Breakup advice needed.

[missbojangles]

I am looking for advice how to deal with a break up. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 5-6 years and what makes this breakup harder is that my ex boyfriend and I were friends for 9-10 years and although we only dated for 6 months I made a point of cutting friends out of my life because he didn't like me being friends with men, and so now I feel more isolated. I have since reached out to two old friends of mine and I am trying to occupy myself, I am not working right now so I need to keep busy. I feel like if I try and go for a run in the morning that will help, as well as making plans, trying to find a job, a new place to live. My partner owns the bed and the TV, he will unhook the internet because he pays for it. So I feel like i will be left with nothing. I feel like I was depending on him a lot more so financially, I would make dinner, do the laundry, cleaning. However we are both dealing with our own battles I have depression and anxiety and I haven't been taking my meds and I have been drinking off and on which would always cause conflict. and he wasn't on his meds for bipolar, and had no intention of stopping smoking weed. A few days ago he and I had a fight and he slammed my finger in the door and our landlords heard us and the cops came it was a huge deal and my bf was taken away, and he is not suppose to talk to me. So his brother will probably come get the rest of his belongings, I am devastated, he told me likes his co worker who he recently met which makes it a bit easier to get over, but it still hurts. Any advice please. 

 

[hub49]

The medicine will balance you so please go back on immediately and stay with it consistently.  Try to avoid alcohol.  You might feel it's going to help you forget stuff, but it's just going to keep you stuck.  He is not taking his own self-care seriously at all, so it's best that he exits your life.  

I know it hurts especially because you were friends for so long.  And, in the beginning, when you decided it should be more than friends, it probably felt so right because you had that connection, and it's such a feel-good type of love story.  But, the story is really fiction and the reality of living in this relationship sounds like an absolute nightmare from what you've reported.

When you start working again, and you get settled in with employee benefits, please go see a therapist.  

[Kwothe28]

Classic abuse, from separating you from friends to the depandability on him to the actual physical violence. He shouldnt talk to you, nore you to him. And you should definitely file charges for violence. Him liking somebody else is the least of your troubles here, though it will at least get him away from you. 

As for other stuff, you need to get your life in order. That means coming out on your own with finding a job and taking care of yourself financially. Find another appartment or keep that one but start paying for your own stuff. It will be harder at first but at least you ill get yourself financially independant. And you wont depend on him or anyone else.

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, missbojangles said:

I have depression and anxiety and I haven't been taking my meds and I have been drinking off and on

Address this immediately. Get back on your medication, and contact your doctor to get a referral to a counsellor. 

As for the rest of, @Kwothe28 is right - this is an abusive relationship. It is vital that you get yourself to a safe place, where your ex doesn't know your location. Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with for now? Also, do you work? You will need to start taking steps to gain financial independence so you can start a new life on your own. 

[SooSad33]

Is there a reason you were already moved in with him, if only dating for 6 months..?

Yes, get back on your meds... sadly, this sounds like it would never end up in a good way due to both your mental health issues 😕 .

Where's your family in all of this?  Are you in your own place?  ( You said the tv is his..).

Best way to work on improvement now is as stated, get yourself off the booze.  And stay away from him now.  No contact is req'd any further. To work on accepting & moving on.

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, missbojangles said:

 he and I had a fight and he slammed my finger in the door and our landlords heard us and the cops came it was a huge deal and my bf was taken away, and he is not suppose to talk to me. 

Sorry this is happening.  Was he arrested and given a restraining order?

This had to end. It was abusive. Do you have any friends or family that you can confide in?

The prosecutor will take care of him now. Your job is to get and stay away from him and all his people. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Go to social services for assistance with housing (possibly a domestic violence shelter), food stamps, employment assistance and training, Medicaid mental and physical healthcare and addiction/alcoholism services. Since you are destitute and homeless you'll be eligible for the services.

Do not worry about him. Worry about getting your physical and mental health in order, sobriety, employment and getting back on your feet.

You need to take care of yourself and seek out the help you need.

[melancholy123]

Get back on your meds and take them properly.  Stop the drinking.  Find a job, any job, to get some money coming in.  Find another place to live if you need it.  Social services can help with that.

[smackie9]

You know what is wrong/what you are doing wrong, and know how to fix this. You know what to do, so fight through it, YOU KNOW you can do this. Reach out to friends/family, couch surf if you have to. People do like to help, have faith in that.