Trouble conceiving, starting to feel down about it

[adee07]

Hello All,

My husband and I have been trying for our 2nd baby since May so about 5 months now.  I'm 32 and had our first 4 years ago. We had no issues conceiving with her-happened the first try. I did have health issues after having our first including significant vit d deficiency, mast cell disorder, vestibular issues, GERD and worsening eye condition.  These things have all been handled and have been pretty stable for the last 2 years.  I do continue to have joint pain that I believe is abnormal for my age (hands and feet get very stiff/swollen/achy, painful/stiff hips that I tried chiropractor, PT, and cortisone injection for, stiff low back), however many labs have been run (2-3 times repeated now) and nothing comes back abnormal. 

I'm starting to feel myself getting down on our bad luck so far to conceive a second baby.  I was on birth control pills, and when I stopped them discovered my cycles are about 6 weeks long.  I had been on birth control for so long that I honestly can't remember if I ever had longer cycles previously. I want to say they were normal in middle school/early high school before starting birth control, but I was young and inexperienced with that. 

I've been trying ovulation test strips and during the last cycle, did get a darker line at one point, however obviously didn't get pregnant.  This time around, I was testing twice daily and never got a really dark line. I did have an ultrasound completed back in June for some pain (everything was normal) and I know they noted a dominant follicle at the time so I feel like I must be ovulating? 

I don't want to start stressing because I know that can make things worse.  But I'm starting to feel like this may not happen for us and I have mixed feelings (it took me a while to decide to go ahead with a second after the health issues I had).  I didn't want to even have kids in my 30's....I know life doesn't always work out the way you hope, but I really don't want to be starting over with a new baby in my mid 30's.  We had originally planned on trying until the end of the year or possibly very early spring at latest....I guess I'm unsure what I'm looking for here. I guess any words of wisdom or advice? We don't want to go through fertility treatments either. I just feel like I'm letting us down. My husband is super supportive but I just feel like it will feel almost like a grieving process if this doesn't work for us. 

Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

[Batya33]

Hi!  So I can imagine this must be stressful and frustrating! My son is 13.  I was 42 when he was born.  As was my husband.  It was emotionally stressful to be pregnant as a geriatric/high risk pregnancy.  I personally am a much better parent in my 40s/50s than I would have been in my 20s/30s even though I knew I wanted to be a mom from the time I was about 12 I guess (but decided to wait until I was in a loving, stable marriage (or nearly married!) with a man who was as over the moon as me about having a family.

I understand you had those age restrictions in mind.  I always assumed I'd have two children and be done by the year 2000 -when I turned 34.  Oh well, man plans and god laughs lol.  

I'd seek medical intervention at some point.  It took us over a year to conceive but we were long distance.  I went off the pill about 2 years prior.  All of a sudden in my 40s my cycles became regular -they'd always been out of whack.  I never had any expectation of getting pregnant first or second or tenth try. 

I used no intervention methods.  Just lots of sex lol.  Honestly -my conception (I've only been pregnant one time that I know of -I suspected maybe a chemical pregnancy once while we were trying but never was pregnant before and I'd had other serious relationships in the past) - happened two-three days after I totally loved on my friend's 9 month old and while we were staying at a haunted hotel and.... while I was very relaxed and peaceful.  I mean -who knows right?  I have heard relaxing helps a lot. 

I was about to see my doctor if I hadn't gotten pregnant, I did get frustrated seeing negative pregnancy tests.  If you truly do not want to be a mom of a baby in your mid 30s be honest with yourself and stop.  I have one child, I always thought I'd have two - and post pregnancy I had a serious pregnancy-related medical condition and we decided my getting pregnant again would be too risky.  And adoption/surrogacy wasn't for us. 

I have no regrets having one child. The opposite.  My husband's parents had him and no siblings.  He's awesome too.   

I defer to you for thinking you're too old to raise a baby in your mid 30s or later.  You're entitled to your opinions of course!  Just please don't pressure yourself to have another child if it's not right for you, ok? 

If it is then I'd seek out medical intervention.  My sister I know who had 4 kids (last one at age 35) used clomid for three out of 4 of them.  With the 4th they stopped trying.  No more clomid.  And..... she got pregnant -didn't even know she was the first three months!  Edited because I see you don't want to do fertility treatments - so yes I've heard they have side effects, can be really difficult to schedule and expensive.  Two of my friends who have twins -one gave birth early 30s, one early 40s, did IVF.  I know it's a big deal.  And defer to you to decide that woudl be too much.

How about adoption?

[Seraphim]

I had my son at 30 and wasn’t able to have anymore children. I had 4 miscarriages after my son. It was something I really had to grieve . I hope you are able to conceive . 

[DarkCh0c0]

5 months is okay. It can take some time to be able to get pregnant. Sometimes 1-1.5 years and that is OKAY.

And, I've read that when we take birth control pills, it can take a while for our body sometimes to go back to conceiving normally.

Take your time, focus on having a pleasurable time in your life and it'll come 💚

[mylolita]

Adee! Hi!

 

I think 6 months to a year is considered very average and normal if you are healthy and within a fertile age range (I think this is before you reach 35!). 
 

Have you maybe made an appointment with a GP or fertility expert to discuss your health issues and concerns? It may help. Most of them won’t do anything until you have been trying at least 6 months to a year, but it might be worth it if you have the money, time and it eases your mind and makes you feel like something pro-active is happening!

 

It honestly is so different for so many women. It also depends on the man as well! 
 

Obviously in general we all know, women are most fertile late teens through their twenties. Fertility starts dropping off on average once you reach 30, and there is a noticeable big decline once most women reach 35. 
 

I have three children all close together! It took under 3 months to conceive all 3 of them each time. They are 4 years old, 3 years old and 1. I did get pregnant once before insanely quickly through sleeping with my now husband one time! That was when I was 22. Unfortunately I didn’t go through with that pregnancy, I felt not ready.

 

Each stage in your life has pros and cons for being a parent, it really does. There really is no perfect time for most people.

 

The likelihood is, you will be fine and get there without any intervention. It just feels like forever. Even I started to get antsy by the second to third month, as ridiculous as that sounds. Something inside you, as illogical as it is, tells you it should just happen pronto! Especially if you have already had other children without any problem. 
 

I would maybe ask a fertility specialist to check your hormone levels as well, and also check your husbands sperm count if you want to go down that route.

 

It really is early days though! 32 isn’t too old and 5 months is no big time of trying. 
 

All the best!

 

x

 

(Just to add, I am also 32!)