Infertility and sadness

[Nonamemrs]

Dear reader,

I want to know if there is anyone out there who may know how it feels when you are told that you and your husband can never have a biological children?

Me and my lovely husband were told 6 months ago after an invasive surgery (micro tese) that was performed on him that he can’t produce any sperm.

Ever since then, I’ve tried to get myself more busy with work and continue to live our lives but a heavy sadness is in my heart to a point that I feel I’ll never be my past happy care free woman again. I feel there isn’t anything to look forward to our life as a family in the future and it’s just us two. All our friends have children but still I mean how often can we play uncle auntie with them?

should we just stay with each other childless or should we start going after adopting a child? 
 

 

[Seraphim]

Adoption is a beautiful gift to both parties. Many many who adopt love their adopted children just like a biological child. 

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Nonamemrs said:

should we just stay with each other childless or should we start going after adopting a child? 

There are options for you such as sperm donation. This way you'll have biological children, even if your husband can not. Have you sought out options since this time?:

https://www.enotalone.com/topic/444638-married-4-months-ago-and-just-found-out-my-husband-is-infertile/#comment-5654470

 

[Batya33]

What about using a sperm donor? One of my friends was married to a man with low sperm count and in fact it was ridiculously low -they got pregnant with basically his only swimmer

 

[Tinydance]

I'm so sorry you are going through this  😞 That must have been a big shock to be told this. Your husband can't have biological children but you can actually have children who are biologically yours, right? So you can still experience pregnancy and motherhood and you would be the child's biological mother.

I don't think you need to be childless but I guess adopting or using a sperm donor would be your options. You could also for example be foster carers to begin with and see how you feel taking care of babies or children. Though you don't need to foster and can just choose to go straight for adoption or sperm donor. I guess you'd need to discuss with your husband how he feels about it and what he wants to do.

[catfeeder]

How strong is your marriage, and what are your husband's feelings about this?

[Tiddytok5]

Divorce him.

You married for the wrong reasons.

 

 

There are plenty of things to look forward to with a spouse. He is still your family. 

 

Your life isn't doomed or over just because you don't have children.

 

Life can be very fulfilling without children.

No one has a child for the right reasons anyways. 

 

Selfishness is the reason why people have children.

 

 

Divorce him.

Let him find someone who is genuinely interested in him, accepts, and loves him for himself. 

 

Not someone who married him to use for children..who sees no further need or use for him because he can't have children.

You only want children because you want to "fit in" and mimick the members of family and friends that have.

You two are incompatible and should end things.

 

Divorce and find someone else to have children with. .

 

If you feel strongly about it, there's no other solution but to divorce and find someone else.

 

Someone who can have children.

 

 

Your husband may be secretly relieved that he can't..maybe he secretly didn't genuinely want kids and was only doing it for you.

 

 

Divorce. Find a suitable partner and someone who can have children.

 

 

Be careful what you wish for.

[Tiddytok5]

On 11/13/2022 at 3:29 PM, Nonamemrs said:

 

Ever since then, I’ve tried to get myself more busy with work and continue to live our lives but a heavy sadness is in my heart to a point that I feel I’ll never be my past happy care free woman again. I feel there isn’t anything to look forward to our life as a family in the future and it’s just us two. All our friends have children but still I mean how often can we play uncle auntie with them?

 

 

You do not genuinely love this man. 

You only married to use him for children 

You only want children to keep up with your friends.

 

Release and terminate this relationship.

 

Find someone who you truly are compatible with.

 

You see no value or worth in him and your relationship if there's no children.

 

 

Just leave him be and divorce.

 

You'll never be happy without a child...

 

Do not adopt.

Do not bring up children, do not try or pressure your husband into having any children or going through anything just to give you a child.

 

This is a selfish post only about your feelings wants and desires. 

You wouldn't be satisfied, nor happy and the child would suffer.

 

You really want biological children.

 

Go find someone else who can give you that.