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6 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

I get the obvious impasse regarding living or not living with the dogs.

What's interesting is that this realization might cause people to feel a sense of loss or disappointment of a plan not realized.

You on the other hand seem pretty angry about it, with a 'screw her' attitude.  It's hard to believe that neither of you even anticipated this dilemma in the last year?  Or did you both assume the other would give in?

I'd personally be disappointed that there doesn't seem to be a compromise.  You seem pretty dismissive over her wishes and almost punishing.   I can't help but wonder if there much love loss on your side to begin with.  Or . .is this is a symptom of a larger problem.

I was actually going to write basically the same thing OP. I also don't think there is anything wrong with not being a dog person or not wanting dogs. Everyone is different and to each their own. It's true that dogs shed hair and things like that but in all honesty if they're trained and the owners have boundaries with them, they shouldn't really be destroying furniture or anything along those lines. The dogs just require to be fed and walked, and yes the owner needs to vacuum clean more because of the hair. However no problem if this is not for you.

OP did your girlfriend know you don't want dogs? You mentioned that every time you went out or she came to your house, she didn't bring the dogs. Is this because she knew you don't like them and don't want them at your place? If she knew how you felt then she should have made the realisation that living together or your relationship in general wasn't going to work.

I understand you're just posting on an anonymous forum and you're being brutally honest about everything you want to say. But everything you're writing about this situation and your girlfriend comes across as cold, uncaring and unfeeling. I find it very difficult to believe that you actually love or care about this woman at all. You said: "Maybe this is selfish but I couldn't care less". Wow, really? This is your attitude towards your partner of more than a year? You sound like you're not even into her and her life or feelings mean nothing to you.

Yes it is selfish because as I said, she didn't hide who she was or the dogs from you right from the start. You knew she had three dogs and she was honest that she even wants more dogs. It seems you just decided that she would get rid of them because you want her to. I understand your comments that she doesn't give the dogs enough attention but it also sounds like you flat out didn't want them around. So maybe another reason why she was always just leaving them with her sister is because of you. Have you thought about that?

Yes it is selfish to expect someone to give up a beloved pet because if you haven't lived together, you don't actually know if the relationship will work out. If someone gives their pets to an animal shelter or adopts them out, they will be given to someone else. If the relationship will break up then that person won't have their partner and they'll never see their pets again. I see this means nothing to you because you actually only care about yourself by the sounds of it. That's the vibe I'm getting from all your posts.

Edited by Tinydance
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Are you one of those people who can't foresee anything beyond one week into the future? You still haven't answered why you would date someone with pets unless it was your plan to forever live in two separate homes eternally. Very few people would like that situation, so your pool of dating prospects will be very small if that's the case. It's like her asking to live together came out of the blue for you and lit a lightbulb that should've gone off the moment you had a first date and she revealed she had dogs. Hadn't you considered early on: "Hmm, should I invest in this relationship, since if this works out, a few years from now we'll likely discuss the next step--moving in together."

She must have turned a blind eye, or is a clueless person, if she didn't pick up on the fact that her dogs would never be welcome in your home.

It's like you're both in la-la-land, living on two different planes, with no clear communication for an entire year up until now.

Guess you've made up your mind so learn from your mistakes and don't date pet owners.

P.S. Most dog breeds have dry skin and shouldn't be bathed more than 4 times a year. 

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2 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Are you one of those people who can't foresee anything beyond one week into the future? You still haven't answered why you would date someone with pets unless it was your plan to forever live in two separate homes eternally. Very few people would like that situation, so your pool of dating prospects will be very small if that's the case. It's like her asking to live together came out of the blue for you and lit a lightbulb that should've gone off the moment you had a first date and she revealed she had dogs. Hadn't you considered early on: "Hmm, should I invest in this relationship, since if this works out, a few years from now we'll likely discuss the next step--moving in together."

She must have turned a blind eye, or is a clueless person, if she didn't pick up on the fact that her dogs would never be welcome in your home.

It's like you're both in la-la-land, living on two different planes, with no clear communication for an entire year up until now.

Guess you've made up your mind so learn from your mistakes and don't date pet owners.

P.S. Most dog breeds have dry skin and shouldn't be bathed more than 4 times a year. 

Yeah and speaking hatefully about dogs and yet dating someone with dogs for more than a year. That's actually on you OP. I remember my best friend was on the dating app OK Cupid and they ask match questions there that people answer about themselves and all sorts of things. Other people can read your answers. She was talking to a guy there and he said to her: "Sorry but your answers say you're a cat person, but I'm actually a dog person" and he said he didn't want to talk any further. So this guy knew how he felt and right from the start took responsibility for it and didn't continue even talking anymore.

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On 7/26/2022 at 9:37 PM, NIN2000 said:

My condolences for the loss of your pet. Everything you stated, I felt and experienced as a teenager. After my dog of 14 years passed away, like you I decided to utilize my free time differently. 
 

Dog ownership is a serious responsibility which requires time and devotion. While I no longer have the time nor devotion I am also concerned that my girlfriends standards for dog ownership contradict mine. She rarely gives them a bath, brushes their coat nor offers them proper exercise; and I can see myself having to do these (unwanted) task.

I am the home owner who paid off the mortgage -not her. I will not allow any pets in my home. If she doesn’t like it, she can move on. But I’m not reversing my stance.

Thank you for your condolences regarding the best dog I ever had in my life.  I appreciated it and I'm sorry about your 14 year old dog who passed away.  I'm sure you gave him or her a great, long life even though a dog's life always seems so short.

The situation with your girlfriend and her dogs is a dilemma which won't change for you.  Don't move in together.  If having a relationship with her without moving in together is feasible, then both of you can determine if this will work and if it's good enough for both of you.  Only time will tell. 

Even if she were to tend to her dogs with regular bathing, exercise and coat brushing, her dogs will always be a nuisance to you. 

You continue to wield power over the relationship by reminding her and / or this forum that you are the homeowner, you've paid off the mortgage and you make the final rules.  I'm sure she knows about your financial control regarding your home ownership but you don't have to constantly rub it in otherwise you'll quickly alienate any woman with a dog, dogs or without pets.

 

 

Edited by Cherylyn
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