Was she just being nice or...

[TheLambOfDeth]

30 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Blimey could she be making it any more obvious 😂 Man you’re fumbling the bag stop focusing on texting habits and set a one on one date, be concise and suggest a good plan and see where the chips fall.

I've tried to get a one on one with her on the table. A few times. I've detailed it in this thread. She always seems interested, then wind-ups "rescheduling"...

[TheLambOfDeth]

2 minutes ago, WaywardKiwi said:

So TLDR, I was right, she was just bad at texting? You have blown her off multiple times and she is still inviting you out time and time again. If you choose to take everything as a negative then so be it, but you cant claim noone ever wants to date you or is interested in you because it is patently untrue. 

No, she's abysmal at texting, not just bad. If she was actually interested she wouldn't have kept rescheduling and she would actually text me first, or not just invite me to things the day of, after I text her first and often just seeing short replies. It sends really, really mixed signals. She clearly isn't interested in dating. Maybe something casual. She doesn't display any interest beyond that. If so, she would actually reach out to me.

[Kwothe28]

8 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

At one point she said she couldn't be held responsible if she took advantage of me or something.

And you still wonder if she likes you lol

Just invite her to a date. No galleries, no parties, just a date. And see how it goes.

[TheLambOfDeth]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

And you still wonder if she likes you lol

Just invite her to a date. No galleries, no parties, just a date. And see how it goes.

Why so she can pull the same move again? I've asked her to get drinks multiple times, and she always "reschedules". If she was interested, she'd find time. To be 34, she def doesn't act like it. She's either playing games or not interested, either way our communication styles simply aren't compatible. Her text responses just make me anxious. I'll still try to be her friends, but nothing more than that is possible.

I'll have to find more suitors, I just dk how or where. I haven't met anyone while volunteering or going to her gallery that she hasn't introduced me to..

[MrMan1983]

1 hour ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Why so she can pull the same move again? I've asked her to get drinks multiple times, and she always "reschedules". If she was interested, she'd find time. To be 34, she def doesn't act like it. She's either playing games or not interested, either way our communication styles simply aren't compatible. Her text responses just make me anxious. I'll still try to be her friends, but nothing more than that is possible.

I'll have to find more suitors, I just dk how or where. I haven't met anyone while volunteering or going to her gallery that she hasn't introduced me to..

Do you feel that she seems more interested now than she did when you previously tried to set definite dates and got the flake? Would you entertain one more throw of the dice if she reaches out or says anything flirty again? The 'she said she couldn't be held responsible if she took advantage' seems like there's some conclusive attraction/interest there unless she's just enjoying the attention, that is some definite flirting. But if her previous behaviour and contact style rules her out for you as a prospect then I also understand that, each to their own and all that.

Fair play though either way you seem self aware about it all and it's good that you have been willing to put yourself out there, may not be the outcome you're looking for on this certain occasion (or may still be yet) but it's a great start and you're already making progress in the bigger picture. Hopefully people can think of some other good suggestions for opening up your social circle even more.

[TheLambOfDeth]

26 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Do you feel that she seems more interested now than she did when you previously tried to set definite dates and got the flake? Would you entertain one more throw of the dice if she reaches out or says anything flirty again? The 'she said she couldn't be held responsible if she took advantage' seems like there's some conclusive attraction/interest there, that is some definite flirting. But if her previous behaviour and contact style rules her out for you as a prospect then I also understand that, each to their own and all that.

Fair play though either way you seem self aware about it all and it's good that you have been willing to put yourself out there, may not be the outcome you're looking for on this certain occasion (or may still be yet, she does show signs of being interested) but it's a great start and you're already making progress in the bigger picture. Hopefully people can think of some other good suggestions for opening up your social circle even more.

lol she's def not going to reach out now that I didn't go to that part she invited me to. But do I think she's more interested now? Idk...Maybe? She's done a lot of flirting recently...in person. Looking at me when saying "I wish someone would take me home", all the teasing, constantly mentioning she loves my vibe and calling me cool, talking about how much I understand her, the "taking advantage" thing, inviting me to stuff, all the giggling and laughing, etc..She's interested to some extent...in person.

But over text, it's just hard to get a read on her. She never reaches out and seems annoyed in her replies. It makes me question if there is any interest at all. It's weird. She's cute and I like her and we have a lot in common, but my anxiety can't deal with the doubt and ambiguity of any non in-person interaction.

The other issue is it's not like I have....any other potential dating prospects at all some I'm between a rock of a woman that MAY be interested but who's really flighty...or nothing lol. But this is what I mean when I say I literally cannot get a date...even when a woman seems interested, even one basic date is far too much to ask.

[MrMan1983]

4 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

lol she's def not going to reach out now that I didn't go to that part she invited me to. But do I think she's more interested now? Idk...Maybe? She's done a lot of flirting recently...in person. Looking at me when saying "I wish someone would take me home", all the teasing, constantly mentioning she loves my vibe and calling me cool, talking about how much I understand her, the "taking advantage" thing, inviting me to stuff, all the giggling and laughing, etc..She's interested to some extent...in person.

Ha, she's flirting hard. "I wish someone would take me home" basically begging you to say something like "I can help you out with that" or similar 😂 What did you say to it? Maybe times have changed in her head and maybe it's worth your while shooting your shot whilst the irons hot, eg. "Gutted I missed the party, would you be up for <insert fun idea that involves just two of you> on <insert couple of dates>?" keep it simple and direct, if she's wishy washy again then least you put it out there again.

[MrMan1983]

20 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

But over text, it's just hard to get a read on her. She never reaches out and seems annoyed in her replies. It makes me question if there is any interest at all. It's weird. She's cute and I like her and we have a lot in common, but my anxiety can't deal with the doubt and ambiguity of any non in-person interaction.

I guess if things did ever happen you could treat the phone as a device for setting dates like the old days and not a lot else, takes away that reading into texts thing. Smartphones are great for a lot of things, but it's so common for things to go sideways or get nuked due to texting issues.

[TheLambOfDeth]

3 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Ha, she's flirting hard. "I wish someone would take me home" basically begging you to say something like "I can help you out with that" or similar 😂 What did you say to it? Maybe times have changed in her head and maybe it's worth your while shooting your shot whilst the irons hot, eg. "Gutted I missed the party, would you be up for <insert fun idea that involves just two of you> on <insert couple of dates>?" keep it simple and direct, if she's wishy washy again then least you put it out there again.

...I didn't say anything lol. I kinda just gave a snarky grin and let her keep talking. I didn't expect her to say that tbh. 

So I can't really apologize. Like...idk it goes against my nature? lol. But she has an event Thursday so if I reach out (and she replies at all bc of the party no-show) she'll just invite me to that.
 

Quote

I guess if things did ever happen you could treat the phone as a device for setting dates like the old days and not a lot else, takes away that reading into texts thing. Smartphones are great for a lot of things, but it's so common for things to go sideways or get nuked due to texting issues.

I guess. The issue is texting is my preferred form of communication.

[rainbowsandroses]

OP, just catching up here. 

So if I've read this correctly, she does a lot of flirting and sexual innuendo which gives you the 'appearance' she may be interested....

BUT whenever you actually suggest getting together one-on-one, she initially says yes but then rescheduled each time?

And still nothing has been locked down as far as actually getting together? 

I'll wait for your response whether I got this right (I may not have) before further responding.

[MrMan1983]

4 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

So I can't really apologize. Like...idk it goes against my nature? lol. But she has an event Thursday so if I reach out (and she replies at all bc of the party no-show) she'll just invite me to that.

Can always ditch the 'Gutted I couldn't make the party' bit if you don't feel like apologising (not that it really is), main bit you want to know is the latter half anyway. Specifically mention a day that is not the group gathering so it can be just two of you, or on the group gathering mention meeting on another occasion face to face. Have an idea in mind in advance. Time to be bold.

8 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

I guess. The issue is texting is my preferred form of communication.

Maybe rethink the bigger picture here, the idea is dating and seeing her in person isn't it. Maybe she also prefers phone calls, but something you can discuss if you do manage to sort a proper date.

[TheLambOfDeth]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

OP, just catching up here. 

So if I've read this correctly, she does a lot of flirting and sexual innuendo which gives you the 'appearance' she may be interested....

BUT whenever you actually suggest getting together one-on-one, she initially says yes but then rescheduled each time?

And still nothing has been locked down as far as actually getting together? 

I'll wait for your response whether I got this right (I may not have) before further responding.

The heavy flirting only really started recently. That and all the "you really understand me" stuff. I haven't initiated anything one on one since the last time she flaked a while ago, but yea...I haven't asked since, bc she always rescheduled. And everything she invites me to is an art event, her gallery opening or a party. Things where other people are around.

[TheLambOfDeth]

9 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Can always ditch the 'Gutted I couldn't make the party' bit if you don't feel like apologising (not that it really is), main bit you want to know is the latter half anyway. Specifically mention a day that is not the group gathering so it can be just two of you, or on the group gathering mention meeting on another occasion face to face. Have an idea in mind in advance. Time to be bold.

Maybe rethink the bigger picture here, the idea is dating and seeing her in person isn't it. Maybe she also prefers phone calls, but something you can discuss if you do manage to sort a proper date.

I guess you're really...that isn't really an apology lol. I might have to lead with that bc otherwise idk what to say to reach out. And I've tried to be bold before when I asked her for drinks...twice, actually.

I think my best bet is to try to go to the event on Thusday and set something up one on one with her then. Bc trying to set something up via text is like being waterboarded with gasoline.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

The heavy flirting only really started recently. That and all the "you really understand me" stuff. I haven't initiated anything one on one since the last time she flaked a while ago, but yea...I haven't asked since, bc she always rescheduled. And everything she invites me to is an art event, her gallery opening or a party. Things where other people are around.

OK thanks.  

First off I think it's fine she invites you to events where others are around. 

Other people being around may ease the tension and nerves (like meeting at a bar/club).

If you're clicking, you could always leave and go someplace else, just the two of you. 

Secondly, try to not allow what happened "before" (her rescheduling) to negatively affect how you choose to proceed now.

In the now, she's making effort, asking you to events, verbally expressing feelings, focus on that. 

IF you still like her but allowing fear to drive your ship, nix the fear, take a risk and give it ONE more shot.

If she flakes, reschedules again, then next her. 

 

[TheLambOfDeth]

29 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

OK thanks.  

First off I think it's fine she invites you to events where others are around. 

Other people being around may ease the tension and nerves (like meeting at a bar/club).

If you're clicking, you could always leave and go someplace else, just the two of you. 

Secondly, try to not allow what happened "before" (her rescheduling) to negatively affect how you choose to proceed now.

In the now, she's making effort, asking you to events, verbally expressing feelings, focus on that. 

IF you still like her but allowing fear to drive your ship, nix the fear, take a risk and give it ONE more shot.

If she flakes, reschedules again, then next her. 

 

Interesting....I wouldn't have looked at it like that. She has demonstrated...certain efforts...at least in person. And she does seem engaged in person. I just don't feel like having to reach out again lol

[MrMan1983]

27 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

OK thanks.  

First off I think it's fine she invites you to events where others are around. 

Other people being around may ease the tension and nerves (like meeting at a bar/club).

If you're clicking, you could always leave and go someplace else, just the two of you. 

Secondly, try to not allow what happened "before" (her rescheduling) to negatively affect how you choose to proceed now.

In the now, she's making effort, asking you to events, verbally expressing feelings, focus on that. 

IF you still like her but allowing fear to drive your ship, nix the fear, take a risk and give it ONE more shot.

If she flakes, reschedules again, then next her. 

 

Agreed, go with the now. She's sounding currently more interested in you than before, maybe she wasn't quite there and is now (speculating there but who knows, just sounds like it). Either way this interest can just as easily dissipate into thin air by leaving it too long so would definitely be a good time to shoot your shot. Least you'll know either way.

[MrMan1983]

Just now, TheLambOfDeth said:

Interesting....I wouldn't have looked at it like that. She has demonstrated...certain efforts...at least in person. And she does seem engaged in person. I just don't feel like having to reach out again lol

Only live once man, sucks looking back on things and thinking what if I had tried at that point.

[TheLambOfDeth]

10 minutes ago, MrMan1983 said:

Only live once man, sucks looking back on things and thinking what if I had tried at that point.

Perhaps...but much less so if I actually had more options...

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Why so she can pull the same move again?

Maybe, maybe not. You will never know unless you try. If she pulls that again, then by all means pull out and dont have contact with her. But you never know what would happen. She clearly likes you so you owe it to yourself to try again. If she is wishy washy, then abort all. 

I am not against you finding more suitors. And encourage you to work on that too. But you cant complain how nobody wants you when you got a situation like this. 

[TheLambOfDeth]

12 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Maybe, maybe not. You will never know unless you try. If she pulls that again, then by all means pull out and dont have contact with her. But you never know what would happen. She clearly likes you so you owe it to yourself to try again. If she is wishy washy, then abort all. 

I am not against you finding more suitors. And encourage you to work on that too. But you cant complain how nobody wants you when you got a situation like this. 

She clearly likes the attention I give her, anyway...

A situation like this? You mean a situation in which a woman seems interested and I still can't even get a date? lol. All this does is reaffirm my issue. Even on the off, once in a blue moon, a woman seems interested...just getting a date is tantamount to asking for her hand in marriage. It's virtually impossible for me to get dating prospects.

[tattoobunnie]

2 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Looking at me when saying "I wish someone would take me home",

But over text, it's just hard to get a read on her.

I am the WORST texter.  I really think you need to stop using that as a gauge for her interest level.  People who also neurodivergent tend to be EXTRA awful at texting timely. 

Stop asking her for drinks.  Ask her to dinner or the movies.  Like date like stuff.  You are beyond "getting drinks" at this point.

[MrMan1983]

6 minutes ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

She clearly likes the attention I give her, anyway...

A situation like this? You mean a situation in which a woman seems interested and I still can't even get a date? lol. All this does is reaffirm my issue. Even on the off, once in a blue moon, a woman seems interested...just getting a date is tantamount to asking for her hand in marriage. It's virtually impossible for me to get dating prospects.

Oh give us a break with the negativity 😉 Go ask her on that date in a concise manner and see what happens, worst that can happen is she says no or is wishy washy still. You've reached this point by getting out there more, and you'll reach another point if it's a no go.

[TheLambOfDeth]

Lol shes going to Croatia from the 8th to the 24th. But she's apparently not mad about me missing the party...she said it sucked. I won't be seeing her anytime soon, though...This is why I desperately need more options.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, TheLambOfDeth said:

Lol shes going to Croatia from the 8th to the 24th. But she's apparently not mad about me missing the party...she said it sucked. I won't be seeing her anytime soon, though...This is why I desperately need more options.

I'd avoid this dramatic desperation thing -it often is a huge turn off to reasonably secure people.  No reason to be desperate -you can see her in a couple of weeks.

[TheLambOfDeth]

35 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'd avoid this dramatic desperation thing -it often is a huge turn off to reasonably secure people.  No reason to be desperate -you can see her in a couple of weeks.

I want to see new women. More women. That's the point. Not just sit around and and hope this person might be interested. Anyone with no options (involuntarily) is going to be desperate.