Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 I'm broken hearted my boyfriend of 3+ years broke up with me suddenly, we were fine the night before he even sent the gm text he sent every morning and then 30 mins later he sent me a message saying we were done not to text him to know why and said goodbye....I didn't say anything at all complete radio silence. It's been a week and at first I was fine with it initial shock I guess but as time goes by I find myself crying...and wondering why he did that and if he will even miss me...wee had a good relationship we went on vacations wedding together we could talk a bout anything and everything no judgement...we had normal couple disagreements nothing I thought was a reason for him breaking up like that...nothing is forever that's reality however I never thought he would do that I at least thought when it happen if it did I was hoping it never did again but is reality that he would be a little more thoughtful...I would have never done him like that... Link to comment
Stargazer2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Wow... After 3 years he broke up with a text, and even said don't text him to ask why?? Sorry, but what a ***! I'd be in total shock as I expect you are. Do you have any contact with friends of his that can give you a clue as to what the heck happened? Not so you can get try to get back with him, my advice there would be to hell with you too, but it was me, I couldn't help but want to know just for the sake of not being left with a mystery, what caused this sudden breakup. Did he meet someone else? Or ?? If he did meet someone else, it would have been much kinder to just say so, rather than just leave you with a complete mystery and then to even tell you not to even ask why he was breaking up with you. I can hardly believe it to be honest. Not good behavior AT ALL, sorry this happened to you! :-( Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Yes not even the decency for an explanation...treated me like trash like he just met me... like 3+years was nothing to him...and it hurts but I think I'm in denial saying to myself this not possible hes going to come back and say he was joking ( it wouldn't be acceptable you don't joke like that) but I feel he just needed space and didn't know how to ask for it... Link to comment
Stargazer2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 I totally understand, I think anyone would be pretty shattered and totally bewildered by this, I'm so sorry. Do you know any of his friends, and could they give any insights into what's going on with him? Of course, if he was rude enough to say "don't ask me why I'm breaking up with you" he may have also told his friends not to talk to you either. Again, just terrible behavior after 3 years of dating. Geez, this is really bad, so sorry. I'd just suggest if getting info from his friends isn't a way of finding out what his story is, just really bond with some close girlfriends or family and try to get their comfort and support to try to get thru this very rough situation. Maybe see a counselor too if you have access to one thru work or whatever. I wish I had a magic solution to make the pain go away, I'm so sorry. Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Thank you so much for understanding I never had this experience usually when people break up they sit down or even a phone call would have been better it shows how he really felt about me...he didn't care...at least even on text say this is not working we are done I don't see a future anything even if he wasn't sincere at least a reason would have put me more at ease...I feel so disrespected it hurts...no we don't have friends in common and his friends are super loyal to him...I will never know why he robbed me of knowing almost like he hates me and wanted to hurt me...I just hope he misses me at least we had a very intense beautiful relationship.. Link to comment
Stargazer2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Wow, none of this makes any sense, which is what you're saying. Especially if you had a "very intense beautiful relationship". When you use those words, do you mean it's been that way even recently, or have you seen signs in recent months for example that things were going wrong, or becoming less intense or beautiful? Even if things had seemed to fade a bit recently, that doesn't make this jarring, "mystery" breakup of his an okay thing to do, in my mind anyway. Sorry that mutual friends or his friends are not likely to be much help for you in finding out what his story is. Just kind of hoping that Karma really does exist, and that some does this same thing to him and soon (instant Karma). Then he'll know what it feels like. I just hope that you're able to heal from this in time, and move on in the future with someone more worthy of you! I know that is probably going to take time, and trust will probably be an issue because of this having happened, but I hope eventually you can move past this guy's garbage and move on to new relationship with someone who shows more respect for you and your feelings! Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Not even a lil suspicion he was always the same I love you's caring affectionate texts through out the day just to tell me he was thinking about me I miss you's...I did not see this coming that's y it hurts so much so much...I so appreciate your kind words I don't wish him wrong because I love him and I thought he loved me he never show signs that he didn't...but yes karma does exist and you don't do that to someone that loved you so intensely so passionately...I wanted to marry him and I never had that feeling before with anyone... I really do hope I can heal from this soon it's breaking me apart Link to comment
Stargazer2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 What a mystery, especially if there were no signs at all that things at started to diminish... I do hope that somehow you will be granted the ability to know what did happen, as if it were me, the mystery alone would be really, really upsetting. Have you tried texting him and asking him what happened, even though he asked you not to? Personally, I would. I think you have a right to know, so personally I don't have much respect for his his asking you not to, but of course that's your decision as to whether to do so or not. In case, please hang in there, I hope it will get better for you! Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 I didn't text him or called him since it happened as bad as he treated me with that text I am respecting his wishes isn't that insane...he dumped me like trash and I'm respecting his wishes of no contact...maybe one day I will know...maybe one day when he finds himself missing me and decides to come back I will ask then...again thank you for your listening to me and your kind words...I have a lot of healing to do everything reminds me of him...I gather all the things he gave me and put them away I can't look at them...hoping that helps me heal... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 What a horrible way to treat someone, OP. I am really sorry. Having said that, I feel there are pieces missing here (also for you) that would explain what the heck just happened. It is not normal for a partner of 3 years to break up by text and tell you not to ask why. Something is way off there. When was the last time you saw him? Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 I saw him a week ago...it is horrible I can't understand Im just in shock thinking is a joke...because how we were so in love one day and the next he was done like flipped a switch.. Didn't see it coming we had no issues..there were no signs.. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 5 hours ago, Heartbroken7 said: he sent me a message saying we were done not to text him to know why and said goodbye.. Sorry this happened. How old is he? What do you mean by "the usual arguments"? Have you broken up before? How someone breaks up is irrelevant. There's a lot missing from the story. What did he mean by "know why?" Link to comment
Stargazer2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 Dear Heartbroken7, I was thinking about what could make your guy suddenly do this out of the blue, given that you had such a great relationship. The one thing that occurred to me was this - what if he suddenly was told he had a terminal illness, like cancer for example, and was told he only had a certain number of months to live? In that cause, loving you as he does, he might have incorrectly, but with the best of intentions, decided that he was going to spare you from watching him get sicker and sicker, wasting away, spending your time caring for him instead of being with someone else, etc., and that it would be best for you if you just 'moved on'. So in that case his reasoning might have been, I'll just tell her it's over, don't ask me why, and he incorrectly then thought you could perhaps do that and "spare you" from having to deal with that illness, and from spending your time with him instead of someone else who had more of a future to offer you. Of course that would all be erroneous thinking - this mystery breakup was the cruelest way to end things possible IMO, but if there was a terminal illness situation, he may not be thinking clearly and he might have been thinking that he's "doing you a favor" by ending things this way, given his situation. Another possibility of course is just that he met someone else, but given how good things have been between you, and good recently, that seems kind of unlikely, and even if that was the case, I would think he would have enough respect for your relationship to say "I'm so, so sorry, but I have to tell you that I've met someone else, and I just think I'm more compatible with her than you, so I'm having to end things with you", or something like that. On the other hand, the terminal illness theory is something I can see a person mistakenly deciding I just need to end things, "for her sake", and deciding I can't tell her why I'm ending things, because then she'll feel obligated to be with me thru this illness, and that's what I'm trying to avoid. At any rate, that's a theory to consider as a possible explanation for this very strange behavior. Personally, I would definitely text him and very openly tell him how much this is absolutely devastating you. He should know that. And flat-out ask him if he is ending things because he has a terminal illness, or because he met someone else, or ??, and tell him that honestly, no matter what the reason is, NOTHING will hurt you as much as being left with this cruel MYSTERY he has left you with. And if it is a terminal illness situation, and you would want to be there with him thru it, tell him so. I don't see what you have to lose to be honest by doing that, and if he doesn't reply, or whatever, at least in the coming months and years you can honestly tell yourself you did everything possible to figure out what happened to your beautiful relationship, instead of being even more tortured by wondering if you just should have asked him. Does that make sense to ? Best wishes and please hang in there. - Stargazer2 Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 5 hours ago, Heartbroken7 said: Didn't see it coming we had no issues..there were no signs.. Then there is something he is clearly not telling you. Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Wiseman2 he is 43...when I say usual arguments every couple has little things that they have disagreements about it was anything that we blew up about or disrespected each other....we were pretty much best friends...we could talk about anything...this is why I'm so hurt because he could have ended it differently at least an explanation and not a don't text me to know why I'm dumping you...he cheated me out of knowing why he wanted to end things...I hear everywhere is better to not say anything because I might get a response that would hurt me .ore...at this point I don't think there is anything that would hurt me more than I am... Miss Canuck yes it has to be something he is not telling me however even if his feelings changed for me the realtionship we had I thought he would have done this differently...I just can't understand it... Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Stargazer I really feel if illness had been the issue he would have said it...he was very open we talked w out everything and anything under the sun...we had that type of relationship we laughed about stupid things we could sit in the room silent and just the presence of each other was enough...he was a clown he made me laugh I felt safe with him...I pretty much lost my best friend... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 My heart goes out to you. Rather than assume that his feelings changed, it might be more helpful to decide that he may have done something that may not even have anything to do with you. But you are the most important person who he can't bear to know about it. Regardless of whether this is true, it's far easier to bounce back from such a thing than to rip yourself up with ideas about a lack of concern for you. This won't prevent natural grief, you'll need to move through that in your own way, but it's a choice to minimize the damage you could otherwise cause yourself. That's unnecessary. I always adopt the least hurtful rather than most hurtful self talk, because if we can't be on our own side, who else can join us there? Head high, and write more if it helps. Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 I have talked to myself since it happen making up different scenarios in my head maybe he's going thru something he's embarrassed to tell me..something financial perhaps something with his children and instead of being quiet and have me ask what's wrong he might have thought that keeping me out of it would help... But that breaks my heart even more because I thought we were a team I thought he knew I would be here thru thick and thin there was nothing in this world he couldn't share with me and we would both work thru it I always would talk life into him...I was his biggest fan and supporter...I would have moved in better if I knew the reason the not knowing is what's keeping me stuck...I want to know I will pass this heartache... Link to comment
Lambert Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 I am so sorry. This has got be to so hard to cope with. What a horrible way to treat you. Regardless of the reason. As much as you think you knew him. You obviously didn't. Maybe he cheated on you and he's knows that is a deal breaker and mskes him a total POS. I went through something similar. No real reason, just wall up, leave him alone. I never did get a reason and it was emotional hell for a long time as no one really understood the mind game such an act really is. shame on him! Lean into being mad and how dare he treat you this way. And do as you have been, respecting yourself by following his wishes. ((((HUGS)))) You deserve and will find better. Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 Thank you so much Lambert...it's very hurtful that the person you love and shared so much with does that...it shows he never really loved me...someone that loves you doesn't just break it off without an explanation knowing it will hurt the other person because if you really loved the person you would give them the right to know why... Im mad yes very mad and that's what I hold on to so I can move on...I cry so much I cry because he didn't have the respect to tell me why... 1 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 2 hours ago, Heartbroken7 said: something financial perhaps something with his children and instead of being quiet and have me ask what's wrong he might have thought that keeping me out of it would help... How long has he been divorced? What is his co-parenting relationship with their mother like? How old are his children? How often did you see each other? His sudden disappearance doesn't sound like a fatal illness or something like that. If you were "best friends who could talk about anything" those scenarios make no sense. What sort of problems does he have? What did he mean by "don't ask"? Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 16 hours ago, Heartbroken7 said: we had a very intense beautiful relationship.. 3 hours ago, Heartbroken7 said: maybe he's going thru something he's embarrassed to tell me..something financial perhaps something with his children Is he still married/not divorced? Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 He is not married he has never been married his children are mostly grown he has a teenager that lives mostly with him...he always has issues with his son's mother but he always talks about it with me he asks for advise and I also calm him down when he is upset over something that happened between them... Wiseman2 he told me in the text not to ask him why we were over ..he said we are done no need to text asking why...the whole thing makes no sense...I never saw it coming...I like to believe that he would tell me if he was terminally ill if he was having financial issues...it just doesn't make sense to end a relationship of 3+ years so suddenly...and not explain to at least give me peace of mind and it would have been better for me to move on knowing what was on his mind... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 29 minutes ago, Heartbroken7 said: he always has issues with his son's mother but he always talks about it with me he asks for advise and I also calm him down when he is upset over something that happened between them... It doesn't sound like anything about you or the relationship. Perhaps his son or the mother is giving him headaches he simply can't talk about. Link to comment
Heartbroken7 Posted July 18, 2022 Author Share Posted July 18, 2022 If that is the case I can't let him back in my life...at this point it doesn't matter the reason I won't let him in again he hurt me and I can't just forget everything because I will always be on the lookout thinking he's going to do it again... 2 Link to comment
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