Should I ask this person out?

[DarkCh0c0]

@mylolita I think you are one of the minorities who have had an age gap relationship that has beautifully worked. 

I'm not saying they all don't work. They  come with their own challenges/cases and a minority is able to work through that.

In OP's case, it's 2 decades of age difference. That's a lot. I've heard about 10-11 years difference, but 17... It sure raises a brow for me. But, to each their own. OP didn't even ask our input on this, so of course he could take what I say with a grain of salt.

[boltnrun]

My best friend married a man ten years younger than her. Everything was fine until she was approaching age 50. Then her husband decided he didn't want a 50 year old wife. So he started having affairs with younger women and lying about HIS age because he wanted a woman in her late 20s.

But...my friend's husband was a jerko. It certainly is NOT true that all people who marry someone older are jerkos. Not at all.

My primary concern in this situation is the fact you said you'd be pretty devastated if she says no to your date invitation. Would you feel fine continuing to have her cut your hair if she says no? What if she talks about the new guy she's dating, would that bother you?

[Kevin II]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to say, but she has your contact info and hasn't done anything other than what typical hairdressers do chitchatting with clients. 

It seems like she knows you're hitting on her and therefore emphasized "working with you".

She doesn't want to be rude or lose a client, but she's trying to sidestep your advances diplomatically. 

Additionally, she's a captive audience and hears people's woes all day long. Unfortunately she already has TMI about your breakup.

This is why I hesitate. This is probably the truth.

[Kevin II]

16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

My best friend married a man ten years younger than her. Everything was fine until she was approaching age 50. Then her husband decided he didn't want a 50 year old wife. So he started having affairs with younger women and lying about HIS age because he wanted a woman in her late 20s.

But...my friend's husband was a jerko. It certainly is NOT true that all people who marry someone older are jerkos. Not at all.

My primary concern in this situation is the fact you said you'd be pretty devastated if she says no to your date invitation. Would you feel fine continuing to have her cut your hair if she says no? What if she talks about the new guy she's dating, would that bother you?

i’ve learned a lot in the past and I would act like I’m just brushing it off and I would keep her as my stylist. She’s really cool and I think that we could both get past it pretty quickly. I’m not looking to get married. I was married for 19 years and she was married for eight or nine. I just like her a lot and want to get to know her better and yes I’m very attracted to her I think she is to me I just don’t think she considers me an option. That’s another reason why I am very hesitant.

However if it works out and we went out for a year or two I would consider that a good thing and a success. It doesn’t have to be for life. I mean that would be great but, it doesn’t have to be.

[MissCanuck]

Keep in mind that if she's recently separated (ie. within the last year), it's more than likely not the time for her to be dating someone new. 

Despite what you think you may know about why it ended and that she might have been ready to move on, the truth is that you know very little about the true dynamics of the situation. Most people fresh out of marriages need ample time to readjust and get used to the single life before they're in a good place to have a healthy relationship with someone else. 

So, if you decide to ask her out, keep perspective and be realistic about where she's at in her life. 

[Coily]

I'd say ask her out! Timing be hanged, age gaps be hanged, one never knows until one asks. Now being a barber she's more inclined to be cordial and friendly. So in your single state you are more prone to think something is there when it isn't; but only one way to know.

Will she be marriage material? Maybe, maybe not. However it's far better to ask, get turned down or succeed rather than ponder "if" when you're lonely.

Also ignore the nay sayers on age gaps. Some people it doesn't work, and some times there is a life time bond. My Grand parents had a 15 year gap, my great uncle had a 23 year gap, my parents a 6 year gap (my mother being older); and it worked out well for them. My point is it's about the people in the relationship, not some one tut-tutting with no knowledge of the situation or personalities.

 

 

[smackie9]

Sharing deep stories is not intimacy. Guys always see this type of behavior as romantic interest...it's not. I have had deep conversations with my hair dresser, doesn't mean she want's to be best friends with me....it's just bonding with your hairdresser, and part of what comes with the job, just like bartenders. They make sure they have a good rapport with their clients to keep them coming back and the tips good. I have worked in the service industry and I didn't feel comfortable with guys asking me out on the job. Just saying. 

So stop reading this as interest. If you enjoy the cut and the conversation then just keep it at that.

 

[Kevin II]

8 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Sharing deep stories is not intimacy. Guys always see this type of behavior as romantic interest...it's not. I have had deep conversations with my hair dresser, doesn't mean she want's to be best friends with me....it's just bonding with your hairdresser, and part of what comes with the job, just like bartenders. They make sure they have a good rapport with their clients to keep them coming back and the tips good. I have worked in the service industry and I didn't feel comfortable with guys asking me out on the job. Just saying. 

So stop reading this as interest. If you enjoy the cut and the conversation then just keep it at that.

 

yeah you’re probably right

 

😞

[mylolita]

16 hours ago, Kevin II said:

yeah you’re probably right

 

😞

The thing is though, how can we all as complete strangers across the internet make any fully correct judgement about her actions and the way she is with you?

I mean, she might be madly in love with you or she might just see you as a customer. Kevin, my dear, it seems as if you want to be convinced about all these signs mean no and to be let off from not asking her because you know deep down and don't want to make a fool of the situation!

If you really like her, it doesn't matter whether she's your hairdresser or she likes your playlists or you think she's friendly or she's separated, surely? I say this in the nicest way! If you really like her, you should put yourself out there and ask. We can't know what she is thinking, and neither can you! You have to ask!

I am rooting for you! 

x

[Tinydance]

Well it's hard to know because often hairdressers are very friendly with their customers and make a lot of conversation because it's their job. Although I don't think they would usually text outside of appointments or tell so much personal information about themselves. It's hard to know though because sometimes when a hairdresser is the actual owner of the business, they can be extra friendly.

Having said that though, I don't think you have anything to lose if you asked her out. If she said no though, will you change hairdressers? I'm sure there are many hairdressers around so you could easily go to a different one.

 

 

 

[Kevin II]

No I would totally make sure that everything was cool. Already thought about what I would say but, The more I think about it I’m probably not going to ask her out.