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I have a friend I will use the term loosely. I met her when I moved to our present posting . I have come to find out she is very emotionally unstable and lashes out. When you are with her you also never get two words in like ,ever. It is like you don’t exist except to listen to her woes in life.  I am usually pretty patient. I reached my limit last week. 
 

Last week the 16th I went out for dinner with new friends. She was mad because she couldn’t afford to go. I didn’t know I was Covid positive as I had no symptoms. By Monday we were all positive . One of the new friends was supposed to the clean the house of the one who is unstable because she is selling her house. 
 

I get a “ shi$$y “ graham from Miss Unstable via messenger that obviously I went out and made everyone sick and THANKS because I now can’t sell my house and my husband and I are breaking up and blah blah blah. Yeah, because you know I wanted to get Covid 🙄and purposely gave it to others. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Today I get a message of, I just wanted to see how you are dear friend and yay we had a showing today blah blah blah….

 

I don’t feel like answering. 

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I had a college friend that was like that. Thankfully she didnt lash out but damn, she could make up a drama about her going to bathroom to put on her lenses. Very hard person to spend time with as you feel exhausted like she drains your energy like one of those emotional vampires you read about. She married to different country so we kinda lost contact. 

Anyway, do you have to spend time with her? Like in a company with others? Being cordial with "Glad everything turned up fine" and staying on distance is maybe a way to go if she is like that. Because if she lashes out who knows what she can do if you get into altercation with her.

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I was upset with my friend when she exposed me to Covid.  Not because she exposed me per se, but because she was symptomatic, had tests available at home (but chose not to use them) and STILL chose to not only meet up with me but also attend a party where she felt so ill she had to go lie down at her friend's house.  When she met up with me she was obviously sick with classic Covid symptoms: cough, fever, headache, congestion, body aches and shortness of breath.   She only tested herself the next day because I told her she appeared to have Covid symptoms.  Of course, it was too late the next day because she'd not only exposed me (and subsequently potentially exposed my family) but all of the people at the party she'd attended.  She chose not to tell anyone at the party because she said she didn't think she needed to.  She also claimed to not be infectious because she had active symptoms and "read online" that it meant she wasn't contagious.  Which wasn't true because her husband started having symptoms a full week after she tested positive, which proved she was still infectious.

I wasn't so much upset that she'd exposed me but that she also put me at risk for infecting my family.  I'd shared a hotel room with them, shared a bed with my niece and was in an enclosed car with my brother for over 5 hours.  I was worried about THEM, not so much about me.

Thankfully, I didn't get infected.

However, I did not send her any angry messages.  I simply stated that I was worried I may have exposed my family and that I thought it would have been better for her to test herself before she met up with me, not after.  She continued to minimize what she'd done, which upset me, but she's a dear friend and I preferred to talk it out rather than lash out with angry messages.  And we did talk it out.  I've seen her again since that happened and we're fine now.  Perhaps if I had been infected and infected my family I wouldn't have been so ready to put it behind us.  But fortunately that didn't happen.

Your situation is different because you didn't have symptoms and you were responsible in notifying everyone once you found out you were Covid positive.

In my opinion, if there's a conflict with a friend it's better to talk it out.  I've had conflicts with friends before and depending on what caused it, I usually pick up the phone and call them to talk, especially when it's someone I truly care about.

If you don't want to answer you certainly shouldn't!  

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33 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I had a college friend that was like that. Thankfully she didnt lash out but damn, she could make up a drama about her going to bathroom to put on her lenses. Very hard person to spend time with as you feel exhausted like she drains your energy like one of those emotional vampires you read about. She married to different country so we kinda lost contact. 

Anyway, do you have to spend time with her? Like in a company with others? Being cordial with "Glad everything turned up fine" and staying on distance is maybe a way to go if she is like that. Because if she lashes out who knows what she can do if you get into altercation with her.

I have only spent time with her just her and I . Each time successfully worse. As her life becomes more stressful she literally cries through every visit and goes on and shows me messages about how everyone on planet Earth is mean to her. Last visit to watch a movie she showed up at my house drunk as a skunk and high. She had booze in her pop cup. 

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I remember being annoyed with a friend who was uber-conscious of and careful about covid and yet asked to meet up for an outside walk with me and her dog.  I was annoyed because -this was pre-vaccine.  Her son had tested positive and while she  told me she'd only dropped food off for him at his doorstep and hadn't been exposed, we'd never met in person and of course since she saw her son regularly she may have seen him when he was infected and didn't know it -meaning - I'd not have asked for a meet up in those circumstances (we'd actually never met in person as we first connected during lockdown time through our local parenting group). 

Also I wasn't comfortable having to walk with her and her dog and therefore inadvertently get too close to her if her dog jumped near us etc. Turned out she couldn't make it.  

All I'm saying is that people should do their best to avoid exposing others and to avoid putting people in awkward positions (like the other acquaintance who was lonely and asked if she could hang out in our house for a day with my whole family home in our small apartment since we were all vaccinated).  

I was annoyed.  Never said a word to them about my annoyance.  Because on my end I knew I wanted the friendship -or in the other case- no confrontation on the other.  People have to deal with each other responsibly and maturely. Also I realized I likely was overreacting which many of us did during the pandemic but chose not to take it out on them.  

Last week I tested for covid on a Saturday -I was supposed to meet with a new friend for an outdoor walk Monday.  My test was negative and then I was sure I was just tired - my headache (my only symptom) went away and the fatigue abated, no detectable fever etc. 

I was ready to cancel with her if I still had any symptoms, even with the negative test -or at least tell her since it was an outside walk and she'd had covid over the summer.  It's just common sense and in your case you had no idea at all.  I get that she is frustrated upset and anxious but she took it out on you in a really immature way.  

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16 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I was upset with my friend when she exposed me to Covid.  Not because she exposed me per se, but because she was symptomatic, had tests available at home (but chose not to use them) and STILL chose to not only meet up with me but also attend a party where she felt so ill she had to go lie down at her friend's house.  When she met up with me she was obviously sick with classic Covid symptoms: cough, fever, headache, congestion, body aches and shortness of breath.   She only tested herself the next day because I told her she appeared to have Covid symptoms.  Of course, it was too late the next day because she'd not only exposed me (and subsequently potentially exposed my family) but all of the people at the party she'd attended.  She chose not to tell anyone at the party because she said she didn't think she needed to.  She also claimed to not be infectious because she had active symptoms and "read online" that it meant she wasn't contagious.  Which wasn't true because her husband started having symptoms a full week after she tested positive, which proved she was still infectious.

I wasn't so much upset that she'd exposed me but that she also put me at risk for infecting my family.  I'd shared a hotel room with them, shared a bed with my niece and was in an enclosed car with my brother for over 5 hours.  I was worried about THEM, not so much about me.

Thankfully, I didn't get infected.

However, I did not send her any angry messages.  I simply stated that I was worried I may have exposed my family and that I thought it would have been better for her to test herself before she met up with me, not after.  She continued to minimize what she'd done, which upset me, but she's a dear friend and I preferred to talk it out rather than lash out with angry messages.  And we did talk it out.  I've seen her again since that happened and we're fine now.  Perhaps if I had been infected and infected my family I wouldn't have been so ready to put it behind us.  But fortunately that didn't happen.

Your situation is different because you didn't have symptoms and you were responsible in notifying everyone once you found out you were Covid positive.

In my opinion, if there's a conflict with a friend it's better to talk it out.  I've had conflicts with friends before and depending on what caused it, I usually pick up the phone and call them to talk, especially when it's someone I truly care about.

If you don't want to answer you certainly shouldn't!  

That’s the thing I never knew I was positive until Monday. I immediately informed my daycare families( I got it from one of them anyway) and closed down for a week. I informed every human I was in close contact with the days before and most tested positive. 
 

I wouldn’t  say she is a good friend. However, the attack on me was ridiculous as I was responsible and informed everyone and isolated the second I knew. I am negative now and out of isolation. 
 

She is just scaring me because she is self medicating with booze and drugs and I don’t want that drama. 

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14 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

That’s the thing I never knew I was positive until Monday. I immediately informed my daycare families( I got it from one of them anyway) and closed down for a week. I informed every human I was in close contact with the days before and most tested positive. 
 

I wouldn’t  say she is a good friend. However, the attack on me was ridiculous as I was responsible and informed everyone and isolated the second I knew. I am negative now and out of isolation. 
 

She is just scaring me because she is self medicating with booze and drugs and I don’t want that drama. 

Yeah, her reaction was not conducive to a friend relationship.  If she was concerned or even upset she could have called you and addressed her concerns in a mature way.

And definitely her behaviors are not healthy.

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She is plain out Toxic!

You owe her nothing.  She seems incapable of being reasonable, as you've realized.

IF you don't really have to interact with her, how about you just ignore?  Carry on and let her get the hint.

Heck I've had people just disapear like I don't exist for less, lol.  I just accept and leave 'em be!

 

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1 hour ago, Seraphim said:

I have a friend I will use the term loosely. I met her when I moved to our present posting . I have come to find out she is very emotionally unstable and lashes out. When you are with her you also never get two words in like ,ever. It is like you don’t exist except to listen to her woes in life.  I am usually pretty patient. I reached my limit last week. 
 

Last week the 16th I went out for dinner with new friends. She was mad because she couldn’t afford to go. I didn’t know I was Covid positive as I had no symptoms. By Monday we were all positive . One of the new friends was supposed to the clean the house of the one who is unstable because she is selling her house. 
 

I get a “ shi$$y “ graham from Miss Unstable via messenger that obviously I went out and made everyone sick and THANKS because I now can’t sell my house and my husband and I are breaking up and blah blah blah. Yeah, because you know I wanted to get Covid 🙄and purposely gave it to others. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Today I get a message of, I just wanted to see how you are dear friend and yay we had a showing today blah blah blah….

 

I don’t feel like answering. 

Then don’t. Problem solved. The severity of the situation is directly proportional to your reaction to it. Just switch it off. 

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36 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

She is plain out Toxic!

You owe her nothing.  She seems incapable of being reasonable, as you've realized.

IF you don't really have to interact with her, how about you just ignore?  Carry on and let her get the hint.

Heck I've had people just disapear like I don't exist for less, lol.  I just accept and leave 'em be!

 

I am leaning to no response as well . I didn’t provoke her BS and have been nothing but nice . She seems to thrive on chaos. That is no thanks to me. 

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38 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I have only spent time with her just her and I . Each time successfully worse. As her life becomes more stressful she literally cries through every visit and goes on and shows me messages about how everyone on planet Earth is mean to her. Last visit to watch a movie she showed up at my house drunk as a skunk and high. She had booze in her pop cup. 

Oof. That sound rough. Dont accept somebody like that to hang out with. If you have to, invent excuses but dont let her use you for her emotional discharge like that.

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26 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Then don’t. Problem solved. The severity of the situation is directly proportional to your reaction to it. Just switch it off. 

Pretty much when she gets no response she might get the hint she wasn’t appropriate. I feel bad because she does have mental health issues and ADHD like my husband so she is super scattered but I don’t owe anyone to be abused for no reason. I am not her punching bag 

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2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Pretty much when she gets no response she might get the hint she wasn’t appropriate. I feel bad because she does have mental health issues and ADHD like my husband so she is super scattered but I don’t owe anyone to be abused for no reason. I am not her punching bag 

Exactly. Just switch it off. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. 

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3 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oof. That sound rough. Dont accept somebody like that to hang out with. If you have to, invent excuses but dont let her use you for her emotional discharge like that.

Yea, we are very straight laced people . No drugs and maybe a drink at Christmas people . My son is very anti drugs and alcohol and very vocal about it. We are just a calm and quiet family mostly and don’t want outside BS. 

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I sat on my feelings about how my friend handled the situation because I value our friendship and didn't want to do or say anything that could damage it. I vented here and to my kids and to my brother, but not to anyone who knows her or who has ever met her. By the time she reached out I had calmed down. I still think she handled it poorly, but we'd gone over it already so there was no need to rehash or fixate on it.

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8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Yea, we are very straight laced people . No drugs and maybe a drink at Christmas people . My son is very anti drugs and alcohol and very vocal about it. We are just a calm and quiet family mostly and don’t want outside BS. 

Yes.  Also I wanted to come in and say I hope you are all feeling much better.  

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13 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I sat on my feelings about how my friend handled the situation because I value our friendship and didn't want to do or say anything that could damage it. I vented here and to my kids and to my brother, but not to anyone who knows her or who has ever met her. By the time she reached out I had calmed down. I still think she handled it poorly, but we'd gone over it already so there was no need to rehash or fixate on it.

Think it was the hint I am HER friend and how dare I go out with these other people to a restaurant she hates etc and then have a nerve to make her house cleaner sick. I just sat there  like *** . There was no how are you kiss my behind or anything just attack and now today acting like nothing happened after a week. 

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1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

Think it was the hint I am HER friend and how dare I go out with these other people to a restaurant she hates etc and then have a nerve to make her house cleaner sick. I just sat their like *** . There was no how are you kiss my behind or anything just attack and now today acting like nothing happened after a week. 

This is crazy nonsense. Don’t tune your radio to that station. 😉 

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10 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Think it was the hint I am HER friend and how dare I go out with these other people to a restaurant she hates etc and then have a nerve to make her house cleaner sick. I just sat there  like *** . There was no how are you kiss my behind or anything just attack and now today acting like nothing happened after a week. 

That's weird.  It's not like you decided you felt like getting your friends sick because you were bored or something.  It was unintentional.

My friend figures she got it from a customer at work.  I mentioned masks and she said she doesn't wear one because it makes her feel "hot".  I didn't comment on this because I know if I worked a job where I had to wait on customers in person and in close quarters I would definitely wear a mask no matter how "hot" it made me feel, but she feels differently.  My feelings don't make hers wrong.  She said she's going to start wearing one because she doesn't want to get sick again. 

I can't imagine saying the things your "friend" said.  Even when I was upset and frightened.

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11 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

That's weird.  It's not like you decided you felt like getting your friends sick because you were bored or something.  It was unintentional.

My friend figures she got it from a customer at work.  I mentioned masks and she said she doesn't wear one because it makes her feel "hot".  I didn't comment on this because I know if I worked a job where I had to wait on customers in person and in close quarters I would definitely wear a mask no matter how "hot" it made me feel, but she feels differently.  My feelings don't make hers wrong.  She said she's going to start wearing one because she doesn't want to get sick again. 

I can't imagine saying the things your "friend" said.  Even when I was upset and frightened.

I think it is the mix of drugs and booze and stress but I don’t want involvement in that mess for sure . 

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