Cutting a friend I grew up with

[sweetlady]

I need to get this off my chest here. I wonder if I could of been a better friend or I have done the right thing.

So I grew up with this friend. My friends mum use to look after me as a child. Probably a bit like family we were so close.

I was very shy child but think I was taken advantage of at times with this friend. She was like an older sister to me.

I remember she had this other friend I couldn't stand her. I felt this girl was trouble. I won't lie did feel jealous at their friendship. My friend would seem more interested in her maybe because I was shy we both were the same this girl wasn't like us but more confident and fun. I remember feeling they use to gang up on me. I went through a hard time at school only went there because this friend said it was a good school. I was depressed and dropped out of school for various issues this friend would knock my door with the girl I couldn't stand and use to say I am not going out. When I went out they talk in this chat I didn't understand. This girl would leave me outside her place and my friend would go in. So I avoided this it probably was something that added to my depression.

Fast forward to adults. 

I got pregnant at 26 and she was also pregnant too. She took me to the hospital ans was by my side when they told me my baby died I was 8mths. I had to deliver the baby it was so hard. I even attached myself to some guy to use as a way of escaping my loss. But did get into a relationship with him.

One day she phones says she was in labour I remember saying I would be there for but I think that was before I lost my baby. Thought she wouldn't have expected me to go knowing I lost my baby. Anyway despite losing my first baby I went but it was very difficult because it was the same hospital I lost my baby so had to leave. Even my own mother didn't understand why I went up there. After she had baby still visited her looking down at her baby it was hard. I had visited her after at home. But I clung to this new man I had don't think it was love now at all why I got with him.

One day she was calling and I decided to go visit this guy at work. I ignored her calls because I thought she wanted me to go over see her and the baby.I just couldn't face it. Then got a text from her saying her mother had died and she was calling me to go down to hers. She lived just down the balcony from me.

I remember I was crying on the bus going to meet her at the hospital. I even saw her mother's dead body. I just was also devastated. I think our friendship wasn't the same I think she was upset I wasn't there for her and that friend I told you about. Well that girl's mother was there as they closer lives on the same balcony. This girl mother was telling me they did all they could. I knew my friend felt closer to that friend because her mother was there for when her mother was dying. Like she felt she owed her.

So after that I got pregnant with my second baby and she also did again. We both had boys and we use to go play groups and we did a lot together. That guy I was with moved in with me and in 2009 we moved out of area and moved next door to my dad. I finally left my mother's home got a house with this guy.

I use to visit this friend and her two kids and I would bring my child along. She was struggling and she also had another baby too. So with 3 kids it was hard for her. But I would message her and she say they are fine.

In 2013 split with my child's father and had took myself out the home because he was financial and emotional abusive went homeless. So I was living in temporary accommodation.

This where things get messy in our friendship.

One day this friend called me saying she witnessed something. I thought it was outside where she lived but it was her children dad. He done something to one of her kids and she reported him. Then I got another call saying that her kids were getting removed from her care. Honestly I was devastated for her. 

I didn't really get what happened to her. Her and her children father were always arguing they also split think after second child. 

Then had become friends with someone who was always there for her helping her look after her kids. This person did so much for her. My friend decided to ignore me when I would message to see if she okay. I was worried as she lost her children. So got talking to her friend and I begged her to tell how my friend was doing. I remember this friend telling me sorry I had enough of her she not listening to me. It was all do with court cases she had about her kids. My friend was quite laid back and was kind of like lazy in doing things. This friend was advising her what to do but she wasn't listening.I must admit I was wrapped up in my own stuff I was stressed over my situation and her situation. I got to become close friends with her friend. It was that we both were thrown together in this situation but was very concerned about her and the children. In time she wouldn't really talk to me but actually invited to a meeting about her kids. I think to show she had people around. I did feel used because I had to say we communicated by phone each day but tbh didn't know really anything. This other friend stopped talking but I had just stopped talking to her as she ignored me. If she didn't want to tell me anything then I just left her. I was concerned and upset for her.

Sorry I will get to the point. I stopped talking to her and so did this friend of hers. I got close to this friend of hers. We both had enough in this who situation she told lies made it seem we ganged up on her we didn't. She lied about stuff with her kids father..She blamed him for losing the children but it was her too. School also reported her for neglect kids were going school dressed unclean sometimes she not given them breakfast.

To everyone this friend of her turned me against her. That wasn't the case at all. She just shut me out. Apparently before that friend stopped talking to her she said she knew how I felt losing a child. Sorry to say it was entirely different she lost her children because of neglect not because they died. So everyone of her family/friends bought into her lies me and this other friend were made to look the bad guys. Yes talking to her children father yes I can say I was wrong for that but we should of told him she was struggling we didn't. But he opened my eyes up to how manipulative she is and unstable. Everything had got messy with this  situation but she got her children back. Won't lie not sure how until this day. She still the same and she still can't manage them. 

So fast forward to last year. We hadn't spoken in a long time. I got a message from her children father saying she moving to my area when I live. I thought just why me don't need all the drama with her and her children had got worse. I thought don't need this up here. I was literally freaking out.

I think I reached out maybe because of her children. I can't remember how we got in touch. We started talking but not really resolving our issues. I helped her move to a house. But could see she was still the same. Her children had been through a lot very damaged from their mum and dad battling each other. She got three teenagers and I got one. But since we did start talking kept her at a distance didn't want to be dragged into the drama. I even stopped communication with her children father. We would message online it was never the same with us. Then went to an event we normally go too in the area we grew up in. She went and so did I. But she acted like we wasn't talking to her family. We do talk online and yes issues hadn't be resolved but was annoyed don't act like we not talking. Then when she back home obviously living near me. She asked if I enjoyed this event. Like she didn't act like I didn't exist that day. That friend who she was very close to as a child besides me was there. I felt like back then as in front of her she didn't talk to me either. I actually said hello to this girl but was ignored. I threw olive branch to her sister letting her stand in my place ignored. So ignored her messages asking why have I stopped talking to her. Then I said you know why don't need to tell you. She goes on and on I am literally done with her games. She went to far in her messages especially after I said she does need to understand what she does to people and why they stop talking to her. Then she blocked me and won't lie I am relieved tbh.

I know I wasn't innocent but she is very toxic and had to cut her off. Just wondering if I missed here. She said something like I was never a friend to her. I am sorry I was grieving and yet I went to the hospital where your mum died surprised it didn't tip me over the edge.I have no sympathy for her she created her drama. She a liar, manipulated her own children not to speak to me. She a very toxic person. I won't lie I even messaged her kids father saying sorry stopped talking to her wish your kids the best. This man wasn't perfect but he really stepped up a bit. She is so on edge because she heard from my mother we saw him in a supermarket. I hadn't spoken to him since he told me she moved near me warning. He didn't tell me how the children are. So I messaged him to back him up saying you haven't told me anything and I haven't told you anything incase she goes social services lies on him. Yes I did that get her back was upset. Then she mentioned him in the message you said you didn't like him. We only spoke for the children sake. He rang me telling one of the children was stabbed in hospital and that she was ill. I have some respect for him for that he didn't have to tell me anything. Some people have seen her for what she is stopped talking to her. I just feel awkward we live in same town we going to bump into each other. Why she she move up here. People are saying because of me. You accept moving to a place you have no support network but me. The other friend who use to help her with her children we are very close friends but she done with her. 

She also don't know I am pregnant hid that from her and was even pregnant at this event. She evil 

Was I wrong in any way?

 

 

 

 

 

[catfeeder]

When your reaction to being dismissed by someone is relief, that tells you all you really need to know.

Some people are best loved from far away.

Head high.

[Cherylyn]

Whenever friendship requires too much work,  it's not working.  It's better to go your separate ways.  I'm sorry. 

Friendships should be like what I have.  My friends are kind and uncomplicated.  Friendships with them are very respectful,  well mannered,  considerate and smooth.   Any other way is a disaster.  

I avoid complicated, difficult,  apathetic, indifferent people.  I do not want to expend the time and energy on people who are not worth it to me.   

[Coily]

That's quite a tumultuous "friendship;" unfortunately when people change that connection you have had changes too. It sounds like she really went in a direction in life that you cannot follow. It would be entirely different if she wasn't on a self-destructive and toxic path.

Friendships are a kaleidoscope of levels and complications, which is wonderful and fulfilling in their own ways. Don't let anyone define that for you, you know your value.

All in all don't feel guilty for cutting her out of your life.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Coily said:

Friendships are a kaleidoscope of levels and complications, which is wonderful and fulfilling in their own ways

I really like this description!!!

[sweetlady]

9 hours ago, Coily said:

That's quite a tumultuous "friendship;" unfortunately when people change that connection you have had changes too. It sounds like she really went in a direction in life that you cannot follow. It would be entirely different if she wasn't on a self-destructive and toxic path.

Friendships are a kaleidoscope of levels and complications, which is wonderful and fulfilling in their own ways. Don't let anyone define that for you, you know your value.

All in all don't feel guilty for cutting her out of your life.

She really changed in to someone I don't like.

It's not my business but what damage she done to her own children is heartbreaking.

I don't miss her drama at all.

But because we been friends from when we were children. People are coming to me tell me updates think they know now not too.

I forgot to say she in a wheelchair because of her bone condition. I know conditions are not always visible have fibromyalgia myself. I went over to help her. She was up moving her stuff out into communial area waiting for van to come take her. I didn't go inside in fact she gave me a chair to sit outside the flat. I couldn't stay and apparently this van people would move her because they were allergic to cats. I do think it was more than that. Already drama that day we not been talking long. She told me her two boys had a fight police was called.

So all her drama don't miss. Nothing will change she sees no issues in what she does. Everything is always someone else is fault.

My DP said it all you helped her move look how she treated you. He was there reading her awful message. Saying she didn't talk to you at this event why is she lying. 

I do feel a mug for attempting to try have a friendship as too much water under the bridge. Think mainly for her children all teenagers. She mentally screwed their heads up.

She crying DV but don't think that's the case. She lied to get what she wants.

I am glad to be out of it and when she said don't ever talk to my kids. It was like she was saying to hurt me but didn't even care I am glad tbh.

One of them sadly gets everything the other two blinded and their dad enforces that her friends who fallen out with her do care about them. But even with him he got his own agenda. 

I am pregnant so worried about bumping into her when I had baby. 

I just don't want her apart of my life again. She was right saying I was never her friend but it was her never my friend. 

I am confident everyone will see through the lies soon. 

 

 

 

 

[Cherylyn]

I don't like complicated friends nor complications in friendships because those types of friendships are stressful, very taxing and very high maintenance.  ☹️

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, sweetlady said:

My DP said.... 

If you two have grown apart, that's ok. It happens. However don't let your BF make decisions for you about who you are or aren't friends with.

[Spawn]

We finally end up with very few friends (or many foes like in case of a politician 🙂) so why worry.

if this friendship is draining you out with your health, time and energy, then its the best decision of your life to let it go, use that time to nurture yourself with all the things that could help you grow as a person.

[sweetlady]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

If you two have grown apart, that's ok. It happens. However don't let your BF make decisions for you about who you are or aren't friends with.

Nothing to do with him. He completely right because she is too much drama.

 

[Coily]

On 11/8/2022 at 9:51 PM, sweetlady said:

She really changed in to someone I don't like.

It's not my business but what damage she done to her own children is heartbreaking.

I don't miss her drama at all.

But because we been friends from when we were children. People are coming to me tell me updates think they know now not too.

I forgot to say she in a wheelchair because of her bone condition. I know conditions are not always visible have fibromyalgia myself. I went over to help her. She was up moving her stuff out into communial area waiting for van to come take her. I didn't go inside in fact she gave me a chair to sit outside the flat. I couldn't stay and apparently this van people would move her because they were allergic to cats. I do think it was more than that. Already drama that day we not been talking long. She told me her two boys had a fight police was called.

So all her drama don't miss. Nothing will change she sees no issues in what she does. Everything is always someone else is fault.

My DP said it all you helped her move look how she treated you. He was there reading her awful message. Saying she didn't talk to you at this event why is she lying. 

I do feel a mug for attempting to try have a friendship as too much water under the bridge. Think mainly for her children all teenagers. She mentally screwed their heads up.

She crying DV but don't think that's the case. She lied to get what she wants.

I am glad to be out of it and when she said don't ever talk to my kids. It was like she was saying to hurt me but didn't even care I am glad tbh.

One of them sadly gets everything the other two blinded and their dad enforces that her friends who fallen out with her do care about them. But even with him he got his own agenda. 

I am pregnant so worried about bumping into her when I had baby. 

I just don't want her apart of my life again. She was right saying I was never her friend but it was her never my friend. 

I am confident everyone will see through the lies soon. 

 

 

 

 

Personally given her attitude and toxicity, you should have no guilt putting this friendship in the past. 
 

You two have gone very different ways, and those paths are contradictory. There is nothing wrong with calling it done and moving on to greener pastures where friends are a boon not an anchor.

I am navigating a strained, but slowly repairing friendship, borne from external influence. It’s complicated and odd; but at the core it’s mutual support and respect. Where this woman who was once a friend has meandered down a dark path in her heart.

You know your nature and what you seek from a friend. Sometimes it is difficult to let the tethers of the past slip away. I would say close the door, but if a repentant heart knocks; see who is there.

[catfeeder]

On 11/8/2022 at 9:51 PM, sweetlady said:

I am confident everyone will see through the lies soon. 

This is something to let go. It isn't a political campaign for votes on who is the villain or who is 'right'. You've spent your lifetime in a process of learning that familiarity does not equal or 'win' love or friendship, yet you've consistently chosen to remain attached.

That's not about her, it's about you. It's been your private decision to view yourself in roles of the dedicated friend and the victim. So it's up to you to let go of those projections, and that will make it far easier to walk away without trapping yourself into 'the story' of her.

I had to cut ties last year with a lifelong friend from the age of 3 or 4. She developed a drinking problem that turned her nasty, and leaving was not about punishing her, but rather, it was about my own safety. Yes, there are times when I miss her, but I don't live in that place, which will soon be true of you--as long as you can avoid trying to frame her as a villain to gain support for your position.

It's not about our position, it's about the kind of self preservation that can move beyond such a relationship without staying caught up in its history or its outcome.

I'm making a commitment to you in this post that I will do that for myself, and I hope you will make that commitment to yourself as well. 

Stop keeping score, and you will enjoy peace.

Head high.

 

[sweetlady]

On 11/10/2022 at 4:15 PM, catfeeder said:

This is something to let go. It isn't a political campaign for votes on who is the villain or who is 'right'. You've spent your lifetime in a process of learning that familiarity does not equal or 'win' love or friendship, yet you've consistently chosen to remain attached.

That's not about her, it's about you. It's been your private decision to view yourself in roles of the dedicated friend and the victim. So it's up to you to let go of those projections, and that will make it far easier to walk away without trapping yourself into 'the story' of her.

I had to cut ties last year with a lifelong friend from the age of 3 or 4. She developed a drinking problem that turned her nasty, and leaving was not about punishing her, but rather, it was about my own safety. Yes, there are times when I miss her, but I don't live in that place, which will soon be true of you--as long as you can avoid trying to frame her as a villain to gain support for your position.

It's not about our position, it's about the kind of self preservation that can move beyond such a relationship without staying caught up in its history or its outcome.

I'm making a commitment to you in this post that I will do that for myself, and I hope you will make that commitment to yourself as well. 

Stop keeping score, and you will enjoy peace.

Head high.

 

Update

I need some advice please on this situation.

So today this friend I am not talking too had sent a message and deleted. I had blocked her and decided I was done.

Yesterday I heard some bad news about this friends son he got himself in trouble and doesn't look good for him.

I did unblock her from the site she blocked me on just to see if she messaged to tell me.

So that when she messaged and deleted so I asked her if she messaged me. Then she said she wanted to congratulate me on having my baby and that I probably heard what happened to her son from his father. Well her children father didn't tell me he told someone else who told me.

So my question is do I just ignore this?

I mean I probably already know it's best to leave it. 

I know she playing her games.

Another friend she fallen out with is close with her son and she replied to me and ignored her.

I kind of know what she doing and just like I can't be asked with this anymore.

Awhile back her children dad had come with this other friend who don't speak to her to see my baby. Her son did come to say hi too.

She told me to stay away from her kids. But I can't if they want to see me too. If they want to see me she can't say nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

On 11/10/2022 at 3:40 AM, Coily said:

Personally given her attitude and toxicity, you should have no guilt putting this friendship in the past. 
 

You two have gone very different ways, and those paths are contradictory. There is nothing wrong with calling it done and moving on to greener pastures where friends are a boon not an anchor.

I am navigating a strained, but slowly repairing friendship, borne from external influence. It’s complicated and odd; but at the core it’s mutual support and respect. Where this woman who was once a friend has meandered down a dark path in her heart.

You know your nature and what you seek from a friend. Sometimes it is difficult to let the tethers of the past slip away. I would say close the door, but if a repentant heart knocks; see who is there.

She contacted me today not sure if I should respond or just leave it 

Had bad news about her son he got himself in a lot of trouble not looking good for him.

 

[SherrySher]

And yet despite how horrible this woman treated you, you kept returning to her.

Why? 

[SherrySher]

24 minutes ago, sweetlady said:

I did unblock her from the site she blocked me on just to see if she messaged to tell me.

You keep going on about this person and saying how horrible she is, but yet you can't stay away from her.

You seemed addicted to her and addicted to the drama.

If you truly wanted this person out of your life, she could have been gone long, long time ago.

But it's like you just can't stay away.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sweetlady said:

. Then she said she wanted to congratulate me on having my baby and that I probably heard what happened to her son from his father. 

Just say thank you and sorry to hear about your son. Then go back to no contact.

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, sweetlady said:

Update

I need some advice please on this situation.

So today this friend I am not talking too had sent a message and deleted. I had blocked her and decided I was done.

Yesterday I heard some bad news about this friends son he got himself in trouble and doesn't look good for him.

I did unblock her from the site she blocked me on just to see if she messaged to tell me.

So that when she messaged and deleted so I asked her if she messaged me. Then she said she wanted to congratulate me on having my baby and that I probably heard what happened to her son from his father. Well her children father didn't tell me he told someone else who told me.

So my question is do I just ignore this?

I mean I probably already know it's best to leave it. 

I know she playing her games.

Another friend she fallen out with is close with her son and she replied to me and ignored her.

I kind of know what she doing and just like I can't be asked with this anymore.

Awhile back her children dad had come with this other friend who don't speak to her to see my baby. Her son did come to say hi too.

She told me to stay away from her kids. But I can't if they want to see me too. If they want to see me she can't say nothing.

How would your contact with this woman help her son in anyway way?

While I can appreciate feeling lousy for her, it's not a reason for contact and a restart of your hell all over again.

Uhmm, unless you just miss the drama. Then there you go.

[sweetlady]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

How would your contact with this woman help her son in anyway way?

While I can appreciate feeling lousy for her, it's not a reason for contact and a restart of your hell all over again.

Uhmm, unless you just miss the drama. Then there you go.

No I don't miss the drama. I obviously knew what you would say and think I just needed to someone to say what I already knew.

I got that reply and was thinking should I respond or just not bother. Then said no can't even. She's a person that puts me on edge.

I know the father will tell me how his son is doing anyway. 

A lot happened since I last posted. I had the father and another friend visit me. As the father and another friend see each still hang out with children. Well they are teenagers.

Then while they were visiting me and seeing the baby etc. The dad didn't even want to tell me anything because think he knows how I can't take all of that drama. Although the issue came up a few weeks ago with me remembering her second son birthday and the dad said I will paas on happy birthday to him. I kind of was like I didn't say to say this. I wasn't being wrong but she was like don't talk to my kids. This was her second son birthday same age as my son.But her first son wanted to come say hi but I couldn't let him inside because of his dog being around the baby. We all spoke outside and he gave me a hug. Like I said they just down road..and she come live here where I am is something I will never understand. I can't help her with her playing games. Anyway so I didn't show her children father that last nasty message why I stopped talking to her last year. I thought let me show him and explain why I didn't want to even say happy birthday to her second son might cause her to start that's why I showed him so he doesn't think I am lying. Plus he was mentioned as she like I thought you hated him. Hate is a strong word as a friend to hers ofcourse we didn't like him based on what she was saying  about him back then.

Anyway I said if her boys or her daughters whom my god daughter wants to see me nothing she can say. Would be wrong to turn away a 17 yr old away.

So yesterday received that message and immediately just said let me think if I should respond say something especially to say no their father didn't tell me that. But then said to myself no I won't respond why I posted to ask as kind of stumbled and wondered if I should. Like I said I knew you say that. 

It's worse for me as she living way to close to me. This what I didn't want this drama up here. People was like she moving up to be close to you. 

After her ignoring me at this event and even my partner backed me up saying this. He was like you helped her move look what she done. I can't now afford to really have a weak moment because of her son getting in trouble and it's not looking good for him. But his own fault but I stumbled because he wanted to come say hi to me and he gave me a hug. Obviously I knew she find out I had a baby. That's another thing will not have that round my baby.

I know the game she playing now too. Because another friend of hers that fell out with her is close to me. She responded to me not this friend so she messaging me to upset the other friend as she was close to her son. I said not responding. The dad also told so many people had enough of her.

Thanks it's a lot of headache.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just say thank you and sorry to hear about your son. Then go back to no contact.

This why I asked to be honest. Because one part of me like don't respond then one part like say something. But me responding it's like she got her way in. I shouldn't of messaged her even in first place. Another reason is last time her son got badly hurt was in hospital and the dad let me know.  I just unblocked her as she plays that game too she will block me and then unblock me to her family or other friends I know she be like so and so blocked me now when it's her. Never accountable for anything she does.

In all this we all try to be civil for her 3 teenagers. It's because of what happened before. I don't personally love the drama I just feel bad for them caught up in this battle between their mum and dad for so many years now but I still distant from them. The father just as bad as her but I can still get better sense out of him. 

Very complicated situation just wondering when it all end. I can and still be hearing this and that from people. People do forget we grew up together and all of this is so upsetting to hear. Really upsets me and if I go there with and really tell her about herself she won't like it. So trying to keep a level head.  She lucky people really care about her 3 teenagers. 

 

 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

5 hours ago, SherrySher said:

You keep going on about this person and saying how horrible she is, but yet you can't stay away from her.

You seemed addicted to her and addicted to the drama.

If you truly wanted this person out of your life, she could have been gone long, long time ago.

But it's like you just can't stay away.

It's complicated I stay distant from her. But I do get told by other people what's happening with her and children. Obviously if it's really bad I get told. We grew up together we like cousins. 

She is a lost cause to be honest no one can help her. As she a person who doesn't see nothing wrong with what she does. She like Peter Pan hasn't grown up. To think I use to look up to this person.

I don't speak to her at all. Like I said I stumbled. 

 

 

 

[sweetlady]

Thanks all for replying. 

Everything will be up in the air because of what's happening with  her son. I just will keep silent even though I am upset her son got himself in big trouble not looking good for him now.

It's only because he reached out to me and still wants to see me he only one who understands whole situation. Not manipulated by his mother like the other too.

I am still so mad but done too.

 

[SherrySher]

4 hours ago, sweetlady said:

It's complicated I stay distant from her. But I do get told by other people what's happening with her and children. Obviously if it's really bad I get told. We grew up together we like cousins. 

She is a lost cause to be honest no one can help her. As she a person who doesn't see nothing wrong with what she does. She like Peter Pan hasn't grown up. To think I use to look up to this person.

I don't speak to her at all. Like I said I stumbled. 

 

 

 

But you're not cousins.

This person has ben terrible to you more than once. Once should have been enough for you to cut her off for good.

As for people telling you about her, it's not difficult to cut them off and tell them you're not interested.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but if you truly want no drama and no more upset with this person, you need to actually cut them out of your life and not bring them back as soon as drama kicks back up again.

It does make me wonder why you keep going back after she has cut you down, and kicked you when you're down, so many times over.

There is no complications in that.

Block, delete, end of.

[SherrySher]

As for her children, you need to decide what matters more, returning back to a situation where you know you're going to be hurt again, or your peace.

No, it's not the children's fault with all of this, but you need to block all if you truly want to cut ties.

You keep being dragged back into situations where you are unhappy and upset once again.

But this is your choice. I hope you see that.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, sweetlady said:

 But me responding it's like she got her way in. I shouldn't of messaged her even in first place. 

Not really. She congratulated you and shared news about her son. So a polite one line reply isn't anyone  "getting their way". 

You can shoot off the one line reply and then just delete it block her again. That way you're "getting your way" by discontinuing contact.