Diary of a recovering exboyfriend

[perseverance_rules]

Sounds to me like the lifeguard is interested in you man. She wouldnt ask a question like that without herself being interested in you and what youre about. GO FOR IT. Ask her out sometime. Bet shed say yes in a heartbeat. Wont know less you ask.

[rionmccloud]

I did wind up swimming later, and also got dinner for the two of us. Despite a sunburn, I stayed at the pool from about 3pm to closing at 8pm. We swam together, laughed, had fun. At one point she got a foot cramp so I massaged it out for her. I helped her straighten up the pool and take the garbage out at the end of the day. It was a pretty good day at that point. I asked her about what she was doing on Monday and if nothing then maybe we could get together for a beer or something, and she said she'll see what's happening. Good signs, I feel.

 

Later the day took a turn for the worse. I was invited to two parties, and I went to one at an old friend's place. I have nothing against foreigners, but there were probably 5 people out of thirty that spoke English. Not fun for me. I drank a few beers then slipped down again. I realised my life is like that party. Everybody around me is having fun while I sit huddled to the side feeling sorry for myself. It made me physically ill to realise this. Maybe it was the beer, but I did feel like tossing my cookies.

 

Today I went swimming again. See a running theme here? The ex brought my son to the pool and we played for about two hours. When I called to get her to pick him up so I could go home and prepare for work she was angry at me. She always acts like I never spend time with our son, when I see him almost every day. I didn't see him yesterday and made it up to him with playing at the pool today AND getting ice cream.

 

I don't understand any of this still. Just last night me and the ex talked, and it was a nice conversation. Now today she's being nasty about things.

 

The lifeguard seems to like me, but I can't really decide if she does. Letting someone massage your foot doesn't seem like something you allow if you don't like somebody. I guess I just think back to how things were in high school. If someone liked you they would act odd, and she does not, that I know of.

 

I don't really know what else to write, and I feel like I keep repeating myself constantly. Nothing has really changed for me when I look back. The ex and I try to get along, but the new bf makes things difficult on both ends. He is very jealous and doesn't like her talking to me, despite the way they met. I don't want to look at him, but must if I'm ever at the house. I think somebody likes me romantically, but am not sure and am probably wrong.

 

Life really blows, you know.

[rionmccloud]

Well, I didn't get a chance to go out with the lifeguard last night. I'm really starting to think she's not interested at all. I guess I just feel that I need somebody else to help me get over the ex. Right now it's hard to imagine ever being with anybody else. A confirmation that it is not true would really help, I'm sure. Today's chilly, but I may go swimming anyway. I think I'll try asking the lifeguard out one last time, then let sleeping dogs lie. I hate being clueless.

 

I have a new neighbor under me and she seems nice. Just talked to her yesterday. It's funny, I've lived there for nearly 4 months and don't really know my neighbors. Guess I don't really care to either. Me in a nutshell.

 

Well, that's all I have to say without going on a tirade about my life. I really don't want to do that, and I'm sure you guys don't want to read it. It's hard not to sometimes, though.

 

Good day to you all.

[ediefy]

Exactly two years ago today, my ex and I first made love. From that to this seems like a long, lonely road. Hope I get over him soon, too. These "anniversaries" stink.

 

You might back off the lifeguard for a few days, and then see if she wants to have a beer after work.... You don't want to seem too eager (I met one guy recently who practically jumped up and licked my face, he was so eager. Really made me back way, way off.)

 

Have a good day! I'm tryng to, in spite of the memories.

[rionmccloud]

Today, I think, will be a good day. I'm going to ask the lifeguard out. Wish me luck, and read my post in Dating and Shy People for more information on the subject.

 

Everybody who reads this send good thoughts my way, please!!! I need all the help I can get! Thanks.

[rionmccloud]

Well, we went out to eat and had a few beers. Nice night. I didn't ask her out to the restaurant, but was going to when she said she was going there. So I said "I was honestly thinking the same thing. Mind if I come along?" She didn't mind one bit. While there I asked her out. The beer I had helped, heh. She said she likes me, but doesn't want to be with anybody right now. She also said she's told all her friends about me, which is kind of scary because she knows a lot of the bad stuff over this recovery period. We will, however, be going out again soon. Her friend showed up at the restaurant, but next time it's just us. I enjoy her company a lot. We sit by the pool and do the crossword puzzle from the paper together, talk, swim laps, race, and just play around when nobody else is at the pool. I think she enjoys my company as well, since she hasn't ignored me or anything. Maybe things will continue in this way. Maybe this is what I need, since I already feel concerns for the ex slipping away with every new day that arrives. I still care for her, but I think knowing someone else could possibly be interested in me romantically is helping push things along at a more rapid pace. After dinner she was going out with friends, she said she'd invite me but they're the kind of friends that can be a bit embarrassing at times. We all have those friends. So Thursday was a good day for me. A really good day.

 

On the side, all this business is forcing me to be at the pool almost daily and I'm actually starting to develop a tan! This is unusual because I'm redheaded, pale, and freckled all over. All my pale brothers and sisters out there can relate to this one.

 

I kept my son last night and we went to the video store. Shark Tale sucks, and now I've seen the SPongebob Squarepants Movie about 20 or so times. Luckily, I love it and recommend it to everybody.

 

I argued with the ex slightly today. Mostly because of MY financial situation. I know she cares, but that's a little annoying because it wasn't out of concern for me, so much.

 

Thank you all and I'll keep you updated. Adios amigos.

[rionmccloud]

Today was another good day at the pool. I keep waiting for my chance to go out with the Lifeguard. Maybe it's just as friends, but as far as I'm concerned a date is a date. It'll be interesting to see what it's like to date again. I really like this girl, and hope things turn into more.

[rionmccloud]

Well, I can't go to the pool in the morning any more. I started back at work so, no more hanging out at the pool all day. I can still go in the afternoon, but not all night long. She's leaving the job at the end of the month anyways, so I guess it doesn't matter. I'll definitely be getting her number, though. Again, I like this girl a lot, like spending time with her, and I think she feels the same. I wonder if maybe she just doesn't want anything more until I fully heal from the breakup. I have made great progress, but the baggage still weighs a ton and she knows it. Can't blame her if that's the case.

 

I do still have feelings for the ex. When she shows up to pick up our son I just want to grab her, kiss her, and hold her tightly. It's really hard not to do that, but it's getting easier every day. Damn, I can't believe I still miss her this much.

 

It was hard to go back to work. Sunday I was at the pool all day again. Me and the lifeguard talked, worked the crossword puzzle in the paper, swam, played, and just had a good time. I was pretty much begging her to give me a reason to call in to work, but maybe she didn't get the hint or didn't care. She wasn't doing anything that night. Maybe I should have asked her out that night. Just said "Hey want to grab a beer? I don't want to go to work tonight anyways." Maybe she'd have taken the bait. Maybe I'm thinking about things too much. Shoulda, woulda, couldas never make a difference in the end.

 

I have developed a new outlook on relationships though, perhaps a more adult outlook. I guess I just have a realisation that not everything lasts. You don't have to be together ALL the time, and it's probably better if you're not. I'm sure there's more, but it's hard to put into words. Everything is different now. The way I perceive the world and other people is no exception.

 

I had a close friend tell me something mildly upsetting the other day. She said she likes me and my ex better now that we're not together. I didn't like hearing it, but it forced me to realise maybe we weren't good together. It's nice to know that I am changing, and maybe growing up a little bit. A lot of the things I feel and think have changed, and there's now way to relate it all. I'm also sure that things I don't even realise have changed exist. It's an awful lot to deal with.

 

I don't see myself as 25 in the mirror. I see the same kid that got involved with the ex 8 years ago, and see the same girl I love so much. The lifeguard looks 24 to me. That's an odd feeling. I never wanted to grow up, but I think I'm going to like the new adult life I now have.

 

I am warming up to the idea of living alone, but still miss having somebody beside me in bed. The bills are harder to manage, but the ex is having a harder time.

 

I am thinking of returning to school. I need a new job. The lifeguard is actually putting pressure on me to do both. Heh. Maybe there is something there that she doesn't even know about yet. One can only hope.

 

I think this diary is going to get boring for you guys real soon. But I will keep writing any thoughts and feelings I have. Maybe somebody else will be struck with an epiphany because of reading this. That would be nice to see happen.

 

As always, I pray for you all and thank you for everything.

[rionmccloud]

Well, it's been raining all week here so I haven't been able to hit the pool again. Maybe next week. I need to get the lifeguard's number before she leaves for work again. Shouldn't be too hard. The hard part will be not making a pest of myself.

 

I was surprised, and elated, to be confronted by a couple of girls at my work after returning from vacation. They noticed the tan, and commented on how I'd been gone so long. It was nice that somebody noticed. The girl that sits accross from me just calls me "The guy that gets Snarky with her" but she doesn't seem to mind at all. I was thinking of asking her out. I guess I just need Mrs Right Now. Somebody to show me a good time. I feel much better lately, and am glad. I can safely say I'm at least beyond the halfway point to recovery. That's a nice feeling.

 

Well, this is getting really boring. I am no longer consumed with thoughts of the ex. Well, not as much as I used to be. I don't cry myself to sleep EVERY day. I smile more than I did before the breakup some days. I think my friend was right when she said I'm much better now. Still kind of hurts to think we weren't right for each other, but I'll manage.

 

Again, thank you all for all the help you give everybody, not just me.

[rionmccloud]

Hello again guys. I have good news. I have a date for Friday. I met this girl online, we talked on the phone, and she seems nice, so if nothing else I'll have a fun new friend. She lives about an hour away, so I don't think a relationship otherwise is very expected.

 

I also am going to ask out a girl I work with. We make each other laugh a lot, and I even got her to laugh so hard she snorted! Good sign if you ask me. We've been trading drawings of monkeys as part of a running joke about trained monkeys being able to do our jobs.

 

The rain has kept me again from visiting the pool and seeing the Lifeguard. That sucks. She probably does just want to be friends right now, but that's just fine.

 

Reading this I'm sure you're thinking "What's happened to this guy?! He was such a sweet guy!" Well, what's happened is my perception of relationships changing to reflect a new understanding of them. I decided I'm going to date around. Several girls at once, even. Not to say I'm trying to be a player. If and when I begin sleeping with someone they will be the only one. All of this will be known to any girl I'm dating if it seems like it could evolve to more than just one date. I think this is part of an adult relationship, and besides, how can you find the one if you don't look in a lot of places? Anybody with an opinion on any this please post it here. I am looking for input on this subject, as it is a big change and decision for my life.

 

Thank you all in advance, and you'll all be in my prayers.

[perseverance_rules]

Its always good to be honest to the woman you eventually settle down with. While youre dating, just tell them they arent exclusive, and if things get better between you and you click, then youll let them know. Most of that is a given when you tell someone youre "dating".

[rionmccloud]

I guess you're right. I'm juts really new to this stuff.

 

Hey guys I just noticed, it's been a little over a month since I started keeping this journal, and in that time I have come back into the light, stepped outside, and met several ladies I would like to date.

 

This is all thanks to you guys!! Even if you didn't post anything here, I've read many others and the advice given in them. It has all helped immensley. So, in honor of you guys I'll make a toast this weekend to enotalone and the amazingly caring people who frequent the board.

 

Kudos to you all, and have a cookie while you're at it. =D>

[rionmccloud]

I'm thinking of retiring this diary. It has served it's purpose well. I thank you all who read it, and those who reply as well.

 

So this is the end, unless popular demand says otherwise. This is not the end of my presense on here, just the daily updates.

 

Again thank you all. You have been integral to my recovery. I hope those of you still going through it can find something here, or another thread, to help.

 

0X Peace out.

[lolapop411]

I read your entry and just wonder do you go out to clubs/ bars to look for a women to have sex with? My ex did and it hurts! I am in a zone where I think all men do this after a break-up. Do you have any input? Thanks.

[rionmccloud]

I did not. But I'm not your ex-husband either. I will admit, I thought about it, but then I realised it's not who I am. I'm sure maybe it was a way for him to feel wanted by somebody. That was a big thing with me was feeling unwanted and unneeded. I doubt it was intentionally to hurt you.

[twizod]

I was sitting at work checking out the forums and came accross your "journal". I read through the entire thing from first entry to last and enjoyed it immensely. I can only hope you keep entertaining us with your "My so called life" episodes of teenage angst and recovery. Keep up the good work and I"ll keep my fingers crossed you continue to write. Thanks again. By the way, even though you consider your entries boring, it isn't necessarily what didn't happen that was entertaining but how you say what did happen that entertains the mind.

[rionmccloud]

Teenage Angst? Hey I'm 25 buddy!

 

Ahh, you're right. It is very teen agnst-like. I guess that's because I never really had to face the full brunt of being an adult before now. I was with my high school sweetheart for 8 years. We lived together for around 6. It was a very juvenile relationship, in retrospect. The ex's new relationship is not and "adult" relationship, either. I say this because they are ALWAYS together except when they really cannot. I understand wanting to be with you care about, but I now understand the need for both to have their own lives, too. I want to have my own life, and share it with somebody else.

 

I honestly don't know what I'm trying to say here. I feel many of these things, and can't properly put them into words. I just KNOW what I want.

 

I Have two dates for the weekend, as I may have mentioned before. Friday I drive an hour for a date, and it will likely be the only one. I really don't want anything long distance, though I know that's not that far to go. It doesn't help that my car's a piece of junk that can barely make it down the road on good days. I aso think she's clingy, and I can tell this already. Not what I want. Wanting to be together is okay, but needing to be together is a little pushy.

 

My other date is for Saturday. I am going with a girl I work with that I barely know. We've been working together for at least a year, sitting accross from each other for around 6 months, and I just found out her name yesterday, the day I asked her out. I don't even know what we're doing that night. I brought up a pub I enjoy that's near her home and she said sure, so I guess that's it, but the problem is deeper than that. I am just still new to this, despite the seeming pimpness about having two dates in a row. And to further the playerness, I KNOW I could get a third date for the weekend if I wanted it. I think I'll pass though. Don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

 

That's my life right now. The most interesting bits of it anyway.

 

I HOPE THAT WAS ENTERTAINING, YOU BOOBS!! Uh, I mean...

 

Thanks as always, loyal readers.... whoever you are, I mean, nobody ever posts anything here any more.

EXCELSIOR!!

[rionmccloud]

Wow... I just re-read my entire thread. I was shocked to see the transformation in one month's time. It is really amazing. Nearly everyday I could see where I was changing. Quite shocking. Mind you, this is the last of about 3 to four months of recovery time. The time before this diary began was even worse.

 

I am just amazed with myself and my own resiliance after reading this again. I am shocked I have two dates this weekend.

 

Go ME!!

[rionmccloud]

Well, guys. I'm down to one date this weekend. Friday I have cancelled. I don't know why but I didn't feel okay about it, and have actually been losing sleep over it. I don't know really know why, but I feel like I don't want to go now.

 

Saturday is still on though. This date doesn't feel.. weird to me.

 

I even am going to play bingo with the lifeguard on Sunday. A little much for me maybe. I talked to her today, and she asked about my date for Saturday. Asked what she looks like, how well I know her, etc. What could that mean? Is she trying to see how she adds up, maybe?

 

Do you think it would be bad to ask her out for Friday. I mean, that would seem bad, but something didn't feel right with the other girl. Everything feels right with the lifeguard though. Today, we worked a crossword puzzle together. Sounds dumb, but I loved it. She helped me, I helped her. It was fun, and I think she enjoys it too. She even bought a book of crosswords, and commented on doing it again sometime.

 

Maybe I will ask her if she'd ike to get dinner and a few drinks. Nothing special, just time spent together. Maybe work a crossword at my place. That sounds dirty....

 

Anyhoo, that's my day. Not as ionteresting as it has been in the past, but I guess there's still something to be said, or I would've shut up by now.

 

Peace out.

[ediefy]

So. Here's a thing. How do you think you'll feel about eventually having sex/making love with, say, the lifeguard? I'm just asking because I've met someone I like a lot, and I can see where things are headed with this guy--probably this weekend. He seems like a good guy, we've seen each other now 4 times (twice out to dinner, once dinner at his place, once at mine). We're clearly very attracted to each other, but I'm a little concerned about how I'll do if we get intimate any time soon. I'm still thinking about being with my ex that way, and I don't want to freak out with this very nice new guy if we should end up in the sack together. Have you thought at all about that or is it too early in your process for that kind of thing?

[rionmccloud]

I have definitely thought about that. I just am not sure how I feel about things still. All I know is one date didn't make me feel comfortable, and the other one does. I feel totally comfortable with the lifeguard, and the one time we went out, given it was just dinner and she had a friend there, was fun and I didn't feel nervous except for asking her out on another outing just the two of us would be attending. I love spending time with her, and the only thing that worries me is that after the amount of time it's been she really won't be interested romantically. I always placed in the Friend Corral, it seems.

 

One thing about the date for Friday is that she seemed awful clingy, and we hadn't even met in person yet. She was always calling and such, wanting to talk for long times, and just seemed way to excited about the date. That put me off quite a bit. She was really looking far into her future and seemed to be assuming that I'd be in it. That was a little scary.

 

My date for Saturday barely knows me, seems to like me, but also seems that she's fine with or without my company that night. That's sort of what I'm looking for.

 

I want somebody that is okay if we don't see or talk to each other every day. I want somebody is glad to see me, but also likes time to herself. I also want somebody that isn't going to suffocate me at every turn, be mad if I don't call (Unless I said I would), or be mad if I go out with my mates instead of her a one weekend out of 6.

 

Sex is really one of the farthest things from my mind. I'm more worried about finding somebody that I'll eventually care enough about to want to have sex with. I'll deal with that hurdle when it hits me in the knee.

 

I do feel bad about breaking that date, don't get me wrong. I suffered through several days of stress and loss of sleep because of this. I didn't just change my mind. I had every intention of going, but today I realised I just don't feel right about it. Is that so wrong? Maybe it's because I met this person over the interweb. I suspect that is the case.

 

Am I really a bad guy because of this?

[ediefy]

No, you are not a bad guy. You absolutely have to go with your gut, and you were up front enough with this woman to let her know ahead of time--you didn't stand her up, you didn't say things that were untruthful. This whole internet dating thing makes it hard to suss out exactly what the other person is like. If this woman was calling you a lot already and wanting to latch onto you before even meeting you, you were probably right to back off and shut it all down. Imagine if you had met and she'd decided you were the cat's pajamas and got even more clingy!

 

I hope your other date goes well. After my date last night, I thought about it a lot, and sent email to the guy today telling him that I want to see him, am happy to hold hands and kiss, but that I need to get to know him better before we jump into bed together. Intimacy is, well, too intimate, until I know him better and have a sense of a deeper connection with him. Otherwise, it's just sex, and I have never been good at separating my heart from the rest of me.

[apollocreed71]

My ex's and my wedding anniversay was the 5th of JUne, it would have been six years of marriage. Yeah, I feel your pain, I loved her so much. And sometimes I do dream about her, and it hurts. i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. i have cried also, have been very depressed. but some things you just can not forget. my ex wanted to be friends, but i could not stand the pain, cause from life experiences, i know i still love her, and to be friends when we were so much more would be too difficult, and then i thought how friendly would she be to me once she gets a new bf. i understand it is hard.....i still think sometimes what it could have been, we have been divorced for two years. I have the fear of what is out there i guess....I am dating a new girl, but my memories are still there. In the back of my mind i can not figure out what really went wrong. honestly, with such a long relationship, you will never forget. just focus on moving on.

[rionmccloud]

Thank you Ediefy. I know in my heart that I did the right thing, but I still feel bad about it. Everybody if talked to about it has agreed. It's nice to know I'm not lying to myself, though. I'm also glad to hear your date went well, and you followed your gut also. Sometimes the body can tell us things our minds are trying to justify, in my case.

 

Apollo, you are absolutely right. I still harbor feelings for my ex, but in the time since I started writing this it has slowly dulled. I still care immensely for her, but it is truly as a friend more than anything else. I would take her back and try things again if she came to me tomorrow, but I'm not hoping or holding my breath waiting for it to happen. I am truly to the point of feeling if it happens that's good, and if not then that's good too. It all takes time, I suppose, as it really does heal all wounds.

 

I talked to the girl I'm going out with on Saturday. She apparently had a boyfriend of five years move to another state without telling her. Man that's even rougher than my situation. I don't think this was any time recently, as I hear she was dating another guy in the office for a time. She really has a good personality and can counter anything I come up with. The ex could never do that very well. We will meet for dinner and drinks. Hopefully the weather will stay nice so we can sit outside. I am really looking forward to this major event in my life. This will be my first date since the breakup. THE FIRST! And in life, only my third ever. I still want to keep my mind open. I'm not reading too much into anything or getting my hopes up for anything, which is a big change.

 

It all still feels weird, but I think I like it. Heh. My ex has been very supportive of me in all this, which means a lot to me. Eventually the ex will meet the current girlfriend, and I would like for them to get along. My ex is still very important to me, and her and my son's approval play a big role. My ex is still the best friend I've ever had.

 

Tomorrow I have a big day. I get a haircut, clean my car, and buy a new outfit for the weekend. You may have seen my post about the outfit in the General category. I am bringing along a female friend to approve anything I intend to buy. She also suggested a stylist to cut my hair. Everybody has been very supportive of me, and I love them all for it. That includes everybody on here. Without the support of my friends I never could have gotten to this point.

 

I met my neighbors, really talked to them, for the first time today. One is Romanian and I think the other is an alcoholic, but he's nice. I must say I am enjoying being single. THAT is probably the biggest step so far.

[rionmccloud]

Haircut.... $20 with tip

New clothes... $60 plus tax

Car wash... $10 unless you want wax

Going on your first date since your ex broke up with you and writing about on a message board so other people can cheer, jeer, and just plain support you because you're nervous and not really good at this kind of thing, but you're trying to rebuild your life so you'V got to get better, and then there's another girl you like that may like you but you're not sure, and you should have asked her out for Friday, but you didn't, so in the end you stay confused just as you were in the beginning...... PRICELESS!

 

I'm ready..... for dating. I'm ready.... For dating.