Loneliness & Depression,United With Feelings of Betrayal

[Agrajag]

I will never get to hold 'her' in my arms again. All in one day I lost her in what was a seemingly 'overnight' decision… I never got to say goodbye knowing it was the woman I love.

 

What I can make out of my future is unclear and as a result, unsettling. I've had enough broken promises and broken hearts to want to throw myself away with the morning trash. I have never been so lonely and depressed in my life – I need to heal.

 

I called attention to 'betrayal' from my former-girlfriend as the reasons that led me to lose all self-confidence in myself. Will I ever find 'the one' for me? Could I have a soul-mate? Does she even exist?

 

Since there is no way I will ever get back together with my ex-girlfriend, I need to know what I need to do to get over her. I can't take this pain any longer. But the problem is she did a lot of lying, dishonesty, and immature things. How do I begin to learn what a 'true friend' is? Is she that? If not, can she be? What about 'best friends'?

 

The truth is I am still very much in love with her. However, I don't know where her feelings for me lie – she could have some attraction to me, buried, or nothing at all – in fact, she's told me that there is an existence of both. How does that work? I can't assume it's the one that includes feelings because all it will do is lure me into a senseless false-hope.

 

The pain builds and builds as it terrifies me to think of her with another guy. I am so in love with her I can't believe she isn't in love with me anymore. Sure, she 'loves' me but that doesn't mean what I want it to. When I look at a picture of her I start to cry because I see my beautiful amazing girlfriend that I had and I can't bear to take to the reality I will never get to hold 'her' in my arms again.

 

So the idea of us getting back together just can't happen. She even said herself, "We've had our time." Which I honestly think is manure, we could have made a year not just 8½ months - but okay.

[punchy504]

I think you need to let go of the drama a little bit

 

 

yes you liked her a lot, yes she hurt your feelings badly, no you probably won't get back together, you are only 18, go out and have some fun.

 

if your still in school then it's almost over- take a road trip- find YOURSELF, because obviously too much of your self worth is tied directly to the relationships you have, when you know yourself then your relationships will add to you but they won't define you

[Hitman]

It's hard i know, ive been through it once before too, but things are over between you 2. You have to let her go, no contact is the best thing to get her out of your mind. Get rid of anything that reminds you of her (at least for the time being) and dont talk to her at all. Its painful and seems like its not possible to recover from this, but i promise you, it IS possible to get through this. Only time will heal this. Try to keep yourself occupied, and do things that make you happy. Hang out with your friends, have a good time. The less you think about it the faster it goes away.

[annie24]

Punchy and Hitman bring up some very good points...

 

I need to know what I need to do to get over her. I can't take this pain any longer. But the problem is she did a lot of lying, dishonesty, and immature things. How do I begin to learn what a 'true friend' is? Is she that? If not, can she be? What about 'best friends'?

 

How to get over her? Move on. NC. Get new hobbies, hang out with your friends, go on a road trip, go visit some long-lost cousin, read some books by Deepak Chopra, "find yourself." Is she a true friend? You said she lied and was dishonest towards you. Does that sound like a true friend?

 

Honestly - I think it would make it even easier to get over someone when they've lied to me and hurt me like that....

 

8.5 months, 12 months, 17 months.... who cares. An ex is an ex is an ex. It's over and done with. She's "had her time" and that's a good enough answer for you to know that you need to get over her.

[Agrajag]

How to get over her? Move on. NC. Get new hobbies, hang out with your friends, go on a road trip, go visit some long-lost cousin, read some books by Deepak Chopra, "find yourself."

 

How do I "Find Myself". I don't know how to move on. I was so amazed that I got her in the first place... I doubt I'll find someone like her again.

 

Is she a true friend? You said she lied and was dishonest towards you. Does that sound like a true friend?

 

Honestly - I think it would make it even easier to get over someone when they've lied to me and hurt me like that....

 

I always wonder why she's acting so irresponsibly and immaturely when she can turn around and say she values our friendship and wants us to say BEST frieds. How can she say that when I, as she says, "aggitate," her.

 

8.5 months, 12 months, 17 months.... who cares. An ex is an ex is an ex. It's over and done with. She's "had her time" and that's a good enough answer for you to know that you need to get over her.

 

8½ months is my longest relationship. The next best was 1 month. So, yeah. I've also never been in love with someone before...

 

...she was my first. My first for everything.

[annie24]

Dude - Listen, and REALLY listen: This is how you move on: You do NC, you get new hobbies, you make new friends, instead of calling her, you call someone else, you take some classes, read some books, play some basketball... and you find yourself moving on with your life.

 

Oh yeah - And stop trying to be friends with her! It obviously isn't working - it's only hurting you. You need a good period of NC from her!

[Agrajag]

Dude - Listen, and REALLY listen: This is how you move on: You do NC, you get new hobbies, you make new friends, instead of calling her, you call someone else, you take some classes, read some books, play some basketball... and you find yourself moving on with your life.

 

Oh yeah - And stop trying to be friends with her! It obviously isn't working - it's only hurting you. You need a good period of NC from her!

 

Alright thanks so much! I will try my absolute best! I hope I find someone else...

 

We made some plans to go to the beach together tonight and go for coffeee so my spider sense is telling me that I need to somehow opt out of that. Then again, maybe I need this chance to really tell her how I feel. Do I have anything to lose?

[annie24]

Dude - Listen, and REALLY listen: This is how you move on: You do NC, you get new hobbies, you make new friends, instead of calling her, you call someone else, you take some classes, read some books, play some basketball... and you find yourself moving on with your life.

 

Oh yeah - And stop trying to be friends with her! It obviously isn't working - it's only hurting you. You need a good period of NC from her!

 

Alright thanks so much! I will try my absolute best! I hope I find someone else...

 

We made some plans to go to the beach together tonight and go for coffeee so my spider sense is telling me that I need to somehow opt out of that. Then again, maybe I need this chance to really tell her how I feel. Do I have anything to lose?

 

Do you have anything to lose? Only your self-esteem and emotional well-being.

 

Yes! Opt out of the coffee. Yes, you will find someone new one day. trust me, we all thought there would never be another, but you meet others, and life moves on.

[Agrajag]

Dude - Listen, and REALLY listen: This is how you move on: You do NC, you get new hobbies, you make new friends, instead of calling her, you call someone else, you take some classes, read some books, play some basketball... and you find yourself moving on with your life.

 

Oh yeah - And stop trying to be friends with her! It obviously isn't working - it's only hurting you. You need a good period of NC from her!

 

Alright thanks so much! I will try my absolute best! I hope I find someone else...

 

We made some plans to go to the beach together tonight and go for coffeee so my spider sense is telling me that I need to somehow opt out of that. Then again, maybe I need this chance to really tell her how I feel. Do I have anything to lose?

 

Do you have anything to lose? Only your self-esteem and emotional well-being.

 

Yes! Opt out of the coffee. Yes, you will find someone new one day. trust me, we all thought there would never be another, but you meet others, and life moves on.

 

What if I used this opportunity to talk to her about how I feel? Would it be beneficial if I said, "Look, I know you want to be friends with me, but I don't know what you're wiling to do to make that happen. Can you help me make it happen if it's so important to you?" ... or something.

 

I do want to go. I don't know WHY I want to go though.

[annie24]

You are in no emotional state to be friends with her. You are clearly still in love with her, even though you have said she has lied to you. She broke up with you - I think you need to accept the reality of the situation. You need to do no contact to get over her. In the future, when you are TRULY over her, you can be friends with her. But, in the meantime, you need NO CONTACT.

[Agrajag]

You are in no emotional state to be friends with her. You are clearly still in love with her, even though you have said she has lied to you. She broke up with you - I think you need to accept the reality of the situation. You need to do no contact to get over her. In the future, when you are TRULY over her, you can be friends with her. But, in the meantime, you need NO CONTACT.

 

Okay, I totally understand that. But that doesn't answer my question of doing one last 'coffee' before going into NC. I feel that if I just cut it off now we'd be flying blind and neither of us would truly know what the other feels - a friendship would be forever impossible.

[annie24]

Dude - she broke up with you! She broke up with you! She broke up with you!!! That sounds like enough of a good-bye right there!!!

 

Here's what you do, give her a call, or send her an e-mail saying, "Sorry - I can't meet you for coffee, or anymore for a while, until I get over this breakup. In the future, we can be friends again, but for now, I just need to heal."

[Agrajag]

Dude - she broke up with you! She broke up with you! She broke up with you!!! That sounds like enough of a good-bye right there!!!

 

it never was a goodbye because we still were seeing each other. We had some great times too! Beatiful days at the beach. We still slept with each other a few times. So I don't know why it went so WELL at the same time

 

 

Here's what you do, give her a call, or send her an e-mail saying, "Sorry - I can't meet you for coffee, or anymore for a while, until I get over this breakup. In the future, we can be friends again, but for now, I just need to heal."

 

This is what I'm not sure about. I'm always one to be in person. Myabe I just need to think about it. I don't know why I can't see it.

[annie24]

"I'm breaking up with you" isn't enough of a goodbye?

 

Yes, I realize that you want to say it in person - but there's really no point. I believe in breaking up in person, but you're already broken up. You need NC, so just pick up the phone then and cancel the beach event. She can go to the beach with another friend, and so can you.

 

Yes, trust me, it happens to us all. Everyone has good and bad times in their relationships. Just because you broke up doesn't mean that things were always bad, there were good times too. But, the relationship clearly wasn't working out for her.

[apollocreed71]

You are 18. she was not that instrumental in your life, if you were older, and maybe had a 5 year or longer relationship, it would be more difficult. just think, college, military, tech school, or whatever you goals, at least you have not forfited them for her. yeah, i lost my high school sweet heart after graduation, she had to move due to her mom's illness. it hurt alot, but i was 18, hey what happened to invincible youth. i moved on. got married for several years, gave up money, higher paying jobs, better city, just to loose it all for a broken promise of marriage. i'd rather be in your position. be thankful you have not given up the important part of your life to her. no contact with her at all dude.

[Falucchi]

I rather like the "road trip" idea--

Ohh.. to be 18 years old again, with a whole summer ahead of me, and a broken heart....

I'd hit the road, or go backpacking in Europe, or if I was a real do-gooder, maybe go to Thailand and volunteer to help with the tsunami clean-up.

Peace corps?

 

Then again, there's always sitting in my darkened room eating Cheez-Doodles, playing morose music ("our song") over and over and over and wallowing in my pain. How attractive!

 

Hey ladies, which do you prefer

 

1- Ex-boyfriend sat around all summer feeling sorry for himself

2- Ex-boyfriend split to Europe for 2 months, and went all over Greece and had some wild adventures, saw the acropolis, ended up in Italy.. drank grappa....backpacked through Tuscany, met some hot Italian babes....

 

It's your life- it's your choice.

[Mr. Sub]

dude, drop the case pls.

 

I broke up with my gf little over a month ago. We went out for 2 yrs. One time I was on a trip she missed her ex. So we cool down for about 2 months and she came back to me again. Now she is back with her ex.

 

Do I love her? Yes. Do I want her back? Yes. But what is the point? I didn't question why she left me and then came back again. All the time we were together she still sees her ex, as friends. I didn't question what had gone on between them.

 

I needed to heal. NC does the job. I didn't say it to her face we can't be friends. But time will tell. You are only 18. Lot more chances. Hard to take right now, but will help in the long run.

[annie24]

hehehehe... I pick the guy who spent all summer playing video games, crying in his room, and ate cheese-doodles...... NOT!!!!

 

Peace corps is a great organization, but you do need a college degree, or you need to be much older with lots of work experience.

 

Yes, travel. Get out of the country - have some experiences. Live life. Meet Italian babes. If you're going to wallow, you may as well wallow on some beach in Greece.

[Hitman]

nicely done annie . shes right

[Agrajag]

You need NC, so just pick up the phone then and cancel the beach event. She can go to the beach with another friend, and so can you.

Argh. Alright, well, i still don't agree with that.

 

Okay, I'll walk her home - that's it, if I get myself some coffee to-go oh well, it's dark anyways - she needs to be safe.

 

That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it. Though, I'll make sure NC is the focal point of our conversation.

 

You are 18. she was not that instrumental in your life, if you were older, and maybe had a 5 year or longer relationship, it would be more difficult.

 

It was my longest relationship so I haven't even learnt how to deal with something 8½ months long yet.

 

 

1- Ex-boyfriend sat around all summer feeling sorry for himself

2- Ex-boyfriend split to Europe for 2 months, and went all over Greece and had some wild adventures, saw the acropolis, ended up in Italy.. drank grappa....backpacked through Tuscany, met some hot Italian babes....

 

It's your life- it's your choice.

 

Well, I'm actually already planning a trip to Europe for 8-12 months. So that just might work out.

 

I was talking to her about doing a "long-distance" relationship for while I was there. What does that sound like to you?

 

If you're going to wallow, you may as well wallow on some beach in Greece.

 

Hahaha, oh I like that! 8)

[Falucchi]

 

I was talking to her about doing a "long-distance" relationship for while I was there. What does that sound like to you?

 

I think it sounds absolutely stupid. Totallt 100% stupid.

Sorry, but come on man, get a spine and get a girlfriend who actually likes you.

[Agrajag]

 

I was talking to her about doing a "long-distance" relationship for while I was there. What does that sound like to you?

 

I think it sounds absolutely stupid. Totallt 100% stupid.

Sorry, but come on man, get a spine and get a girlfriend who actually likes you.

 

Ah shoot. Lol. She didn't mind the idea even. I kinda like it. I mean, NC would allow her to re-kindle any feelings if she DID have them.

 

As for a new girl - pfffft - where?

[brando]

Check out your feelings. What prevents you from moving on??? It isnt simply you are in love with her. You sound a bit to clingy or insecure right now, it is a turn off to her, she will see you as pathetic.

 

I can understand she was a first for everything, but she doesnt feel the same way for you as you do for her. It is all about how she feels not how you feel. It sucks, it is real, accept it. Stay away from her before you make a fool of yourself. You need to get your emotions together. You are all over the place... she trult does not want to hear about your feelings, it most likely makes her feel worse for ending it then she may already feel.

 

You are 18, very young, enjoy everyday of your life. Start living for you. Think of what you want to do, where you want to go, school, career etc....

 

Now is the time to pay close attention to your feelings, their is a message their... no one can or ever will be your happiness, this is your job and only yours, now is the time to take on that responsibility. It will only benefit future relationships.

[Agrajag]

Check out your feelings. What prevents you from moving on??? It isnt simply you are in love with her. You sound a bit to clingy or insecure right now, it is a turn off to her, she will see you as pathetic.

 

I feel that it is because I am in love with her. Why else would I be having such difficulty moving on?

 

I can understand she was a first for everything, but she doesnt feel the same way for you as you do for her. It is all about how she feels not how you feel. It sucks, it is real, accept it. Stay away from her before you make a fool of yourself. You need to get your emotions together. You are all over the place... she truly does not want to hear about your feelings, it most likely makes her feel worse for ending it then she may already feel.

 

I understand that NC is designed to help ease the pain and let yourself get over the person, however I can't let go until I don't understand. I need more that just a goal for myself (ie. Finding a new girl, doing something like travelling to Europe, etc.), I need a goal for something between us - ie. becoming best friends again.

 

You are 18, very young, enjoy everyday of your life. Start living for you. Think of what you want to do, where you want to go, school, career etc....

 

Now is the time to pay close attention to your feelings, their is a message their... no one can or ever will be your happiness, this is your job and only yours, now is the time to take on that responsibility. It will only benefit future relationships.

 

How am I supposed to figure that out? Start a new thread on eNotAlone? lol

 

Well, all throughout my life it's been the case that I've been much happier in a relationship. I don't think it's just coincidence that in the past 1-2 months I've felt the worse I ever have in my life and the 8½months prior to that were the best, undoubtedly. When I'm with someone, like her, I feel whole - I've never felt that before; it was then, and only then, that I was able to have a higher self-esteem.

[melrich]

When I'm with someone, like her, I feel whole - I've never felt that before; it was then, and only then, that I was able to have a higher self-esteem.

 

This is a very unhealthy state of mind. If you don't work out how to be happy with yourself you will always come accross as needy and clingy. These are not desirable traits.

 

Never give the responsibility for your happiness to someone else.

 

Also, enotalone is not going to give you absolute answers. You cannot rely on determining and validating your actions or finding motivation for life by simply following the opinion or advice from others. You must inject some self-initiative into your life.