My sister and I can not get along?

[sarafollows]

Alright so. This situation is interesting. Let me start off by saying from day one my sister and I have seemed very different and it has seemed like bad blood has come between us.  I am 24 and she is 19.  Yes, unfortunately I live at home due to finances and eventually this summer hopefully will be getting a place with my brother so I can move out.  But that won't be until July.  Now, my sister also has struggles with mental health and makes the wrong choices in life. I try to tell her to be careful with the choices she makes and she gets offended thinking that I am "calling her a ***"  We also share a room since our parents' house is only 3 bedroom and so she always locks me out of the bedroom all times of the day (besides bedtime).  She also changes her clothes literally 15+times a day and in this process she leaves a huge mess of clothes and garbage literally all over the room. I am becoming very stressed over this since I am a clean person. I hate mess. All of this has made my mental health worse.  Now, I am in a tough situation financially and I do not have friends that I can go to and stay with. I also have family on the east coast but I have my jobs here. I'm not about to up and quit my jobs to run away from living here.  My mom knows whats going on and says "keep your distance and be nice to one another"  I just need some advice on how to survive these next few months living under our parents' roof.  Can anyone relate to a ridiculous situation with a sibling?  

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, katyfran45 said:

 I try to tell her to be careful with the choices she makes and she gets offended thinking that I am "calling her a ***" 

My mom knows whats going on and says "keep your distance and be nice to one another" 

Listen to your mother. It's all you can do. Stay out of her business and keep your side of the room how you like it. Don't expect your mother to take sides. Be out of the house as much as possible. Work, school, part-time jobs, groups, clubs, etc. Round out your life outside of the house. Step away from sibling rivalry and especially giving unwanted advice. 

[Cherylyn]

Well,  I'm not particularly fond of my sister.  Long story short,  I despise her husband and of course, she'll forever defend her meal ticket.  To make it worse,  she called me a liar for revealing all the "dirt" (chain smoking alcoholic, wife beater, womanizer, left my mother with 3 kids and heavily in debt, no child support whatsoever, etc) regarding the late father whom she adored.  Nowadays,  I enforce healthy boundaries with her and it has since worked wonders (thanks to @Lambert, too). 

As for you,  July is not that far away so I suggest that you remain patient and listen to your mother.  I agree regarding keeping your distance and be nice.  All you can do is be civil,  polite,  well mannered, respectful,  exercise self control with your mouth and actions yet keep a deliberate,  cool distance.  It can be done.  Do what you can to keep your immediate area clean and picked up despite your sister being a slob. 

If you wish to nurture new friendships,  try meeting new people within your locale.  Check MeetUps, walking groups or whatever interests you.  You need to start somewhere. 

To survive,  take good care of your health.  Eat right,  exercise and remember the sound body,  sound mind connection. 

[Batya33]

I'm sorry but I think you just have to tough it out.  I shared a room with my sister till she moved out and it was hard -she moved out when I was only 14 though and only moved back temporarily in her early 20s.  You have to decide whether to get another job so you can throw $ at the problem of your mental health suffering from these living conditions.  I'd stop giving advice to your younger sister -she's not hearing it at least from you.  I'm sorry!

[Coily]

Sounds frightfully annoying.

While it's important to keep the peace under your parent's roof, the "being nice" part could breed more resentment down the road. Cold polite detachment is a better option than a saccharine smile through gritted teeth.

With her childishly locking you out, I would almost suggest putting as much of your things in a different space.

 

[Cherylyn]

My definition of being nice is to be kind but not over the top fake.  Being nice is being polite and that's it.  It's not being sugary,  syrupy sweet.  Not at all.  Your mother's advice regarding keeping a safe distance while being nice means keep a cool distance while remaining civil.  Create healthy boundaries for yourself.  That's what your mother was advising and I couldn't agree more.