Mid night waking with a long time to fall asleep again allll filled with thoughts of how to fix things with my ex

[1a1a]

You know how sometimes you wake up at the end of one sleep cycle and you’re pretty wide awake mentally but you’ve only had 4 hours sleep and your body feels like lead and now is not the time to be getting up and doing anything and all the bloody articles about it say this is pretty normal and people used to use this time for reading or having sex (bump the scab why don’t you?!)

 

Does anyone have any suggestions of something I can maybe listen to to escape lying there having conversations in my head about reconciling with someone who doesn’t want to?
 

I’ve been listening to a guided meditation about healing from a break up to get to sleep at night but if feels repetitious to put this on in this torturous mid sleep waking time. 

[Rose Mosse]

I get up. I know that feeling and it’s disturbing. I get up, make coffee, go for a swim if it’s too dark for a run and start my day. Or, I plan breakfast and think about what I want to do for the day.

Lying there doesn’t help, personally. Get going and stay active is my advice. The fog will lift and this will pass. 

[DarkCh0c0]

Try to get busy. Put some new music, go out for a walk, cook, clean, take a shower, have some guilty midnight ice cream/snack, do some stretches, write in your diary, ect. It's normal he's on your mind cause you're human and your body is feeling the void. The trick is to fill that void and allow time to heal.

[SooSad33]

You mean, you rather be sleeping than laying there overwhelmed?

I journal often.. another way of 'getting it out'. And I sometimes wake up with some 'anxiety', which feels awful 😕 I try to change my mindset.  I know I still need more sleep.. so has been an ongoing battle.. So, maybe change your routine a little before bed?  Sleepy time tea, a comedy show, a little walk around the block, etc. ( and as I mentioned, journal) - By sounds of it you've got too much going on in there.. Not good.

Another thing I've tought myself is to 'focus' on something different ie.  colour yellow.  Yes, it's bright and it has worked for me.  To fight all going on inside my head.  I an diverting my thoughts.

Anyways, some idea's to get your mind off your ex.  As it takes time for you to work through it all.... ( I suggest, IF it just becomes too much and goes on for too long to consider talking to your doctor to 'help you out here with things like your sleep'.  Sleep is important.

[1a1a]

I would get up and do but I need the other 4 hours of sleep for any semblance of emotional stability at work. (All those suggestions I shall try one by one this coming Sunday though. It’s my first day off, it’s a day that he is free too. In another universe where he didn’t give up on me we would surely have been seeing each other that day.)

 

Ill try thinking about yellow. There is a guided meditation I do sometimes where the guide asks me to picture myself inhaling a colour, all positive thoughts and good emergy and calm healing, exhale another colour all the negativity and pain from the day. I always picture yellow for the inhale (and black for the exhale, maybe it would be grey if the day had held less stress). 
 

This is pretty early days but it’s still excruciating. I’ve a psych apt lined up for next tuesday, I had acquired the apt before he even ended it. Just as well 

[Batya33]

I do 4-7-8 breathing, make sure the room is cool enough and I have a cognitive ritual I have been going through in my head for many years so that it's a placebo now -it sort of signals to my brain to calm down and go back to sleep.  A guided meditation likely wouldn't work for me -I had to come up with my own personal really boring mundane multi-step process of doing a specific task and review all steps in my head - very sleep inducing and for me something that doesn't lead me down the path of "but what about this" kind of  thing.

Also I wear a tempurpedic sleep mask -for me the pressure of it feels comforting, light-blocking and also placebo effect.  I have read a book and there is supposedly a "sleep with me" podcast that is supposed to be sleep inducing -I downloaded it but never tried it.

Also get up and strip the bed other than your fitted sheet and pillow cases and remake it so that it looks all new/made up - I heard on a radio program that that can help.  It helps me - both the act of getting up/moving around and that "start over fresh" feeling.

Finally I'm very strict with myself if my mind wanders and ruminates over an issue like a work situation or parenting -because I know for sure I am not equipped to deal with it in any productive way at that hour - so I have learned to tell myself that I will deal with it in waking hours.  And so typically what was huge was tiny -meaning even if the general issue is an issue, the little part of it that bothers me at that hour is not.  At all.  

Insomnia is awful I know especially middle of the night.  

[Wiseman2]

On 6/2/2022 at 6:09 AM, 1a1a said:

I would get up and do but I need the other 4 hours of sleep for any semblance of emotional stability at work.

Hope you feel better. Restless sleep is part of heartbreak, you'll be ok soon.

[catfeeder]

Consider keeping a spiral notebook by your bed--not a fancy journal or bound writing pad. This way you can scribble anything from whatever you might recall from the dream you just left to your grocery list or To DO list for next day or week, and you can tear out pages.

I'd keep some meditative audio going in the background as you write.

Once you go blat on a page or two, you'll have purged and captured whatever you might want to contemplate or deal with the next day, and you can give yourself permission to relax back into sleep.

If you find yourself drilling into rumination after this, force yourself to write some of that out. Then you can LET GO of it to sleep again.

While you are awake during the day, screen your meditations or hypnosis for something a bit less boring to follow, and create a play list of your selects.

So after writing to purge, you can switch to a new audio and allow yourself to follow it back into slumber.

[1a1a]

I’ll give these all a try.

Batya, do you mean something like directing your mind to think about say, making breakfast in the morning, step by minute step so it can be occupied with that instead? I’ve been 4 6 7 breathing a bit lately but always when I feel distress rising. Is it something that offers best benefits when you do it habitually, in calm situations too?

Ive been scribbling on a pad in the day time, ‘journaling’ it’s really just catching the panic mind chatter and putting it down and it has helped a bit. I’ll try it for the mid night wake too.

[Rose Mosse]

Yoga helps quite a bit in calming and breathing. I was always tense and I think that was a product of worry. It loosens up a lot of muscles in just a few minutes. It's incredible the way the mind responds to body and likewise when one is doing well or poorly. 

[1a1a]

You remind me, this is the very first thing on my kind things to do for yourself list 

(which I haven’t actually made yet, gonna do that now, but this will be first)

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Avoid caffeine at least 6 hours before sleep. Avoid alcohol altogether. Eat lighter in the evening.

Get lots of physical activity during the day.

Avoid mentally taxing situations before bed like journaling, etc.

Make sure your bedroom is cool dark and quiet.

Stop listening to tapes and trying to meditate. These only force you to focus on your heartbreak.

[Rose Mosse]

10 minutes ago, 1a1a said:

You remind me, this is the very first thing on my kind things to do for yourself list 

(which I haven’t actually made yet, gonna do that now, but this will be first)

 

 

Yes. It doesn't have to be too complicated. Diet and exercise also play a large role in mental health/overall wellbeing.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, 1a1a said:

I’ll give these all a try.

Batya, do you mean something like directing your mind to think about say, making breakfast in the morning, step by minute step so it can be occupied with that instead? I’ve been 4 6 7 breathing a bit lately but always when I feel distress rising. Is it something that offers best benefits when you do it habitually, in calm situations too?

Ive been scribbling on a pad in the day time, ‘journaling’ it’s really just catching the panic mind chatter and putting it down and it has helped a bit. I’ll try it for the mid night wake too.

Yes, 4-7-8- breathing Weil method.  I have as of late been practicing it when I am calm or need to finish calming down - had been at the school bus stop (but school is out) -it helped so much -I have some blood pressure borderline issues so that is one approach I've been taking to help.  Also make sure you wear yourself out physically during the day -I know my exercise and moving around and vigorous cleaning help so much in me getting to bed and staying asleep.  Also keep up a sleep schedule if at all possible.  I'm 55- recently finished menopause (I hope) and I see my sleep is improving but if I can sleep normally at this stage in my life (and with a 13 year old!!) without meds (oh I do take an extra magnesium supplement for digestion -but helps with calming too) - then I feel like anyone can lol.

So yes a step by step thing that is boring but also routine and comforting -it sounds weird, it works for me -been doing it many years now - but not where any of the steps will prompt a different path like "so you take your hardboiled egg and [oh no! did I forget to buy eggs when they were on sale???]"