Meriw Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 I am a bisexual guy 23 and this guy is 29. We don't have much in common. He is, apparently,quite a shy guy and very quiet too. Sometimes i wpuld catch him looking at me and turning fast as looked back .sometimes he would look down when passing by him. Other times he would constantly run his hand thrpugh his hair to fix them, or would not be able to maintain eye contact. Other times he would come up timidly to ask me some random questions and run away as soon as possibile. Apparently he doesnt have a gf and never had one. But whenever i asked him some random questions ,he would reply in a way that made it seem like he didnt want to engage at all. He would never try to keep a conversation going,ask me further questions or make it seem like he wanted to be near me. The weird thing is that he would just hold his phone all the time and keep his head glued on it. The funny thing is that i probably at this point have just misinterpred everything and I feel so stupid for even having had a crush on him ,because probably it was all a delusion. Like, who wouldnt think that maybe the crush was mutual and it was just an issue of shyness from both sides to actually make any move? There where many times where he could actually show me any sign of genuine interest,but never did. I mean we work together for just a couple of hours a week. There could have been any way to come up with any silly excuse and talk to me. The issue now is that my brain is soo dull that i keep hoping that maybe there might be a hidden interest. And although i talk myself against it pretty much daily -to trust more the fact than just my broken gut instict,I still can't face it. Confessing is just plain impossibile as it would create awkwardness on the long run. I would rather live in doubt than actually confess to that guy- and in that context in particular. So, i would like to know your experiences,what you think and maybe some advice to let it go. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 8 minutes ago, Meriw said: I mean we work together for just a couple of hours a week. Do you know if he is gay? Link to comment
Kwothe28 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 If he never had a girlfriend at 29, the reality is that he never took an interest to have one. Why? Who knows? Some get sidetracked so they just just dont take an interest in having a relationship until maybe later when they want to have a family, some are just not interested in having one from various reasons. Anyway, aside of him not reciprocitating to you(maybe that turns you), I dont see your attraction to that guy as you did state this 12 minutes ago, Meriw said: We don't have much in common. Not much in common and he is clearly not interested probably in girls in general, not just you. So, just let it go. 1 Link to comment
Meriw Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do you know if he is gay? Sorry ,i had to specify that I am a guy too. I just thought he secretly liked dudes or something, hence the delusion. I am not even sure tho Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 12 minutes ago, Meriw said: I just thought he secretly liked dudes or something, hence the delusion. I am not even sure tho Exactly. If you don't even know if he is gay, then there is no attraction from his side. Don't come on to coworkers and more importantly only get invested in gay men. No point chasing guys who "maybe secretly like dudes". Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 What made you think he "secretly liked dudes"? Because you stare at him and he sometimes notices? There are a lot of ways to meet men who are definitely interested in dating men. I would focus on that instead of trying to interpret someone's actions. 1 Link to comment
Kwothe28 Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 1 hour ago, Meriw said: Sorry ,i had to specify that I am a guy too. Ah, my bad, sorry. Still dont think its something you should pursue. He is probably just uniterested in general. Link to comment
Meriw Posted April 11, 2022 Author Share Posted April 11, 2022 1 hour ago, boltnrun said: What made you think he "secretly liked dudes"? Because you stare at him and he sometimes notices? There are a lot of ways to meet men who are definitely interested in dating men. I would focus on that instead of trying to interpret I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 3 hours ago, Meriw said: whenever i asked him some random questions ,he would reply in a way that made it seem like he didnt want to engage at all. He would never try to keep a conversation going,ask me further questions or make it seem like he wanted to be near me. The weird thing is that he would just hold his phone all the time and keep his head glued on it. This part here makes me think that he feels uncomfortable around you. Maybe you're too tense or intense. What kinds of questions are you asking him? Link to comment
Anonymous Posted April 11, 2022 Share Posted April 11, 2022 39 minutes ago, Meriw said: I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me. But how was he behaving? Looking at his phone? Pushing his hair off his forehead? I don't see anything you wrote as signs he's interested in dating you. However there are ways to meet men who would want to go out with you. Try dating sites, groups or events, things like that. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 On 4/11/2022 at 11:41 PM, Meriw said: I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me. I don't see any signs of interest in what you described, if I'm being honest. The way he's behaving is simply that of a stranger who doesn't want to engage or is uncomfortable around you. So yes, you do need to be careful not to let your hope cloud your vision - I don't mean to be unkind, but you let your imagination get away with you here. Link to comment
Meriw Posted April 13, 2022 Author Share Posted April 13, 2022 Yes,exactly. I was just comparing his behaviour with mine.being a bit shy,i am a bit self conscious about showing interest and would behave as if I hadn't any. Of course,i would be nervous and have a similar behaviour.but everybody is different and my mistake was just assuming his behaviour patterns would match mine. I just needed an external opinion, because I am a bit conflicted on whether he doesnt like me the way i thought and is just uncomfortable around me; and the stupid idea that he was just shy and trying to hide a supposed interest towards me -the same way I would do. I think it is just time to let it go and stop speculating without real proof. And maybe review my mental health and improve my communication skills. Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Meriw said: Yes,exactly. I was just comparing his behaviour with mine.being a bit shy,i am a bit self conscious about showing interest and would behave as if I hadn't any. Of course,i would be nervous and have a similar behaviour.but everybody is different and my mistake was just assuming his behaviour patterns would match mine. I just needed an external opinion, because I am a bit conflicted on whether he doesnt like me the way i thought and is just uncomfortable around me; and the stupid idea that he was just shy and trying to hide a supposed interest towards me -the same way I would do. I think it is just time to let it go and stop speculating without real proof. And maybe review my mental health and improve my communication skills. Join a few meet up groups and be a part of your community. Partake in a few causes and meet others like you. If you work together keep things work-related and professional. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 On 4/11/2022 at 2:23 PM, Meriw said: I am a bisexual guy 23 Get on dating apps for gay men. Try gay bars and clubs. It's pointless developing crushes on straight men. Link to comment
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