Brother attacked mother

[cryingalways]

My brother has a history of mental health issues. He was admitted to a mental ward several times years ago and diagnosed with schizophrenia, although we have since all thought he has autism (which lead to psychotic episodes). In recent years he became abusive, especially to my mother. If you disagree with anything he says he'll berate you into saying he's right, and even if you do agree he'll still find something to argue with you about.

Every Christmas we try to make sure there's a group of people around him so no one gets stuck alone with him, but this year he took offense to "the fire being too hot" just after my other brother had gone and shoved my mother before storming out to stay at the b&b round the corner.

I begged her to come stay at mine which is 20 mins drive away, but she stayed in and turned all the lights off, telling him she had gone to mine. He messaged us both abuse all night then went round to hers in the morning and pushed her to the floor, hitting her 10-15 times. She rung me saying she would call the police, then he turned up again crying but also saying she'd made him do it and she got a neighbour over. With the neighbour there he didn't return, then me and my partner got there and I stayed with her whilst she rung the police. 

They came to see her that evening and my brother has been told he can't contact her for now or he'll be arrested. He has messaged me saying he was 'ill and drunk' but sounding remorseful. I have not rung him back. 

I'm now constantly worried about my mother (rightly so) and checking in on her lots. She says she is willing prosecute him, which I agree with. It's very hard emotionally to deal with it all (as it is for mum) as I feel both scared and sad for him, that he needs help. We told the doctors he was threatening us and they did nothing. I will feel better once they admit him to hospital, but nothing has happened so far. 

I should also mention I had another brother who passed away 10 years ago, so this is especially hard on my mother and me because we want to help my older brother like we couldn't help the one who went.

Sorry for the long blurt, but I've been thinking I need to write all this down to help my anxiety, which had reached new heights.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. You need to call the police immediately when this type of thing happens.

In the meantime you and your mother need to get restraining orders. Please don't assume this is manageable alone.

Help your mother have the courage to get a restraining order.

Once he is discharged from a hospital, it's not the doctors job to prevent violence.  He cannot be held without a reason nor forced to comply with anything unless there is judicial intervention. That is why this is a legal not medical issue.

It's a police issue. One that hopefully you'll look into. Get restraining orders asap. 

[Lambert]

I agree with @Wiseman2

I am so sorry this happened to you and your mother.  Stay strong.  If he is not well enough to control himself, he needs to be jailed or hospitalized so he doesn't continue to hurt people.  It's unfortunate that it's a sickness not a choice and that you obviously love him, as does your mother.  However, people cannot be part of society if they are going to harm others.  Bottom line is, you can't trust him and you can't fix him.  You have to walk away and let the courts/police handle it.

[Starlight925]

In addition to restraining order:

Change all the locks.

Get a security system with cameras, both inside and out.  

If your mother is not comfortable with a firearm, then at the very least, get several canisters of mace to place around the home.

Change your mother's phone number, and block him from that new number.

I know this all seems excessive, but it isn't.  What's excessive is what you've already posted about him.  This is awful, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, but please start taking these actions today.

[Seraphim]

When suggesting fire arms and mace be aware not all countries allow this. In my country this is against the law. Fire arms are strictly controlled and mace is illegal. 

[Starlight925]

9 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

When suggesting fire arms and mace be aware not all countries allow this. In my country this is against the law. Fire arms are strictly controlled and mace is illegal. 

Oh wow, thank you for pointing this out!  It didn't even occur to me!

Yes, please check your local laws!

[boltnrun]

I agree with pressing charges. He won't get the help he needs if your mother drops the charges.

I also agree with changing the locks and adding an alarm system including cameras. 

I'm so sorry, this has to be exceedingly difficult.

[cryingalways]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. You need to call the police immediately when this type of thing happens.

In the meantime you and your mother need to get restraining orders. Please don't assume this is manageable alone.

Help your mother have the courage to get a restraining order.

Once he is discharged from a hospital, it's not the doctors job to prevent violence.  He cannot be held without a reason nor forced to comply with anything unless there is judicial intervention. That is why this is a legal not medical issue.

It's a police issue. One that hopefully you'll look into. Get restraining orders asap. 

I agree. We're just waiting for the police to contact him (bad time of year to get things done). The poor guy's even tried to admit himself to the mental ward since, but they won't take him until the police get involved. We will all feel better when he gets the help he has desperately needed for so long and feel safer. I really hope they take him, or yes it will be restraining order time. He's not allowed to contact mum atm either, so we have a sort of temporary restraining order. Fingers crossed things get going in the new year.

[Seraphim]

I hope you all get the help you need and your brother as well. 

[cryingalways]

18 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

In addition to restraining order:

Change all the locks.

Get a security system with cameras, both inside and out.  

If your mother is not comfortable with a firearm, then at the very least, get several canisters of mace to place around the home.

Change your mother's phone number, and block him from that new number.

I know this all seems excessive, but it isn't.  What's excessive is what you've already posted about him.  This is awful, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it, but please start taking these actions today.

Luckily he lives about a 4 hour drive away and can't drive (and is home now). I've suggested these things to my mum though (apart from the firearm as we're in the UK). She kept saying she hated not being able to defend herself and is now very jumpy, so I think self defense is a great idea thankyou. I will get some pepper spray myself too I think.

The police have actually told us not to block his number as that can sometimes make matters worse, they said just to let it ring out in this instance. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, cryingalways said:

. We will all feel better when he gets the help he has desperately needed for so long and feel safer

Anyone can call emergency services at any time to be taken to an ER.  However this is a criminal situation.

Please do not assume you'll be "safe" when he gets mental health care. 

It's good he lives at a distance and you have filed an order of protection.

This way if he shows up he would be arrested.

[cryingalways]

On 1/1/2023 at 11:17 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Anyone can call emergency services at any time to be taken to an ER.  However this is a criminal situation.

Please do not assume you'll be "safe" when he gets mental health care. 

It's good he lives at a distance and you have filed an order of protection.

This way if he shows up he would be arrested.

It's not that easy in the UK atm actually, A&E have 2 day long waits and add that to the festive season delay and that's why nothing has still happened.

We will be safe when he's institutionalised I think, there is a secure ward. She's not going to drop the charges though, for our safety and to actually get him help too. But yes I get your point, we won't be contacting him. I'm just desperate for the police to get on with their job, it's been a week since the attack and still nothing has happened. 

We've been ringing the police and GPs trying to get results though, and will not rest until we have. 

I actually suggested the mace etc to my mum and she said she wants to do self defense classes (I'm still getting her the mace..) but it lifted her out of her fear and she's sounding more herself, so thankyou for your suggestions. 

The rest of my family have been pretty useless through all this. My dad won't tell his new wife the truth and isn't taking it seriously enough. It's infuriating. 

[Seraphim]

41 minutes ago, cryingalways said:

It's not that easy in the UK atm actually, A&E have 2 day long waits and add that to the festive season delay and that's why nothing has still happened.

We will be safe when he's institutionalised I think, there is a secure ward. She's not going to drop the charges though, for our safety and to actually get him help too. But yes I get your point, we won't be contacting him. I'm just desperate for the police to get on with their job, it's been a week since the attack and still nothing has happened. 

We've been ringing the police and GPs trying to get results though, and will not rest until we have. 

I actually suggested the mace etc to my mum and she said she wants to do self defense classes (I'm still getting her the mace..) but it lifted her out of her fear and she's sounding more herself, so thankyou for your suggestions. 

The rest of my family have been pretty useless through all this. My dad won't tell his new wife the truth and isn't taking it seriously enough. It's infuriating. 

I just looked up laws for the UK and mace is illegal and could carry a 7 year prison sentence. It is illegal here in Canada as well. Just realise you could do more damage to your own case. It carries the same penalties as carrying a gun. 

[cryingalways]

2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I just looked up laws for the UK and mace is illegal and could carry a 7 year prison sentence. It is illegal here in Canada as well. Just realise you could do more damage to your own case. It carries the same penalties as carrying a gun. 

Ah I've been looking up "pepper spray". They sell little bottles that go on keyring. I think they're the same thing though, so that's the end of that idea!

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, cryingalways said:

Ah I've been looking up "pepper spray". They sell little bottles that go on keyring. I think they're the same thing though, so that's the end of that idea!

Yup. Pepper spray and mace are the same thing. Both our countries make it illegal to carry weapons designed to hurt people, guns,knives and chemicals.