Is it possible to date someone who doesn’t speak the same language?

[jul-els]

A couple months ago, I met someone at a work event. She is from Vietnam. We’ve texted a few times since then and talked about meeting. Yesterday we met, and I’m interested in her from a dating perspective. The thing is, she speaks very little English. She does well with text, but in person her ability to speak and understand is very low. There’s something about her that interests me though. I feel drawn to her energy and I’m also physically attracted to her. Am I being reasonable to entertain my thoughts of dating her? 

[spinstermanquee]

When I first met my now husband he did not speak English or my secondary language and I did not speak his primary language but the chemistry was undeniable - for me, off the charts.  I say... if you are really into her GO FOR IT!  Start studying Vietnamese (at least learn please, thank you, excuse me, counting, etc.) - or perhaps she has another language like French that you could use to bridge over.  Learn about her cultural mores and how to show respect, nonverbal communication (like hand gestures and which ones to avoid).  There are also many activities you can do that bring communication through body language and shared experiences - a boat ride, walks, art shows.  Spoken language, with all the accents and pronunciation, is sometimes more difficult than written - you said she does okay with texts so maybe you can initially use an electronic translator (faster than paper dictionary)?  If you are capable of trying without getting frustrated or impatient then you are well placed to undertake such an exciting prospect!  Keep your sense of humor by your side at all times 🙂  Best of luck, jul-els!

[Batya33]

I think this is so sweet. I never tried but these days it seems very doable. I like the suggestions above.  Also made me want to add - I mean my husband kinda had to learn a whole new language when he became a dad for the first time at 42- he had zero experience with kids let alone a newborn. Often we’re all learning new ways of speaking and communicating throughout.  Your situation is just more concrete. 

[Cherylyn]

6 hours ago, jul-els said:

A couple months ago, I met someone at a work event. She is from Vietnam. We’ve texted a few times since then and talked about meeting. Yesterday we met, and I’m interested in her from a dating perspective. The thing is, she speaks very little English. She does well with text, but in person her ability to speak and understand is very low. There’s something about her that interests me though. I feel drawn to her energy and I’m also physically attracted to her. Am I being reasonable to entertain my thoughts of dating her? 

Both of you can learn each others languages and cultures.  I agree with @spinstermanquee  French or English is a great way to bridge the gap.  Learning Vietnamese can be challenging but doable. 

[Starlight925]

Have you watched "90 Day Fiance"?   One spouse is from the U.S., and the other is from another country.  Often, they don't speak each other's language.

In addition to the above suggestions (and I love @spinstermanquee's story!!), Google translate is your friend.

Last week, I had some work done in my home.  The 4 gentlemen who actually did the work spoke zero English.  Their supervisor, the guy that I hired, spoke English, but he left after he told the 4 what work I needed done.  Needless to say, it would have been impossible to communicate, had we not used Google translate.

Prior to their second day, I opened up about 10 windows on my phone, with phrases such as "Please hang that picture above that shelf", or "Please help yourself to water and Coke in the fridge", etc.

It ended up being such a fun day with these guys, as I'd mess up words, and they'd help correct me.  I'm a picky person for work in my home, so I even typed out an apology for being such a pain, and they laughed.

So, you could type out a bunch of phrases, and let Google translate "speak" them for you, and then you will learn not only the words, but the way they are said.  And your Vietnamese friend could do the same.  But as @spinstermanquee says, love is a Universal language.  Good luck!

[arjumand]

My SIL's parents met after World War II -- he was a Polish Holocaust survivor, she was a refugee from Yemen. Her brother found him on the street and brought him home to dinner where she pushed the food that would not completely set his head on fire closer to his plate. They had no common language. They figured it out and were married for more than 50 years with children and grandchildren. 

[Kwothe28]

Just dont ask her if she saw "Full Metal Jacket". 😁

I think its OK as long as you can at least talk or just message. When I worked in a hotel I had some guests at the hotel that spoked Italian. I couldnt speak Italian and they couldnt speak English. So they just spoked Italian into mobile phone and google translate told it in English and when I told them answer in English it traslated them to Italian. Its better that in time she masters English and you maybe learn some of her language. Could be fun. Friends brother is marrying a Mexican. They both do speak English but they both learned phrases in their own native language for fun and better communication when they go together in their own countries(both dont live in their native countries). 

Aside of language barrier, is it feasable to be together? Did she relocated in your country for good or plans to move further or go back? Its maybe more important then just language. 

[Sindy_0311]

When I met my ex husband he didn’t speak French. He is Spanish and I had some notions of it. Even if we had good chemistry and liked each other, I always missed some depth in our communication. In the beginning I thought it was because of language until I realized it had nothing to do with it as he became fluent speaking French. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t go for it if intellectual connection is important for you… 

[jul-els]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Just dont ask her if she saw "Full Metal Jacket". 😁

I think its OK as long as you can at least talk or just message. When I worked in a hotel I had some guests at the hotel that spoked Italian. I couldnt speak Italian and they couldnt speak English. So they just spoked Italian into mobile phone and google translate told it in English and when I told them answer in English it traslated them to Italian. Its better that in time she masters English and you maybe learn some of her language. Could be fun. Friends brother is marrying a Mexican. They both do speak English but they both learned phrases in their own native language for fun and better communication when they go together in their own countries(both dont live in their native countries). 

Aside of language barrier, is it feasable to be together? Did she relocated in your country for good or plans to move further or go back? Its maybe more important then just language. 

She’s trying to get her business started locally. She’s a massage therapist for the past 25 years and owned a salon in Vietnam. I’m currently in school for my certification and we met at a corporate event that MT’s were invited to work at. I worked for free as an extern and she got paid. 
 

Things have already taken a slightly odd turn as of today, though. She has some couples massages lined up and she has offered to give me work. Thing is, I can’t work outside of my externship or accept any form of payment before I’m certified. To do so would cause my eligibility for certification to be revoked if the state certification board were to find out. She and I both know this. 
 

I’m the top student in my class right now, getting all A’s and I already have two job offers from spas lined up for when I graduate. I don’t want to do anything now to potentially mess that up. I told her I was interested, but can’t accept work for four more months and she was persistent, even though I respectfully and diplomatically said I couldn’t accept the work right now. Believe me, I want to. I’ve been working my butt off and I’d love to start seeing some money. It’s like a carrot is being dangled in front of me. So yeah. *shrug* I was going to bring it up with my teacher and/or a counselor at school tomorrow and get some feedback. 

[Batya33]

This sounds shady.  I would not get involved in any business arrangement or transactions with her at this time especially since there is a language barrier too. I would not bring it up with a teacher since you already know it sounds shady and her persistence is concerning.

[spinstermanquee]

11 hours ago, jul-els said:

I told her I was interested, but can’t accept work for four more months and she was persistent, even though I respectfully and diplomatically said I couldn’t accept the work right now. Believe me, I want to. I’ve been working my butt off and I’d love to start seeing some money. It’s like a carrot is being dangled in front of me.

Now that you introduced business (and a carrot!) into the equation, and some questionable ethics, I would like to withdraw my encouragement to date her.  She is a colleague and a potential source of income in future.  The persistence on accepting the work might be cultural (possibly you are expected to refuse a number of times before accepting) and she might also not be taking those guidelines seriously since she had her own business - not excusing her willingness to break the rules, just looking at why she was willing.  You absolutely did the right thing by waiting until you are certified to take on therapy work.  Best of luck to you jul-els 🙂

[jul-els]

Yeah, I don’t know, I like her, it could go either way. I know of students who accept paying jobs, but they do it at their own risk. I wouldn’t. Not my style. I’ve worked too hard to jeopardize it now. The work will be there when I’m ready. I think her intentions are good. She’s just trying to hustle. She works at two spas and has her own studio. She’s trying to build her client base so she can get her private practice going full time. We talked about it some more and she understands my position. She’s willing to give me work once I’ve graduated. No harm, no foul. 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Yeah, I don’t know, I like her, it could go either way. I know of students who accept paying jobs, but they do it at their own risk. I wouldn’t. Not my style. I’ve worked too hard to jeopardize it now. The work will be there when I’m ready. I think her intentions are good. She’s just trying to hustle. She works at two spas and has her own studio. She’s trying to build her client base so she get her private practice going full time. We talked about it some more and she understands my position. She’s willing to give me work once I’ve graduated. No harm, no foul. 

Seems like she wants to hustle more than she wants to be a good friend to you despite her apology. I’d proceed with a lot of caution.