New Girlfriend, Vaginal Order, Discussion, and Trying to Stay In the Mood

[Edward M]

Hello Not Alone Forum,

I am 51 and my girlfriend of 3 months is 48.  I nicely made her aware of her feminine odor.  She acknowledged that she was aware of her BV from a previous relationship and she knows how to get it under control.

From that point on she has felt okay openly discussing it, and even sharing her douching regiment with me.  Once, when I was going down on her, she actually asked how she smelled down there.  At that time, she smelled okay, but it totally ruined it for me and I had to stop.

I've been in many sexual relationships.  I understand some of the unfortunate issues that women have to deal with.  But, trying to stay mentally and physically aroused while she wants to discuss this has been an EXTREME challenge!

I feel, especially at this stage in the relationship, these are conversations that she should be having with a girlfriend or doctor.   When I have expressed my reluctance to go into in-depth conversations about this, she labels me either squeamish or immature. 

I can act as her confidante in this matter but is it such a romantic and sexual turn-off.

Am I out of mind?

Thoughts Please?

[Batya33]

I mean it's totally fine not to want to discuss body odor in detail unless it's specifically related to a medical concern and you want your partner to help you find a medical provider or you're scared of what it could be.  I am not a "no topic is too personal" person -I'm married -we will only discuss body odor in passing like my husband will say "OK after that walk in the heat I'd better shower again -I stink!"  He saw me in labor and no I would not have liked if he declined (other than if he said he would certainly pass out LOL) but that's a rare occasion when I thought nothing of sharing that not so attractive no hold barred bodily experience with everything hanging out -this was our child being born, so yes stick around, thanks.

 

It's also fine if with past partners they have wanted to know all the gory details.  You don't -it kills the mood -would she want to hear from you about the unfortunate consequences of the beans you had for lunch -while you're making out? I think it's odd that she doesn't get this.  

[jul-els]

This is who she is. You have to take her as she is or leave her the way you found her. Don’t want to talk about it? Fair enough. Just move on. 

[catfeeder]

I don't really understand how her asking a quick odor check to help her relax and enjoy what you're doing is such an imposition?

To me it demonstrates that she's actively addressing the issue, and she wants to ensure that the measures she's taken are working.

How would you suggest a better way for you to have it both ways?

Either you want your efforts to be pleasurable for her, or you'd prefer for her to shut up and go with it....what's the solution you would suggest?

Confused....

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Edward M said:

I can act as her confidante in this matter but is it such a romantic and sexual turn-off.

It's only been 3 mos. She may be more used to a mature compassionate partner she can talk to about things. Particularly since you're the one who brought her attention to this making her self-conscious about oral sex with you.

If you have issues with arousal, at 51, it may be time to see your physician. She seems to be trying to be more "fresh".

3 mos is a good time to reflect if you are compatible, especially sexually.

[Edward M]

13 hours ago, jul-els said:

This is who she is. You have to take her as she is or leave her the way you found her. Don’t want to talk about it? Fair enough. Just move on. 

I believe you are right jul-els.  Thank You!

[Edward M]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's only been 3 mos. She may be more used to a mature compassionate partner she can talk to about things. Particularly since you're the one who brought her attention to this making her self-conscious about oral sex with you.

If you have issues with arousal, at 51, it may be time to see your physician. She seems to be trying to be more "fresh".

3 mos is a good time to reflect if you are compatible, especially sexually.

Thank you Wiseman2.  No issues with in the arousal department, but maybe sharing things like stool consistency then 2 minutes later being aroused is just the norm.  Maybe I am just a fuddy duddy...LOL

 

Thanks Again

[Edward M]

16 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I mean it's totally fine not to want to discuss body odor in detail unless it's specifically related to a medical concern and you want your partner to help you find a medical provider or you're scared of what it could be.  I am not a "no topic is too personal" person -I'm married -we will only discuss body odor in passing like my husband will say "OK after that walk in the heat I'd better shower again -I stink!"  He saw me in labor and no I would not have liked if he declined (other than if he said he would certainly pass out LOL) but that's a rare occasion when I thought nothing of sharing that not so attractive no hold barred bodily experience with everything hanging out -this was our child being born, so yes stick around, thanks.

 

It's also fine if with past partners they have wanted to know all the gory details.  You don't -it kills the mood -would she want to hear from you about the unfortunate consequences of the beans you had for lunch -while you're making out? I think it's odd that she doesn't get this.  

Hilarious response!  And Thank You Very Much! 😊

[smackie9]

She's the one being immature, she's the one that should understand requested boundaries. You don't want specific details and she should respect that. You can say "I respect you being open about this matter, but can you respect my request not to make this a continuous discussion". If she doesn't go for it then you either put up with it, or you make a decision that this isn't going to last.