.

In all fairness I’m not exactly showing clear signs back and often go a little quiet when he brings up a joke about something sexual or something to do with homosexuality. But I do return the eye contact and those sort of signs and always stick with him etc. 

Does anyone have any idea what’s going on here? What should I do? Do you need any more specific info, if so let me know.

[smackie9]

He's just an awkward teenager. Still confused about his feelings, wants and desires. Trying not to draw attention to himself. Unsure of himself in what we wants to do, and maybe not comfortable with expressing his sexual orientation or he's just as shy as you are. Eventually you both will get more comfortable with each other. These things takes time. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Wardrobe said:

, I didn’t know if he was gay and when I revealed I wasn’t straight. but firmly revealed he was Gay. It feels like it’s still a little awkward when there aren’t other people around. 

It seems like he's interested. Are you both out to friends and family? Perhaps he wishes to be more discreet for now. Slow your roll and try talking about whether his friends and family know he's gay.

[Guest]

32 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like he's interested. Are you both out to friends and family? Perhaps he wishes to be more discreet for now. Slow your roll and try talking about whether his friends and family know he's gay.

I’m not out to family but the guy I like and the other friend in question in the story know. I haven’t explicity said it to the other friend but I think he knows. I’m not really out to any other friends and my family don’t know either. I have known about my sexuality for probably around 5 years though so I’m comfortable with it and have had crushes but no homosexual relationships before.

I think I’m the only one who knows he’s gay but he has basically hinted at my other friend about it and said I know In reference to him calling him gay as a joke. I don’t think he’s out to his family, his dad doesn’t come across as the best listener to be honest I don’t know much about his mum.

 

He often makes jokes that could be conceived as gay jokes but only really when others are around and not when it is just me and him.

[Wiseman2]

24 minutes ago, Wardrobe said:

I think I’m the only one who knows he’s gay 

Ok. Then slow down. That last thing you want to do is push him out of his comfort zone and right now he's still in the closet. It's great you found someone you like but if you two need things to be private right now, try to respect that.

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Then slow down. That last thing you want to do is push him out of his comfort zone and right now he's still in the closet. It's great you found someone you like but if you two need things to be private right now, try to respect that.

I mean the thing is I can’t tell if he wants or is interested in a “thing”. Also he usually acts pretty gay in front of our friends and joins in on all of the “homies acting gay” banter. I wouldn’t say in general he’s scared of his sexuality but at the same time he wouldn’t say he’s gay if you just asked him. I wouldn’t either to be fair. It’s the fact that he doesn’t seem to want much alone time that makes me think there might not be interest from his end but as you say it could be because it is out of his comfort zone. But I guess I’ll play the waiting game until he’s maybe a bit more comfortable.

[Guest]

Anyone got any more thoughts on this? Will likely delete if not as don’t want it found.

[spinstermanquee]

Okay, I'll bite.  Old married straight lady here who has had gay friends since a preteen.

It takes a lot of courage and a lot of trust to fill the frame of the man you will become, regardless of sexual orientation.  While things in the world have improved, it's still a scary proposition for any young person to declare themselves.  Given the right support and love, the young person can grow into their skin and feel good about their identity.  But it's a process, a journey, not something you can snap your fingers or wave that HP magic wand and everything a-ok.

Sometimes, you have to wear camouflage to fit in - and breeders have to do this too - so just please develop your friends who support you no matter what, discard those you do not trust, and give yourself and others the time to figure out their lives.

In the meantime, big hugs from a momster who would love their children regardless of orientation ❤️

[catfeeder]

On 5/25/2023 at 1:16 PM, Wardrobe said:

It’s the fact that he doesn’t seem to want much alone time that makes me think there might not be interest from his end but as you say it could be because it is out of his comfort zone. But I guess I’ll play the waiting game until he’s maybe a bit more comfortable.

Someone can be interested but not ready at the same time. 

If he sense that you are ready, that might make him feel uncomfortable. Alone time with you might feel like pressure.

So I'd make a point of keeping my distance from his sexuality unless he initiates a conversation about it. Otherwise, operate in ways that feel familiar to him and keep him comfortable. Avoid the vibe that if you're alone you might come on to him or ask him to speak of things that he's not ready to discuss.

[Tinydance]

Well my thoughts on this is that even if he is interested, maybe he's not out to anyone at all, except you. I'm GLBTIQ as well  (pansexual) and when I was a teenager I was terrified of telling anyone. I went to a private Catholic school and I didn't think anyone would accept me there. Also I didn't think my parents would have a good reaction so I actually hid it from them for a long time. I only told my Mum because I had a girlfriend finally when I was 28. And she didn't actually react very well,  just like I feared. She also told me not to tell my Dad because he would never accept it.

I guess if this guy is worried what his family or other people might think, he might just be too scared to make a move. Also when I was a teenager and first started dating, I felt very nervous about it. I had so much anxiety because I was inexperienced. He could be just nervous about it in general. 

The other thing is, he could be sticking by you because he knows you're also gay and you understand him. He might like you as a good friend who gets him but not necessarily as a boyfriend.

I mean, you could actually tell him you like him again and see what he says?

[Guest]

13 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Someone can be interested but not ready at the same time. 

If he sense that you are ready, that might make him feel uncomfortable. Alone time with you might feel like pressure.

So I'd make a point of keeping my distance from his sexuality unless he initiates a conversation about it. Otherwise, operate in ways that feel familiar to him and keep him comfortable. Avoid the vibe that if you're alone you might come on to him or ask him to speak of things that he's not ready to discuss.

Thanks

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well my thoughts on this is that even if he is interested, maybe he's not out to anyone at all, except you. I'm GLBTIQ as well  (pansexual) and when I was a teenager I was terrified of telling anyone. I went to a private Catholic school and I didn't think anyone would accept me there. Also I didn't think my parents would have a good reaction so I actually hid it from them for a long time. I only told my Mum because I had a girlfriend finally when I was 28. And she didn't actually react very well,  just like I feared. She also told me not to tell my Dad because he would never accept it.

I guess if this guy is worried what his family or other people might think, he might just be too scared to make a move. Also when I was a teenager and first started dating, I felt very nervous about it. I had so much anxiety because I was inexperienced. He could be just nervous about it in general. 

The other thing is, he could be sticking by you because he knows you're also gay and you understand him. He might like you as a good friend who gets him but not necessarily as a boyfriend.

I mean, you could actually tell him you like him again and see what he says?

Thanks for sharing your experience 🙂

[Guest]

On 5/27/2023 at 9:58 PM, catfeeder said:

Someone can be interested but not ready at the same time. 

In this case would someone still show the usual signs of interest or would they just more admire you from afar in a situation.

[Batya33]

46 minutes ago, Wardrobe said:

In this case would someone still show the usual signs of interest or would they just more admire you from afar in a situation.

Someone can be interested and attracted and not available to date. Or want to date. Or both. People are individuals.  Some individuals would enjoy coming on strong and flirting cause it’s fun whether or not they want to date you. Others would avoid showing too much interest because they don’t want the hassle of declining a date or feel it’s inappropriate to flirt heavily without interest in dating. 

[Guest]

On 5/25/2023 at 5:59 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. Then slow down. That last thing you want to do is push him out of his comfort zone and right now he's still in the closet. It's great you found someone you like but if you two need things to be private right now, try to respect that.

Thanks for the advice. We’re going out now :)

[smackie9]

On 6/17/2023 at 4:20 AM, Wardrobe said:

Thanks for the advice. We’re going out now 🙂

I'm so happy for you! Hope all goes well 🙂